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[Darth Daiara]

Her brows pulled in, half of what he said being a bit too much for her to process in one go. She didn't even respond to his final statement, caught up in something sentences before.

"People chose this path for many reasons, but the risks remain the same. Kaalia taught me control and- and temperance. I know the darkside can lead to some really fecked up people. But at least we can all admit what they are. We don't glorify that state. But jedi? They commit atrocities and they pat themselves on the back. All of them. They looked me in the eye and they told me my death was for the better good. Was their murders selfless? They thought so.

"Just because I'm doing this for my people doesn't excuse the deaths I have caused. It won't change what will happen to me if the power takes me, and it doesn't change what your jedi have done." Her gaze solidified, troubled as it landed on his.


"Both our people have a history of doing horrible things when they get caught up in the force. One side just pretends they're heroes, and the other doesn't. I'm not a hero, Zaavik. I'm just trying to make a word that I can live in.

"Nothing else."

 

[Zaavik Perl]

"All of them?" The expression that came next was clearly as troubled as it was displeased. "All of them," he repeated. "Do you think that of me?" Zaavik had thought himself to be the cynic in their duo, but apparently not. "What about Allyson? Her too?" His tone had grown sharply accusatory where it had once attempted to be reassuring.

"Whatever." He brushed it all aside before allowing an opportunity to explain. "Feth anything we've done together, rationalize it however you want." A finger stabbed outward on his right hand. The curiously disfigured finger condemned with an indication toward the kyber. "But you can't hide who you are from that rock. Try all you want, but no one ever does."

Zaavik stood abruptly. He banged his shin on the console, sending pain screaming up his leg. Suddenly he reconsidered, awkwardly sitting back down. "Learn to take a compliment while you're at it," he jabbed as he swung the chair around the opposite viewport, putting his back toward her. A tight grimace mimed Zeltronian curses at the pain once out of view.

 

[Darth Daiara]

Aradia melted back into the chair when he mentioned Allyson, a look of guilt creeping through her expression. He gave her no time to respond, responding in a huff that was very him. She didn't stop him, her fingers tightened around the rock. If it had eyes, it could no longer see her.

A pained silence descended from the cock pit as she tried to think back. Truth words his words had left her spinning. Why did he want her to be like him so bad? She didn't get it. She knew she was no monster, but she could practically feel how he rationalized her presence in his life.

Did he still think he was saving her? On a normal day, she would have said no. Today though...

Heat filled her cheeks as his indignant words rocked through her.

All of them.

"You two are different," she finally said, breaking apart the silence. She glanced his way, his purple head turned intentionally away. "You guys don't count."

 

[Zaavik Perl]

That indignation would only fester as he shunned her. Painfully silent moments would pass, their length accentuated by a lack of acknowledgment. "Different how?" His inquiry, when it finally came, didn't include a turn or glance. "I wasn't a good Jedi. Not even close." Of course, he'd never divulged the details of his own transgressions. "Allyson hasn't ever exactly been a paragon of virtue, either." The words felt foul on his tongue. There were few people he'd not speak ill of, Allyson was one, but it was the truth after all.

Slowly, he whirled around to meet her straight on. He had a somber expression, but his eyes burned with an undeniable frustration. "I can think of dozens who are more deserving of your little list of exceptions. It's not fair for you to assert that it's all of them." Odd contortions mired the lower half of his face. He was chewing his tongue with restless vexation.

"I've seen chit. Chit you wouldn't believe. I know better than most that anyone can be the bad guy. I've seen it." His gaze was drawn down to his metallic appendage. Finger gripped into a fist, released, then repeated the gesture over and over. "I've felt it, even. Forced to feel it every day." A deep breath halted his gestures, forced him to get a grip. "The more time I spend with you, the more I'm forced to confront those notions. To reevaluate. I wonder about lesser evils, if it's all the powers that be, or if it's all just rhetoric."

"You know, at first I thought I was going to save you. Now I'm only here because I want to be. Because I'm under the impression we have the same goals. Because I owe you that much..." Hands rose to sweep his hair back and out of his face. It was suddenly becoming very claustrophobic in here. He needed air. "Yet everyone's still a villain to you. All of them. I'm not asking you to stop being such a damn cynic, but- Has nothing I've done meant anything? I'm just one of your two exclusive exceptions? I'm a murderer, Aradia. I'm the villain. Does that not speak wonders of my former, more deserving peers?"

 

[Darth Daiara]

"You are different. You were able to see past rhetoric. You looked at me, you looked at everything, and you got out of your ass enough to realize it was wrong. You atone, you defy everything you know and have sacrificed everything you have to make it right. You will walk out of this with nothing but knowing you tried. For whatever reason-- where ever they are on that damn list-- You stepped up and did something. They did not.

"So yes. All of them. Every single last person that participates in the disillusion that murdering an entire force order en masse is the solution for a better world. They are the villains, and it was only respect for you that stopped me from shooting that twi'lek witch through the face," she lied, her face red with how heated she had grown.

She had never killed someone in front of him.

All of this because he gave her a compliment. As frustrating as the encounter might have been, she had never bothered to give him so many words before. He didn't know she was a cynic because she had never trusted him enough to say it. She didn't normally let jedi challenge her world views. She didn't want to risk them changing it.

He was different.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

"So yes. All of them. Every single last person that participates in the disillusion that murdering an entire force order en masse is the solution for a better world. "​

"Put them all to the sword, is what I say."​

One eye twitched as the memory resurfaced. The pinkish-red of his visage slowly became decidedly scarlet around his cheeks. Empathy seemed to always bundled with the gift of guilt. His conscience told him he should be grateful that he was even capable of remorse. A scowl and refusal agree replied: Get bent, conscience.

Yet again, he averted his gaze to some unimportant speck on the floor. He couldn't look her in the eyes after such a recollection. All of them. Zaavik the hypocrite strikes again. The reoccurrence of this trend was only lost on him by way of sheer stubbornness.

Given a moment, he'd latch onto one thing she said rather than the larger picture. Taking a page out of her playbook with that one, no? "There's no walking away from this. It's do or die trying, and even if we somehow manage to accomplish anything, there's still nothing left for me back there."

 

[Darth Daiara]

Her shoulders rose and fell in a heavy breath.

"I don't use the darkside to fix the past. That's stupid and impossible. The whole point of what we're doing is so that maybe, just maybe, thing will improve. Looking backwards will always drag us down," she murmured, picking at her cuticles as she said she said the advice she couldn't embody herself.

"We need to focus on what we're doing. Maybe, yanno... by the time we're done, we'll have same better than before. That's what we're sacrificing for. That's why we're here." She glanced up, wondering if that made sense at or if she sounded like a blubbering lunatic.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

The sentiment needed a moment to set in. Despite its intention, it only served to make Zaavik feel even more trapped. The hole he dug himself into was only just starting to reveal itself. "Sure, but-" His chest felt tight like someone was strangling his lungs. Hindsight, the enemy of impulse, had come home it seemed. "Then what?"

"When it's all said and done, then what?" he repeated for emphasis. Wide eyes spoke tortured volumes of dread. An insidious reality was making itself known. "You'll go home, won't you? You have a family, a Mother." Even if was by way of adoption, Kaalia certainly seemed genuine. "You have a place to go. I don't. I'm a deserter, a traitor, all that's waiting for me is a cell if I'm lucky."

His next inhale was notably strained. "Even if the world is better for it, I dunno if there will be a place left for me. I just wanted to make a difference, but I'm starting to feel like I played myself."

 

[Darth Daiara]

She had to clamp down on her gut reaction because it wasn't pretty. So what then? He regretted not killing her? He wanted to be back there? The suggestion brought a wave of hot anger through her, not unlike the passion fueled dueled that had riddled their first year of encounters.

It was only after she took a deep breath that she was able to see past that flaring pain. That wasn't what he was saying, she could feel it in her gut. That wasn't what he wanted.

He was just lost. She understood it. She had things she couldn't go back to either.

"You're wrong," she finally said, her voice soft.

"I can't go back, and I won't go back. I-... I get it. When I was alone, sometimes I'd regret... it. Yanno when you just get too tired to be angry anymore and nothing around you is familiar. But don't you remember why we left? It was horrible- -the academies-- and you, all the death-- you can't want that back." It almost a plea as she reasoned with his wavering resolve.

It had been a long time since she had begged. Well. To anyone but her Master.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

"You can't want that back."

"I don't!" His volume rose involuntarily as the subject became more and more overwhelming. "I couldn't go back even if I wanted to, but you could." He gave her an expression that implored her to think about it. "You have people that care about you. Kaalia even tracked us down just to make sure you were alright. There are people waiting for you, worried about you."

Frustration had become palpable enough that even the weakest empath could taste it. One hand gripped the side arm of his chair. Crestfallen fury washed over his tone, making him sound like a babbling spicehead on the side of a low Coruscanti street. "No one's come looking for me. I've checked the holonet, you know? Not a single word or 'have you seen this person' inquiry or anything."

"You're lucky. You have a place where you belong, where you're wanted. I don't. Not anymore." The last sentence sounded feigned. As if he'd never really felt like he did in the first place. "It just took me this long to realize how bad I screwed up."

 

[Darth Daiara]

So much of what he said frustrated her. It was like he wasn't hearing her. It was like the reasons they left stop mattering. His regret stung, but there was nothing she could do about that. His envy of Kaalia rose all sorts of emotions in her chest, but like many things she didn't tell him about it.

He was too damn stubborn to hear it.

"Fine," she whispered, hands going on her knees as she shoved back. "If you think this was a mistake, then we will undo it. They thought you died at Bastion, but now that girl knows different. So. We'll craft a new story. One they'd want to believe. I... overwhelmed you at Bastion. Wouldn't be the first time," the bitter note broke up her monotone drone. All emotion had bleed from her voice.

"I forced you onto my ship. I took you. ...For intel. And today, I forced you to guide me through the caves. You stunned her to save her from me. And I--" She let out a shaky breath, emotion seeping back in as she looked up to the screen. "I punished you for it. Bad. We'll need to make it convincing," she alluded, eyes dead as she looked his way.

She was serious.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

"What?" All of the intensity in his face shifted to his brow and eyelids. "That's not what I think," he protested as indignation returned. A sigh forced some semblance of calm to return. "No. Even if I wanted to take you up on that offer, which I don't, I doubt they'd buy it." It was only a matter of time before they traced his activity back to Bastion and made a solid case against him.

He pulled his knees in, resting his feet on the edge of the seat. His tall figure looked awkwardly out of place when compacted onto one pedestal. Atop his knees, his chin kept his face aloft. The co-pilot's seat slowly swiveled away with his feet no longer keeping it braced to one direction. "I wasn't saying I wanted to go back, or that this was a mistake-" Although it very well might have been where objectivity dictated.

"I don't have anywhere else. It's nervewracking," he clarified.

 

[Darth Daiara]

Aradia blinked several times, his clarification melting the newfound ice from her joints. She had jumped to assumptions quickly, the concept of him wanting out almost too much to swallow. She dropped the emotion as easily as it came, the girl listening with unusual intensity to his words.

Her expression loosened at his final sentiment. "We'll I'm not going anywhere." It was obvious, if you asked her, and her tone made that much clear.

"There's this ship. I'm sure there will be cells to bust for years to come, but for some reason we dont die and there isn't... well who knows what things could look like. We could make our own operation. Run it the way things ought to be run. There's so much injustice out there, Zaavik. Why stop with the Imperials?"

 

[Zaavik Perl]

"We'll I'm not going anywhere."

His gaze retreated with the awkward flapping of eyelids. Soundless stuttering on his lips only amounted to an eventual: "Uh." If you had given him ten guesses, that wouldn't have been a response he would have anticipated with any of them. Before she'd finished her sentiment, he began subjecting her to a look of doubt. If she was saying what he thought, he was certain if he could believe it.

"We could make our own operation. Run it the way things ought to be run. "

There were few situations where inexperience became an obstacle for Zaavik. More than a little full of himself, he was frequently blindly confident. All too often to his own detriment. Yet, that nerve was suddenly absent when faced with what Aradia was saying. A furrowed brow painted a picture of a mind struggling to processes vital information.

"You-?" Words sputtered into nothing, his brain was still catching up. Nailed it. A quick, tight shaking of his head with tightly closed eyes forced him to get ahold of himself. His legs dropped from the seat, a muted thud filling the cockpit as his feet hit the floor again. Another moment was spared just to be entirely certain of the assertion.

Sure, they were way past hating each other's guts, but if someone asked he'd be presumptuous in the notion that she still harbored a healthy dislike for him.

"What, so-? You want me to stick around? With you?"

 

[Darth Daiara]

His shock made her self-conscious. Her cheeks grew red. She held back a squirm by sitting back. It was no longer easy to look at him, his words made her think of something else.

"I'm pulling you away from the battlefield for now. You're learning how to fight, but have nothing to fight for." Her voice was stern. Aradia knew it well, when Kaalia talked like this, there was no debating.

"I want you to explore who you are. Your wants, your needs. I don't care how you do it. I'll even help you if you don't know where to start. You're not a slave anymore, and life isn't just about war and conflict." She'd force her into socializing if she had to.

"Your next objective is to go out there and figure out what you want in life."

It was a strange time to remember her Master's orders. They were the last ones Kaalia ever gave to her, before she stepped down. Aradia didn't understand what she had meant back then. She was beginning to feel like she did now.

"Well," she grumbled, speaking down into her lap. "Yeah. This is working, don't you think?" She peaked up, blue eyes tight with fear.

Don't say no.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

"Uh- Yeah." His voice adopted unintelligent diction, blurting word-vomit rather than speaking deliberately. Hearing it for himself, it was clear how unassured the words must have sounded to a third party. Hard blink. "Yes," he reiterated. This time sounding decidedly more certain.

A small grin flashed across his lips. The phantasmal strangler was starting to ease up with the vice around his chest. In its place, a high-alert in his chest that sent his heart into the lower settings of overdrive. A little voice in his head made him aware of the look on his face: You look like an idiot right now.

His head spasmed quickly left, then right, scrubbing the grin off his face as a firm slap would. "Anyway, uh- What now?" He looked down at the navcomp in order to have an excuse to look anywhere else. One tap of a button and the display changed from local sector to sector cluster. "Somewhere far, I hope."

 

[Darth Daiara]

Her heart picked up, slamming against her chest in a sudden wave of adrenaline.

She looked away in sync with him, neither party privy to the way their lips twitched upwards against their will. "G-good." She cleared her throat, saying it twice like an idiot. "Good." She fussed with rubbing her fingers off her Kyber.

"Anyway, uh- What now?" He looked down at the navcomp in order to have an excuse to look anywhere else. One tap of a button and the display changed from local sector to sector cluster. "Somewhere far, I hope."

"Um. Yeah, right. Let's find a place to restock?" She offered, the concerns that drove them into the shadows were irrelevant now that they were properly armed again. Aradia felt whole in that moment. Like she could take on the galaxy.

She shot him a side glance, her eyes dancing with energy as the grin found a way back to her.

"PIzza?"

 

[Zaavik Perl]

An eyebrow raised sidelong. "Sure, if you know a place out that far." He certainly couldn't think of one. Food was hit-or-miss the farther you got away from the core. Generic foodstuff bars went from emergency ration to dietary staple once you slid past the mid-rim. As long as the Pizza wasn't all synth-foods, it probably won't be the end of the world.

"I uh-" He winced before he could finish articulating anything. Suddenly his coversation eloquence had become unrivaled. In a mute club, maybe. Rubbing the back of his head he rose from the seat. "It's gonna be a few hours, so... I'm gonna go crash until then." Zaavik lingered awkwardly for a moment. He nodded tightly, flashed a finger gun, and made for the back of the ship.

 

[Darth Daiara]

Aradia bit her lip, leaning forward to watched him walk out.

Warmth hit her cheeks. She forced herself to turn away, jittery fingers fussing with the controls.

~Fin~