I'm Begging You

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

"Sometimes." Kurt began quietly.

How did he put this? He didn't want to seem too eager. He didn't want to push her, not when everything was so fragile, so small. His lips thinned for a moment. Kurt had never been the best with words, he'd never been able to do or say the right things when he needed to, but he'd always tried.

"Sometimes we have to face our fears." He told her quietly. "I'm scared too."

Kurt went on. "I was scared to come here, I'm scared to move forward."

He took a breath.

"But I know I have to." He squeezed her gently. "And I don't want to do it without you."

Kurt's mouth felt incredibly dry at that point. "We can be scared together."

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Her face fell flat, eyes lifting as if what he had said was the cheesiest thing she'd ever heard in her nineteen years of life. Still, it did manage a slightly more pronounced smile, as well as a cough and laugh mixture. "Wise words from Kurt Meyer. Inspirational. It's a wonder people don't mistake you for a king." Jamie lifted her hands again, using the sides of her index fingers to wipe her eyes one final time. She'd need a moist cloth to clear the thick rings of black away. One thing was certain, she couldn't go back to the palace looking like this.

"I don't know what to do, Kurt. But I feel like I need to sit down. I feel dizzy, and I look like poodoo."

Her eyes fell to the chrono on her wrist, checking the time.

"My family is away right now. I think my father decided to take my mother elsewhere to discuss their own problems. Do you want to go to the estate to talk? And so I can clean up a bit so I don't look like a wild bantha?"

Also what was it with vacations used to spill heart wrenching news lately? Was this some sort of male diversion tactic?

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

The last time Kurt had gone to Jamie's house things hadn't exactly gone swimmingly, neither had the time before that. He didn't exactly have the greatest luck when it came to Pyne estates, but...he wasn't about to argue. If they went back to her home he would at the very least be able to spend a little bit more time with her. That alone was worth it, that alone would have made him jump at the chance. She wasn't sending him away, that was a good sign.

"Alright." He told her quietly. "I don't have a speeder or anything though..."

He'd come here in a transport, and every single dime he'd earned as of late had gone to making The Messa as comfortable as possible for the coming months. He wasn't exactly rich to begin with, put counting this trip as well? He was stretched a little thinner than usual.

That probably wouldn't be an issue for Jamie of course.

With her position in Naboo's government they had likely given her a driver and everything, though of course that idea hadn't quite settled in Kurt's mind.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

"It's fine."

Jamie turned slightly, her hand reaching inside the top of her dress over her chest to pull free a small communicator. After all, there was little else to store anything, given that the dress she wore didn't exactly have pockets, and she'd left her bag in her office when they had gone on this walk. Thankfully she'd kept the small device tucked away. Her thumb pressed down on the comm. "Tarla will you please have a speeder brought to the front of the palace? I need to return home. Thank you."

The blonde didn't wait for a reply before tucking the device back away. "Let's go. Should be waiting for us by the time we get back."

Without too many options they either had to go to her house, back to the palace, or a hotel. The latter would seem unnecessarily suspicious, while she wasn't eager at all to return to the palace where people see the disheveled mess she was. Her own house offered privacy, and right now that was what she truly wanted to have.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Neither of them talked much as they wandered back to the front of the palace, though the silence wasn't awkward.

Kurt was pretty sure that was a good sign, though he didn't try to push it by attempting to hold her hand. Instead he followed her on the long walkway, eventually peeking around a corner to check if anyone was there in front of the palace. When he saw the speeder parked there but no one else, Kurt signaled for Jamie to move.

It wasn't exactly like they were sneaking, but he knew that she didn't want to be seen in her current state with others around.

Perhaps it was a bit silly, but maybe that was what they needed right now.

Before long Kurt pulled open the door of the speeder, letting Jamie slip inside and following after her just a moment later.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

The whole twenty minute ride from the palace to the estate was quiet. A few passing glimpses were made towards Kurt, but for the most part she simply tilted her head against the transparisteel window and gazed out, resting her eyes and her mind for the time being. The driver found the silence rather uncomfortable, and thus settled for playing some quiet melodies to break the silence during the drive.

It wasn't until they pulled up in front of the massive fountain that was situated in the center of the circular driveway that Jamie finally piped up, offering a simple "Thank you" the man, before he promptly opened the door for both Kurt and Jamie. "Shall I wait, or will this be your destination, Lady Pyne?" With her back still turned, she paused in front of the massive double doors that led inside the mansion. "This will be it for today, thank you."

Both hands braced against the heavy door, pushing it open with an echoed creak.

Within, the massive double staircase that Kurt had first seen greeted them once more, winding up from the left and right sides, the long hallway that ran beneath the center towards the other rooms, as well as the side patio that Kurt had first sat with Jamie's father in during their initial discussion. "Come on." She beckoned, gesturing with her hand as she ascended the stairs. "My room."

She desperately needed to clear the makeup from her face.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

The rather vivid memories of the last time he was here came to him almost as soon as he passed through the doors. He remembered Jamie's yelling, he remembered standing there awkwardly with her mother, he remembered wanting to shrink and just disappear. It had been awkward beyond all belief, so much so that he felt like he could have collapsed under the weight of it all. Of course the situation had been worse for Jamie, but it had been a nightmare for him as well.

He shook his head as he followed after Jamie, trying to shake the memories and instead focusing on the now. His lips thinned as they wandered passed the creepy portraits in the hallway, Kurt avoiding looking at any of them lest they judge him for something.

The Courier glanced briefly towards the lobby.

For some strange reason Kurt felt as though this house felt lonelier than last time. Maybe it was because Jamie's parents were gone, or maybe it was because he knew what had happened, but he couldn't help but think that there was something...off. A frown pulled at his lips, though as Jamie opened the door to her room Kurt said nothing. He wandered passed her, side-stepping some of the mess on the floor as he moved inside.

For a second he lingered, then slowly he sat himself down on the edge of her bed.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Jamie could navigate the organized disaster of a bedroom without looking. To the untrained eye it might seem like her room was just a concoction of mess, but to her it was a carefully coordinated mess. She knew where everything was, how it was arranged, and where to find what she needed. The few times her mother had braved her daughter's room to forcefully clean it Jamie nearly had a panic attack, unable to find anything she wanted despite the "cleaning" that had been done. No, she liked things her way.

Clean, but a mess. Like her life, really.

"One second." She said, stepping through the room towards the private bathroom. Of course she left the door open, but proceeded to quietly wash her face, removing the streaks and blotches from her face one eye at a time with a damp cloth and warm, soapy water. Truthfully she looked incredibly plain without the subtle accents in her eyes, coupled with the assortment of other minor touch-ups that she wore on a daily basis. It was a small confidence boost, but it helped in a way.

Turning the knob to cease the flow of water she grabbed a towel and wiped her face free of the water that still clung to her skin, before returning to Kurt just outside the door, sitting awkwardly on her bed, as if it might somehow bite him for sitting on it.

"So..." She said, following a sigh.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

"So." Kurt said in response.

He was still sitting on the bed, still waiting. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say at this point. He had made his points, told her every truth, said everything that he had wanted to say. At this point it was really all up to Jamie, what she wanted, what she needed from him. Kurt would keep telling her the truth, would keep saying what he had been saying all along.

He wanted to be with her.

She was scared, he knew that, and he wanted to assure her that she didn't have to be. That he could be trusted and that if they moved forward everything would work. Everything would be...not like it had been before, but they would still love each other, be there for each other.

He just wasn't sure how to put that into words.

So he simply sat there on the bed, looking up at her, a small smile almost asking her to come closer.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

She lingered a step or two away from the bed, almost nervous to even sit on her own furniture. It wasn't quite like she had a plan once she had gotten home. Jamie just wanted to be out and away from the public for the time being. He looked partially lost sitting there, and equally uncomfortable in the moment. With a sigh the blonde climbed onto the middle of the bed, crossing her legs beneath her rear. Again silence crept over the room for another minute before she finally broke the silence.

"You are without a shadow of doubt, one hundred and fifty percent dead certain that this girl has no feelings for you?"

She had to ask the question, even though she could only logically assume Kurt's response, she still had to ask. It didn't matter that regardless she would still think suspiciously of Kaile, but the knot in her chest wouldn't begin to untie itself until she heard him say what she needed him to say. "And if she turns out to? What would you do then? I need you to tell me something Kurt. I can't have this left unanswered."

He had to give her something, he just had to.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

He shook his head. "Not in the way you're afraid of."

Kurt was certain of that. Kaile cared about him, just as much as he cared about her, but she didn't love him. At least he was pretty sure she didn't, not in the way that he loved Jamie or she loved him. It just...wasn't the same. Qualifying love like that was a strange practice, an odd idea in the first place, but Kurt was entirely certain that it wasn't the same. Kaile was his friend, his best friend, his roommate, his family. Nothing else. He was certain of that.

"She cares about me." He would be honest, turning towards her. "But, it's not romantic. It's not like you and me. It never was."

He paused for a second at her second question. "I don't...I don't think that would happen."

Kurt admitted.

"She doesn't have feelings for me, and if she did..." He frowned. "I still love you. I will always love you. That won't change and I would tell you the moment I found out."

He never would though. Kaile didn't love him. Not like that, not the way that Jamie was so scared of. If he was confident of anything in all of this it was that. Kaile was his best friend, not his secret admirer. "I won't play the what if game, Jamie, because I already know she doesn't love me like that. If we go there we could go a thousand places. What if you die on your next mission? What I get arrested again? What if you meet someone else while undercover and decide he's better than me? What if...it goes on and on. I don't want to play that game. So I'm telling you right now. She doesn't have feelings for me."

 

[Jamie Pyne]

She rolled her eyes at his refusal to simply indulge her request. A sigh poured from her lips, emphasized and overly dramatic before throwing herself back, head slamming against the half dozen pillows behind her. Both hands came up to press against her face, knees bending so that her feet were pressed against the top of the comforter beneath her.

"You frustrate me beyond measure, Kurt Meyer."

The hands over her face slowly dragged back into her hair, blue orbs glaring towards him from the side.

"You know that? You drive me absolutely insane." An annoyed groan followed. How did she get here? How did he manage to once again convince her otherwise, after her mind had been made up? Set in stone? Why is it that every time she went left he went right? Everything he did drove her completely nuts. If she didn't think he would like it she would slap him a few times. He was like this incorrigible child that always got his way, always acted out and blamed someone else, and never got in trouble or caught.

Her lips pursed, a harsh glare aimed towards him. "Do not, ever, make me regret letting you back in. Do you understand?"

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

The tiniest smile touched his lips, the smallest little expression of joy as she spoke. A part of him wanted to follow after her, to crawl on top of her and kiss her, but he didn't. The Courier new just how precariously this was all balanced, knew that he couldn't just have everything that he wanted in one go. So instead he smiled at her, that tiny, happy little smile that only came forth from true joy. He knew that he had made progress, that she was at least considering taking him back.

His hand slowly moved across the bed.

Fingers wrapped around her calf, a soft caress of his thumb stroked over her skin. "I won't."

Kurt had tried his best for her since they'd been together. He'd done everything right since he and Jamie had been a couple. He hadn't cheated, he hadn't flirted, he hadn't even looked at another woman. This problem had started because of something he'd done before they'd been together.

It wasn't going to be hard to be true to her, to do the right thing.

It hadn't been before.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Her eyes fell to the fingers rubbing against her leg. For half a second she considered kicking Kurt in the head, just for fun, just because. She didn't, but she smiled briefly at the thought before it passed. Instead she substituted the consideration with a few heavy sighs and a shake of the head. "You better not." Reminding him once more, before allowing her legs to fall back onto the bed.

Reaching for one of the pillows she placed it over her face, holding it for a few moments. Her muffled voice would carry through the fabric of the pillow.

"How long were you in the hospital back on Pelagon?" She needed something to break the ice on things now. Something to draw the attention away from the awkardness lingering between the two. The unspoken agreement that they were together again. Talking with the pillow over her face seemed to help her in some way, even if it made hearing her a bit more difficult.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

His thumb slowly stroked over her skin, continuing the caress as he spoke.

"About three days." Kurt told her quietly. That had been an affair all on it's own. Luckily for him Pelagon had socialized healthcare and they didn't make people pay for emergency services, though as soon as he has been well enough to travel they had told him he either needed to go or pay three hundred credits a night. That had been enough motivation for him to get back to The Messa. Three hundred credits was practically a fortune.

"They said it was stress induced Cardiac arrest." He frowned for a moment. "Gave me some heart medication and sent me on my way."

He was still taking that medication, though he had to sneak it so Kaile wasn't too suspicious. He hadn't wanted to tell her about it, mostly because she'd just worry.

Since then though he hadn't had any trouble, even while flying against the First Order. That had made sense to him though, given that he'd always felt most at home in the cockpit, even when flying combat missions.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

"I see."

So it had more or less been the whole pregnancy thing, followed by Jamie's reaction to him telling her that had pushed him over the edge. Her eyes closed beneath the blackness of the pillow. She hadn't intended that, nor wanted it, nor felt good about it happening to him. No matter how angry she was, she couldn't imagine ever wishing pain or worse upon him.

"Are you okay now?"

She considered apologizing for it, but that seemed awkward. Everything seemed awkward now. Like they were stuck in some kind of strange place with no clear way out. Her questions felt more like that small talk you had with an old acquaintance or stranger, than someone you were seeing. How did one get out of that weird funk?

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

"Yeah." He told her quietly, then slowly his thumb stopped. For a moment he just looked at her, laying there with a pillow on her face. He frowned for a moment and then continued on, though his hand didn't move. "Sometimes I get a tightness in my chest."

She would feel him shift on the bed slightly.

"It passes though." Kurt maneuvered himself, kicking off his shoes as he slowly crawled further onto the bed. He moved to her side, his hand sliding off her leg for a few moments as he moved. He laid himself down next to her, not trying to move the pillow just yet.

His fingers gently came to rest on her hip.

Slowly his other hand pushed the pillow away from her face.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

She felt the bed shift slightly, the tap of Kurt's shoes hit the floor, and then another shift as he moved about up closer towards her.

"You should follow up then with a doctor. Just to be sure it's okay."

As the pillow fell away from her face Jamie turned to look at Kurt, as if she were momentarily offended by him knocking away her veil. "You don't want it to get worse." Shifting herself a bit the blonde wiggled a bit closer to him, laying her head on his shoulder as a makeshift pillow. "You'll end up back in the hospital again that way, if you're not careful."

The last thing she needed was a repeat of Pelagon. Enough things were going on now that she didn't need the added nightmare of seeing him hooked back up to a dozen machines, worrying if he was going to survive or not, let alone be part of the reason that put him in there to begin with.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Kurt gently tugged her closer. Her head came to a rest of his shoulder, and for the first time in weeks...he felt like he could breath again.

"I'l try." He said quietly. "Doctors aren't cheap though."

He was pretty sure that he was okay now though. The doctor had told him that as long as he kept taking the medication he would be alright, though he'd also said that he shouldn't add anymore stress to his life. The greatest part of his stress had now been swept away, so perhaps he'd be able to follow the doctors orders.

For a second he laid there with Jamie, closing his eyes and simply letting himself breath.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, his arm squeezing her gently, pulling her even closer. "I missed you."

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Jamie squinted her eyes in a stern manner towards Kurt. "You will go to the doctor before you leave here. I will pay for it."

The tone she used suggested that if he tried to say otherwise she would bonk him over the head a little more than aggressively. If that meant dragging him there with the Force she would see to it he saw a doctor before he left Naboo. The very instant she felt his peck against her forehead she exhaled all of the air in her lungs with a flutter.

The blonde let her head fall back just enough to return the affection more appropriately on his lips. "I, as well." It had taken a lot of energy and effort to try and put things out of the forefront of her mind, to focus on the things she needed to do. Some days it was easier than others, namely when faced with Vrak, but she often found herself thinking about him, even when she didn't mean to. There were reminders just about everywhere. Certain smells even did it.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]