Judas of Vahl
Beyond Broken
@[member="Andreas Wintergreen"]
So I'll be looking over another one of your submissions. First off, let me apologize for the delays getting on this. I've been on LOA myself and just got back and so have some of the other Staffers. As with all second chances and judging, I'll do a breakdown.
Carry on, my bro.
So I'll be looking over another one of your submissions. First off, let me apologize for the delays getting on this. I've been on LOA myself and just got back and so have some of the other Staffers. As with all second chances and judging, I'll do a breakdown.
- Name: Sweet.
- Region: Wrong region, your coordinates say it's near the Core Worlds.
- System: Also fine.
- Suns: Good. Fits in with the climate and environment.
- Orbital Position: Eh, I'd but it maybe a slot or two back.
- Moons: G-U-D, Gud. I'd elaborate on the Moon lab in the description, though.
- Coordinates: If you're wanting this in the Unknown Regions, move it back. Here are your coordinates. Use this for plotting.
- Rotational Period: Tis good.
- Orbital Period: me think gud
- Class: Giant what? Gas Giant? Terrestrial Giant? Elaborate, staffers love details.
- Astmosphere: Good!
- Climate: Fits in with everything, good.
- Gravity: Looks fine, but elaborate as to why the gravity is doubled.
- Terrain: Same as climate.
- Native Species: Humans, good. As for the others, do you mean Firrirreans? As for both of these, I'd suggest writing up a history for them and how their origins started. Are they friendly towards each other? Have wars happened? et cetera
- Immigrant Species: Fyne!
- Primary Languages: Good
- Government: Fascism isn't a government system, it's an ideology. Fascism is extreme authoritarian nationalism. If you're aiming for a government like this, I suggestion an Absolute Monarchy or a Totalitarian State. Maybe even a Military Dictatorship.
- Population: Only 10 thousand people? I suggest bringing it higher.
- Demonym: Both good.
- Major Cities: I'm assuming New Nexus is the capital, though I suggest adding more cities/larger towns.
- Major Imports: So these people live on a planet and they only want to bring in weapons rather than food, medical supplies, technology, natural resources, droid, etc?
- Major Exports: I'm cool with this. I'd add natural resource mining or something since it's a desert and mountain type planet. I'd also like to see some more information regarding the lucrative weapons exports in the description. Add how they affect the population or economy.
- Affiliation: There is no Je'daii Order here on SWRP. Your planet doesn't have to be affiliated to a faction, though it's highly suggested.
- Culture: I love the two split sides between the natives. I'd still like to see some more details added. How do the people live? Where do they live? Is fighting all they do?
- Technology: Fine, but elaborate on how it's above average.
- History: I can see the basis of concepts, but not enough details. As I said before, staffers love details. Just keep in mind that you're creating a planet. A planet. You're making a whole world that roleplays can happen on, NPCs to live on, a sizeable piece of real estate that will affect the galaxy and major politics. Think about what you want to exactly do with this and create stories from it.
- Notable PCs: Good.
- Intent: Just something basic, revise it.
Carry on, my bro.