A Helping Hand

[Connor Harrison]

Looking at her, Connor nodded, humming to himself in contemplation.

”No control. Alright. And this is because you think without it, people will get hurt and others will suffer.”

He began to pace.

”So what are you going to do about it? Everyone loses control a little, but it's be in control of LOSING that control that is important. If you never lose control, then you're just a robot. A pawn. And the Dark Side relies on you being true to your emotion.”

Connor turned away.

”What would you do if somebody hurt the one you cared for most in this whole galaxy?”

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

The words [member="Connor Harrison"] weren't the most pretty, but they were the truth. Kaalia nodded softly, understanding what he said. "I can't disagree with that. Being a robot is what I've been fighting to not become. I never made that connection until now." Puzzle pieces fell into place, the picture slowly becoming clearer. There was still a very long way to go, but the journey had to start somewhere. "It makes sense."

What would I do if somebody hurt the one I cared most for in the entire galaxy? It was a question that conflicted the redhead. One side called out for blood, making her want to avenge the one she cared about in the most horrific of ways. They would deserve it. The other voice in her head tried to force her to stay calm and collected, tried to convince her that revenge got her nowhere. Let go of those emotions. Kaalia shook her head with her eyes closed, clearly conflicted by the question. "You wanted to hear what I truly think, so I will. The true me wants revenge. I would want to maim them, make them regret ever laying eyes on the ones I care about. Then there's the shell of the light that tries to convince me that I should just let it go. Sit idly by while everyone around me suffers. That, in turn, makes me suffer myself. The fact those thoughts are in my mind makes me weak. You're right. I am weak."

 

[Connor Harrison]

While Kaalia spoke, Connor had paced a little more, turning again to look at her speak and hear the truth in what she felt and what she would do.

”I see. So you assume I think you’re weak, and then you admit you’re weak. That makes you weak in my book.”

Now to see how far it would take her to get the darkness swirling; it needed to come out, but was now the right time or moment? No. It needed to take control at a point where Kaalia was faced with a choice, but for now, Connor could at least shake the hornet’s nest.

”Forgive me, but…what are you even doing here? Why do you claim the Dark Side can help guide you when you don’t even want to be guided? Do you just want everyone to make things better for you? Is that why you stick to Ara so much, so she will make everything safe and sound for you?”

He pulled an overly puzzled face.

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

Kaalia's inner conflict flared up, the light and the dark at war against each other. [member="Connor Harrison"]'s words stung, she honestly didn't know what to think anymore. She started to pace around the room. "Do you know it, when you see nothing but what's straight ahead of you? That feeling that you simply cannot go anywhere else? That is the state of my mind. I need... Need to embrace what frees me, I have no choice." Emotions of sadness started to swirl around her, seeping in her presence in the Force. "Ara... She keeps me here. She gives me a reason to keep pushing, to keep going. She's the only one I've ever been able to call a friend. I don't care if I sound desperate. I'll be entirely honest, I am desperate. I just need to do this." Passion joined sadness in her aura. "I don't care if the facade that is the current me doesn't want it, because I hate that me. that me needs to die." Kaalia shook her head. "But right now, she's stronger than me."

She walked over to Connor, and looked him in the face. "Who you are talking to now isn't the true me. It's a conflicted, hesitant, weak version of me."

 

[Connor Harrison]

While Kaalia spoke, Connor had paced a little more, turning again to look at her speak and hear the truth in what she felt and what she would do.

”Conflicted. Hesitant. Weak.”

Connor looked her in the eyes as she almost squared up to him.

”Why would Ara want to keep hold of you if that’s what you are? If you ask me, it won’t be long before she throws you to the wolves.”

He walked past her, offering a gentle *tut tut tut* as he did. This was the part he enjoyed best. The goading; the jabbing; the slow burning surgery to see what was under the flesh. Sure, he was no “Dark Side Master”, or “Master of Ren” or the Sith, but he had experience. He knew what made people burn, and fly into a rage. He had witnessed it all and experienced it himself. While not a Master in rank, he was a Master of the Force.

Plain and simple.

”No offence, Kaalia,” he said, with all offence intended, ”but why are you even here? Go to the Jedi. It’ll be less embarrassing for you that way and you can wallow and decide what you want to be with them.”

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

Kaalia felt like she hit a brick wall, the name of the wall being [member="Connor Harrison"]. All she understood of his words that he had given up on her change already, and her rage started building. "No. I am NOT going back. I don't care what you say or think. If I have to do it on my own, I will do it or die trying." The redhead stared a hole through him. "I've been on my own since the start and I will be on my own forever if I have to be! I will make it because that's all I have left! I have nothing to lose!" The Force started swirling around her like a whirlwind, her passion adding fuel to the fire. Her tone dropped in pitch. "I left the Jedi because they were strangling the life out of me. I don't care how much this hurts me, I will keep going."

The anger that took hold of the redhead didn't subside. She was told she couldn't truly embrace the Dark side, and she was truly well pissed off. "Come on. Berate me. Belittle me. Do it enough and I'll knock your hide to the ground. You want me to embrace my anger? Go right ahead."

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor shook his head.

”There’s a difference in belittling someone and being honest with them. It’s just the pig-headedness of the one to see it as belittling rather than honest advice.”

He squared up to her, feeling her aura spiking and the darkness in her eyes.

”And don’t make me laugh – you can’t survive on your own. You’re too attached to Ara to even THINK about surviving on your own. I don’t even know you, but I know your weakness already because you let it out minutes after we met because you’re too trusting. You wear your heart on your sleeve and that will be your downfall, Kaalia.”

Connor jabbed with his finger, pushing her back.

”You need to take a long, hard look at yourself. It will take one word from Ara to break you, and then you’ll have nothing. Walked over and left behind unless you let go of that weak girl holding you back. Until you do, the Dark Side is nothing more than a dream for you to chase.”

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

Kaalia was finished hearing [member="Connor Harrison"] speak. The anger boiled over, and it took over. All she wanted now was to hurt him. "That. Is. It!" The words were accompanied with a sudden Force push that was fueled by her passion and anger. The redhead let out a feral yell, indication the control that she had before was gone.

Her mind was one of turmoil, and now was no different. The Light within the woman told her to let it go but those words were suppressed by the darkness telling her to maim him. Kaalia reached out in the Force, her aura slowly becoming darker. Gathering the power around her she used it to squeeze down the man's windpipe. A low pitched, soft and dark "No more words." came from her lips.

 

[Connor Harrison]

It was coming...and her aura burnt with a rage creeping through her body. The scar over her eye seemed to flare with the rage, burning with the amber creeping to her eyes.

The pressure on his windpipe came, that old familiar attack used by many to prove a point. He had used it many times before. The Force was one thing, but the Dark Side never played fair.

His hand shot out and grabbed her throat.

"First...to die...loses.”

Letting the lust for violence sweep through his veins, his eyes burnt with a sickly amber to match hers, and he staggered his breathing as he gripped her delicate neck.

Connor lowered his head, willing her to fight more, to give in. To let the Dark Side take hold.

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

The sickly colors that seeped into [member="Connor Harrison"]'s eyes was something Kaalia had seen once before, the time where she almost lost her life and was left with the scar of her face. The man who she killed out of desperation, her will to live. That same feeling crept back into her as her own throat was starting to get squeezed out. The redhead's vision started getting blurry as she heard the words that the man spoke. She wasn't dying. Not here. "So... Be... It."

She felt the incredible pain of the Force wrapping around her neck, but instead of trying to ignore it like her instinct told her to, she let it swirl and empower her. If he intended to leave her lifeless on the floor, then she'd have to do the same. They were locked in a stalemate, both preventing each other from breathing. Her eyes were feral, and slowly hatred started pouring into her aura. The only thing preventing her eyes from matching what she felt, from mirroring the sulphur and red in the eyes of Connor was that small spark of Light that kept fighting. It was helpless to stop her emotions however as the woman kept up the choke. Desperation, anger, hatred and passion collided as she looked at the man in front of her. for the first time in her life, Kaalia wanted someone dead.

 

[Connor Harrison]

With the joy wiped from his face, Connor acted.

He didn't know this girl, and if she died...she died. She was weak anyway.

Connor shot out his other arm and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck in a tight fist. Pulling her back, he span and threw her across the room.

Rubbing his neck, he stormed over to her, crouching and yanked her head up by her striking red hair, looking down at her face and seeing the darkness.

”Let it OUT! Kill that weakling inside you once and for all!”

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

As Kaalia was hurled across the room, tinges of fear crept into her being. The event that left the scar still hadn't left her concious, and more parallels between then and now were being drawn. She was pulled up by her hair, meeting [member="Connor Harrison"] up close when he sprinted over to her. "You will die with her." Kaalia said with a snarling voice, speaking through her teeth as she winced in pain caused by the forceful hair pull. She hit Connor with a left hook aimed at his face to make him release her hair, holding nothing back on it. The strike was followed by a kick to the ribs, looking to take the air out of him. Kaalia wasn't afraid to trade strikes.

She hated this man. She hated every fiber of his being. Weak or not, Kaalia would leave this room alive. "You want to kill me!? Come on then!"

 

[Connor Harrison]

This was much more satisfying than training Padawans, wrapped in cotton wool and tiptoeing around the facts of life and death. Connor rolled with the punch she threw, and the kick to the ribs took the air out of him, to which he took a few steps back, tongue rolling around the mouth for blood. Not that he cared.

”Don’t under-estimate me, Kaalia. If I wanted you dead, you would be. It’s HER I want.” He pointed to her. ”The weakling inside of you.”

He walked forward, seeing her breathing heavy, body rising and falling with each breath and fists clenched.

”The scar shows a mistake made and a lesson learnt. Allow me to try another.”

He grabbed the side of her head with his hand, fingers sprawled out like a clamp, and he fed fear into her. Threw a barrage of doubt and pain into her mind from what she had told him, and bled her senses into one disorientating, painful explosion in her head.

”The weaker of you dies. The stronger of you survives. Make your choice!”

Connor pushed harder….and then part of him relished the thought of a kill today. It would be her fault.

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

The impact of her strikes were extremely satisfying, and a small grin appeared on Kaalia's face as she watched [member="Connor Harrison"] take a few steps back. No matter how weak he thought she was, there was no way he would just take her out without effort. He approached again, pushing his hand on the side of her head. Suddenly, her vision begun to blur. Fear, pain, doubt entered her concious, and in a flash her mind was no longer in the sparring room. This is how you will die. Your weakness has caught up to you. You will never- "Enough!" The words seemed to echo endlessly, and as she looked around she only saw black.

Where was she? "Nowhere." The voice shocked her for a moment. It sounded... Like hers. "But everywhere." Another voice that sounded like her, but it was different. Somehow. "Why am I here?" she called out to the voices, and two figured started to form. They looked like her. No, they were her. They looked identical, but there was one fundamental difference: Their eyes. One of them had the brilliant emerald eyes that the people around her were familiar with, the other had eyes that were red and sulphur. They stood side to side, looking directly at her. "There can only be one." The other then spoke. "You must decide." Kaalia's eyes opened wide, realizing what had to be done. The sulphur-eyed Kaalia spoke. "Destroy the pretender." Then, the green-eyed Kaalia. "Lock away the pretender." The two sounded so similar, but so different. Kaalia was disoriented, but she had to choose. Now.

"Who is the pretender?" the voices spoke in unison as they gave her the ultimatium. In her left was a knife, in her right a key. She slowly walked up to the duo, and closed her eyes. Then, she had decided. With a fluid motion she brought one of the objects to one of the versions of her as the life started draining out of who she decided was the pretender.

"Look at what locking things away has gotten me. Nothing. I will no longer hide from who I really am and pretend it doesn't exist." Kaalia looked straight into the emerald eyes of the pretender as she twisted the knife in her gut, catching the glimpse of a tear coming from her eyes. "You won't enslave me any longer with your lies. You aren't me."

The redhead closed her eyes, and when she opened them she saw Connor, her eyes now matching the real her who she saw before returning to reality. Without saying a word, she brought a hand to his stomach and sent out a Force push. Her emotions fueled her more than before, her survival instinct guiding her actions.

 

[Connor Harrison]

When her eyes went, he could tell the mind had gone. Her mouth moved, but little came out as the visions danced around her head. Connor held his hand there and looked at her, waiting for the moment to break. But she did it herself.

Pupils focused and life returned, and she pushed out with the Force.

Connor rolled with the blow of energy and cushioned the landing with a bended knee, and immediately shot her hand out, palm up.

”Kaalia,” he commanded, ”control! Control it – the darkness. Control it…control it...”

She may or may not, but it was crucial for her to learn to control it, rather than it control you. That way, she could unlock her true potential without fearing she would succumb to the shackles of the Light, for she was in control.

He willed her to find it.

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

Rage. Pure rage was all Kaalia felt towards [member="Connor Harrison"]. In the moment, she hated him. Wanted him pleading for mercy, followed by a slow and painful death. She wanted nothing more than have him realize she wasn't weak. He called out to her to control the darkness around her, which confused her. On one hand he called her weak, useless. He told her to give it up and leave. On the other hand he was... Helping her? Why would he? "What do you want from me?" The redhead slowly approached Connor, eyes filled with hatred. "What. Do you want from me!?"

Kaalia started shaping all the emotion that swirled around her, honing it. Her mind was clear now, and yet she was filled by confusion. What were Connor's intentions? The redhead's approach brought her directly face to face with the man, glaring at him with barely any distance between them. The woman was ready to strike him down, to hurt him, to choke the life out of him, but when she herself willed to do it. Not a second earlier.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Meeting Kaalia head on, the room almost trembling with her pull of the darkness, Connor matched her tone and volume.

”To CONTROL the Dark Side,” he shouted, ”and let it kill the doubt you have!”

He could tell in her eyes that she was out to hurt him - even kill him - and it was part of the trial to allow the darkness in. Hurt and pain was acceptable, and all those following the Dark Side must embrace it on their journey.

”Come on, Kaalia, embrace it. Let it fuel you! Then, you stand with us!”

As he spoke, his fist was clenched, both as a sign of clamping down on power but also to move in case she came for him again.

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

Control the dark side. Kill the doubt. The words swirled around her head as Kaalia looked for their meaning. The dark side coursed through her veins, her instinct telling her to kill the man in front of her, right here and now. The redhead drew on the power that gathered around her, ready to attack him once. Then, she realized what Connor was doing. He was helping her. This was his intention, make her grasp for the dark side, step over the edge. "Then watch this."

Kaalia stepped away from Connor, and gathered the power that was all around her. A dark smile formed on her face. Behind her was a rack of training swords, and through the Force she began to levitate a good amount of them. She still looked at the man in front of her, her eyes not on the floating objects behind her. Suddenly, the swords flew forward, past both Kaalia and Connor. They were precisely controlled, picking out the destination of each swords carefully as they were flung. One of them grazed the hair just above Connor's ear, cutting off the smallest lock of hair. With the amount of force that was put behind them, they would all end up embedded into the wall. "Is that the control you were looking for, Connor?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor looked right at her when she manipulated the swords - if this was how he was going to die, he wouldn't look from the eyes of a killer.

He felt the manipulation in the air, and stayed still as the swords suddenly flew past them both to embed in the wall. A slight tickle teased his right ear, and looking down saw the strands of hair falling. Of course, he reached up to check she hadn't been careless to cleave a gash in his head, but all was fine. Just a little hair loss.

”Well. Sort of. That's just showing off and not really control. You want to know control, you need to really control yourself."”

Walking over to Kaalia, he patted her shoulder.

”Very good.”

No sooner had he praised her, did he sweep his left leg out to the back of her legs, pulling her backwards with the hand on her shoulder to send her falling hard to the floor. In a second, he had a hand on her wrist and called a sword to his other. Connor then glared at her, letting his desire to kill show as he held the blade dangerously close to her neck.

”THIS is control, girl. I could take your head in a second and there will NOTHING to stop me, and nobody would question it.” Oh to make a kill now, to show he wasn't to be underestimated like they all had. ”You have much to learn, and only when you are faced with true darkness will you understand."

The blade kissed her neck, held there as he looked down on the girl.

He drew it away, leaving a sharp thin cut that wouldn't scar, but be a little reminder about how close she had been to death. Connor tossed the blade away and held out his hand for her.

”It wouldn't have bothered me to kill you, and if that had been you to me, you would have killed me without a thought. But I controlled myself. Could you do the same? Once you can, then you will hold the power right in the palm of your hand, Kaalia.”

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

When [member="Connor Harrison"] patted her on the shoulder, Kaalia already knew something was off. It was too late to react however, and he took her legs from under her sending her to the ground. The air was taken out of her for a second when she hit the floor, and not long after she was met by a sword that was a bit too close to her neck for comfort. "I wouldn't have been bothered aiming one of those swords at your face, either. But I didn't. I agree, I have much to learn, but you shouldn't underestimate me too much." The redhead got up on her own when the sword was taken away from her neck, distrusting the hand the man reached out to her, and drew a finger where the sword had made the slightest bit of contact. She inspected the blood that was on it for a moment. "But, lesson learned. Don't believe the praises of Connor... Whatever your last name is. And I'll take your reached out hand when I have no other choice, I see no reason why you wouldn't just take me down again."

The mentioning of facing true darkness was odd to Kaalia. She wasn't entirely sure what he meant by it, but there was a certainty in her mind that she'd encounter it soon enough. "We'll see if I... Understand, what you're saying in time. Won't we?" The redhead shrugged. "Any other wise lessons?"