The Ren & Stephie Show

[Stephanie Swail]

Stephanie recoiled a little at the sight and sound of the vicious lightsaber, blood red and sharp in its glow. Her eyes flicked from the weapon to the red-head, and she felt a horrid surge inside her, one that felt like her insides were being twisted and decaying.

She swallowed to keep down the feeling of being sick, and had to look away as the feeling seemed to bubble inside her with each word said by Kaalia. She was…a monster.

Stephanie felt sad, and scared, and alone.

"You’re not in control, you’re not in control at all!"

Tears welled up inside – out of pity and fear. She wanted to go. She wanted to be around people who made her feel safe, she needed strength and a place to call home. This place, surrounded by violent and dangerous people, she was in great danger.

The words spoken were decisive and dark.

"I pity you, Kaalia. You could have been a woman with purpose, but now? You’re resigned to simply a dead-end life of killing, hurting and suffering. You exist to hurt others who cross people you are close to. That is something that will never end for you…and you will see that one day how the Dark Side has taken everything from you."

Stephanie backed away, afraid to take her eyes of the volatile Dark Sider. Her hand reached around and touched her shield for comfort if she needed it.

"I wish I could help you….I really wish I could…."

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

Kaalia felt fear, pity and sadness from Stephanie. It was obvious she wanted to leave and never return. She spoke like the Light was perfect and flawless, but the redhead had experienced the Light first hand and found that to be false. "In the Light I had nothing to begin with. I grew up without any kind of family, without a home. For thirteen years I followed a Jedi master across the galaxy as he taught me what he knew and it only brought me pain and loneliness." She wanted to cry, to let it all out. The Light had let her down and hurt her. Her mind could only think of the audacity this woman had to call her out on taking the happiness she wasn't going to be given. "I was taught to give everything you have to help others to the point where you cannot even help yourself anymore. I was taught to numb myself from my emotions and become nothing but a servant for the people around me. That is not being alive, that is being a mindless slave. If that is the purpose you were talking about I am glad I left that behind." The Light had betrayed her, left her with nothing but depression.

"After my master kept shunning me for being unwilling to become an emotionless puppet I left. I was alone for three years, hurt and broken with nobody there to pick up the pieces. My entire life up to that point was me serving others, but when I was the one who needed help..." Her voice lost energy. For a moment she was sixteen again, completely alone in the galaxy with nobody to guide her. She desperate held on to the Light, hoping it would help her, but she remained directionless. "It was then when I realized that's not how this galaxy works. Not then, not now. I just wanted happiness but nothing within my grasp could get me that." She sat down and closed her eyes, flashes of her past coming into vision.

She was shaking. Not out of anger, but sadness. It was a wound that hadn't healed. "I had nothing. I made a living doing odd jobs and people were willing to kill you to get the pay day. So many times was I the one letting them take advantage of the work I had done because they put a blaster to my head and I did nothing. I did nothing and had months where I barely had enough credits to feed myself because the Light told me I shouldn't kill to protect what matters to me." Kaalia no longer paid attention to what the brunette was doing. In her mind she didn't understand and perhaps she never would, but she would tell her story anyway.

"The day I got this scar I realized that if I kept doing what I was doing death would have come for me sooner rather than later. The Dark Side gave no restrictions but a blank canvas to do what I had to do so I could live and be happy. Now I have people I care about, loved ones. Someone I want to share my everything with." She felt a slight desperation. She would do anything to keep what she had now that she finally had something. And yet, despite thinking she finally left it behind, the past still haunted her. "I would never be able to forgive myself for losing everything now I finally have what I wanted all my life. I don't need more, but that doesn't mean I will simply let people endanger it. I have allies, people I can trust. People who trust in me. No longer do I mindlessly serve in a thankless way, now I actually feel satisfaction for being there for others. If I simply throw up a barrier to keep people who seek to do harm away they will break through eventually. That is when I lose everything."

[member="Stephanie Swail"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

Looking on in part confusion and part shock, Stephanie stayed still as Kaalia spoke and felt a multitude of emotions and feelings, but nothing as yet leading to aggression and violence. This was a relief. Even when she sat down and seemed to draw the aura of the room in around her, Stephanie didn’t move.

She couldn’t comprehend how the Dark Side had blinded a girl who had so much – well, she could; it had seen an opening and poured into the wound to corrupt and weaken and take over.

"Kaalia listen to yourself!"

Stephanie turned into the red head, standing a few feet from her.

"So the Light has let you down? No! The Light didn’t. The person who let you down it to blame – the Master, or teacher. They were wrong. Misguided. Not the core of the Light. I can’t believe you. Before, I thought you were in control, but you’re really not, are you. You are in control of nothing."

Her head shook slightly.

"You were let down, as billions of people are daily, but they work with it and get better and learn. You took the easy way out and now you can’t see any other way. You are bound by compassion that will destroy you, can’t you see? You live to protect those you love? Who protects you? What happens when destiny comes and they are hurt or killed, because one day they will, that is the circle of life. Then what do you live for?"

She stepped forward.

"You have what you’ve been looking for because you have nothing else, and you’re not letting yourself look beyond this dark path and clinging onto it with both hands because you’re afraid. And you’re blinded by a world without rules. You can kill and maim and hurt who you wish under this…this veil of the First Order and use their tools and weapons and protection. But out there, on your own? You have NOTHING."

Stephanie fought back tears with a steeled face and pointed her finger.

"You are the reason I will fight to defend the Light. People like YOU who were let down by a rotten teacher and never found their way back. And you are now the very thing that strikes fear into millions of people – an relentless, uncontrollable killing machine with nothing to live for and no compassion but for the ones she has to cling onto."

With a nod, she stepped back.

"This has been more eventful that I ever had imagined."

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

"That is funny." Kaalia looked up to face Stephanie, but remained seated. "An uncontrollable killing machine. No compassion but for the ones she has to cling onto." Silence fell as her words would have dropped to the floor like anvils if they were physical objects. "If that were true I would have struck out against you. I would have let it get the better of me and I would have stopped at nothing to end your life." Her voice calmed down as she spoke again. She didn't have to defend herself, she could have just walked away, but it was not what she was going to do. "Did I ever say I am truly careless about people I don't 'have to cling onto?' No. I didn't. I kill if I feel it is necessary. I don't resort to that without reason. You said it before already though, you don't believe me. Unfortunately that means very little to me. Perhaps I am a monster to you, but you already have jumped to conclusions you cannot even prove."

The redhead sat unmoving. The wave of emotions she felt had been given their place again. She had nothing to prove or justify to the brunette. She would say what was on her mind and nothing more. "I already told you who protects me. The people around me do. Slowly but surely am I learning the things I should have learned years ago." The faintest of smiles could be seen on her face. "On my own, I have myself. Now however do I have the confidence I never had before. I can rely on myself." Her expression reverted back to something neutral as she continued. She was only human, but she had accepted that. "Everone grieves for a lost loved one. Telling me otherwise would mean you're lying. Am I desperate? Perhaps I am. Perhaps I need to give it time to start realizing my happiness doesn't come from others but from myself primarily. I'm not perfect, nobody is."

The woman had to be in control. She had to choose herself and not let the Dark Side do it for her. There were moments where that was difficult, but it took time. "I went from having nothing to having everything I wanted. Now I must learn what I need and don't need to do to keep it, but not become reliant on it. That is exactly what I am learning right now. There will be a day where I lose it, but on that day I can move on. That doesn't mean I won't protect it from harm." Whether Stephanie believed it all or not, whether she would accept it or not, it mattered none to Kaalia. "In time, I will find the balance and if you believe that within the Dark Side such a thing is impossible I will gladly prove you wrong."

[member="Stephanie Swail"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

Stephanie shook her head. These feelings she felt surprised her…almost worried her…but she felt so strongly about this, it was over-whelming. As if she had a duty to stand ground and defend a belief so easily tarnished and trampled on.

"No, but as soon as you don’t like someone involved with your…circle, then you’d lash out. If it was me involved, you wouldn’t care. You’d kill me if you had to. You’ve made your choice, you’re clinging onto everyone because you’re scared. Scared to be alone. And that’s all that’s keeping you in the darkness. Fear."

She turned and walked to the door and let it part as she walked through, and turned to the girl sat there.

"How can you ever find balance when it’s clear you’re dependent on the Dark Side. You will never find balance. You will never be free."

The doors hissed closed and cut off her view, leaving Stephanie staring at the steel.

She turned and walked through the corridor that led up back to the surface and outside into the sprawling city. It seemed Dosuun with a beating heart of darkness, and she didn’t belong here. There was no hope for those who did because they had been poisoned far too much for hope of redemption.

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

Kaalia simply sat. Stephanie had her beliefs and those were hers to shape. She had made up her mind from merely an exchange of words but for the redhead there was no point in trying to change it. She wasn't frustrated or angry. She was simply uncaring. There was this bit of wonder whether the brunette already though the Dark Side to be nothing but destructive and taking, but ultimately that didn't matter. She would likely never see her again and there was nothing lost in that.

The woman had built things up. She had found happiness and no matter what anyone would have said to tell her otherwise she was proud of what she had. Stephanie claimed she had nothing, but Kaalia would look around and see that was false. She was told she relied on the Dark Side too much and she had no control but with every passing day it was more and more in her hands. The past had hurt, but she was moving on. The last thing that would take everything away from her was the Dark Side.

[member="Stephanie Swail"]