Private A Broken Wing

[Acaadi]

"I don't think you should leave," he said bluntly.

Acaadi shifted awkwardly when he realised how sharply he had countered her. She didn't need that now. She probably just needed him to listen. Phalsi Drynchen had told him that being able to listen was one of his most endearing qualities.

"I mean...I think I get why. But maybe instead of leaving you should take your time. Might be that you can use the Force again? But if you really can't, maybe...a normal medical school?"

"But don't let stupid boys try and swing lightsabers at you again, that was silly..."

He tried to smile, hoping she didn't think he was trivialising her problems.

 

[Amani Serys]

Acaadi​

Amani turned back to face him at the sudden abruptness of his response. It was just enough to make her pause and think for a moment, before answering with a sigh, “It’s too early to decide anything for sure. There’s so much to think about.”

She’d hoped that would be an appeasing enough answer. Amani wasn’t exactly one for throwing in the towel when things got tough. She wasn’t sure just how much she wanted to let on. Just how disillusioned she’d started to grow ever since coming back. The whole galaxy was in a state of flux, and nobody seemed to really ‘get it’, from her perspective at least. It was a rude awakening for someone who used to see everything so idealistically.

“But in the meantime, I can’t just sit around a temple, hoping things are going to get better. I need to do something with my life. I need a… a purpose.” She changed the subject briefly to address his last thought, “And for what it's worth, you’re not stupid.” Amani smiled back and nudged him before thinking on to what else he had said.

“Medical school can be… expensive.” She grimaced, “I don’t exactly come from a well-off family, y’know?” And it wasn’t like jedi stipends were made for the materialistic. It was worth considering all the same. It was her life’s work after all. The thought brought her around to another idea she’d been considering, “You ever hear of a herdship?”

 

[Acaadi]

"No, can't say I have," he replied after a moment of thought.

"I didn't mean to tell you that you shouldn't leave sorry. That's entirely your choice. Just caught me off guard is all."

"Maybe not all. Will miss you. Fewer and fewer people left from the group I first trained alongside."

Acaadi spared her a sidelong glance and a weak smile.

 

[Amani Serys]

Acaadi
​

For a moment Amani almost seemed a little more like her old self, pleasantly taking the opportunity to explain the idea to him, “Well, they’re these big, floating cities the Ithorians built and live in. Their societies are run by healers, and my friend Centin Tillo and I, we met the Elder of one of those ships through my old healing instructor. She was a close friend of his-” Amani paused for a moment to redirect the point of what she was saying, “A-anyway, the Elder told me that, any friend of hers is a friend of his and, if I was ever in need of a home away from home, I could find it there. If nothing else works out, seemed like a good enough backup plan to me.” She shrugged and returned a sheepish smile, “Sorry, I get carried away with that stuff. She taught me a lot about her culture, and I always found it really fascinating. But it's just a backup idea right now anyway. I don't know if I'm ready for that.”

She pause and let the topic die down, Amani returned her thoughts to the present, making an effort to reassure him “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it like that. Don’t worry so much.” Pot, meet kettle. Though a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ attitude wasn’t exactly a new one for her.

Her weak smile faded at the mention of others, “Yeah… Feels like ever since Yurb, everything’s gone downhill. I keep saying I wish everything would just go back to the way it was, but… I guess I just need to accept that life’s just not really like that, huh?” She stared back at the floor dead-eyed, “Everything ends the same way. Sooner or later.”

 

[Acaadi]

That sentiment hit home. It pushed Acaadi into silence for a few seconds. He would have loved to go back before war arriving on their doorstep, back to simple times when they felt guilty for skipping a lesson.

She was right. There was no going back. They could only move forwards.

Acaadi frowned, realising that if she didn't feel right here then she didn't have many options left.

"Have you even been to Mirial?" he asked. "Would you like to go there and get away from here for a bit?"

His parents didn't mind him dropping in at any moment and they always had a guest room at the house. There would be awkward question, but there were always awkward questions from his family about his life.

 

[Amani Serys]

Acaadi
​

"Mirial? Not since I was born." The mention of their birthworld caught her totally off guard. It was an idea that lingered in the back of her mind for some time, but she never dwelled much on it.

"You mean on Mirial? The surface? Last I heard it wasn't exactly... doing well." Not to mention it was under the supervision of the Sith Empire. If what she'd heard was indeed true, then Amani was nervous to see it for herself. Then again, her source of information had been a Sith Lord.

Whatever the case, it still left her with one last question. Amani hesitated before following up, "Like... just the two of us?"

 

[Acaadi]

"The cities have been getting better over the years," he replied. "There's a lot said in the news over the years to those it suits. The silver Jedi attacked when I was younger to try and remove the sith. Lots of propaganda about what the Jedi did.

"You have to take the long route around Alliance space and the rim to get there. Can't cross our border. I understand if it's too close to the Sith."

It was only a short hop away from Dromuud Kaas. Her second question was more awkward to answer.

"I mean...yes just us. But we've got spare rooms. They'd understand if you wanted to get away from here. I go home, once earlier than I was supposed to just because I wanted to see home again."

 

[Amani Serys]

Acaadi​

She nodded along with his reassurance. Figures that the Sith would probably be all too eager to blow it out of proportion, especially to one as impressionable as her at the time,

“Yeah, that’s a bit of a ride.” Amani wasn’t all that eager to go back near Sith space. She wondered if her avoidance of Mirial had been subconsciously intentional this whole time. At the same time maybe there was something worthwhile about actually facing that past. And now the offer had been extended. She ran fingers through her dark hair, “I-I dunno, Acaadi. It sounds nice. It does. But do you really think you should be jumping off your training now? Just for the sake of giving me an escape?” He was close to the Knight trials after all. Maybe it was an excuse, though even she wouldn’t be able to explain what for.

 

[Acaadi]

"Yes," he said plainly. "But I understand if you don't want to go anywhere near that region of space right now. Maybe spending some time with Ithorian healers would be a better idea."

Acaadi sighed, turning to watch Amani closely. Perhaps, he thought to himself, listening was a much better idea than making suggestions. One of those had already gone entirely wrong today. She was close to breaking point and it made him ache to feel like a fraction of that through the Force, to see it on her expression. She had achieved more than he would have expected she could - even if that was unfair of him to think - but she was paying for it.

"Everyone else is giving up so much for everyone else. Knight is just a title, I care enough about you that it can wait," Acaadi said firmly. "But it's what you feel is right. And there is no need to rush. Spoken to any masters about being blocked off like this?" he asked.

 

[Amani Serys]

Acaadi​

Amani was quietly taken aback by his sincerity. Not for lack of trust, but actually hearing it aloud was enough to make her think. He cared more about this than the next big step.

She knew that others were struggling, but her focus had been so insular that the understanding of it hadn't really dawned on her. He could very well need the breather as much as her, even if just from training. At the very least that, in addition to what he said, was a more palatable mindset for her to accept the idea.

“To the masters? Not very much. It’s happened to people before, I understand. Sometimes intentionally. Honestly I don’t really know what to make of it.”

Amani sat in contemplation for a few moments, eventually placing her hand on top of his, “Acaadi, if you want to go to Mirial, then I want to go with you.” She smiled reassuringly. Learning to lean on others could do some good. And if needed, maybe she could offer the same.

 

[Acaadi]

A C A A D I​

How much did he want to go home? Acaadi didn't know quite how she had flipped that question around and into him. He hadn't been thinking about it all that much until he had made the offer to her.

"I'd like that very much," he said simply.

His questions were going to help no more than his idea of saber practise. Amani wasn't going to suddenly think this through and provide solutions just because he was here to ask questions.

Acaadi was an only child raised by a strong and loving family. Everything had come quite easily to him and being picked for the academy had just been another sign of how special he was.

It was a slow journey to realise that no matter where you got in life you were not the best at anything. Their first encounter with slavers had made him realise how fragile he was, his first encounter with the sith a shocking realisation of how much more he had to learn. But anyone could listen.

"I care about you, Amani," he blurted out with very little composure.

 

[Amani Serys]

Acaadi​

“That settles it, then.” She smiled and nodded. It was unexpectedly difficult to admit to the idea. Whether it was her stubbornness or her self-denying attitude, turning it around on him made it easier to accept. Nothing really changed about it other than perspective, but that was enough for her.

The idea of returning to Mirial after all these years was exciting, and even a little nerve-racking. Amani was only a newborn when they left, and all she knew of it was from stories from her parents, traditions that had been passed on. But even that felt like a lifetime ago. She was anxious to finally bridge the gap.

Then Acaadi’s sudden blurt out quickly changed her line of thinking. “I know, you said that already.” She chuckled. A moment passed.

Oh. Oh.

“Oh.” Her mind started racing. Care as in like, care? He didn’t mean it like that, surely. They were friends, it’s only natural they cared about each other. If he meant it the other way he would’ve just said it, right? Or maybe he wouldn’t have? Nobody’s ever straight-forward about these things. Was she supposed to say it back? She was probably overthinking it and without giving it more careful consideration she looked back at him and said,

“D’you mean, like, as in…?” She drifted off, letting him fill in the blank. Only after the words left her mouth did the realization hit at how awkward this might be. Especially if he said no.

Her face began to flush a darker shade of green.

 

[Acaadi]

It seemed as if he had entirely gotten away with the blurted out comment. She was simply agreeing to the journey and his broad smile reflected that.

Then came the question. It was left to hang in the air between them without being finished. It sat there heavy, laden with implications. Acaadi felt a flutter of panic. He felt more panic when he realised he wasn't answering.

It wasn't simple. How did he put into words what she hadn't? Where exactly did his feelings lie? Having Amani leave had been such a confusion mess of emotions. He'd been left with the story that she had turned to the dark side, that she had killed. Even if he had started to accept that, he had thought she could be brought back.

There was still the confusion mess of what there was between himself and Kyra. As a Zeltron, she had a much simpler way of looking at it than he did. Or at least that was the impression she gave him sometimes, which was balanced by how much she didn't want to be perceived as another zeltron.

This was just about Amani, and looking up at her made that much, much simpler.

"Maybe. Yes. I think so. I mean...that just doesn't sound good does it? Oh." He sighed. Sometimes he wished words and feelings went together more easily.

 

[Amani Serys]

“Maybe?” Amani blurted back out. She clasped her lips shut as soon as the word escaped, and was filled with a sudden urge to hide her face, which was now significantly darker in shade, under her shirt.

The ambivalence was arguably worse to hear than any definitive answer could have been. And her response only made it all the more uncomfortable. As if her own feelings on the matter weren’t just as complicated. Stupid.

Flustered, Amani hung her hand down to hide her face, sitting in silence for a long moment as she tried to comprehend how to respond. “Um…” She spoke up, still concealed by the makeshift brim of her hand, “...What’s been going on with you and Kyra?”

Might as well put the fact that she knew out in the open now. Kyra spilled the beans right before Amani went AWOL. A bizarre revelation for her to depart on, one that already seemed complicated as was. She needed to hear it from both to get the full understanding. The last thing Amani needed was to get dragged into a holodrama-caliber romance triangle.

 

[Acaadi]

Acaadi nodded very slowly at that question. Another body blow. Not in shock, not in pain, just a second difficult question he hadn't seen coming. There was no point lying, but no one had asked him that question directly before. Acaadi drew in a long, slow breath and met Amani's gaze.

"We sleep together every now and again," he said. That too felt unfair. It wasn't right to summarise it so plainly.

"I don't really know how to describe the relationship," he admitted. "We're close and I care for her. And she'd probably get irritated if I tried to give that any kind of name."

Acaadi felt very small then. As if growing up had given him absolutely none of the tools he needed to explain himself in the moment. Or to stand up to the conversation with a degree of confidence. Why did these things feel so difficult to say out loud?

 

[Amani Serys]

Acaadi​

Amani stared blankly back at him as he tried to put words to his thoughts. The gears in her head turned as she made her own efforts to process it. They way they viewed such a relationship seemed to differ significantly. Perhaps there was a disconnect on Amani's part, but as a perspective it was odd for her to grasp. It only brought about more hesitance.

She looked away for a moment and nodded, "...Okay. I think..." She then stood up slowly, fidgeting her hands as she tried to come to some conclusion, "...you and Kyra should figure out, whatever that is. Between the two of you." There was no reason for her to be getting involved in this. This whole thing had been an uncomfortable conversation for her. And already it felt like she was too far into something that wasn't her business. None of them, including herself, seemed to actually have a way to definitively describe what they were feeling, and that ambivalence was enough for Amani to step back.

"And I-" She turned her attention towards the door, and began to collect her things in a hurry, "-I should probably get going."

 

[Acaadi]

Acaadi gave a slow nod, feeling his stomach sinking. He felt the last shreds of his youthful confidence worn out for the day.

The sight of her actually gathering her things in a hurry forced some kind of reaction from him. Some last ditch effort to salvage something from a very terrible attempt on his part to help a friend.

"Look..." He said, rubbing at his the side of his head. "I made stuff weird but I want you to know...regardless of anyone or anything else I care about you in the...you know...normal sense of the word. So you need anything, even just someone to listen for a bit. I am here alright?"

 

[Amani Serys]

Acaadi
​

At this point Amani wasn’t sure how to turn things back around. In her attempt to latch onto something she pushed it just a little too far, and left them both feeling more awkward. As if forcing some distance between them would suddenly make it better instead, the only escape she saw was leaving as soon as possible.

Amani paused by the door, trying to piece together what to say. In the end she simply gave him a weak smile, “I know.” She stood stiff, making the conscious effort not to reach out. “Leave some time to take care of yourself, okay?” The door slid open, and Amani made a beeline for her dorm.