Private Kings and Queens

[Valery Noble]

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsabers

<I know,> Valery said, but as they followed along, she couldn't help but be drawn into her own mind. She had heard, seen, and experienced a lot of horrific things, but this somehow felt darker. They weren't going to let it get that far, of course, but there mere idea of someone having this planned for her was greatly disturbing. It further strengthened her will to not just take down this one cultist, but their entire organization.

Midvintir needed to be cleansed of this kind of evil.

"He sounds wonderful," Valery said with a scarily good fake voice. "I can't wait to help him devour this world, and so much more beyond it." It felt strange to say, but she knew what she was doing. If these people believed her and brought her close, she could take down their leader and make the whole thing crumble.

Soon enough, they reached a wall and Valery spotted the hidden door as well. She waited for it to open, and once it did, turned to Gatz with a reassuring smile.

<Let's take down this Dark Lord, hm?>

Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Valery Noble

<Let's take down this Dark Lord, hm?>

<That's the idea!>

The door slid open, revealing two more cultists behind it, wearing similar garb to the man who'd led them down here. Gatz waited for them to move, or speak, but they said nothing. Instead, their guide turned to them with a twisted smile.

"Oh, this'll be but a moment!"

He stepped over to his friends, and they spent a minute in hushed conversation. Gatz couldn't quite pick up on what they were saying, but judging by the bits of tone he got here and there, one of the guards was as enthusiastic as their guide, while the other was wary of these two newcomers. He hoped enthusiasm won out, otherwise their plan was shot. But, a moment later, their guide turned back around to approach them, two collars in his hands.

"Great news! We're going to proceed with the ceremony immediately!" Then his face soured, "but it seems my... cohort isn't as emersed in our faith as I am. He has insisted that the two of you wear these collars that will suppress your great power. But that's alright! You won't need it here."

Ah, shit. Force suppression bindings? Gatz supposed he should be grateful that at least it went around his neck, and not his wrists, but that made things a lot more dangerous. He shared a look with Valery, but they both knew that it was too late to turn around now.

"Well," Gatz shrugged, "if it proves our loyalty to the cult, I think we can do that for your Dark Lord."

Gatz waited as the grotesque man fixed the collar around his neck. Immediately, he felt the effects—it was like someone had smothered him with a blanket, and yet stolen all his warmth all at the same time. To be without the Force was... it was empty. And Gatz couldn't fathom how he had turned away from it for so many years.

 

[Valery Noble]

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsabers

Much like Gatz, Valery couldn't hear exactly what the two cultists were saying, but she caught glimpses of their tones, and she noticed the way they briefly looked over their shoulders. Two of them were eager to present the Jedi to this Dark Lord, but one of them was hesitant. Valery could feel it in the Force — they were going to need to convince him. To do this, the cultist returned to them with a proposal.

Force-dampening collars.

"Very well," Valery said, who suspected they were using Voidstone or something similar. It wouldn't entirely nullify the Force, but with those collars around her own neck, it'd be very difficult to be effective. The cultist gently laid it around her and Valery felt its effects instantly. The Force, while usually a powerful source of guidance, was reduced to a whisper. She heard it, and she felt able to reach for it in a time of need, but she felt weak.

Empty.

"If all is well now, we'd like to meet the Dark Lord."

Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Valery Noble

Being without the Force was disorienting, and all Gatz wanted was to claw at his own neck until this damn thing came off. But, this whole shindig was his idea, and it'd be pretty hypocritical for him to blow their plan up because he was a little uncomfortable, while asking Valery to put up with the leers and stares that were obviously making her skin crawl. So Gatz chose to grin and bear it, no matter how nauseating it felt.

"If all is well now, we'd like to meet the Dark Lord."

"Soon!" Their original cultist giggled, "we have to get you ready for the ceremony first! We can't let the Dark Lord see you without your dress and veil! Come along, we'll get you all prepared!"

Gatz wondered how they could already have those things ready for Valery. Then he considered their matching uniforms, and came to the conclusion that the cultists must have a tailor wrapped up in their machinations. Which was a little fucked up—how did one go from being a bog standard tailor to serving and joining a cult? He wondered just how far down the roots of this organization had buried themselves.

And he wondered how they were supposed to rip them all out.

"And you," growled the wary cultist, as he pointed to Gatz, "must undergo your first rites to prove your dedication to our faith. You will come with me."

"...Can I at least RSVP for the wedding?"

"If your faith is pure, you will be admitted attendance like the rest of us."

Gatz turned to Val. He didn't like the idea of splitting up, especially with the Force out of his grasp—he wouldn't even be able to reach out for Valery telepathically. But they'd already come this far. They couldn't blow this chance now.

"Well, I guess I'll see you on your big day!"

One last bad joke, before they were separated for who knows how many hours.

 

[Valery Noble]

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsabers

"A dress and veil? How fancy," Valery smiled and seemed genuine, but anybody who really knew her, would know exactly what she thought of it all. This entire situation made her skin crawl, and in certain ways, reminded her of the days she was in Hutt captivity. At least this time, she still retained some control over what she did. Weakened or not, the Force was a powerful ally; she wasn't someone these people could hope to tame.

But it wouldn't be easy to take them down either.

They seemed well-prepared and with their sheer numbers, it would be a challenge. Right now, it was also unclear just how deep their influence ran within Midvintir society, so the two Jedi had a lot to figure out.

For now, she would take it one step at a time.

"Well, I guess I'll see you on your big day!"

Valery gave him her classic death glare but didn't allow it to linger too long, just in case. She huffed, turned away, and dipped her head to the cultists.

"Lead the way."

Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Valery Noble

Gatz was on the receiving end of one of Valery's patented death glares. Typical Tuesday. He'd hoped his joke, however morbid, would stick with her while they were separated—because he figured they'd be apart for a few hours while they infiltrated their particular sides of the cult. While Val's glare carried with it it's usual disapproval, he chose to hold onto the image in his mind.

It was proof that he wasn't alone, even it was given in a huffy manner.

While Gatz was lead down one corridor, Valery was led down another. Her guide was silent, other than a low maniacal tune he hummed to himself—something done clearly out of joy, or reverence, or both. The halls she walked were smooth stone and empty, and they passed by no more cultists on the way to wherever she was being led. Her footsteps, and this crazy man were her only companions for now.

But, after a small while, they came to a stop in front of large set of wooden doors. Her favorite cultist turned to her then, bright smile on her face, and gestured that she enter with his arm.

"I cannot follow, unfortunately. None are permitted to see you before the ceremony, aside from your new handmaidens!" He giggled, "they will prepare you for your most unholy union with our lord!"

He left Valery to her own devices then, walking away while humming that same tune. But it was clear that she was to enter through the wide double doors, and no other.

 

[Valery Noble]

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsabers

Chains rattled as they snapped, and the collar meant to keep her from lashing out, shattered under pressure of the very thing it was supposed to suppress. Valery brought her arms down by her sides, aching from having been raised painfully high. Her eyes burned with fury, and after one breath to center herself in the Force, she snapped her gaze first to the guards around her. The floor of stone, the furniture of metal and the massive concrete ceiling all began to burst wide open, as the Force around her screamed. She wasn't holding back against these people.

Against this kind of evil.

The guards were flung around like weightless objects and were unlikely to get up anytime soon. But in grand scheme of it all, they mattered very little. In the room with her stood this Dark Lord they worshipped, and she wasn't leaving until he wasn't ever causing harm again.

<Gatz, my lightsaber,> Valery communicated, knowing he was within the crowd with hidden weapons. She didn't need a lightsaber to take these people down, but even in all of her anger, she wished for a more civilized end to their schemes. It'd start with taking down this Dark Lord, and hopefully, it'd open some eyes around here.

But she doubted that.

As Valery stood her ground against the Dark Lord, however, more of the cultists rushed into the room as well. Most weren't trained to fight and they wielded simple weapons, but there was danger in numbers. The only thing between them and Valery was Gatz himself.

Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Valery Noble

Gatz had been brought to the forefront of the group of cultists, so that he might watch Valery's unholy union with the Dark Lord. It was one half a hazing ritual, and the other half a test of his 'faith.' They had decked him in the same clothes as the rest: dark robes with a hood and a mask over his nose, leaving only his eyes for Valery to see. He'd spent the majority of his time in the chamber scanning for exits, and trying to figure out who had the keys to her chains.

But he had failed, utterly. Whatever breakout attempt he made would have to be done later, when they weren't surrounded by—

Metal creaked, snapped, and shattered. In a moment, Valery had gone from a damsel chained to the ceiling amongst a crowd of cultists, to the only person standing in the room. She had thrown all of them to the ground, Gatz who was now bleeding from the temple after slapping his face against the stone floor, and even the Dark Lord himself—an onyx behemoth whose very hands dripped molten slag, now pressed against the wall behind him.

If Gatz hadn't been wearing this damn collar, he probably would have been drowning in Valery's presence in the Force.

<Gatz, my lightsaber,>

Gatz wasn't sure if he could reach out with his mind to her, not while his own Force abilities were still suppressed, but it ultimately didn't matter. Valery wanted a lightsaber. He couldn't give her hers—he had no inkling as to what had been done with them after they'd been split up—but he'd managed to smuggle his own in. With the collar around his neck, it was the only weapon he had available to him...

He was a prodigal talent with the lightsaber, his proficiency in Form III already well beyond what a Padawan should be capable of.

But Valery was the Battlemaster. If they only had one lightsaber, then there was only one pair of hands that should be wielding it.

Gatz whistled to get her attention, and chucked the metal cylinder toward her. The eyes of his 'fellow' cultists fell on him—now unarmed and clearly a traitor. They pounced on him, fists and feet and weapons in a flurry, and Gatz was brought to the floor once more, under the fury and malevolence of deranged sociopaths.

 

[Valery Noble]

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsabers

Even in all of her anger, Valery did not lose her focus. She caught the lightsaber Gatz threw her way and instantly felt it wasn't her own lightsaber. He had offered his weapon, which meant he was defenseless now. Without even looking back over her shoulder, Valery clenched her free hand into a fist and shattered the collar that suppressed his use of the Force. That invisible grip immediately extended to the few cultists who jumped him, and once more, they were sent flying.

Head-first into the ceiling.

<Take their weapons if you must.> Most of them wielded daggers and other blades — nasty weapons — but if he was in a pinch, taking one to protect himself wasn't against any Jedi rules or principles.

Meanwhile, Valery turned her full focus against this Dark Lord. The beast stood tall and everything about his presence felt dark, hateful, and destructive. But backed up against a wall after a telekinetic blast, and he no longer looked all that scary. The blade of Gatz's lightsaber ignited, and without further warning or time spent contemplating, Valery closed the distance. The beast was quick to raise its war axe and estimated Valery's speed in an attempt to catch her with a mighty swing.

But as the heavy blade came crashing down, she accelerated.

The axe slammed into the ground behind her, trapping the beast in place right as she moved into striking range. The blade of her lightsaber cut across his leg, resulting in a roar of pain and anger.

She was crippling him before she'd ready herself for a decisive blow.

Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Valery Noble

Gatz couldn't see what Valery was doing, not under the pile of bodies pummeling him. It was all he could do to keep his arms over his head, preventing anyone from striking a blow that would knock him out cold. But they were still landing blow after blow to the rest of his body, and every now and again a punch would slip through his block and strike him in the head.

Relief was granted suddenly, however, as the collar around his neck shattered and the cultists on top of him were ejected via the Force. He heard the sickening snap of skulls cracking the stone ceiling, and necks cracking. Gatz rolled onto his hands and knees, coughing up globs of blood.

<Take their weapons if you must.>

<Wuhhh?> Was all the response his dazed mind could offer.

While Valery was busy dealing with the Dark Lord, he had a whole group of assholes to attend to. He stood up on shaky legs, dizzy and disoriented. His head was pounding, and his vision was blurry, and even sound wasn't right. No way he could fight like this, with his senses clouded and concussed. But he wasn't exactly given a choice—not when the surviving cultists stood to their feet and rushed him.

He was a dead man, with no way out. Too many of them, and he was just too hurt and out of it.

He closed his eyes, and delved into the Force.

The first one approached, stupidly jagged dagger in hand. Gatz caught the man's wrist, twisted it, and took him by the neck. He felt for the man's presence in the Force, as he often did when he tried (and failed) to heal someone. Master Serys-Organa had taught him to think of Force Healing as if he was guiding the Force as one would direct a river, passing through him into another, washing away their pains and injuries.

In his darkest moments, Gatz had often wondered if the reverse was possible—if he could pull the river through them and into himself.

He found out.

It was like a rush of ice water in his veins: invigorating him, but leaving him frozen and hollow. It was energy in its rawest form: powerful but sickening, and it left him feeling nauseous even as it restored the bruises and contusions he'd just received. The man in front of him screamed and wailed, shriveling to a husk—and Gatz could hear him clearly as his vision and hearing returned to their proper states.

And when he was done, the man fell to the ground, nothing more than a dehydrated corpse. Gatz stood above him, not bruise left on his body, and brimming with power. The rest of his peers staggered to a stop, having watched their friend be killed by a touch of his hands. He spied fear in their eyes, and in the way they shook.

It felt good. It felt wrong.

Then they regained whatever composure they had left, and lunged for Gatz again. Gatz charged into their ranks, with nothing more than a knife in his hands, faster and stronger than he'd ever been before.

 

[Valery Noble]

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsabers

Valery's focus on the Dark Lord meant she was oblivious to what happened behind her. She felt Gatz's presence in the Force, now unleashed without its restraints, and placed her trust in him. He would handle the cultists, and she was going to bring down their chosen Dark Lord. A being that had perhaps seemed impossible to take down, but with her senses sharp and her own use of the Force no longer hindered, she disagreed.

This was going to be over quickly.

After cutting open one of his legs, Valery circled around and purposefully brought herself in striking range. His axe came down with brutish strength but calculated precision. It swept right into her path, and that's exactly where she wanted it to be. Valery came to a full stop, the lightsaber raised up into a guard and augmented her body to take the hit. The ground underneath her feet cracked wide open, as the immense Force was distributed down through her legs.

But Valery didn't buckle.

The corners of her lips tugged up into a faint smirk, and with just the look of her eyes focusing on the metal blade of his weapon, it shattered into tiny fragments. The Dark Lord growled as his momentum carried him forward, but an instant later, he was silenced. With an explosive jump, Valery passed by and swept her blade through his neck to sever his head from his torso. A loud thud followed, as his head struck the ground.

His body fell shortly after.

Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Valery Noble

He lost himself in the Force.

The fight was a haze of fists, feet, and weapons. It was spilled blood and broken bone. It was pain, and misery. It was retribution: to bring death upon those who would sacrifice the innocent, all in the name of one demon. But it brought Gatz no peace, and with each life he stole at the tip of his borrowed knife, that pit of nausea in his stomach only grew.

And then there was only him and Valery, amidst the bodies and the silence.

He shouldn't, Gatz knew, but he had to look at the man he'd... drained. He offered no words to Valery, no congratulations, or condolences. There was no shared relief between friends. He didn't even check to see if she was injured, or just to see how she was doing, as he usually would have done. No, he merely kneeled down in front of the body—it was the only one that wasn't bleeding—and pulled down the man's mask.

Not a man. A husk. Rotten and withered, his vitality stolen to grant Gatz a little extra vigor. A deep sense of shame filled Gatz, which was ironic considering he'd just killed a dozen of his buddies. But something about this was... was different. What he'd done to those other cultists was self-defense. And what he'd done to this man was an act of desperation... but it was a dark act, intentionally or not.

Gatz stood up, drawing in a deep breath. And promptly doubled over to vomit on the stone floor.

"What... what have I done?"

He looked down at his hands—hands that had stolen lives before, but had since been rededicated to saving them. And Gatz found that they were soaked in more blood than ever before.

 

[Valery Noble]

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsabers

Everything was background noise to her at this point. From the sound of the last few cultists being cut down, to Gatz inspecting one of the bodies and vomiting as a result. Valery's eyes were too focused on the body of their Dark Lord and her frown was intense. She didn't regret striking him down at all — this was a kind of evil that she couldn't hope to redeem. But as adrenaline began to fade, and anger started to subside, she did feel some regret.

Feeling emotion when taking lives was never a good thing, even if she had made the same decision if she had been perfectly calm. But reflection could wait until later.

They needed to get out.

Turning around, Valery was about to speak when she noticed Gatz and the state he was in. Her eyes shifted down from him to the body drained of life, and she instantly snapped from her own troubled mind. "Gatz!" She called out and rushed over. Not to stand still and ponder, but to get him to move.

"We can talk later, we have to go." She wasn't sure if they had taken down all the cultists, and he was in no condition to fight again. Safety first, then they could discuss what happened.

Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Valery Noble

"Gatz!"

He barely heard Valery call out for him, staring at his hands like they were profane. If she hadn't grabbed him to pull him along behind her, he probably would have sat there all day, or until the rest of the cult found him and killed him. He might have even just let them do that, in the state he was in. Val was probably saving his life, dragging him to safety as she was.

"I... I didn't... I wasn't trying to..." His words left his lips like babbles, formed from an uncoherent mind.

If logic had prevailed in his mind, it might have reminded him that draining that man was no different than stabbing the others. He was defending himself, and they would have killed him. But all Gatz could think about was how he'd taken a technique meant to save lives, and turned it into a way to take them. Even as a Jedi, killing was all he seemed to be able to do.

"I'm still just a killer." Clarity began to make cracks in his grief-addled mind, "all this time and effort, and I haven't changed at all."

He followed Valery of his own accord then, no longer needing her to tug him behind her. But his eyes were vacant, and the expression on his face blank. Because even if they survived this... Gatz was no longer sure he had the right to. Wasn't sure he wanted to, if it meant being the kind of man who stole life for himself. He'd spent so much time trying to refine himself into a Jedi that Valery could be proud of, only to destroy all his progress with one act of desperation.

He'd just done the kind of thing that Valery would have killed someone for, during her days as a Shadow. It didn't matter that he hadn't felt anger or hate in the moment, the act of using the Force to steal life was inherently Dark.

Maybe that Shadow had killed the wrong boy, all those years ago.

 

[Valery Noble]

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsabers

"You have changed," Valery said while they moved back the way they came. Her eyes were constantly scanning each room and each hallway, so her speech was slow and constantly interrupted. Her first priority was getting both of them out of this dark place, and she could worry about what just happened after that. Luckily, Gatz also snapped into focus enough to run with her on his own, allowing her to keep both hands free in case she needed to fight someone.

But no cultist could be seen anymore.

Had all of them died or been knocked unconscious?

"There! The light!" she called out, as they reached the hole that they jumped in to get here. She had no idea how long ago that was, and whether it'd be the middle of the day or close to evening time. All she knew was that they needed to get out, so she wasted no time and jumped up as soon as she reached the hole.

They were out.

Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Valery Noble

Gatz didn't track the rooms and hallways as Valery did. It was all he could do to keep his eyes on her, and follow. Part of him wanted to stop and fall to his knees. Part of him wanted to cry. Part of him wanted to rage. And part of him wanted to die. But no part of him felt anything even resembling satisfaction at bringing down the cult's Dark Lord. The only thing he felt was sick and disgusted with himself.

He only moved on because if he didn't, Valery would end up dragging him, and that might end with her getting hurt. He knew they hadn't gotten all the cultists. There were some in the lower levels of the sewers, but without a Dark Lord to worship, Gatz wasn't sure how much that mattered. Would they martyr him? Become even more fanatical?

They'd have to go back down later, he thought. But... maybe Valery should go without him.

"You have changed."

He wanted to believe her. When had Valery ever lied to him? But he could still feel that man's... life within him. Energy he shouldn't have had, bruises that he should have had but didn't. He felt better and more rested than he had since the Dark Empire's invasion. But what he'd done to rejuvenate himself... the thought made Gatz retch again, but he just barely managed to keep the bile down this time.

He didn't speak again until they had jumped back through the hole, and the brisk evening air was hitting their faces.

"Thank you," his voice was flat and lacked inflection, "but I don't know if you should have saved me. W-what I did to that man..."

The tears sprung, then, slowly rolling down his face. What had he done?

 

[Valery Noble]

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsabers

If the sound of his voice didn't already give it away, his presence in the Force did. It wasn't the cult or the Dark Lord that shook him, it was the way he took down one of these awful people. He had acted on emotion and given into something darker than he'd ever want to touch. But there was one reason why he hadn't gone too far.

He realized what he had done.

"I'm not leaving someone to die or get hurt over one mistake, Gatz," Valery said calmly, as they moved through the alleys and began to search for their way back. The cultists weren't going to find and target them anymore, and there was a chance they'd fall apart entirely now.

But she still wanted to separate herself from that place.

"You know what happened and why you shouldn't have done it. I've also made these mistakes — all Jedi will, at one point. We're still people and we don't always do everything right." She looked over her shoulder at him and offered a gentle smile, "But we can move forward and learn from these moments."

Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Valery Noble

He felt broken, stone-faced with quiet tears falling down his face. He heard Valery's words, but struggled with them. He struggled with all of it. He'd drained a man into a husk, and yet if he hadn't, he'd be dead. It was gross and violating. It was the only thing that saved him—even if he'd managed to kill that one cultist without it, he wouldn't have been in a state to kill the others. Not with how he'd been dazed, hurt, and bleeding.

He did, and it saved him. He shouldn't have, and he should be dead. Gatz didn't know how to be, when both those statements existed at once.

"Should I have... should I have just let him kill me?"

It wasn't self-depreciating. It was a genuine question asked of his best friend, who was far more wise about these things than he was. Would the correct thing to do have been to allow that man, or the others, to kill him? As Gatz stood there, nausea still swirling in his stomach, he was beginning to think so.

"I wasn't afraid. I wasn't angry. I didn't... I didn't feel anything. I was just trying not to get stabbed in the neck, and my first instinct was to take away his strength. I-I didn't think it would do that to him. But... would a proper Jedi have just died, and passed into the Force?"

Gatz was glad Valery had his lightsaber, in this moment. He didn't feel like he deserved to have one. Or to call himself a Jedi. Not when he'd done that, not even out of emotion, but out of pure instinct. Wasn't that worse than being afraid or angry? Didn't that make him an even worse Jedi?

 

[Valery Noble]

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsabers

"When you stare death in the face like that, it's hard to make the right decision, if there even is such a thing," Valery said as she began to slow down. The two of them were far away enough from the cultist lair now, and she saw no reason to keep rushing ahead. Their lives were not being threatened anymore, so she turned to Gatz and hoped she could help him.

"You were given no time, and as selfless and self-sacrificial Jedi can be in certain circumstances, we don't want to die. You didn't want to die, so your instincts forced you to fight back." Valery had been through it herself before, and more than just once. She had lashed out with the Force in ways she never wanted to, either to protect her own life or to save the lives of those dearest to her.

But it was a rarity now.

"There's no shame in that, Gatz," Valery assured him. "But it's also important to reflect. In any given situation, there's never just one solution. A proper Jedi would have defended themselves, but they will also reflect on their choices and work on ways to avoid mistakes or simply train themselves to make better decisions."

She looked at him for a moment and offered a gentle smile, "Draining the cultist has shaken you, and you know that it's not how you should or would want to take down even someone that evil. So, there is room to learn and improve and it's your job as a Jedi to always grow like that."

Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Valery Noble

"When you stare death in the face like that, it's hard to make the right decision, if there even is such a thing,"

His brows furrowed, eyes still leaking tears, as he tried to take her wisdom in. Gatz wasn't sure if he'd ever made the right decision, when faced with death. How many people had his blaster dropped? How many lives had his lightsaber already stolen? Those deaths weighed on him, in way they never had before he'd met Valery. Sometimes... sometimes he wished he could go back to the days when all he cared about was himself.

If only to spare himself the anguish he felt now.

"I don't think I'd have survived if I didn't do it," Gatz admitted quietly, "not after the way they jumped on me and beat me senseless. Not while you had my lightsaber. And I don't know what scares me more: what I did, or what would have happened if I didn't."

But Gatz let out an unsteady breath, and wiped away his tears. What was done, was done. He was shaken, and he suspected the memories of what he'd done would haunt him for weeks to come, but he hadn't done something irredeemable. Because in the end, that man still would have died, just in a different way. That didn't justify the means, but there was a difference between an honest mistake and an intentional use of something so dark, right?

"Thank you," his voice was barely a whisper, "for your wisdom and your guidance. And for not giving up on me."

It was just... just something to reflect on, and avoid in the future.

"...I want to hug you, but I think I'm scared of touching anyone now."