Troubles with Tutaminis

[Mereel Vaun]

Mereel's shoulders sank a little when she said that she had been brought up with nothing. To him, it certainly explained their differing viewpoints on whether following the Jedi Code was noble. They were judging nobility through the same lens of attachment and sacrifice, but they stood on opposite sides as they gazed through it.

He interjected just before she began to divert from conversation into spoken introspection,"I won't lie, there are a few things I have which would hurt trying to get rid of. The Death Bucket is one of them. Being able to cut personal ties to things like that.. that's something that most people either view as selfless or foolish."

Since he was here, he decided to say nothing more and would just let her guess which of the two camps he stood in. As her eyes went out of focus, his vision honed in on her and his face became an image of rapt attention. He wasn't feigning interest. The Jedi Code was something that troubled him greatly in his reflections and meditations. Every time he went to examine it, he found himself more and more out of line with the doctrines of the Jedi, and now that he was no longer seeking vengeance above all else, the non-alignment was something that actually bothered him.

When her eyes finally came back to the world of the corporeal, his brain reminded himself to start breathing normally again, "It won't help us find the Iviin'yc, no, but not for the reason you think. For it to be helpful, the Iviin'yc would have to be lost, and she isn't."

At best it was a gut feeling, at worst it was delirium, but Mereel knew that the corvette couldn't have gone missing. He slowed his breathing and tried in vain to clear his mind. The shuttle would arrive at the Silver's Rest soon, and he could get to work figuring out what had kept the ship overdue, but there was nothing to be done in the belly of the rescue ship. He was able to steer his thoughts back to Lilla's musings, "Just so you know, that was - your musings..were comforting. More than you could know."

[member="Lilla Syrin"]

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla listened to Mereel’s thoughts. She was in no way an old and wise Jedi, but she was thoughtful and reflective and above all measured. She understood that different perspectives and perceptions changed what appeared to most to be absolute guidance. And therefore, she did not judge based upon those apparent differences, for she understood why they existed – even if she did not agree or fully understand why they occurred.

“To some, attachments are a real issue. For others, it’s not the attachment, it’s how you manage it. And for others, they don’t even see what the whole fuss is about. And I don’t see these as a distinction between Jedi and non-Jedi – or between any stripe of allegiance to an Order. So, I therefore don’t see such a distinction as being foolish, any more than I see myself as necessarily selfless. It’s just me – being entirely honest in how I interpret the Code.”

She smiled at Mereel’s compliment. “I speak plainly and I speak honestly. Not everyone likes that – in anyone let alone me. But I shan’t change, and see no reason why I would. If nothing else, I hope I provide some questions, as opposed to answers. For self-discovery is the route to enlightenment, not the ability to follow instruction.”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

It was a good thing she had rejuvenated his energy when she had healed him with the force. If she hadn't, he probably would have closed his eyes as soon as they entered the shuttle and missed the best part of the night. Learning new methods for channeling the force and ways of making that energy manifest was all well and good, and the technique she had taught him easily had the potential to save his life in the future, but those lessons were mostly only relevant to him in relation to using the force.

What Lilla was telling him now though, that was something that had much longer lasting implications for him - implications that would shape his behaviors as both a Jedi and a man for years to come. Mereel let his eyes fall to the floor and he began ruffling a gloved hand through his hair as he mulled over what she had just said.

"I appreciate the honesty. I try not to mince words myself. Although, sometimes I wish I was more selective with my wording."

He brought his eyes back up from the shuttle's floor panels, "Okay, let's take that argument to the furthest extreme. The attachment to end all attachments. That would mean that some Jedi are A-okay with having romantic relationships?"

A faint hint of red crept onto his cheeks when he asked it, but he kept his eyes locked on her and didn't show any other signs of discomfort. Although he was blushing a little, his question was purely academic. He wanted to see just how wide the interpretations were that had been taking on the Jedi Code.

[member="Lilla Syrin"]

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla smiled. Debate was good. Debate meant the other person was thinking. If they were right or wrong, they were prepared to say what they thought. And if they listened, they would learn something. And she didn't just mean what the other person said. A good listener paid attention to what they were saying. Sometimes hearing it out loud puts it into an entirely different perspective.

"Some Jedi, yes." Lilla's response was short and to the point. But then, she wouldn't be Lilla if it ended there. "For much of the Order's existence, no attachments meant no partners. In part to stop dynasties happening and to ensure decisions were made on facts, not emotions."

"But times changed. Under Grand Master Skywalker, marriages were common. As were children. Did that represent a conflict? Some say yes and some say no. If you can have attachments and be sure they don't interfere negatively with your role as a Jedi, the argument would be - why not? And I didn't say the attachment had to have no impact on the Jedi. Some say that compassion for loved ones is part of being a Jedi. One path has become many, many paths. They all lead to the Light, so should we debate which path we take? I'm inclined to say no."

"All I'll say is that, when we deviate form the most trodden path, we are aware of why we do so, and be sure we're still pointing towards the Light."

"Does that help?"

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Mereel's regained any and all of the composure lost with his faint blush as soon as he realized Lilla was still smiling. He was glad she hadn't read into his question any or been off-put by it. It wouldn't have been very Jedi like if she had been, but he had been worried for a second that it could have happened.

Since she was clearly unaffected by his question, he breathed out a short sigh of relief. Attachments, in the sense of objects and relationships, had always been one of the most contentious subjects for him when he was forced to face himself down with the Jedi Code. Relationships were the be-all-end-all in his mind, and he had needed to ask the question in order to further get a grasp on the philosophies of the Jedi.

He absorbed what she said like a sponge taking in water. The thought that two force users could get together to create a powerful line of force sensitives hadn't occurred to him, and his eyebrows shot up in surprise for a second when she said it. But the thought of emotionally charged force users going on rampages was far from foreign to him. In fact, he had seen many such individuals in action in the forms of Dark Jedi and the occasional acolyte of the Sith - and he could think of no better way to become emotionally charged than having a loved one getting harmed.

The Bothan from earlier called out over the sound of the shuttle's engines and Lilla as she described a break-off in paths that all lead to the light.

"Entering the Rest's airspace now. We'll be landing momentarily!"

Lilla's conclusion instilled a confidence in his own beliefs that he hadn't had since joining the Jedi Order. When she asked if her explanation helped, his words came out of his grinning mouth in an instant, "Without a doubt, I'd certainly say so."

Realizing that leaving it at that would be highly unsatisfactory for him if he was a teacher, he bit the corner of his lip and chewed over his thoughts and how best to word them, "I always thought the Jedi were rather unified in their beliefs across the Orders. The fact that romantic relationships are and were ever allowed is a bit breaking of that model."

"And I can't say I've ever heard of a force dynasty either.. A small disadvantage of putting his lessons off. Even though he knew his father wasn't force sensitive, a curious thought about ancestry popped into Mereel's head.

[member="Lilla Syrin"]

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla's smiled widened - if that was at all possible. "History isn't just about dusting off old documents and learning dates of battles and when planets were discovered you know."

She glanced around, wondering how soon the landing would be.

"It's about learning from mistakes. Discovering long forgotten abilities and teachings that help us grow today. I, for one, have written a paper of meditative techniques that most Jedi have never heard of, let alone can use. And they're not all about becoming serene. Some grant knowledge or help you to seek solutions to problems. Others allow for improvement in cognitive and physical abilities."

"Without being stuck in a library for days on end, much of that learning would not have happened. And it also teaches you perspective. Its fair to say much of what has passed is a surprise to many. Grand Master Skywalker's family for a start. And his sister's of course. Jedi philosophy has gone through cycles and so much changes over time. You should do some research some day. Not weeks in the library, just a potted overview. A day should suffice."

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Her first comment about history brought a grin to his face, "That's certainly not the belief I was raised to have. Mandalorians make sure to teach their kids about the battles especially. Got to start 'em out hating Jedi young, and even then that doesn't always work". Mereel exaggeratedly looked over his armor and shrugged.

The shuttle's single overhead speaker crackled into life, "Touching down in T-minus thirty seconds! Might want to grab onto something for support back there!"

It was a small craft. A single cabin for passengers, with a dividing wall and door between the pilot and copilot cockpit, which is where both of the shuttle's pilots currently were. Mereel didn't move an inch to attempt to buckle himself into one of the many passenger seats lining either wall of the small shuttle's interior. Instead he just stood there and locked the magno-grip soles of his boots to the floor.

'You'll have to share that with me sometime, think you mentioned your writings on meditation back on Orenda." He was no longer out for revenge against his father, but the improvement of physical abilities were of especial interest to him. He was a fighter through and through, always had been, always would be. He knew that he would be of the most use to the Jedi Order as a Guardian.

A day in a library couldn't hurt.. it wasn't like he didn't know how to read. His father had personally overseen or handpicked his teachers as he grew up, and while he would never claim to be a scholarly genius, he knew enough to get by and sometimes help with the Iviin'yc's ledger just fine. I'll cut you a deal, after we get back to the Iviin'yc, I'll spend two days in a library if you agree to show me one of those techniques for physical enhancement."

[member="Lilla Syrin"]

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla nodded. “The Jedi and the Mandalorians have history, I grant you that. And as well as many minor skirmishes, at least one major war to their name.”

As the warning came over the tannoy, Lilla grabbed a protruding piece of the cabin. Yes, she could have relied on Jedi reflexes, aided by the Force, but that felt like showing off. Especially when all she had to do was hold on tight.

“And of course, I’ll make sure I send you a copy,” she added, as the engines grew louder due to their imminent landing. “Not all will be of interest, but I suspect Force Valor will be, or even Battle Meditation – so you’ll be able to work on various abilities to progress to those. So, once you’ve done the two days, come find me and I’ll begin Force Valor training. I say begin, because it’s an ability on a continuum. If you keep your training up, you’ll not only be able to boost your own body, but allies too.”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Mereel heard the shuttle's engines strain, and felt the navigational thrusters come to life in the rattling he felt in the soles of his boots. A small grin came to his face as he stood lazily in place, his arms still at his sides and making no attempt to grab onto any handrails or seat restraints for support. It was showing off to be sure, but it wasn't at all a display of any particular skill, just a feat of his armor.

Competing with the sound of the landing ship, Mereel raised his voice to be heard over all of the racket, "I've never heard of that 'Force Valor' technique before, but if it does what you say it does, it would be very useful to someone of my persuasion!"

He was still something of a fish out of water when it came to recognizing techniques in the force by name. It wasn't that he didn't have access to study materials that he could have been learning from - it was just that he often got distracted from his studies. Something always cropped up to distract him, be it mission or unintentional misadventure. The shuttle gave a final, light shake as the landing gears made contact with a landing platform, and the roar of the engines gradually decreased until becoming inaudible.

"You got a deal. I'll clock in two days at a library as soon as I get the chance."

The door separating the cockpit and the passenger bay hissed open and the Bothan airman came strolling out. The airman walked briskly past both them and R9, talking as he went "Lady, droid, and gentleman, we have landed at the Silver's Rest."

The Bothan stopped in front of a panel by the door and pressed a release button. The boarding ramp lowered and the exit door opened, "If you have any questions or need help with basic directions, now's the time to ask."

[member="Lilla Syrin"]

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla waited for the sound of the engines to abate before responding. She was typically softly spoken yet her voice carried authority. Shouting was something she did only through necessity – and right now, a delay of a few moments was worth the wait.

“In simple terms, Force Valor will increase your resolve, accuracy, and speed. Once your overall control and connection to the Force increases, you can extend this to allies. So, you’ll be able to move more quickly, strike more powerfully, and fight with improved accuracy.”

“Which brings me to a second and relevant point that I know I’ve not discussed with you.” She sat calmly now, awaiting the pilot to open the boarding ramp.

“The Force, as we understand it is infinite. In its power and reach. A Jedi is neither of these things. It invariably dawns on a Padawan at some point that Jedi talk about powers growing, or developing. And this is the best analogy I can share as to how that works.”

She smiled. “Imagine a container, a...box.” She held out her hands, as if holding an imaginary one. “The Force surrounds it in all directions, but there is only a finite amount inside the box. Empty it and you can replace it. But replacing it takes time. Within a day it is full again, but this is not an instant replenishment. There are techniques to speed this up, but they are advanced and I am in danger of starting a circular explanation.”

“Back to the box.” She now mimed running her hands around the outside of the imaginary container. “When you are a Padawan, it is ‘so’ big. With training and development, the box gets bigger. You can ‘hold’ more Force…a crude analogy but a fitting one. So, you can use it for longer and use more at any one time. Some abilities take more ‘Force’ than you can access, which is why we recommend learning different abilities at different stages. There are, of course, always exceptions – but the basic theory holds true.”

Lilla nodded to the Bothan that confirmed their arrival before turning back to Mereel. “I’ll await your confirmation that you’re ready.”

Then, addressing the Bothan again, “I appreciate the offer – I tend to prefer to find things by myself. I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Though he remained perfectly quiet during the pause between the engines dying and her explanations of force valor, and her metaphor of developing a Jedi and a box, questions had began piling up in his mind like a child who had just learned the word 'why'. He wanted to ask about a lot of things, but he waited until she was done addresing the Bothan before saying anything.

A gust of cool air rushed into the passenger bay as the boarding ramp lowered. The bothan frowned slightly before flashing a parting grin as he walked back towards the cockpit, "Suite yourself, enjoy your stay at the Silver's Rest.

Mereel deactivated the magno-grip seals and smiled a small smile as he tried to process what to ask first. "You said Force Valor improves accuracy, right? You'll be hearing from me the minute I've finished my second day."

His aim with a rifle was something that he had developed over years of practice and experience. He suspected that his force sensitivity passively played into his aim as well, but if Force Valor could actively improve his aim, it was now at the top of his list of things he wanted to learn.

"Is there a guage for knowing when a Padawan's become a 'big enough box' to be a Knight?"

[member="Lilla Syrin"]

 

[Lilla Syrin]

​Lilla was impressed by Mereel’s patience. The young Jedi she first met would have been less inclined to hold in the questions for as long as he had. Whether he knew it or not, he was developing.

Lilla nodded to the Bothan and headed down the ramp, sure that questions would soon follow. Masters simply tended to know these things. “Yes, it can improve your accuracy – in the same way the Force seems to slow time, Force Valor makes targets seem bigger, easier to hit.”

She chuckled at how quickly he’d picked up the box metaphor. “Every Jedi has a different sized box – both to begin with and its potential size. How big is Knight size? You’ll know. Can I give you a measure to gauge your progress, sadly not. You’ll just…know. The key, at least as I see it, is about what you put in the box. Lots of little things or a few big things? Or, in Jedi parlance, many, many abilities at a basic level, or a few at an advanced level. Anyone who claims to be a master at many is deluding themselves. Mastery comes with practice – and we all have the same number of hours in the day, regardless of the size of our box. I focus on abilities linked to meditation and Soresu. I’d rather be very proficient with these. Yes, I know many more, but not at an advanced level. I can perform Force Heal, but at the rank of a field medic. But that’s all I need.”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Mereel followed suite and walked beside Lilla and listened to her as she made her way down the shuttle boarding ramp. When she confirmed that force valor could in fact improve his accuracy with a blaster, his resolve to his new duty flared up. An absentminded grin formed on his face when he realized that he had never been so enthusiastic about spending time in a library before. There was now an incredibly high likelihood that Lilla would literally be hearing from him the minute he was done.

He stepped off the last bit of the boarding ramp and onto a small duracrete landing platform. It was well past midnight, and no other Silver Jedi ships, personnel, or Jedi were in immediate site of their drop off point. A few dim lights illuminated the outside landing pad and allowed them a impressive view of the adjacent Great Hall on the main grounds of the Silver's Rest.

Letting out a low whistle in appreciation of the massive and somewhat gaudy temple architecture, Mereel's small grin quickly became rather toothy.

"Temples are never the biggest buildings I've seen.. but something about them always manages to take my breath away for a second."

It wasn't as big as the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, but that didn't make what he said any less true. He pulled his eyes away from the Temple though to look at Lilla. Even though they had extremely different backgrounds and very different views on some aspects of life, they had some similarities, namely a focus on Soresu and an interest in meditation techniques.Instead of pointing this out though, something else she had said stuck his mind.

"And what if I feel my 'box' is big enough to become a Knight now? There may not be a gauge for a Jedi's ability in channeling the force, but I think my 'box' is large enough now. But besides that, I know of the Knight Trials, and I believe I've completed all but one - the trial of skill. If one could be provided, I'm ready."

[member="Lilla Syrin"]

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Of course Jedi were not precisely 9 to 5 employees. But despite a working life that was officially never off duty, there were always busier times during a day. And midnight was not one of them – especially for support staff. So, the landing pad and adjacent areas were extremely quiet – a little routine maintenance going on, taking advantage of the lull in both flight and foot traffic.

And she understood Mereel’s appreciation of the temple. The Remnant’s Jedi managed with small facilities – and often had to make do with what was effectively hand-me-down’s, such as utilising an old wrecked ship as a Temple.

And Mereel’s desire to progress did not come as a surprise to Lilla, but his timing was not entirely expected. “You will know when you know,” she said, smiling. “If you are ready for the final trial then you should undertake it. Nobody can complete it for you, so if you know – in your heart – you are ready, then you shouldn’t wait, unless there is a specific reason to do so. Did you have a specific challenge in mind, or are you open to suggestions?”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

To Lilla, his eagerness to advance this earlier in his time as her Padawan may have come as a surprise. While he may have still been figuring out the best way for himself to channel the force into abilities, he may have still been learning to use the force for abilities that other Jedi would have considered to core abilities for Padawans to know before moving on, and he may have only constructed his first lightsaber only months ago, but to him this was something he felt like had been in the works for a while.

After joining the Jedi Order and learning more about the Knight trials, he realized that he had undoubtedly fulfilled the requirements of four tests. A trial of insight on Takodana when he uncovered the source of an ancient castle's "ghosts", trials of the spirit on Glacies Domum and Ilum, a trial of courage on Dxun, and a trial of the flesh when he lost his left forearm on Coruscant. The only trial that he wasn't so sure he had completed was a trial of skill, but he wasn't entirely sure what he could do to demonstrate skill in a Jedi-related manner.

Mereel walked across the landing pad courtyard and closer to the Temple's Great Hall, barely keeping himself from increasing his pace out of nervous fear. His mind was screaming that he needed to get to a communication room as soon as physically possible to find out what had happened to his ship and her crew.

"I do feel ready. Only problem is, I don't have a challenge in mind - any at all actually. I ran into all of my other trials on accident, and unless I can demonstrate skill while finding the Iviin'yc, I don't really have a clue on where to start with this one."

[member="Lilla Syrin"]

 

[Lilla Syrin]

“Sometimes it’s not always best to plan these things. Opportunities present themselves that, on reflection, fit the criterion for the trial.”

“The Trial of Skill is primarily about self-discipline. But above all if it about overcoming some form of adversary. My advice? Let’s find the Iviin’yc, and see where it goes from there.”

Lilla suspected the current challenge was an opportunity in waiting, but should be approached as a mission, not as a Jedi trial. “Focus on the task in hand, and let me worry about what constitutes a trial, OK?”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Mereel nodded his head in response as they walked closer to the main entrance of the Great Hall. What Lilla said had been his experience with the Knight trials, but waiting around for the trial of skill to just happen to him wasn't something he necessarily wanted to do.

Still, that wasn't something he would say outright to Lilla, no matter how much he thought it. Being impatient wasn't exactly the Jedi way, and he wanted to be on his best behavior to prove that he was worthy of the advancement. Besides, maybe there was something to just seeing if finding the Iviin'yc brought a trial with it, even if the chance of that being the case was extremely unlikely.

A slight sigh of resignation escaped him,"Alright. You're right. Focus on the Iviin'yc first, but if I do anything that you might classify as being skillful during it, you better be around for it."

[member="Lilla Syrin"]

 

[Lilla Syrin]

They strode towards the Great Hall, and Lilla wondered how Mereel would take her advice. He was more than competent enough to be called a Jedi Knight, but if he had one failing, it was his impatience. Lilla knew this and she wondered if her Padawan did too. An impatient Padawan was almost a given, but as a Knight, when others looked to you for leadership, serenity and patience were paramount. It was a part of the Jedi Code – and being ‘first’ was something that was frowned upon when it served no purpose. In truth, it often made matters worse. Delivering the final blow was far more important in a duel than imparting the first one, for example.

She smiled at his reply. “Don’t worry, I’ll be watchful – and anything remotely skilful will be noted accordingly. Right…where to now?”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Mereel knew full well of his impatience. In fact, he even recognized that although he had thought about concealing it to be on model behaviour, his impatience had slipped through the cracks and into what he had just said to her, albeit in a small, jocular way. He bit down hard on the corner of his lip in an act of self-reprimand until he tasted iron.

"Thank you."

As they walked thriugh the columns surrounding the main entrance, he didn't apologize for his lapse in patience, he merely wiped the blood from his bottom lip with the back of his gauntleted hand. It was only now that he remembered he had left his helmet behind in his Starfighter, but that was currently the least of his concerns.

"Right now we're on the hunt for a communications room - got to try to contact the Iviin'yc on hyperspace transciever. Have you been here before, Master?"

[member="Lilla Syrin"]

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla considered letting the matter drop – self-awareness was key in Mereel’s development now – he was at a stage where there would be no Master to guide him. But she felt such an approach would sell him short right now.

“Do not be so hard on yourself. Perfection is a noble cause to embark on a quest to find, but accept that most quests are about the journey and rarely about the end goal. How you seek to become a Jedi Knight is more important than becoming a Jedi Knight. Why? Because taking care of the former automatically solves the latter.”

“And as for our location, I’ve never been to this site, so I suspect we’re best heading into the main building and asking the first person we come across.”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]