The moment Allyson saw Ryv, her heart lightened. It was as if everything that she had been feeling and thinking about disappeared. His lips against hers reminded her of the love they shared, even apart for so long. The women quickly fell into his hold, allowing him to pull her tightly against him and letting him protect her at this moment. Fingers laced through his raven black hair, familiarity washing over her as she inhaled his familiar scent reminding her of the smoothest of whiskeys. The incredible moment ended, returning the Corellian back to her reality, where she was surrounded by death and her own broken morality.
Fingertips brushed against his neck and along the lining of his jacket, till they fell at her side, one remaining in his hand. Allyson was surprised by his actions, the man was protective and guarded. He spoke, his tone different than the words that came from his lips. He was worried about her, but she questioned where the worry was rooted. Her lips parted to answer him, but the familiar haze clouded her mind as she pulled away slightly and looked away from him. Eyes focusing on a red flower, its spider-like petals rustled with the soft breeze unaware of the death and destruction that was happening all around it. It grew alone and somewhere deep within Allyson - she felt like the flower.
The haze continued to cloud her mind, a woman's voice echoed, and Allyson instantly recognized it, but the memories that came with them she struggled with. Somewhere her eyes had closed, forgetting the red spider-like flower, and when she opened them, the haze wavered revealing a dark room, one she didn't fully recognize, the memory still lost in the recesses of her damaged mind. Ryv's face had been replaced with the face of the fire-eyed blonde; concerns and tears were staining her face. The voice of her first source of happiness echoed through her mind. The warmth of a connection she hadn't felt in a lifetime resurfaced, deafened by forgotten memories.
Her lips moved, and Allyson blinked, causing the haze to resurface, bringing her back to reality, and Ryv's own words hung in front of her. "I missed you too." She paused, trying to recover from the distortion she was feeling, Allyson wanted to chalk it up to deja vu, but the sudden revelation of her mind made it too real. The Corellian physically struggled to remain in the reality before her, a voice called out to her.
I want you here, I want you next to me, and I want to know that we are safe.
That you're safe.
I already know that our lives are meant to be spent together…
Please. Stay…
Please…
Allyson held her breath as the words brought tears to her eyes, having to remember these memories now did her no good. She was usually able to snuff the harsher ones from her mind, but Kaili Talith was determined to be heard. Inhaling sharply, Allyson looked at Ryv, emerald orbs drowning in the threat of tears as she shook her head. "I can't." Choking back her emotions, she shook her head again and did her best to regain her composure from the sudden burst of realization. Kaili Talith had been her happiness, and she had made a choice that day one that would define the rest of her life. "Ryv, I made this choice. We're all good at something. You're good at bringing people together, showing them that they're worth something.
Auteme
is exceptionally smart, I can't wait to see what changes she can make in the future to make our lives, the Jedis lives better. Her voice in the senate will be one they weren't prepared for." Allyson nodded, the spark Auteme had was one that was rare and reminded her of a former Grandmaster whom she held dear to her heart. "
Maynard Treicolt
is an amazing leader, one of the best. If he had been the leader of the Rogues back then - we would have won. We wouldn't have lost the people we did. Maynard," she forced a laugh hoping it disguised the struggle in her voice, "Maynard is one of the best Commanders I've flown under." A small smile pulled at her lips as she continued, "Loske damn that girl can fly. She belongs among the clouds, Ryv like you; she's helped me feel real, heard, alive." Allyson shook her head, "I'm good... I'm good at lying, stealing, and being invisible. Sulking in the shadows and disappearing." Reaching into her coat, she pulled out a small thumb drive and offered it to him. "It's why this information is possible."
On the drive would be everything she pulled for Jorryn's computer, she had gone through and scrubbed the woman's name from the records, erased her face so that the Alliance wouldn't have knowledge of her existence. The names for Djorn Bline and his promotion and the happenings of the large meeting the Sith had recently would also be on there. Detailed information about locations on Bastion and Dantooine included as well. Allyson couldn't explain why she had erased Jorryn from the records, but something burned within her. It was a sudden urge to protect the woman despite what her mission was.
A part of Allyson wanted to return to the Alliance and take an extended break. She wanted things to go back to how they were before having set foot into the Empire, onto Dantooine, but something sounded better. Shit. She thought quietly as the headache burned in her mind again, one that she had grown familiar with, the haze of her memories colliding resurfaced, but only as a voice - one that she had grown accustomed to hearing the past several months.
Make me feel better…
Jorryn had said these words to her, each time Allyson felt herself becoming more involved, falling deeper into the lie she had created. Closing her eyes, she couldn't escape the recent memories with the Inquisitor. The sadness that was behind the piercing amber gaze, she could see why Rae followed the woman. Something was familiar about the interaction between them, and something deep within Allyson had wanted to find that familiarity.
Her chest tightened as she fought to remember, struggled to admit the way she had found herself missing the Echani. Allyson was losing herself, but this was what she was good at.
The doubt she had felt after he spoke resurfaced, she wondered if his words were only meant to bring her home because they both knew she was slowly breaking. She was a liability to not only the Sith Empire but to the Alliance and the New Imperial Order to an extent. Lives of the people in the governments and the lives of her friends were in danger, the farther she fell. Maybe it was her foolish confidence that she decided to keep fighting the inevitable, or it was her desire to return to the Inquisitor's side. Something pulled her to refuse to return, and she pulled her hand back slightly from him and exhaled.
There had been one other that wanted her to stop, and she remembered the choice she made, she regretted that choice more than her own life, and if she could escape it, she would. The only thing she could do now was to continue down her path and be the invisible hand and ear of the Alliance.
"I can't stop. The mission is more important because it will save lives. The NIO was able to be more prepared because of my intel. I wish I could have delivered it sooner." Pausing, she grabbed his hand back again and forced a smile. "I'm okay, I promise. I've been doing this for almost my whole life." I have sins that I need to repay. She thought quietly to herself as she nodded quickly. "When this is all over, everything will be okay. Everyone will be safe, and we can actually start living."
Allyson needed to smile, to be okay in hopes to ease Ryv's thoughts and heart.
"All of us, together, we'll make it, and finally know what peace feels like."
Another lie, but at least this one was beautiful.