Sunburns & Hyperdrive Troubles

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"During the war." He paused for a second, biting his lips.

"During the war there was a mission." He shifted slightly, suddenly more uncomfortable that he had ever been outside. "We were supposed to intercept a transport, ambush it and take it out. When we did...it was a trap."

Kurt didn't bother trying with a preamble as he had done with Jamie, he couldn't. He had kept this from Kaile for so long that it was almost painful, so he would tell her his crime immediately, she would know the monster that he was and she would have to face it. "We were ambushed, two full squadrons. The transport was armed too, they trapped us in a field of fire. Six of us went down within the first five minutes...three more by the time we ended the engagement."

He choked up for a minute.

"Somehow we managed to cut through, get out, but..." Oh how was he supposed to say this? "We shot down the transport too. They...they managed to get to the escape pods, but we...well..."

Kurt's words simply stopped, he couldn't keep going.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

Kaile would listen quietly, watching every subtle motion that swept across his face. As he told her his most darkest secret, his deepest shame, the Lorrdian sat there, holding his hand, letting the slight slow rub of her thumbs over the surface of his hand. It was a method of tactile comfort. Something the young woman knew that she herself discovered the past two weeks.

There was the nervous twitch in his jaw. The way he avoided her gaze. There wasn't a strip of flesh that Kaile hadn't familiarized herself with, that she'd mapped like her own. Every bit of that knowledge was utilized to see beyond his confession. It was painful for him to repeat it. Traumatizing for him. Not just then, but even now, in their present.. and it make so much more sense.

Everything made more sense. His desire to focus on the future. To not look into the past. To simply be and do what made him happy, to move forward with all speed and haste and never, ever look back. Because he was running.

Because he was afraid.

He bleed it it out in swaths of emotion. Of the past. Of what he thought he had become. Of what I might think of him then.

The pilot didn't need to continue the story, he had painted a crystal clear picture for her. Done as fast as he could as if he couldn't bear to contain it anymore. A few seconds passed, and Kaile licked her lower lip.

Finally, and gently, she gave his hands a squeeze. With a deep breath, the young woman slipped her hands from his own, and deliberately spoke.

"Kurt..." her voice was soft, but steady, comforting. The hands that had taken his came up to gently cradle his face. With a loving coax, Kaile would lift his face much like he had done hers minutes before.

"What happened was terrible, what you had to go through horrifying. What came in the wake, worse." there was no denying it was a reprehensible act, but Kaile was able to see just how much this affected Kurt. He was haunted by it. "That you feel shame, guilt, and are conscious that what occurred was deplorable act means that you are not a monster."

She licked her lips again.

"You were placed in a situation that quickly went out of control." there was empathy in her eyes, and her own emotions began to well up. It was her concern for Kurt, for what had happened to him in the past, for the terrible weight of guilt and shame that he carried.

"We all are. We are only human, Kurt. If placed in the same situation... if anything were to happen to you..." her own voice choked. "I don't know what I would do."

And that realization is what cemented it. Was it right what he did? No. It was terrible. But he was a product of his circumstance. A terrible, terrible circumstance.

One that many others had experienced as well

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

He let out a sigh.

That was exactly what Jamie had said.

It was exactly what his parents had said.

Kurt stopped for a moment. He just stopped. He stopped breathing. He stopped thinking. He stopped doing anything and everything. All he did was look at the palms of his hands, all he did was inspect the instruments of death that had killed so many. It went beyond those escape pods, it went beyond what he had done there. It was all the ships he had ever shot down, all the men he had killed defending himself, everything that he had ever done to harm another being with those two palms. For some reason, for an instant, Kurt felt nothing but shame, nothing but shame and a desperation to get away from everything around himself.

He knew what he did was wrong, knew what he had done was a crime.

There was no other way of putting it, no sugar coating it. He had committed a crime, one that most of the galaxy would have seen him thrown into prison for. Kaile didn't see it that way, Jamie didn't see it that way, his parents hadn't seen it that way. Maybe it was because they loved him, maybe it was because each of them wanted to believe that Kurt at heart was a good person. He didn't know if that was true, he didn't know if it was even close.

Kurt wanted to crawl into a hole of shame and die.

"I know." Kurt reached up and touched her knee. "I know it was human. I know I was mad. I know why I did it."

For a moment he stopped. "I just don't think I should have."

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

His eyes spoke of a desperation, of shame, of a self inflicting hate for what he had done. It was distinctly in the way he was now staring at his hands, as if they were coated with a stain only he could see. A sin only he bore.

As if he saw such a terrible thing within them that he couldn't bear it.

Her breath caught. Kaile didn't know what would be the best route for Kurt. This really was affecting him -- would still affect him. The Lorrdian could tell there was more, but she didn't have a reference point. She didn't know that it went beyond that single war crime. All she could see was his suffering.

His fingers would brush over her knee, and she felt the light trembling there. Her heart broke to see the suffering reality of the man who seemed so happy, so jovial, so keen on simply enjoying life to its fullest. It was then that she made a decision. Dropping her hands from his face, she slid them down his arms and intertwined them onto her own.

"Aye, that ain't somethin' you should've done." Kaile said bluntly, but with the intent for him to focus on her for the present time. She would be his foundation as he had been for hers, her earlier embarrassment all gone. In her place was the Kaile of old, searching Kurt's gaze, watching him with empathy and concern, but above all else, a determination.

A certainty.

"If we are being truthsome, just setting it all out there." Kaile began, " I saw you staring at 'em. What do you see?" her thumbs would rub along his palm, but the small gesture given there to lift his hands would redirect the focus there. It was an effort to peel back layers, one at a time. She could tell him what she saw. That she saw a man with a talent for flying. That these hands had managed to fix and get dirty for the Messa, that these hands had done what they could to get her back home. That had been willing to fix a race to save her life.

But what she thought wasn't important if he couldn't see it himself.

Kaile didn't want to overwhelm him. Just keep him focused, open with her, to talk to her. They had such a simple, but complex relationship. One that would likely not be understood by others, but for them, for this -- it made sense.

Oh stars, please let me be doing the right thing.

They were hard questions. Normally Kaile wouldn't pry, wouldn't probe. However, because she could read beyond what he was telling her, see the cues of his torment there, she felt she had to help him. This haunted him. This was the demon that he kept locked up inside, avoiding at all costs.. until now. Kaile didn't want that to be Kurt's life. She cared for him, for his well being, for his future. For the man he would one day become.

What do you see in yourself, Kurt? What are you afraid of?

There was a pang in Kaile's chest, she knew she was pushing. Kurt had avoided talking about his past. It was a territory he had been running from for so long. Yet, Kaile wasn't trying to probe so he would stop running.

In fact it was the opposite.

She was asking him to really consider the reasons why. Not a general over view, but where he truly believed and knew he did wrong. Only then could he use his momentum to find a semblance of what his penance should be, so he could instead run towards that.

Towards atonement.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"Kaile." Kurt said as he reached up and grasped her hands, putting them down into her lap. "Stop."

Kurt hadn't told Kaile about this because he wanted her to fix it. He hadn't told her about it because he believed that it was a problem that needed solving, he hadn't told her because he thought he needed to atone for his sins or because he thought he deserved such things. No. He had told her because she deserved to know. He had told her because he had kept it from her for far too long. That was the only reason, not so she could help him fix it, not so she could dig deeper into the reasons why, dig deeper into his psyche.

Kurt didn't want that.

He didn't want the problem gone.

He didn't want a moral realization or some kind of shift within himself.

Kurt just wanted to live his life.

The Courier had always lived in denial about his place in the galaxy, had always thought that what he did and said didn't really matter in the long run. He thought that his actions hurt no one and his life on the run was one free of burden and responsibility. Jamie had proven that wrong. He understood that now. He was conscious of it and he knew to be more careful, he knew to be more conscious of that fact, but that didn't mean he was a changed man. That didn't mean he wanted to be a changed man.

Kurt didn't need atonement. He didn't need to face his problems, at least not yet. Slowly he backed away from Kaile, though not by far, simply breaking the connection. He didn't care about what the past had to say, what the ghost chasing him wanted. He was happy living his life. That's what mattered to him, that's what he wanted and until he was ready he would have no more. "I don't need that."

He stated to her, his voice stern, but no anger or backlash from what she had tried to do.

"I don't want it." Kurt reiterated. "I just want to be the way that I am."

Not every problem needed to be fixed. "For now, at least."

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

Cold, recycled air replaced the warmth of Kurt's hands. It replaced the space between them. Kaile slowly curled her fingers inward into lose fists, dropping her gaze. She became very conscious of her body language, and she internally reminded herself to keep herself relaxed. Those years of training paid off in appearing neutral; save for her eyes.

Her eyes for a brief moment told another story. The sting of hurt.

But this wasn't about her. It was about Kurt. The young woman appreciated that he told her, but now knew where the limits lay. He wouldn't go further into it. Likely wouldn't tell her the rest. He had just wanted her to know; he did not want her help or her counsel beyond that.

It still stung to have him draw away. But she understood it.

"Okay." Kaile told the pilot, sliding back on her butt to draw her legs an knees back to her chest. Kaile ultimately cared for Kurt, he was the only person in the 'Verse she had a strong connection to. She wanted what was best for him, whatever he desired to be happy. If that was simply leaving it be again like she had before, she could do that. It just stung, and was a reminder that she couldn't just fix things.

If Kurt wanted help, he'd be the one asking first.

Not the other way around.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Kurt leaned forward again, scooting towards Kaile and wrapping an arm around her.

He hadn't said it to hurt her, hadn't said it to make her feel bad, Kurt just wasn't ready to deal with his problems yet. He had done the same to Jamie, avoiding the questions she had asked and instead continuing on with other conversation. He had done it with his parents as well. There was no digging deeper for Kurt, there was no solving the issue or diving right into it, not yet, not until he felt that he was ready to do so.

That was selfish again, and in the long run it would hurt more than help.

Yet the Courier didn't care. He didn't want to think about what he had done. He didn't want to think about why he had done it, what reason, or why he was still living with it. He didn't want to face the demons that chased him, he didn't want to try and fight them, all he wanted was to keep moving forward. He was happy doing that, he was happy traveling with Kaile and living his life. It was his decision to make, and for better or for worse Kurt had already made it.

"Come on." Kurt kisses Kaile's temple, giving her a light squeeze. "Let's go make some pancakes."

It felt like they hadn't eaten in forever.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

A smile would frost Kaile's lips at the mention of pancakes. That did sound amazing. Tucking herself into his embrace, she'd snaked her arms around him again. Pressing herself close, breathing him in.

And promptly began to laugh.

Her shoulders shook, and her melodic laughter would echo lightly within the confines of her room. Her eyes would brighten, and just like that the mood grew less tense. Were Kurt confused, he would learn why in a moment. Catching her breath, Kaile finally nuzzled the side of his neck, pressing soft kisses there.

"You smell like the ocean...and piss." Which brought a rather curious, if not amused bite of her lower lip that had nothing to do with a nervous tick.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

He grinned. "Well."

The courier trailed off slightly,his hands slowly reaching around her to encapsulate her and pull her close.

"I'm not really the one to blame for that, Am I?" He grinned at her, his tone of voice denoting half amusement, and half something else. "Maybe we should take care of this, then make pancakes. We do have the batter after all, and some rum."

Kurt offered her a little wink.

Neither of them really drank all that much, but they were currently on 'vacation' they could afford to get a little drunk, plus, rum in pancakes had been a delicious treat that Kurt had enjoyed since he was seventeen. It added a small twang of flavor to the pancakes that Kurt otherwise couldn't describe, giving the food a bit more tang to it's fluff.

Though, as Kaile's hand's slowly snaked lower Kurt found himself realizing that it hardly seemed to matter.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

It was certainly an interesting twist. Although it began with her embarrassment, it now turned into something far more interesting. She should have known that it would somehow result in such a curious scenario. Truth be told, Kaily was not about to complain. Now instead, her fingers began to flirt along the edge of his waistband.

" oh you have plenty to be blamed for that ," she chuckled out with A soft murmur, moving up on tippytoe's to press her lips along his jaw. This was nice. This she could sink herself in. This was normalcy. Her right arm rose until it sailed over his bare shoulder, grazing his neck. Her towel, now free from her grasp, went sliding to the floor until it pooled at their feet.

"Plenty to pay for too," Kaile told him, her fingers sailing up to sink into the short tuffs of his hair. There they rank through the short locks, until she tightened her grip and drew his lips against hers. The distinct flick and unbuttoning of a button came next; Kaile was always a dexterious little thing with her hands. All awkwardness from earlier was gone. Kurt had wanted her to be Kaile. His Kaile. It might be selfish, just a tiny bit, but Kaile also wanted that too.

"Plenty to make up for." the murmur against his lips breathed against his lips until she pressed her own against him.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

Kurt stood in front of the griddle, his skin basking in the glow of warm air and a fresh sonic shower.

There was a spatula in his hand, batter bubbling on the heated surface in front of him, and a bottle of rum besides the hot plate. His hair was a mess, disheveled and looking as though he had just been asleep for the past ten hours. His back was straight and there was a glow coming from him, one born of utter and complete confidence. He had been enjoying himself today, far more than he had expected to in fact. His eyes settled on the pancakes in front of him, spatula slipping beneath the batter and suddenly flipping them.

Normally Kurt preferred a pan, but the only one they had was destroyed in the hyperdrive explosion.

The griddle would have to do. "Almost done."

Three perfect circles spread out over the griddle, a small tub with more batter sitting besides it and a small stack of pancakes already sitting on the other.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]


“That smells amazing!” Kaile would beam, coming up behind him to press a kiss on his shoulder and look at what deliciousness Kurt was making. Rum pancakes! Her mouth was already watering with the appetite she had worked up.

“Mmm...you’re good.” she’d compliment him, coming up close. Her fingers gave a languid dribble down his back, until her hand lay flat to enjoy one of the most tantalizing features of the pilot with a teasing squeeze. It was a small step. A sign that she was working her way back to normal. Already there was a glow about her, a small sense of lightheartedness that hadn’t been there before. Her hair fell in soft mused waves, a few little bristle burns around her neck, and every limb feeling deliciously limber.

Kurt was like a balm to her body and soul in more ways than one.

It wouldn’t be an overnight affair. Maybe that is why Kurt insisted on at least a week with no work, no worries, away from it all. A place for them to be together and just be and enjoy each others company. The ‘Verse was still out there, and there were some responsibilities to be had. Yet right now? Right now it was about taking the time for themselves.

Kaile appreciated that.

One parting kiss, and Kaile stepped back with a flounce. “Ahhh it’s a beautiful day!” she sang, unable to help herself as her arms went stretching high over her head, enjoying the sensation of absolute freedom in her bare skin.

On the table were a collection of wild flowers and a spool of string. She had collected them earlier, and had thought to perhaps make a pretty lei. It was a silly thing, but for Kaile, it meant doing something pretty and showing it off.

“Do we have some Nuna bacon?” she suddenly said with a start, dropping her hands to her side in her wonder.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"Uhhh." Kurt said outloud as he thought about her question. "No."

That was the one issue that they had with coming here, they hadn't really stopped up to get supplies. The Messa had seen better times, both inside and food stores wise. Kurt hadn't really bothered buying food while he was off chasing Kaile, in fact he had very much so gone back to his old ways. It didn't help that the Hyperdrive explosion had caused nearly all of his food to be knocked onto the ground, where it had been later cleaned up by Galactic Alliance engineers trying to be helpful.

The only reason they had pancake batter was because it had been stuck within one of the counters.

"Afraid you'll have to miss out on that." He said sadly as the three perfect circles on the griddle were quickly peeled off and placed onto the plate. Half a second passed and Kurt poured new pancake batter onto the hot plate, making sure that each one was perfectly rounded.

He liked that.

His mother had always made pancakes the same way, rum included.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]


Well that put a damper on things.

An expression of consideration would linger on Kaile’s face then. She scrunched her brow, considering what this meant.

Okay, flower lei would have to wait.

“What do we have?” she asked Kurt, meandering over to the half mauled cupboards. It was a good think Kurt had managed to clean up the place. Would be making walking barefoot around this rather risky.

“Hmm…” she mulled aloud opening them up and taking inventory. A few tins of tea that managed to survive. A couple of the spices. Maybe I’ll need to grab something a little bit stronger to contain them.

“We’ll need to make use of as much time we have on Raxus to fix some of this damage.” It was one thing to do the engines and the hyperdrive, but it was still pretty dangerous to have some of the mauled areas out without a fresh sheet of durasteel to patch or replace it.

Tippy toes would push one bare pert bottom up as she scoured through the higher shelves. If Kurt paid any attention, he would notice that Kaile was missing one rather integral part of her normal attire. Granted, she had nothing but her birthday suit on and her hair, but there was a distinct lack of a tiny green lizard that normally sat on her shoulder.

Bobo was still on his nutrient tube.

“Okay, I’ll make a list of what we’ll need to buy. Anything you want?” Kaile would ask, looking over her bare shoulder at the pilot.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Kurt considered for a moment. He liked food, but he was never really sure what to go from a grocery store until he was standing in from of the aisle's. He was very much a visual person, enjoying seeing things and observing what he was about to do and eat. It was odd, he could admit to that, and it was probably also why when he was alone he generally tended not to actually buy any food himself. A frown pulled at his lips for half a moment, his spatula absent minded slipping beneath one of the pancakes and flipping them.

"I dunno." He said contemplating.

"Maybe some Bantha." That was a staple of home, of Tatooine. "We can make a roast."

Usually that would have been too expensive, but with The Messa paid off they would have more money, money to spend on food and other things they liked. Such as the Blue frilly dress that Kurt intended on purchasing for Kaile once they had left Raxus itself. In his head he was already planning exactly how he would manage it all financially, what kind of jobs he would have to take and where to deliver them. Perhaps another one to Naboo would be good, the last had had it's complications but had payed well. "Maybe get some potatoes. I don't know, we'd have to go to the store and see."

That would be best.

Finally the last of the batter was used, the finally three pancakes splashing into the griddle just as Kurt finished speaking.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

"Ohh! A nerf roast?!" Kaile's eyes would bulge out at that. Gosh, just the thought of that was rather overwhelming for Kaile. The idea that they would be able to afford that. For some, it wouldn't even be an issue. Yet for Kurt and Kaile, they had to count and make sure every credit was stretched and that it made sense. Since she originally didn't pay for living on the Messa, Kaile used her stipend to pay for fresh and healthy food for them to eat.

The dawning realization of being able to expand their meals to beyond that, even if it was once in awhile, was terribly exciting. Kaile gave a little clap and bounce at that idea, a slight mammaquatia of enjoyment and giddiness. There she was, the Kaile. Jovial Kaile.

"Oh! OH! We can get strawberries!" fresh strawberries were one of the Lorrdians weaknesses. Fresh fruit as well, but strawberries were definitely top of the list. With a giddy rush, she swept over to him. A quick peck on the cheek and she said, "Gonna get my datapad so we don't forget!"

Wagging her eyebrows, she bounded around the pilot, giving him a slight smack on the rear in her renewed sense of purpose. In the next instant, she was headed towards her room in a pitter-patter of bare feet and a stream of dark brown hair.

"I can make you that desert too!" He would hear her call out, her voice echoing down the corridor.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Food was the way to the soul.

That was what his mother had always insisted.

She was right in a way, really. Kurt couldn't remember how many times he had bonded over the consuming of a meal. It didn't matter where he was, whom he was with, or what culture he was being introduced to, food was always an important facet of society. Every species had their own kind of cuisine, every people had their own meals that they loved. Even the different species of Humans, Corellians, Kuati, Coruscanti, all of them had different ideas of what food really was.

It was amazing. "Sure."

Kurt said when Kaile mentioned desert, a wide smile pulling over his lips, his rear slightly stinging from the smack of her palm against it. Shifting slightly, and rubbing his rear with one hand, Kurt turned off the griddle and took the plate with the stack of Rum Pancakes over towards the small dining area that they had created for themselves.

"Don't forget spices." He called out to her. "Need those too."

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

Kaile bounded into her room, startling Bobo from his perch. He had been napping, and the rather energetic appearance of his mistress was not appreciated. He rose slowly, giving a huff as he turned a one-eighty. His tail gave a twitch of his displeasure, only to sit himself back down again to laze against the heat of his warming lamp.

"Bobo!" Kaile would say with cheer, "We are gonna make a roast!" spices. Yes! Spices! Kaile went straight for her datapad, currently sitting on top of her small bedrest shelf. Fingers would curl around it, and she spun in place as her fingers sped through the security code.

Right!

Head down, with her fingers tapping away, Kaile made her way back towards the galley. "We can go to Voss! They have an amazzzing spice selection or back to Bahrain --"

THUMP!

The loud cracking sound of one body crashing against the corner of a small crate was quickly followed by a loud "Yeoooooowww!!"

"GORAMIT!"

Yeah, that was a toe. It cracked rather loudly, and oh boy did it hurt like the dickens! One naked, jumping Kaile now hopped around on one foot, holding the wounded toe with her spare hand as she winced in pain.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Kurt stifled a laugh. It wasn't nice to laugh at people in pain, and with everything still all over the place Kurt wasn't really one to talk, last night he had done the same while trying to go to the bathroom. So instead of laughing, even though he wanted to, Kurt immediately stood from the Sofa and rushed his way over towards Kaile. He managed to catch her just as she began to stumble and half fall over, trying to grab her toe and bounce around at the same time.

"Hey hey hey." Kurt said as he grabbed her. "Careful."

It wasn't like she couldn't hit something else if she wasn't careful. Despite his best effort at cleaning everything around the ship, there were parts of The Messa that were still fairly messed up, mostly because he required special tools to actually fix them. Eventually they would fix that too, but in the meanwhile Kurt didn't want her jumping into any holes that were in the floor. "Come on."

He scooped her up.

Carrying Kaile over towards the Sofa he deposited her upon the soft plush couch, carefully putting her down so that she didn't hit her damaged toe.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

"Ow... ow.." Tears smarted in Kaile's eyes, wincing in pain at her toe. Kurt was there to be her Knight-in-not-so-shiny-armor, but there as he had been in the beginning to take care of her. They did that for each other. Of course, she could also see that Kurt was trying his best to hold his own laughter in. Right now, however, Kaile was too busy feeling the pain of her stubbed toe wash up her foot and her leg.

"Oh that hurts," Kurt set her down, and he immediately went to check out the wounded digit.

"Nonononon, don't touch it!" she exclaimed, waving her hand over as if to fend him off. Obviously, he should inspect it to see if it was broken or sprained, but like all stubbed toes, the wounded individual didn't want it to be immediately handled.

It was bleeding. She had caught it right at the corner, puncturing the skin and giving it a good scrape. Already it was beginning to swell a bit, but so far it didn't seem as if it was broken. Nothing but a med scanner might be able to tell that.

Or if Kaile found herself unable to walk.