Whiskey for Two

[Joza Perl]

Joza hadn’t been this frazzled in a while. That being said, the feeling was not unfamiliar—though the news she’d just received was not the least bit comforting. Her suspicions arose a few days ago when she realized that something was off, only to have her fears confirmed by a subsequent trip to the clinic for absolute confirmation.

How could I let this happen? How could I be so careless?

She’d pushed that night out of her mind, sometimes to no avail. It always leaked back into her thoughts, the scent of his skin, the feel of flesh on flesh…she craved it at a base level. She always had, and assumed that she always would. That night should not have happened, but it did, and she had ignored it until now.

Pacing back and forth beside a small bed of pastel flowers, Joza had taken refuge in one of the winding gardens of Voss. Even such a peaceful landscape could do little to calm her frayed nerves at this point. Her hands were clasped behind her back, and one of them twitched with the intention to reach for the pack of cigarras in her pocket. You can’t. No more of that. Unless… She stopped packing, the firm look of concentration on her face softening at that thought. It was still very early, and if she smoked and drank enough…perhaps some spice too?

No. She shook her head, exhaling sharply and went back to pacing, but the thought still lingered. Instead, her focus shifted to a different set of questions. Would she even be allowed to stay here? Should she go live with her father? Zef would be disappointed. That makes two of us.

Pushing a hand through her hair, she sent the red waves away from her face and growled in frustration. Out of all the messes she’d gotten herself into, this was certainly the most alarming.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

No loss of eye-sight. Permanent nerve damage. Muscle spasm. Sense of smell reduced. All in all, not bad for a wound that had nearly been something so much worse. And another scar. He seemed to collect them, except this one was on show and would be a cruel reminder of what happened, and how close he came to death.

Connor Harrison let out a soft groan as he titled his head back from the wash basin, water running down his face and into the half-full bowl. Ice cold water helped ease the slight burning he still felt under the left eye. It hurt to even move the eyeball itself, but he'd get used to it in time.

So he was ready for his walk to the Isolated Gardens, a place not many knew about or cared to visit. It was the place he had crossed over to the Dark, and the place he had nearly taken his own life. But away from that, it was nice and private and peaceful to train in. Black vest, trousers and boots. No tunic or cowl today. He was dressed soon after washing and headed out, keeping his head high and forgetting about how he may look. He was a nice reminder to those who felt invincible that they never were.

The afternoon sun was hidden behind white cloud, but it was warm and tranquil around Voss today. Connor smiled to the few he passed, clicking his fingers as he walked the minute or so walk from the temple rear across the gardens to his little hideaway. He took in the setting around him, and had to double-take when he saw a familar Zeltron looking less than comfortable in the comfortable garden. Truth be told, he'd never seen her here at all.

"Joza," he said from behind. "What are you doing here? Don't usually see you around this place often."

There was no spark to her aura. No wild scent surrounding her.

"Everything ok?"

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Joza was absorbed in her thoughts, trying frantically to come up with a solution to a problem that had no end. She neither heard nor sensed Connor as he approached, and her hand tightened around her wrist as she heard his voice from somewhere behind her. Swallowing reflexively, the Zeltron took a few moments to compose herself and keep her expressions in check. As much as she’d practiced placating herself as a good Jedi should—which she didn’t consider herself much of—there was an obvious tinge of anxiety radiating from her.

“Master Harrison,” She sounded a bit surprised, maybe even taken aback as she half-turned towards him. A pause. He was right, she usually didn’t hang around the gardens. She usually didn’t hang around Voss much anymore, having made her home on the Silver controlled Lianna. Beyond that, much of her time was spent in space or rooting out slavers on crime words. She hadn’t had much time for the peaceful planet recently.

She vaguely noted the mark that scored across his left under eye—a parting gift from Matsu Xiangu during their Ruusan skirmish. It was likely concealed beneath his mask during the masquerade ball, likely why she was just noticing it now.

“I am…not feeling well.” Her voice was soft, guarded. Her stomach twisted in knots, and it made the Zeltron wonder if it was from nerves or something else entirely. Perhaps a mix of both, and the thought made her a bit nauseous. Though her body was still facing him, her eyes drifted away, up and over his shoulder as she stared out towards the skyline. Her gaze unfocused for a few moments before green eyes tracked back towards Connor. “I’m sorry, is this...should I not be here? I can go.” Though the woman’s voice was more even, she herself seemed a bit less steady than usual.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

If the Joza Perl he knew and heard about was like this normally, he'd turn a blind eye, but this wasn't the Joza Perl he'd started to know, and the girl at the party could have been a different Zeltron to this. She was troubled. Connor took two careful steps towards her.

"No, it's alright, you stay here. It's fine. This is where you belong, remember."

Looking at her, he nodded his back for her to face back the way she had; out to the planet and everything beyond the garden. He gently placed his right hand on her arm and turned her around, his left hand placed on her back, turning her back. He looked out with her, saying nothing, but feeling everything. The spiking conflict of emotion, a hurting heart, a sense of failure.

Hie eyes went wide slightly, head rising at the other sensation he picked up.

He pulled his hand away and rested them both on the ivory railing; it was like the party all over again, but this time there didn't seem to be a desire for letting one's hair down and drinking the night away.

"What happened," he said softly, trying not to sound disappointed initially.

It seemed like his words of advice had fallen on deaf half-Zeltron ears.

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Joza stiffened at his soft touch, part of her wanting to shove Connor away from her. She didn’t deserve to be handled gently—not after what she’d allowed to happen.

Do I belong here though? Really? She swallowed though thoughts, instead concentrating on her breathing as they stared out onto the landscape. What gives this place the right to be so tranquil? Her heartbeat was erratic, and her throat began to constrict. Breathe. Remember to breathe. It will pass. Unlike many of her race, Joza was prone to anxiety. With her training, she’d learn to ride out panic attacks but this…was on a different level.

She wished they could have remained there in silence for a bit longer, and she sucked in her lower lip at the inevitable question. “I was on Bakura. He was there too. I…I didn’t know. I shouldn’t have approached him, but I did.” Her arms went to cross over her chest—not defensively, but even the self-contact was vaguely reminiscent of a hug. Her lips parted to speak, but her eyes glassed over as she hesitated, voice dropping.

“He had his hand around my throat, then he kissed me, and…” Her voice faded to a whisper, like tendrils of smoke from a smothered flame drifting into the air. She caught her lower lip with her teeth and gnawed at it. How disappointed would he be in her? Even moreso than she was in herself? Joza hated the thought of giving up everything she had with the Silvers, but it appeared that her lust had taken precedence over fighting the good fight.

“I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened, but I let it happen. And now…” A hand came to brush along her stomach, idly twisting the cloth there. Could she even feel anything yet? “…I understand if I’m asked to leave.” Why wouldn’t they? She’d done the unthinkable. Of course it had to be Connor—someone she looked up to and did not want to disappoint—to find her like this.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

The easy option, and most degrading, was the old "What did you expect; you're a Zeltron." one, but this was Connor, not just anyone.

He sighed and shook his head at her situation. Carrying a child - or children - with Sith genetics and who knows what sort of corrupted Dark Side cells. And now on Silver Order soil. He ran his fingers over his chin and hummed gently in thought.

"I could start with how it happened, but you've answered that yourself."

For this to happen to one as emotionally fragile and precarious as Joza, this was a dangerous situation.

"So I'll ask," he turned, "why. You knew you shouldn't have gone there, or gone looking for him. I told you not to. So it sounds like my advice DIDN'T go in at all. And now, you're carrying his child. Do you know what position that puts you in both with the Order, the Sith and your own safety?"

Connor glanced around to make sure nobody was trying to ear-wig; young Padawans had a habit of wanting juicy gossip to spread like wildfire around the halls. He turned back to the girl.

"You're a Master of the Order and now you've jeopardized it all by falling into the arms and bed of a man who is using you for his own gain. And he's won. A Sith of all people."

He asked it again.

"Give me a good reason as to why, and why I should offer more help when last time you clearly didn't think valuable enough to take."

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Why. It was a question she pushed out of her mind over the past few weeks, never imagining that her slip could cause this sort of situation. “I-I don’t…” Her voice cracked, and she inhaled slowly, letting it out before continuing.

“I never expected to see him again. And if I did, I was just so sure that I wouldn’t fall to him. That I’d be strong and aggressive.” Sucking in another breath, she realized that it took so much to just keep herself from crying. The guilt and shame weighed heavily on her, even heavier than the collars and chains she’d once worn. This was something entirely of her own doing.

“But I wasn’t like that at all. I was weak. With all the fighting, I realized that I only wanted to talk to him. This is where it led to...and I was too blind to understand that. All I knew was that I needed something familiar, and he was there, touching me.” She paused, a wave of nausea rolling through her. Closing her eyes, she focused on her breathing and let the sickening feeling abate.

“I never thought it would follow me like this.” Her eyes were still closed, her voice low and almost muttering. She’d done her best to put that moment out of her mind—a slip up, a moment of weakness is all that it was. As close as she’d been with the Sith Lord that day, it was clear from the way they fought that there was a mutual dislike between them.

“You shouldn’t.” She said suddenly, insistence creeping into her voice. Anger. Her eyes flared open, but they were still soft. “And I did take your advice, Connor. I tried. I tried so hard when I was around him. You may not believe me, but it killed me inside. I failed, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t try so hard that it hurt.” She exhaled a shuddering breath.

“I don’t want this child to end up like me, or like him.” Brushing that hand over her stomach, she swallowed. It was strange, seeing as how she felt very little attachment to the life growing inside of her, but she felt responsible for it all the same. “I need your help, Master Harrison. I want to raise this child in the Light.” It was clear that she was absolutely terrified at the prospect of having a child—alone—and bringing it up as her mother had her. “I may be a failure, but I don’t want to fail my own offspring. So I ask for your help—not for my sake, but for this child’s.” Resolve, disgrace and fear. The three made for an interesting cocktail.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

"I never. I didn't. I thought. All those things you've said tell me you underestimated yourself and your position here."

He hated playing counselor to broken relationships - last time that happened, one had come knocking on his door for help after it had collapsed. One Setzi Lunelle. His hand tightened on the rail and he turned away to look out.

"This child is going to be a target for the Sith, and for him. They will not want one of their blood aligned with the Jedi, and they will come looking for him. Or her. Or THEM. And when that day comes you'll either be far away from here or you'll have to make another choice; stand in the Light or fall into the Dark. But I warn you now," he turned to her and raised his finger, "this will not come without repercussions for yourself and the child."

Connor exhaled and shook his head.

"I no doubt expect you've told him about your place here on Voss, so he knows where you are. Does he know you're pregant? This is where you decide, Joza. And I mean, really decide. Where do you belong. With us, or them."

The hardest question to answer, but those who knew inside wouldn't struggle find the answer.

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

At least he was logical as he was berating her. Vanitas’ words were bitter and filled with resentment.

“No,” Her voice wavered, whispering. “No, he doesn’t know. I don’t want him to know. I don’t want him involved anymore.” Joza wouldn’t admit that she still held fear for Vanitas—now, even moreso. The last thing she wanted was for him to take this part of her away, regardless of how unwanted it was. Was it? She’d only gotten the news recently, and never really entertained the idea of having a child. It was always something so far away, something she saved for a more stable future. She never thought she’d end up like her mother—pregnant without the father in her life. But in her mind, it was something necessary.

“I think people would believe me if I said that I didn’t know who the father is. It’s not as if being a whore is all that surprising considering…” Her race. Her track record. Her age. Why lie? It wasn’t exactly a derogatory thing where she came from, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt when she felt that word drop from his lips as he leaned over her and breathed into her ear.

“Perhaps it would be for the best if I…did not have this child.” Her words shook with a sadness that surprised even her. Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears that threatened to fall at any moment. Was that something she could bring herself to do? It was still early on, only about six weeks. She could pretend this never happened. The thought crossed her mind earlier, a well as taking her own life. But she was not yet that desperate to resort to suicide.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

"That is your choice and your choice alone, Joza."

While the beautiful Zeltron looked pained as she gazed into the void of the planet, probably not even seeing the beauty in front of her own sadness that would cloud her head, Connor turned with his back to the railing and folded his arms.

"And you're not a whore," he talked to her gently. "You just...made the wrong choice. I don't know what hold that man has over you, but it needs to be broken because three times our paths have crossed properly. Twice have been painful because of him. I don't know him personally, and I don't want to either, but if he is as persuasive and violent with you as he seems, then what future would you or the child have in his company. One step out of line and who knows what he would do."

He looked at her, and saw the pain.

"You're not a whore, Joza. The past can't be undone but the future can be something good if you want it to be. The Order will not cast you or the child out, but you must understand if you stayed her that your ties with Haytham must end. Now. You were elected a Master because of the faith we have in you. I was one of those voting for you. Don't let me down by falling back into his arms."

The Jedi continued to look at her, waiting for a response, with a little tilt of his head. He gave a small, solem smile. She needed time to process this bombshell.

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

It wasn’t as if Joza hadn’t felt a confusing mix of emotions before. But now they came all at once, slamming into her with alarming force. What’s worse, she couldn’t tell where one ended and another began—everything was so hastily mixed together that she had trouble processing the situation in its entirety. A child? With a Sith Lord? It seemed like such a foreign notion.

Her legs shook, and she took to a bench before they could buckle under pressure of her guilt and responsibilities. At some point, tears started falling, cutting a path through her makeup as they slid down her face. There was so much fear, so much uncertainty that came with a decision like this. Would Haytham find out? Would he even care, or would he try to take the child from her? It was as much his as it was her own.

She looked up suddenly, surprise etched onto her face when he said that she wasn’t a whore. She’d come to terms with her own infidelity, but it was strangely soothing to hear those words from another person. Still, she thought that he was mistaken. Her own sense of self had been slowly eroded over time—thanks in part to the Hutt who had reduced her to little more than screaming entertainment for a jeering audience. She’d quietly made her peace with it. It wasn’t that bad, right? Her mother had been a prostitute by profession, and she was the most warm-hearted person Joza could think of.

Joza looked back down staring at the clasped hands in her lap with as much contemplation as her frazzled mind could muster. “I want to give this child a good life. And as much as I want the father to be a part of it, I just can’t.” A few years ago, this might have been a happier situation for her—but it would also mark her leaving the Silver Jedi.

Upon learning that both she and the child would be allowed to stay, she nodded dimly. A wave of relief washed over her, and she took a few moments to revel in it, tilting her head back and closing her eyes. “I understand. Any ties I have with him that haven’t already been torn apart will end. Thank you, I—“ Her eyes few open as the wave of relief turned into a wave of something else. Scrambling off of the bench, she managed to cover a few feet before collapsing to her knees and vomiting into a bush. Intense nerves or hormones? Probably both.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor put an arm out...then moved....was she....yes.....she went and threw up in the nearby rose bush. He winced slightly and looked around. A couple of Knights had stopped, showing a look of concern. Before they could do anything, Connor batted them down with a smile and a shake of the head, mouthing a reassurance to them. He stood and walked over to the girl on her knee, gasping and catching her breath. She was shaking.

"Calm yourself. Deep breath. Relax."

He knelt beside her and rubbed her back, pulling back a lock of hair from her face and giving her a moment. Ever the gentleman, he averted his head and took a moment to simply stop and smell the roses...and whatever else that tickled his nose, causing it to wrinkle a little. When he felt her nod, he carried on rubbing.

"Do you have any family you can trust? Anyone at all - cousins or long serving friends? We need to count our options before resorting to the definitive choice."

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Joza gasped for breath, coughing a little and wiping some drool away from her lips and chin with the sleeve of her robe. Normally she did care if her clothes were soiled out of combat, but that was so far in the back of her mind right now.

The hand on her back rubbing in gentle circles was welcome, as Joza was past the point of being embarrassed now. There was plenty of time to be embarrassed later, but right now she needed the help of a level mind. Her brows scrunched in thought as her breath steadied and she shook her head.

Irenka? No, her cousin was still probably a teenager and the two never got along. Even more wild than Joza, that one was. She would trust her mother to care for the child, but Zeltros was unprotected and the Sith would easily be able to track her down. That, and…she didn’t want the baby to be raised as a Zeltron. “My father…” She muttered, before shaking her head again. “He would protect the child, of that much I am sure. But he’s a part of the Mandalorian Crusaders. I don’t…”

Her brow furrowed again. She hadn’t known her father for that long, but did she want the child to be raised as a Mandalorian? Would it selfish to give the child up, or would it be selfish to keep it? Maybe the kid would have a better life there, maybe it wouldn’t. She had no idea.

“…I’m not sure. I-I don’t know what would be best for this child. Oh Gods, I’m not sure how to protect it, I’m not sure if I even want it.” Still, a hand would rub against the still flat plane of her stomach—was that a slight bump?—maybe she was imagining things.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Aware they were in a very public place, the last thing either needed was attention, so he gently raised Joza by the arm as she was unsteady on her feet and obviously not thinking straight.

"Come with me."

He walked he, slowly but with direction, towards the Isolated Garden.

The sun broke through behind them after a minute or so going away from the Temple and beyond the boundary of the public garden. The huge stone arch would be seen first, the broken steps leading down to the babbling brook, half-buried remains of the older outhouse of the Temple and where the jungle made it too thick to go any further. The overhang was shady, the nature called around them, and it was cooler and quieter than being up on the surface, as they had walked down an incline to be here.

Connor sat her at the top of the stairs, before the arch and span around, resting on the pillar with his foot.

"Welcome to my quiet place," he smiled, before folding his arms. "Ok. You say your father is a Mando? Worst comes to the worse, this child learns how to fight and how to survive. He'll be protected there, that's for sure. On the other hand, your contact would be less. But if the child stays here, then we look after them, and you, and if you wanted, they train here or study and follow your leadership and love as a mother. Simple."

He scratched his arm.

"You just need to know what it is you want. You're in control here, Joza. Not that Sith who did this to you."

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Joza sniffled a little as Connor helped her up, quick to wipe the tears brimming at the edges of her eyes. A place as public as this probably wasn’t the best to have a breakdown in.

Now a bit distracted, she let Connor lead her along to a more secluded area. Glancing above them, she noticed how the sunlight looked a bit warmer, filtered through the jungle canopy. Perhaps now that they were away from prying glances, she could take the time to organize her thoughts.

Shifting gingerly from her seat atop the stairs, she found that she could not return his smile. Instead, she listened, twiddling her thumbs together as her hands once again clasped in her lap. There was no doubt that Zef would keep the kid safe—as upset as he’d be that the father wasn’t a Mandalorian. Wait.

Wait.

Joza visibly twitched, her anxiety levels rocketing in an instant. “I forgot...” The words drifted from her lips like smoke from a cigarette—she’d have to quit those now—and her eyes grew wide. Clearing her throat, she continued a bit louder. “I forgot that I was married.”

Quickly, she scrambled to explain the situation without actually knowing how. Truth be told, she quite honestly forgot about the fact that she’d been a part of an impromptu marriage with an equally confused Dark Jedi. Drawing in heavy breath, she looked up at Connor. “Do you remember that man you fought with against Orcus during Ruusan? The Dark Jedi? His name is Alkor Centaris, and he’s a Mandalorian.”

Sort of. When she’d met him, he was just only coming into the Mando way of life. “He and I were talking during a Mandalorian party, and someone…I think her name was Keira Ticon?...came up to us and made us repeat marriage vows to each other in Mando’a. Neither of us speak the language, so we didn’t know what we were saying and…” She shrugged, trying to figure out what sort of explanation to give.

“We were both horrified, but I’m not sure if there’s a way to reverse it, or if it’s even legally binding. Mandos and family and all that.” Joza wanted to laugh nervously, but she couldn’t. Would Alkor be angry? Would he even care? She wasn’t sure. That man didn’t know what it meant to feel love or connections to other people—he’d told her so and they’d had an interesting conversation over it. Before, of course, they found out they were married.

Rubbing at her face, she heaved a heavy sigh. “So here I am. Married to a man I barely know and haven’t seen in months, and pregnant with a Sith Lord’s child. Certainly a good cautionary tale to for the younglings.”

Rubbing her stomach again, she tried to picture herself swollen with a child and shuddered. “I can’t imagine not being in my child’s life. I have faith in the Silver Jedi, and I think it would be best for the child to remain here once he or she is born. With me.”

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

And the next bombshell...shellS...were dropped.

Connor blinked, and again, and twitched as his eye burnt, tutting a little at the pain.

"You're married, to a Dark Jedi Mando, and Keira Ticon got you to do it in a tongue you don't know? Well," he leant his head back against the pillar and forced a laugh, "that wasn't what I expected."

Keira Ticon continued to be as much of a part of his life in someways as much as Matsu Xiangu was. Except she was a lot less dangerous. Matsu, that was. He shook his head and smiled. Trust her to be involved in this mess.

"Okay. Right. So it sounds like you are bound by whatever code the Mando marriage follows, so technically you've now slept with a Sith and commited adultery and aldo ended up carrying the said affairs child. A Sith, a Mando and a Jedi. Sounds like the start of a bad joke. Or a civil war."

With a sigh, he cupped his chin again and looked at the Zeltron. This was more than he expected to be doing today. His training schedule was right out of the window.

"If this Alkor is as careless as you, I doubt he'll be much of a problem, but if you want to sort this then maybe we need to contact him? I know Keira Ticon so I'm sure she could help. In fact, I can find out direct if this marriage is even official. She'll tell me." He licked his lip and tapped his chin, brain in over-drive. "At least the child will be safe here as long as you cut the ties with that Haytham from now. Alkor, I'll have to think about."

Connor had gone into one of his monologues, talking out loud to himself more than Joza. When he finally looked at her, he raised his brow.

"Anything else you want to tell me to avoid giving me a heart attack I'm about one drama away from having?"

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

“Now that you say it out loud, it sounds bad.” Joza muttered, brushing her hair away from her face. At least a bit of her humor was returning.

“I should contact my father anyway, and let him know that he’s going to be a grand…yeah.” She winced visibly at the words, rubbing her hands together absently. “And Alkor. He deserves to know, as karked up as this is. Not sure how he’s going to react, but it might just be a blank stare.” Man, her life was like a bad joke at this point. Almost as much of a joke as the marriage.

When he asked if there was anything else he should know, Joza took a few moments to genuinely think about it. For all of the things her life was—messy, emotional and occasionally very stupid—boring was not one of them.

“Yes, actually.” She cleared her throat and faced him with a deadpan expression. “I’m really an intergalactic pop sensation who secretly moonlights as a Silver Jedi in order to escape the everyday woes of my extravagant diva lifestyle. Oh, and I’m not a natural redhead.”

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

With a serious nod, a little sound of acknowledgement, Connor pushed away from the pillar.

"Well we need to contact your agent and tell them you're not going on tour for the next two years. And not a natural red-head? Pity. It suits you."

Hopping up to where she was sat, he took a seat next to her and picked at the heavy stone step they were sat on, crumbling small debris in his fingers.

"Contact your father. Contact your...husband." What a mess. "And that will make you feel better. If you want to do it here, we can get a connection up for you or if you need to go in person, which I would think about, then we can escort you. It's your choice. This is all about you now, ok? Your choice."

He looked at her, reading her body language. It was like when they were sat in the training arena again; side by side trying to make sense of a crazy situation. She was coping alright though.

"Come on," he put his arm on her back and rubbed it gently to comfort her, "we've both been through worse. And we both surived. You can get through this, and I'll be here to help. I said I would, so you got me at least. You got all of us."

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

It does suit me. An idle thought drifted through her mind as she combed a clawed hand through her red waves. Zeltrons and their pink skin were naturally vibrant creatures, and the bright locks were her most striking feature.

Her head raised as Connor sat beside her, and then her face scrunched in thought. “I’d rather do it in person. There’s no need for an escort, though. The Crusaders present no danger to me.” Heck, Isley Verd was her godfather. And while she hadn’t known Zef for very long, she never felt threatened around his Mandalorian brethren. Probably had something to do with him being a Warmarshal, but she’d never asked.

“My choice…” Her gaze had slowly tilted towards the babbling brook, eyes focused intently on the water as it flickered to and fro across the rocky surface. At the right angle, it almost seemed to glitter when struck by the filtered sunlight. This was her choice. The weight of his words hadn’t quite sunken in, but Joza felt as if she was beginning to understand them.

In a certain sense, Haytham—Vanitas, whatever—was no longer a factor. She had to put him and his influence out of her mind for her own good, and for the good of their…her child. It was imperative for her to move past this if she ever wanted to feel whole again. Perhaps she’d learn to be her own person, but with any revelation came trickles of doubt. What am I going to do?

Connor’s hand on her back brought her attention back up towards the other Rogue. Joza wanted to snort in laughter at his words. Worse? Right now, with the weight of so many feelings baring down on her, certainly this was worse. Worse than losing her hand to a Sith, worse than being in chains. Maybe. Her reality was skewed, but she was gradually coming down from her emotional high.

Breathe. Remember to breathe.

“I know. I know. I…thank you. I could really use your help, and I mean it. I don't know much about raising children. Someone’s got to change the diapers.” Eyes still watery, she gave him a sad smile, but it was still a smile. It began to fade though, just as her head tilted to the side and she seemed to inspect him closer.

“Does it still hurt? I mean…” She brought her index finger up to trace beneath her left eye, mirroring where the injury was on him. Her lips parted slightly as she asked, and stayed that way as a touch of concern flashed in her eyes. To her, Connor was always so strong and infallible—but even he was not without scars. None of them were.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

He looked at her, and her finger tracing where his scar tissue was under the eye. He had almost forgot it looked so nasty - the gentle twitch of the muscle he was used to, that was more a internal glitch. But the crimson mangle of flesh on the surface? That was another love letter from the Sith, and another reminder of what he had come through.

"A little. Now and then, the skin seems to get tight. Seems to burn. Lucky I can even feel that after what happened."

Looking away for a moment, aware his wounded eye was closest to her, he sighed a little and threw his handful of small rock chips up and over into the foliage beside him.

"Be sure to keep in touch when you go out there. You're still one of us, and I still want to make sure you don't get into any more trouble than you're already in. Don't let anyone push you into anything you don't want, ok? It's your choice."

He had to make her remember this was her[/] choice now, not the fathers or the husbands or anyone.

"And I will help you as much as you need, but you've got to trust me and listen to me. I know what I say you may not like at times, but I'm doing this for your sake, ok? Nobody else. You're important, ok? It'll be alright." He tired to get her to look at him, through those misty eyes. "But I don't do changing of babies. No way. I'll talk or train them, but no changing."

[member="Joza Perl"]