Private The Wanting Comes In Waves

[Ishani Dinn]

Bored? Not at all! She was completely invested in what he was saying, and not using it as an excuse to stare at him dreamily.

As his little lecture came to a close, she nodded her head. “Yeah,” she said, then turned to him and snorted. “What, would you really consider not trying, after all that? Of course, yes, absolutely. Let’s do it, babe.”

Diverting her focus toward her little sapling, she reached out toward it. It was a living thing, as much as any being, though the shade and shape it took in the Force differed from animals or people. It had no true consciousness for her to coax or wrangle. Instead, she focused on it at the cellular level, encouraging it to speed up its growth and production.

“... I can’t tell if it’s working,” she said, after some time had passed. “Does it look any bigger to you?”

She kept trying—or at least until she started to feel weird. This wasn’t the dizziness or euphoria she’d had in the aftermath of Folende, though. Instead, her body felt too warm. It wasn’t like a fever, and she didn’t think it was all that serious. Probably just overheating. But she stopped her attempts for the moment.

“What about yours?”

Arcturus Dinn​

 

[Arcturus Dinn]

Ishani seemed eager to give it a go, even after all his fumbled explanations, and that made his heart soar. He grinned, and then nodded, and then moved toward his own potted plant which was, well, not potted any more.

"You know, your excitement can be quite infectious at times," he stated, as he settled back down in the sand and tried to angle himself to where he could face the plant and her at the same time. You know, double the beauty and all of that.

Both of them began to sink their time and effort into trying to put Plant Surge to good use. But there was evidently something they were missing, because after what felt like an entire hour had passed all he'd managed to conjure up was a new leaf.

He glanced toward Ish who seemed to be having similar problems.

"Maybe we're being too... timid? Every mention I've heard of it being used has resulted in rapid growth. I just... I don't want to damage it?"

It didn't seem fair to expedite its growth if it meant potentially hastening its death, after all... But still growth was the name of the game, so he focused back in on the plant, oblivious to how strange Ishani was feeling.

Ishani Dinn​

 

[Ishani Dinn]

Ishani pursed her lips in a pout as she mulled over how they might do better. Arcturus suggested that they were being too timid about it. “No, I don’t think so,” she replied. Surge would shorten the lifespan of an annual, but not a perennial. It would just keep going through its normal life cycle. If anything, they’d increase its likelihood of survival if they made it grow rapidly to a mature state, rather than leaving it as a sprout or a sapling.

…Huh. Had she just assigned a code of morality to the art of making plants grow faster? Great, lovely.

Looking at Arc, she asked, “Would you be willing to try something together? I mean, uh… sorta like how we made the Necrobats, but an improved version that won’t cause me to faint.”

Arcturus Dinn​

 

[Arcturus Dinn]

Her question had him pausing to consider for a moment, before he shrugged and stood to approach where she sat. "Sure, can't hurt to try can it?" Then he stuck her with a curious expression. "You're not feeling faint again, are you?" he inquired. The last thing they needed was for her to keel over, or something.

He knelt down in the sand at her side, and took one of her hands in his. It wasn't necessary, of course, he just wanted to. Her hand fit perfectly within his own, like it was made to be there.

He'd argue it was.

"Alright, so uh... Shall we close our eyes to focus or?"

Arcturus had kind of forgotten how they got the necrobats to work, not least because he'd been so worried about her. You know. After she fainted.

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

Once he agreed, she moved in front of him, taking both his hands in hers. “Nah, I’m fine. Just a little bit warm.” Probably because she was producing more blood than normal, but Ishani didn’t know that. Ahem. “You can close your eyes if you want to. Just… don’t freak out, or anything. It’s only me.”

She’d been working out how things had gone wrong in her head ever since Folende. Arcturus had fed off of her, though without meaning to—which led her to believe it had something to do with how the connection between them was set up. Though they were bound, they had remained separate, and that meant they could be unequal.

Her solution was to end the separation. She hoped that if they combined their power and acted as one, rather than both of them just funneling their energy toward the same target, it would ensure that neither of them lagged behind. They’d be occupying the same space.

What she was trying to do required a level of intimacy which they hadn’t reached before, breaking down barriers and becoming one in a more metaphysical sense. If it proved too much, she wouldn’t force or pressure him to go through with it. But the fact that she had even come up with this idea proved that she trusted him completely, and hoped he did as well.

She approached it not so differently from how she’d gone about their first kiss, a very gentle, tentative touch, a brief test so that he could see what she intended. Then let him pull her in further, or push her away…

Arcturus Dinn​

 

[Arcturus Dinn]

"Why would I freak out?" he asked, as she took his hands and he closed his eyes. What a weird statement to make...

And then he felt her there, only it was different than any other time he'd formed a link with another. It was more pressing, more urgent, more... total? Ishani consumed every fiber of him, and he her, until it became more or less impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. All the same he didn't freak out, nor did he pull back or form any sort of resistance, he just sort of sat there with a strange skip to his heartbeat, his breathing doing wonders toward keeping him calm.

It was a tender experience, as gentle as a fleeting kiss, it left him feeling vulnerable and exposed and he knew that if it had been anyone else he'd never have permitted it. They'd never have gotten close enough to even try to make that initial connection. But this was Ishani, and he trusted her as much as he trusted himself.

In this state, no doubt she could read his every thought. In that moment his thoughts were of her, and how strange this all was, and very much not on the task at hand. What were they doing, again?

He couldn't rightly remember. Didn't rightly care. This all-consuming experience held a grip over him and he was surprised to find he didn't mind at all.

Ishani Dinn​

 

[Ishani Dinn]

Had Ishani been an outside observer, unaware of what was happening between the two of them, she might’ve been a bit disturbed by it. She wasn’t sure if individual minds were supposed to join so completely you couldn’t tell yourself apart from another… or if this was how they were really meant to connect, on some level, if only they hadn’t been separated by physicality.

But they were still flesh and blood—she could see herself through his eyes, and he could see himself through hers, and how they saw each other was colored by the other’s perspective. For once, she saw herself as beautiful when viewed through the lens of Arcturus; he might see himself similarly through her.

You are still me, and I am still you… wait, got it backwards. A ripple of humor spread through them both. I am still me, and you are still you, even though it feels like we’ve been reduced to our parts and mixed up together. When she tried to squeeze his hand reassuringly she wasn’t sure whose hand was really squeezing which. It might take them some time to sort themselves out, once their task was done.

Which was? The plants. Really? Yes. All this just for the plants? Ha.

Where once it might have been a battle of separate minds, which one thought in terms of visuals, picturing the plant, or in words, and did they think in complete sentences or in splintered fragments of ideas, here everything was understood in an instant. It just took a moment to figure out what they wanted to do, to turn both their gazes back toward the tree and vine, and stretch out with the Force as one.

Unlike when they made the bats, there was no parasitism or weakness at all. In fact, it felt like they could’ve done anything together. Remade a world, conquered the galaxy… or made a sapling grow weeks in a minute. And it did grow, spurred on by a surge of energy that poured out of them as easily as they raised their clasped hands, fingers entwined, like ballroom dancers in a waltz, toward it…

Arcturus Dinn​

 

[Arcturus Dinn]

Weird though it might have been, there was no denying the effectiveness of their union when they actually set their minds to the plants. Which, of course, took a bit longer than one might imagine, because all that Arcturus could do was marvel over what was happening. It was like he was seeing the real Ishani, the raw unprocessed version of her, all of her flaws, her imperfections, everything that made her who she was.

And he loved her all the more because of it.

He was also afforded some strange new insight into himself, or more how another being viewed him. Even with the scars, and the self-loathing, through her eyes he saw only what she saw, and the adoration was palpable. Through it all he reached out toward her, and took her hand. His hand? It felt a little weird, like he didn't rightly know who was who anymore. Even with his eyes open it was weird.

But he closed his eyes for the most part. Focus... They needed to focus. On what? Plants. A tree and a vine. Okay, tree first... That was for Ishani, and Ishani was important. He wanted her things tending to first, mhm. Oh, boy, could she hear all of this?

Their joint state of will and power was pulsed forth from their outstretched, clutched hands, toward the plant in question. No hesitation this time, no gentleness, just a pure exertion of their combined wills. And in response? Well, in response the tree blossomed and grew, carving roots into the sand below and stretching up toward the skies above.

Arcturus' heartrate seemed to bolster, his breathing more pronounced, and he watched it through the Force with absolute fascination. How had they done that? He didn't even fully understand what they'd done that was different from their previous attempts, barring the fact that they were doing it together.

"Wow...."

He couldn't think of anything else to say.

Ishani Dinn​

 

[Ishani Dinn]

He gave her project precedence, since she was technically the student here. The tree exploded into bloom first, roots shooting deep into the earth, branches stretching toward the sky. She felt his wonder before she heard him speak, her cheek pressed against his.

“Now yours, my love…”

The vine crawled up the side of the cave, spreading along the cracks and crevices of the rock, veined leaves sprouting along its edges.

Their little experiment with Plant Surge was quite the success. There was no reason to stay like this anymore. Yet Ishani was reluctant to leave the bond. She knew that the longer they stayed like this, the more difficult it would be to separate themselves, and the more likely they would miss the feeling of oneness too much, living to the end of their days in a muted gloom as if they had been born together and violently separated.

But she still lingered in their shared space for longer than was necessary, unwilling to let it end so soon, before she finally started to tug. They’d have to pull apart together, or else they might come away unwhole, each missing pieces of themselves that remained lodged in the other. The feeling of vulnerability and closeness would wane, leaving only the bodily union of their arms and clasped hands, a pale comparison to what they’d just shared.

Arcturus Dinn​

 

[Arcturus Dinn]

From blossoming tree to creeping vine, soon enough both plants had truly cemented their presence within the Korriban landscape and it was a true wonder to behold.

"Do you think we understand enough to do this separately next time?" he inquired, aloud though really in that moment she would have been able to hear the thoughts knocking about in his head all the same. Sometimes it was nice to speak life into them though, it helped him to figure out answers for himself.

Ishani did not immediately want to break the connection, and though Arcturus was a little more wary about the ramifications he afforded her just a short while longer before beginning to pull back. She too began to do the same, and with enough time and care they came apart as two entities, neither fractured or torn.

There was a hollow emptiness where she had been, where she'd existed and taken up room within him. Even her hand in his did not feel quite so warm and enveloping as it had. His heart dropped, but he knew it was for the best.

Who knew what would have happened if they'd carried on that way.

Ishani Dinn​

 

[Ishani Dinn]

"Do you think we understand enough to do this separately next time?"

The Arcturus-shaped hole in her awakened her insecurities as well as her grief. What if she simply wasn't good enough with the Force to pull any of this off without him?

"I... I hope so," she murmured, unwilling to admit her fear. After all, it couldn't be right. Sure, she sucked now, but in the future... if she kept trying, kept training and practicing and searching for more...

"It was definitely better than with the bats," she said, speaking a little louder and in a firmer, more confident tone. "What happened there, I think was because we were connected but still separate. You, uh... fed off of me in the Force, and I let it happen, even encouraged it, because I wanted you to succeed." Given his confession earlier that he regretted Folende, it had proven a misguided sacrifice. "We made a monster, Arc, and it was costly. Making a plant grow isn't quite on the same level, but... I wonder if the bats would've gone over better if we'd done it like this, or if we'd both have fainted in front of everybody..." The Force was weird and unpredictable, after all.

Arcturus Dinn​

 

[Arcturus Dinn]

Arcturus decided then and there that he was going to try again once they returned to the courtyard. He'd find another plant that could readily take root within the oasis, and he'd try his best to reproduce what they'd done here but on a slightly smaller scale. If only because he had to know the answer for himself.

It wouldn't do to simply speculate. Nope. He had to know. Had. To. Know.

She spoke about the bats and regrets but mostly he just shrugged his shoulders in response to it. "I don't regret them. They were a good learning experience, in truth. I don't regret what we did on Folende. I just regret... I don't know. I just want to help them. I don't want to govern or rule, that seems presumptuous. Even unnecessary."

Would that even make sense? He didn't know. He couldn't make sense of any of it much himself. "I just hope we can fulfil our promises there, get everything up and running again, give them people from the Scar worlds or something, you know?"

Ishani Dinn​

 

[Ishani Dinn]

“I know, I just…” She trailed off, wondering if she was making a big deal out of nothing, or if it was better if she just kept it to herself. Arc was clearly focused on helping the people of Folende, and that was more important than anything she had to say about her own mistakes.

When she did continue, her speech was halting and uncertain. “...It’s not about Folende, or even really about the bats. It’s about me and—and how I went about it with you. I was dumb. I thought… I figured I wasn’t good enough, so I should just make myself an accessory to you, like I was your servant or… or just an appendage to you, a power source. A battery, basically.”

She turned away, looking at her tree. A breeze had picked up, carrying the scent of the blooms on the wind. She sighed, pushing her hair out of her face. “It doesn’t matter anymore. This—what we did here was the solution. My solution. That’s all I wanted to say.”

Turning back to him, she added, “The refugees were already pouring in while we were there. I think it’s going to work out. I hope it does, and if not—we protect them from harm, at least.” Even if the project failed, no Sith would be taking the people to use as test subjects or ritual sacrifices, not on her watch. She’d make sure they were resettled elsewhere.

Arcturus Dinn​

 

[Arcturus Dinn]

His expression crumpled for a moment as she explained how she'd been feeling.

Then it hardened.

"You are never an accessory, or a servant" he spat, a little more vehemently than he'd intended. He turned toward her in that moment, going so far as to find his feet, and reached out to pull her up from the sand so that she was stood alongside him. His eyes bore into her own, fiery with passion and protectiveness. He shook his head.

"You're certainly not a battery. You're mine, Ishani, and I am yours. I don't ever want you trying that again, what you did on Folende. It was foolish, it was dangerous, and it was undermining of your own worth. I won't stand for it. Understood?"

The rest of the conversation be damned. This was important.

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

She wasn’t sure what she expected from him, admitting that she felt useless and weak compared to him, but his flintiness and passion came as a shock. He hauled her ass to her feet, and though she remained small compared to him, she felt as if he’d raised her to his height.

He stared her down, demanding that she understand. Demanding, perhaps, that she erase years of self-doubt and insecurity right that instant. How was she supposed to do that? Even before she joined the Sith, she’d been terrified of seeming weak, foolish, complacent, needy… human. It was ingrained into her personality. Better to fly under the radar, let her flaws and vulnerabilities go unnoticed, or at best support someone whom she considered worthy of being propped up…

Did Arc even need to be propped up, though? Or was she doing him a disservice as much as she was herself, by not letting him reach for the stars on his own merit?

Don't overthink it, Ish. She relaxed in his grasp, her shoulders not quite so hunched. “Yes,” she breathed. “Yes, I understand. Like I said, it was dumb of me.” She took his hand from her arm, raising it to her lips. “Besides, Queen takes Knight, right?” Was that how chess worked? “Let’s go try it again. On our own, this time.” Then, to confirm that all was well, she leaned in to kiss his mouth.

Arcturus Dinn​

 

[Arcturus Dinn]

He knew he was perhaps a little more impassioned in that moment than he needed to be, that he was perhaps asking a lot of her, but he couldn't have her walking around viewing herself as less than. He knew what it was to be less than, and he wouldn't stand for her belittling herself in such a manner.

Her quip about Queen and Knight made his expression soften some, as did her lips upon his hand. He nodded slowly.

"Exactly. You're a Queen... You'll never be anything less than that. I'll dare anyone to try and claim otherwise."

She suggested they go and try again, and before he could concur her lips were upon his. He leaned in, one hand raising to cup her cheek, and returned it tenderly.

Then he pulled away. They had a task at hand, and the sooner they were done the sooner they could go back to relaxing. He took her hand in his and led him back toward the courtyard, pondering what other plant he might choose to practice surge upon. There were a few more potted plants to choose from, after all.

As they came unto the oasis once more, he glanced down at her.

"Alright, make your second pick My Queen..." He was fine picking from the remnants, he had no real need for any of them after all. He just liked the way they looked.

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

“If Folende doesn’t work out, the only province this Queen will rule will be your heart,” she said, tapping a finger against his chest. “But since I had a chance to travel there today, I’d say it is a fair and worthy province.” Boy, did she feel corny saying something like that. Regardless, she spoke with full sincerity—no winking or smirking. She meant every word.

His hand caressed her cheek as he kissed her back, and Ishani, with her eyes closed, lingered on that touch more than the feeling of his lips against hers. He’d cupped her cheek so many times, and yet it wasn’t something she had really taken much notice of before. Now, though, having peered into his mind, the gesture had acquired new significance. She leaned into that tender touch, her head tilting to one side, and her arms slid around his waist, closing the distance with a fervor which suggested, despite her words, that some part of her was still seeking to drown in that same all-consuming oneness from before…

He pulled away. Reason returned to her again, the spell broken. They had to be two people, not one.

Back at the oasis, her gaze fell upon the same bush that had caused her homesickness. It was devoid of flowers at this time of year, but she recognized the distinct shape of the leaves and the thorns bristling along its stems. “This one,” she said, pointing to it.

They didn’t need to plant these in the ground, so they could remain in the oasis. Ishani sat beside her choice and closed her eyes, concentrating. The fingers of one hand gently pinched a leaf—or they did, until a thorn pricked her knuckle. She opened her eyes with a start. “Ow.” But for her pain, the plant was now in bloom.

Arcturus Dinn​

 

[Arcturus Dinn]

"You could lay claim over the entire Galaxy and I wouldn't bat an eyelid" he retorted, before their lingering kiss. His thumb flexed over her cheek as he cupped it, and for a moment, just a moment, she was all that there was in the Universe.

Soon enough they were back within the courtyard, and therein she made her pick of the plants. He was about to ask if she realized what it was she'd chosen, when he realized that it was a stupid thing to note. Of course she knew. There was no way she wouldn't, if it was something her mother had grown.

So he turned and picked another plant of his own, and before he could focus on helping it to grow Ishani made a sound of distress. He glanced over and discovered that she'd already done wonders with the thorny plant. His eyes widened, and he nodded appreciatively.

"Nice work... Are you okay?"

He supposed that meant it was his turn to try? He inhaled a slow breath, closed his eyes, and then focused on the flowering plant before him.

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

“Oh no, I pricked my finger on a thorn, boohoo.” She whined and waved her arms dramatically before dropping the act. “I’m fine, babe.”

While he sat concentrating on his own plant, she plucked one of the purple roses, then went to stand off to one side, watching him. “No pressure, Arc,” she said, slowly swishing the flower around to spread its fragrance. “Never you mind that I’m already ahead of you somehow, even though plants were supposed to be your thing. Take your time, Master.”

She was obviously teasing. Arc seemed to thrive under a bit of friendly competition. Maybe his plant would too.

Arcturus Dinn​

 

[Arcturus Dinn]

"Hey," he huffed, glaring in her direction with just the right amount of mirth bubbling up from within him to soften it, "I told you I only knew the theory..." Still it was nice to see how readily she took to the lesson, it was actually rather freeing to not be good at something for a change. Like he could fail and nothing would implode as a result.

Closing his eyes once more, he reached out to the plant before him and pooled the Force through its many leaves, stimulating growth. The thicker, wood-like stems began to grow and expand, and more flowers blossomed among the leaves. It wasn't some insane amount of growth, but then Arcturus hadn't been hoping for it to take over.

He opened his eyes when one of the stems brushed against his hand.

It wasn't huge, it wasn't fully grown or beyond that, but it was certainly hardier. With a triumphant grin he picked up the pot, and carried it to a corner of the courtyard which hadn't received quite so much attention as the rest. Then he took the plant out of its pot, waved his hand to force away some of the sand, and placed its roots within the earth.

"Perfect" he stated, once he'd stepped back to admire it. "Just what this corner needed, wouldn't you agree?"

Ishani Dinn