Gravity

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Her lips drew thin, and a slight twitch of her eyebrow seemed to match the sudden lift and arch of the holo camera Asmus was staring into.

[ This isn’t dramatic Captain Janes. ] a part of her wanted to express just what would be dramatic. It would be easy. Honestly, it was one of the few times she thought of acting particularly childish.

[ I believe you had that already covered outside the mess hall today. ]

Point, Kaile.

 

[Asmus Janes]

Oh wow, I felt that one.”

“[I felt that one and I only heard a rumour,]” Pheple added.

Damnit, Asmus thought. He'd hadn't been planning on conducting a conversation in front of the techie. Probably why Kaile had tracked him down so quickly.

“Alright, Pheple probably wants to get back to his job so…why don't you take all of your little heads…” he waved his arms around all the screens. “...and put them all back in this data pad and I can take it somewhere quiet to explain what all that was about. Hint: it involves a rather angry redhead who got the wrong end of the stick.”

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


As soon as Asmus made the gesture, all but one of the screens flickered black save for the central one. She was quick. She also didn’t seem to be very amused at all. Granted, Asmus had just brought back the whole Lucy speel. The fact that she had been the first to bring it up was a minor technicality she was trying to ignore.

[ What you do with that wrong end of the stick is not my affair, Captain Janes. ] was that a little bit of jealousy showing through? Depends on just how used to seeing a bit of green on a woman. It annoyed Kaile, thinking back on what happened outside the mess.

[ Pheple, please do not access my cabin again.] it was clear that Kaile was about to cut off the connection, unless Asmus managed to say anything that might prevent her from doing so.

 

[Asmus Janes]

“Alright Pheple, you can turn it all off,” Asmus said quickly. “I'll just head on up there and knock loudly. Thanks for the help.”

He gave the rather stressed out techie a reassuring pat on the shoulder. He know Asmus would take the rep for it if Kaile did report it up the chain. He could exaggerate, but never lie or manipulate. Not like that.

“See you in a couple then Kaile,” he said in a jovial tone. A thought struck him. As many did, it migrated to his mouth without being filtered. “Wait, if you're this good you must have found the hidden present in the map?”

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

[ What?!]

Oh nono, she could not have him come over. That was the last thing she needed. All the more because then her division would start asking questions. Frustration lined her face and she bit her lip. Okay, it would be easier to deal with Asmus through his datapad rather than having him come up personally. Turning to the side, her dark hair swayed by her shoulders as she ran through the rest of her troubling thoughts.

[ Fine. We’ll talk by --] whatever she was going to say next was forgotten as that stray comment seemed to strike a chord within the young woman. The hidden present in the map. More emotion reflected in the holographic representation in her eyes than they had in the seconds prior.

[ Say what you need to say via text, Asmus. ] there was just the barest quiver in her voice, the use of his first name a tell.

She had.

 

[Asmus Janes]

Asmus was hit by an odd sense of melancholy. He bit on his bottom lip. That sprinted joviality left his features. He didn't even know if Kaile was watching him or just listening in.

“Alright, I'm going to head back to my cabin,” he said much more softly than he'd spoken before.

It was half way back when he'd realised why. He'd always put those hidden features into the app in the hope they'd be triggered when she was thinking of him. Perhaps they would have brought back happy memories and she'd have called. She'd never called.

He sat down on his bunk heavily, sitting cross-legged with the data pad across his lap.

[Didn't think you'd have been out today, hit your head hard]

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


Releasing the use of the Force couldn’t have been done fast enough. Certainly not quick to miss the joviality fade from his angular features, to see the crinkles in his eyes smooth and the smile slightly dim.

It was almost as if the Lorrdian had found a chink in his armor, an armor of positivity and optimistic thoughts that would help him prevent from dwelling on things. He had told her about how his neuroticism as a child had almost taken hold of his life. Made him worry too much about life and where he'd be and what he'd do.

Seeing that expression on his face hurt Kaile as much as it did Asmus, perhaps an echo of the pain. But it was for an entirely different reason than he might have come up with. It had brought back memories. Happy memories. Not just of those four days but on what came after. Of sitting in her cabin and playing each song, listening to them quietly while she vacillated between joy and melancholy. Each song lightly sung in a soft voice as her fingers went dancing over her quickening belly.

Swallowing hard, Kaile took a deep breath. That anxious feeling was rising again, welling at her throat. Her holo array gave another beep. Another incoming message. The Lorrdian didn’t have to look at the screen to know it was Asmus. She just knew.

Taking a seat, the espion quietly would stare at the message. It was neutral at best, an olive branch to try and start conversation.

It was a few minutes before the pilot would receive one in turn.

[ I was feeling better so they discharged me early. ]

 

[Asmus Janes]

[Good. That was awkward yesterday. It's a small ship. I was just walking by, stuck my head in when I heard you cry out. Then Kee dragged me in.]

He typed those words out, but didn't send them. He watched his screen carefully, as if he the answer was hidden in those pixels. What a roller coaster. She'd been knocked off her feet at the sight of him, had fallen back into his arms so easily. But now they were both reeling. She'd found his message. Every time she was forced to think of the past he could see the pain he was dredging up. More pain than he could imagine.

[Try not to do too much, concussion isn't fun. Also…make sure you strap down first next time, then tend to wounded. I tend to hit the power quickly when we're under fire, but I feel awful for causing that accident.]

Stick to the present, he decided. Leave the scabs of the past alone for now. If there was any hope for them it would be grounded on this journey, not those four days…four brilliant days seared into his memory, from the past.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


That had been rather awkward. On top of the fact that Kaile no longer had pleasant memories when it came to med-bays.

He wasn’t asking about the past. That was good. Everything he was discussing had to do with a more neutral approach, as if he were carefully testing the waters and doing his best to make Kaile feel as comfortable as possible. It was likely the only way she would keep on responding in his mind.

[ It wasn’t your fault. ] was the first message.

[ Don’t blame yourself. ] was the second. Rather terse, but Kaile was struggling with replying. In her mind she could still picture his face from earlier. That hurt. It stung.

I’m sorry, was really what the espion wanted to say. Followed by an endless string of countless mental conversations she had throughout the years. That she’d missed him. That she thought about him every day. That she was there to watch him graduate but just did it from a distance. That she’d check on him now and then, to see how he was doing only to cut the feed and tell herself that she was an idiot.

There were just things that could not be said. Should not be said.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[I don't that much, it's okay. If I hadn't pulled flying tricks for kids we'd have all been disintegrated or sent to a camp.]

His response plucked a phrase from the past without him even being consciously aware of it. Her messages had been short, but they were still messages. It annoyed him when he realised she'd been right behind him in the corridor before Lucy had accosted him. Could have tried to talk to her face to face.

[My other ship is a lot more fun though. I should get a sticker on that shuttle “My other ship is a snubfighter.” You should come and see her. Not an old girl like the Quin, but she has her little nuisances.]

It was safe to say that every time he'd imagined meeting Kaile again, the situation hadn't played out anything like this. Well the first day had played out pretty much as he'd pictured it. Right up until she'd shoved him out the door.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Yeah, Kaile would think to herself. The TX-110. The Lorrdian knew about the ship. A prototype if she recalled correctly, only two of a kind. Her review of his time during the Alliance told her that much. A thought came to her that were he ever to find out, odds were he’d think of her quite the stalker. To a degree, she had been. Just observing him from a distance when the deep welling need to see him had been too great.

Taking a deep breath, Kaile plucked her datapad from the side table. A few quick taps and she brought up the messaging system from the Holoarray over to her datapad. Shutting off the cabin array, the brunette slowly tapped back a reply.

[ That's true. You saved all of our lives. ]

Kaile bit in her lower lip harder. Another neutral response. A part of her could see that Asmus was unconsciously spinning tales again. That is telling her stories and interesting bits of information to calm her down. It was much the same as he had back at the cantina; back on the Quin.

[ I always knew you'd be a brilliant pilot.] that he'd do well in the Academy. Make a name of himself.

And he did. Just for that, a part of Kaile was vindicated in her painful decision to let him go those years ago.

I did the right thing.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[I spent a lot of time after that week thinking about what to do with my life.]

This was good, he decided. A safe conversation. Even at a distance it felt nice. Asmus had a silly grin plastered across his face. Noticing it in his reflection, he snorted in amusement and leant back into his bunk. It was hard to avoid the obvious topics he wanted to bring up. They were for another time, when they had settled and were face to face.

[Bet you weren't expecting your brilliant extraction pilot to be me though! I thought you were handy with a sidearm and a droid’s programme. Didn't realise quite how good obviously!]

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

“That's puttin’ it lightly.” Kaile would say aloud to herself in her cabin. The omelette was long cold, and her hunger forgotten. Now it was simply the indulgence of being able to talk to Asmus, something the espion had denied herself for so long.

It was curious, how just each simple line, each little message could slowly soothe her anxiety away without her noticing. Maybe it was just how Asmus’ managed to touch people. That unique quality to connect.

However at the same time, it made it difficult for Kaile to reply at times.

She began to write a reply only to erase it. Indecision played a large part on what the content would say. Would reveal.

[ I thought you were in charge of Rogue Squadron in the Alliance. ]

‘I never expected to see you here.’

 

[Asmus Janes]

[Dishonorably discharged for conduct not befitting an officer. That's the story anyway. They were very quietly recruiting for missions off the books in First Order space and I signed up. Especially after what they did to Eriadu. I've got a smaller team now. Just a flight of three fighters, but they're really good. At least you get into the officer's mess. Have you tried the food from the other one?]

Asmus felt warm and content on the inside. For now his questions were forgotten for the simple pleasure of exchanging messages with the girl he had thought long lost.

In some ways this was what he had expected their reunion to be. Some messages sent back and forth across a network. Simple stories and catching up.

Asmus bit his lower lip. He was going to ask if she would come back out of B deck and meet him on safe ground at some point, but not yet.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

[ Not on this boat. ] the response quickly came back.

[ but you don't need to be an Intel officer to know it's terrible. ] it was an attempt at a joke. A breaking of the ice. Perhaps unknowingly, Kaile was simply finding herself indulging in a small act she had longed for so long. How crazy that such a simple act of communication meant so much.

It gave her a bit of a high of the sort she never felt before, but a voice in the fear of her mind warned her to be careful. Her fingers curled a little bit tighter around the datapad. Talking about the mess brought back the whole lover's quarrel Asmus had outside it today.
It bothered her. And it annoyed her that it bothered her.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[Hah!]

Right, need something to follow up with… Safe topics, safe topics…

[I'm amazed the lieutenant didn't manage to get a B deck mess. Just to keep his people from mingling too much! Kaile, I'm glad we got to meet again.]

Fingers went tapping away before he could stop them. He looked down at the betraying hands. Not the first time they seemed to have acted of their own accord when it came to Kaile. It wasn't like hers were going to misbehave too here, not like when they hands locked and started the dance.

He bit his lip. Hard. Damnit, this time she might not even reply. Clearly she had the ability to cut off the link that was in place and it didn't feel as if he could go banging on her door now. He still had so much to explain.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


Kaile, I'm glad we got to meet again.

Her fingers hovered over the keys, a faint tremble developing in the ongoing seconds. It felt as if a knot once again built in her throat. Her lips gave a wobbly half smile, only for her lids to lower to stare down at her lap. Yeah, he was still the same. Despite the extra bit of brawn and the years that had passed, Asmus said whatever came to his mind without thought or reason. It was exactly what he felt.

He was glad to have seen her again, and Kaile would be hard pressed to deny that she felt the same. It was just so complicated now. Things were never easy.

Kaile could reply and say that she also was glad to see him again, but at the same time it was as much of a truth as it was a lie. Or maybe not quite as much of a lie as a bittersweet reminder. Things were so much easier to do and stay away when the espion didn’t have Asmus in front of her. When she didn’t know that all it would take would be to walk a few decks and find his cabin door to see him again. To touch him. Kiss him. Hold him close.

It made her fingers twitch, tingling in response as if they knew they could do so now.

Swallowing hard, Kaile carefully began to type back a message.

[ I'm glad to see that you have become all that you had aspired to, Asmus. ]

Perhaps that was a bit detached, but it was as close as Kaile could allow herself to say anything in turn. It wouldn't be fair for Asmus to suggest that everything was the same. It wasn't. It hadn't been for years.
The question was if she was really doing this to protect Asmus or if she was really doing it for herself.

 

[Asmus Janes]

“Oh come ooon Kaile!” Asmus laughed in his cabin. The time it had taken her to type had clearly been her trying to find a diplomatic response. She was fighting again. Trying not to make an attachment, he guessed. He didn't know what she had tried to bury deep down.

Last time they had met she had been devastated. She had lost someone close to her, that had been all she was willing to admit. Perhaps that was it, or maybe just the attitude that came with her career.

For now he decided to stay away from the oath he wanted to follow. To ask for a face to face meeting.

[Being an ace pilot doesn't keep me out of trouble mind. I'm so sorry you had to see that outside the mess. Nice girl from the flight deck decided to proposition me rather suddenly. Did not take being turned down well. We've talked now and she's much more calm. Sorry.]

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

One had to admire how Asmus managed to smoothly slip in the explanation about the context with junior officer Lucy Cheville. Honest, straightforward, and keeping in line with an apologetic tone. Reading the explanation managed to ease some of the tension Kaile had been holding onto. A voice in her head would say that, ‘see, there wasn’t anything there!.’ While another would again nag, ‘It has nothing to do with you Kaile…’

She bit her lip, pearly white teeth worrying the fullness of her lower lip. A nervous tick that was displaying itself more and more.

[ It’s okay…] A pause. [ She really cares about you.] Lucy’s body language told her that much.

Thinking back, the mention of the junior officer and that hot mess brought back the thought about the story Nurse Spenph told her about her friend. About the snippets she’d heard Asmus tell Lucy.

[ ...What does she know? ]

It was as close to asking about what Lucy knew as Kaile would get. She had to know just what the junior officer knew. The way those blue eyes had shot daggers at her, the bit of revelation and awareness… it made her stomach clench.

That last thing she needed was gossip to spread in such a small ship.

 

[Asmus Janes]

“Bollocks!” Asmus swore quietly. Why did she always know everything. He drew in a deep breath through his nose and held it.

[Yeah so the problem is I went straight to ‘there's someone else’ to try and calm her down. That was stupid. I was distracted. Saw you in the mess and decided to give you space. Then…she saw me look at you. She knows it's you I have feelings for. But she won't tell anyone.]

Damnit. This was going to be the end of the conversation tonight wasn't it? She wouldn't admit how she felt, and every time he'd ever hinted at how he felt it tended to put her on edge.

On tenterhooks, he watched his display.