Private "That Private School Education"

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons:
Tag: Corazona von Ascania

As Gatz washed out his new wound, he picked up on the sound of Cora rummaging through the drawers, presumably for medical supplies. Dammit. Hadn't she done enough for him today, by offering her tutelage and taking care of his wellbeing? And now here he was, forcing her to take care of his self-inflicted injury, and adding to the list of things he'd already asked of her. Was there an end to his selfishness, or was this what he would always be: a parasite leeching from the goodwill of his friends?

Cora tried to... Gatz didn't know how to describe it. Justify what had been done to her? Normalize it? Either way, as she padded his hand with gauze, she tried to downplay the shit situations her father and her status had forced her into. He wasn't sure whether to weep for her, or to be angry with her for defending a man who had robbed her of her agency.

Being angry with Cora was hard, though. And anger solved nothing. So he decided to go with sympathy and hurt instead.

"Sacrifice is a choice, Cora." Gatz argued softly, "but your father robbed you of yours. Twice, from what it sounds like."

"Maybe I'm incredibly naïve to believe that, but things did change for the better in Ascania territory when I was married."

"Not for you they didn't."

With his hand bandaged, Gatz turned back to the sink, and began to carefully gather the porcelain shards of the mug he'd shattered.

"All I've ever wanted was for the rich to pitch in, and lend a hand to those of us that are less fortunate. To give a damn about street rats like me, instead of looking the other way and pretending that we don't exist while we starve. But I don't want them to suffer, not like you had to."

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora sighed. Perhaps she was wrapping the gauze a little tighter than she needed to, unintentionally.

"I know what they did to me wasn't right. I just…"

Cora's brow knitted as she tried to find the words. Being angry and sad was exhausting.

"Many people here are quick to cast Ukatis in a bad light because of what happened to me. My home has its problems, but it's so much more than that."

She couldn't pretend that Ukatis was some utopia where people never starved - they did starve, quite often. Poor harvests were one of the main reasons Ukatis had joined the Alliance.

"No one should starve, and no one should be hurt by the people who are supposed to protect them."

She spoke softly, winding the gauze back onto its roll while Gatz picked up the shards.

Gatz Derrevar

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons:
Tag: Corazona von Ascania

Cora sure had bound his wound tight. Was she that worried about the slice in his hand? Or was that a sign of aggravation about their current topic? Honestly, both were fair. It was nice to have a friend who gave a damn about his well-being, but maybe the best way to keep that friend didn't involve slandering her father and her homeworld. It just... it made Gatz so angry, seeing someone mistreated like that: used as a bargaining chip.

His parents hadn't been perfect—hell, his mother might have been Sith—but for all their faults, they'd loved him and had wanted the best for him. Gatz couldn't imagine either of them pimping him out to earn a few political brownie points.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, "I wasn't trying to slander your home. I was trying to slander your father, because he deserves it. But... I know Ukatis isn't all bad. I met plenty of your people during the days we spent digging them out of rubble."

Gatz discarded the broken mug and its pieces into the nearby trash. A part of him rebelled at that idea—anything his blood was on should go into a biohazard waste, but there wasn't one in a small kitchenette like this. He leaned up against the counter then, and sighed, his exhaustion finally catching up with him now that he'd managed to hurt himself.

"Thanks for feeding me. And watering me. Also patching my hand after I cut it open like a moron. I'll... find a way to make it up to you, I promise."

A bold oath for a man with a bank account in the negative. But one good deed deserved another. Gatz didn't know how he'd pay her back, or when... but he would.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora smiled, tired and a little embarrassed. Perhaps she'd gotten a bit too defensive over Ukatis, as complicated as her feelings were for her homeworld. Her relationship with her father was complicated, too - even after all that he'd done, Cora owed much of what she was to Marcel. He'd provided opportunities for her that few women on Ukatis ever got, even if they were only to make her a more effective pawn.

Still, Gatz didn't know that. He couldn't have, and she couldn't fault him for being defensive over a friend. Makko had expressed similar sentiments after seeing the bruises she'd worn for her defiance. If she'd been in their shoes, she would've likely felt the same way.

Things were better now, comparatively. Valery, Kahlil, Makko, Jasper, Colette, Shan…so many more, and now Gatz. They were good people to be around.

"I know how you can pay me back."

Clearing her throat, Cora raised a finger.

"Not that friendships are meant to be transactional, but-"

She subtly clicked her tongue.

"Don't judge yourself so harshly when it comes to academic pursuits. That has nothing to do with whether or not you're a good person.

Just…try and be a little kinder to yourself. You're a good man with a big heart. Maybe a little rough around the edges, but worthy of compassion and kindness."

Gatz Derrevar

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons:
Tag: Corazona von Ascania

"I know how you can pay me back."

Gatz turned to look at her so quickly that he was lucky he didn't snap his neck. He was like a dog being thrown a bone; the idea of being able to return the favor was too tempting to pass up, and he needed it like he needed water to survive. If he had been able to focus on anything other than paying Cora back, Gatz might have realized how quickly he succumbed to loyalty, and how that might be a bad thing.

She was right, and friendships weren't supposed to be transactional, but he owed his friends so much. Few though they numbered, they had all reached out to help him more than he deserved, and there was so little he could do in return for them. Valery alone had saved him in every way possible, and he could never repay her for all she'd done for him. He could spend a thousand life times helping the Nobles and still be in her debt.

So to actually have the chance to repay Cora? He couldn't pass that up. Not for anything.

Of course, her idea of paying her back was for him to be kinder to himself. Gatz almost sighed at the idea, but held it in. It wasn't that Gatz didn't understand the logic in her words, or that he was unwilling to fulfil her request—he did, and he was. But he spent every day of his life with his own mind fighting against him, whispering acidic words to him, instilling him with so much self-doubt it was crippling.

"I... I'll try." Gatz managed to get out, "I'm not particularly good at being kind, but I'll try to be nicer to myself."

An honest attempt. He could make that effort. Especially if Cora was asking it of him.

"Thank you for... I don't know, trying to see the good in me? Some days I'm not convinced there's any to be found at all. But thank you for believing it's there anyways."