An Epic of Time Wasted ( Sky )

[Ben Watts]

Ben wondered how good of an idea it would be to reveal her past, but they could not hide it forever, and it would be much better to come from him than her finding out by someone else, especially a Sith. He promised he would be there for her, and if he had to be there when she found out, then he would no matter how bad things might get. From the way she described it, it seemed as if the tattoo was something important from her originals past life, and finding out what it meant surely meant she would know she was a former Sith.

She touched his tattoos and he had to fight the urge to resist again. But he did not flinch nor pull away, he enjoyed the touch, no matter how light. Glancing down, he watched her fingers trace his markings, not many people had ever seen them before. They were special, the only memories of his former Master, Krahno. "They are Cathar markings. The man who trained me was Cathar, and he took me to his homeworld, there I was made a part of his clan. It's rare for humans to become part of a Cathar clan, some of them found it taboo, but I became a member of my masters clan in those days and I could not have been prouder." He mourned his Master, he missed him, for so long he had been his rock. The man who brought him back to reality if he needed it, but he was not here anymore, so he had to be his own rock.

"Are you afraid of what you will find out about your past?" He knew it would be hard for her to come to terms with it, and he hoped she would not give in to the darkside, he believed in her and he would be there for her but there was always that chance.

 

[Sky Kerberos]

"No." At least that was true, for what was the alternative? That her past was wonderful, and she had been a true Jedi, which would only mean that her darkness now spawns from her alone.

It was nice to hear of his life, and hear the pride within his voice, even if it was mixed with sorrow. She could not remember her own master...she did recall Rianna Organa, but knew that she had not been her original trainer. She came to the Master Jedi already versed in the Force, yet again a block. She couldn't remember anything else. She hated this feeling.

Even more so she hated that though she had most of the memories and believed herself to be Sky, she wasn't. It killed her to feel as if twenty two and yet have no identity.

She moved her hand away from him, knowing that though he had not flinched away, he also had a barrier up. She believed that though he did not move away, he wanted to. He wanted to escape her touch, and probably be alone in this late hour. "I do not fear my past. My only concern is for the lies--if any--I have been told, or the truths that had been hid for me."

But she trusted him, he would not lie to her. She looked from his tattoo to the door, still avoiding his gaze. He did not desire her touch, he could not desire it, for he was a Jedi and she was full of chaos. Still the weight of his hand on her back sent chills of the carnal through all her senses. And him so close to her...she could not handle what was building within her. All her inclinations told her to follow her passions, to take whatever she desired despite any consequences. And even with his touch, her tattoo began to become like a skillet on her back, outwardly the black lines became singed with red as she tried to suppress her feelings. "I don't know how to read you, Ben. I don't know how to do this alone, to be a Jedi."

 

[Ben Watts]

She did not seem to want to match his eye contact, like she was nervous, or did not want to look into his eyes for some reason. This made him feel a bit uncomfortable, was he overstepping his bounds? She knew him as a Jedi and was not used to this side of him, but to be fair, he was not used to this side of himself. He was so used to suppressing his emotions, being calm and collected, this whole showing tenderness and like towards someone was new to him. Maybe he was doing it wrong, maybe he was pushing her away, he did not know but he was unsure of where to go from here.

He wondered how she would react to her past, would she be angry? He believed she would stay strong, he hoped at least, he would do everything to make sure she had someone to be there. He feared if she figured out the women she came from was a powerful Sith Lord she would desire her past life more. Either way, he could not deny her that knowledge, it was hers to know if she sought it and hopefully, him being there, would help the transition.

"I don't particularly make it easy to read me," It was true, he put walls upon walls up around his emotions, and breaking them down was not easy. He had shown her once what he actually felt, his pain, his fears, and she had almost left. In his mind, they were his burdens to carry, and he did not want to put them on someone else, especially her. Reaching up with his free hand, he gently placed his hand under her chin, and he turned it to face him so that she was looking into his eyes again. Letting down the walls for her, she would know that he cared about her, she would be able to feel it. "You don't have to do this alone. I told you I would be here, and I am not going anywhere, I promise."

 

[Sky Kerberos]

Seeing his eyes, his emotions within them. The feel of his touch on her chin. Part of her wanted to look away again, for she knew what was present in her eyes despite the sea of blue peace in his. In hers was red, as passion forced it's way to within her, but she fought it. To separate herself, for all the desire she wished to keep, but with none of the dark strappings of her soul.

Would the red make him push her away. Would it make him believe she could not deal with such relationships? Please no, she could not handle if he did. This was her, and she did not want him to despise her.

It was natural, innate to her body, how she reacted. What was wrong with her?

She brought her face near to his, her lips so close and yet not touching. Her breath intermingled with his own as all she wanted was to move closer. To feel his lips on hers. Please do not turn away.

 

[Ben Watts]

Her face close to his, he knew what she wanted, but he was not sure he could give it to her. For thirty years he had believed that this was not the way a Jedi behaved, but for thirty years, he had never felt anything like what he was feeling in the moment. He could see it in her eyes, the way she looked at him, she longed for him to kiss her. She would feel it in him as well, he longed for it just as much, but something was holding him back. It was improper, this was not what he was supposed to do, but he could not deny his feelings.

He made his decision, it was his to make, there was nothing forbidding it but he knew it was wrong. He did not care, though, he leaned in and their lips touched. He pulled her in close with the hand on his back, holding her tight, as if he never wanted to let go. For the first time since he could remember his thoughts were not worried about everything that was going on around him, only her. With his other hand, he gently grabbed the back of her head, running his fingers through her hair. He had never kissed a woman before, he was not sure of what he was doing, but it seemed easy enough.

 

[Sky Kerberos]

At first she was scared that he would not return what she felt and desired. His hesitancy...why was it so wrong to feel this way? Especially when...she needed him. He was her sole connection to the light, the sole thing that kept her on solid ground. Could she resent him for holding her away from her nightmares? From the truth?

But then his lips touched hers. At first the red in her eyes burned with such intensity...but then the blue returned. It was as if he balanced her, his kiss shed her of all dark emotions besides the overriding one, the one of desire. She brought one hand to wrap around his shoulders, and down his back, wishing him to be closer still. Wishing to feel his heart near to hers. The other hand she gently touched his jaw, so carefully as if this were a dream and with one false turn she would wake up.

She kissed him with all the passion, all the tenderness, and all the longing that had been blockaded within her for him. Now her walls broke, the lust for him crushing all other thought.

 

[Ben Watts]

Never before had he experienced anything remotely resembling his kiss with her. For years he had pushed off getting emotionally attached to some for multiple reasons. He did not want them to be put into jeopardy over his affiliation with the Jedi, he did not want to do anything stupid for love that would compromise his emotions, so many reasons not to do something. But, he cared not, when she kissed him back, he could not control the things he felt but he did not care because he enjoyed it. For a moment, he wondered what Darron would say, he was sure an I told you so was in order.

Despite him loving it, he pulled away, just far enough so that he could speak and looked into her eyes, which had changed from red back to blue. He smiled at her, really unsure of what to do next, "This certainly helps me forget about my nightmares." He kept his smile, knowing he would have to say something, but for once his mind had drawn a blank and did not know what to say next.

 

[Sky Kerberos]

The absence of his lips from her was as a tease as he broke the physical connection between them. Still her body pressed against his, as she searched his eyes, wondering if doubts had formed over this. She couldn't see any, only a sense of peace as he spoke. Her hand trailed up his back, to his neck, wishing to bring him back to kiss her but she withheld.

"I don't think the nightmares will haunt me either tonight," she said, lightly kissing his jaw, then closer to his lips, but moving away before another true kiss.

There was so much she wanted to say to him, as she pulled away, wanting to speak. She was more frightened by this than anything else, for in his arms she felt protected. She knew that shouldn't scare her, rationally it should do the opposite. But to give yourself over to someone was like throwing your heart against the wall until it bleed. She could form walls, to enjoy the pleasure of him but to go no further. To not let him in, for hurt would follow.

She kissed him again, wishing him to drown away all her misgivings. She knew that her walls had already came down, that she had no more will to rebuild them. That it was too late for her, no turning back.

 

[Ben Watts]

The little things made him smile, like the kiss on the cheek, things he had never experienced before. He wondered why he had gone so long without experiencing these things, then he remembered, he had not met Sky yet. He had never even had the thought of doing with anyone what he was doing with her, which made it seem almost right, like he had been waiting for the right person to come along and get past his walls. She was not perfect, which was the draw to her, she was broken as was he. They both knew what it felt like to be trapped inside of their own emotions and not be able to display them for fear of repercussions, but together, they could say outloud what they wouldn't dare do before.

He felt pure happiness for the first time in years.

Though they had not known each other for long, they had connected, in a weird way but connected none the less. He had always been scared to share his emotions with someone. To many questions, not enough answers, and too many risks. It was only just now that he realized that the risk was part of it, he spoke of taking leaps of faith, well this was one of them. Sure, something could go wrong and ruin everything, but that could happen in every day life. For once in his life he connected with someone, he could be his true self, and he could not explain the feelings that shot through his body when he realized it.

She kissed him again, and he held her tight, lifting her into the air as they both shared another kiss. Reaching down, he grabbed her by her legs and lifted her up, carrying her over to his bed. He had no devious thoughts in mind, but rather, the bed seemed more comfortable . Reaching the bed, he let her drop from his arms onto his large and comfortable bed, before he followed suit and caught himself with both arms on either side of her, staring into her eyes, grin never leaving his face. "Is this the part where I say romantic things? Like, you're beautiful, I can't stop looking at you, I wish this night would never end. Etc." He had never done this before so he was kind of new. She would have to bare with him.

 

[Sky Kerberos]

She loved the feel of being in his arms, almost feeling weightless as he held her and then dropped her on the bed, before falling to on top of her yet putting none of his weight on her. She could not help but smile as well, seeing his own charming grin. Part of her wished to feel his entire weight on her, to be able to hold him with nothing in between them. He was almost intoxicating to her, taking away all pain of the past, making her actually happy in a world filled with tragedy.

"True romance is not in those things...it is in what's in here," she said as her hand came to his chest. "Like...I care for you, more than anything else."

She bit her lip slightly, saying that as an example of romantic things, but in truth she meant it and he would be able to clearly see that she did. How he was getting her to open up was so unusual, so strange; in all his actions he spun her about, fogging things up, making life seem beautiful when she was with him.

 

[Ben Watts]

Seeing her smile was something he adored, especially since it was the first time he had actually seen her smile. Since they had met, she seemed plagued by so many things, nothing he said or did could get through to her. But now, things were different, it was as if she felt safe with him and providing her with that safety meant the world to him. Especially since he had promised it to her, and he was not one to go back on his promises, seeing it come to fruition was amazing.

She put her hand on his chest and he lifted his left hand up to clutch it and press it against his chest. "I care for you more than anything else." In that moment, it was true, he did not care about anything else. The morning when they had to leave each other seemed so far away, and yet, he knew it was coming. He hated the thought that they could not just stay there forever. Grabbing the hand on his stomach, he wrapped it around his neck before letting his weight drop slightly so that he was on top of her, he wrapped his left arm up and under her back to pull her tight, and his right hand grabbed her other hand, tangling their fingers together, he kissed her again.

 

[Sky Kerberos]

There was no other place besides here which she wanted to be, no other person besides with Ben. With each movement he brought himself closer, and in his unbreachable proximity she felt the darkness within her waver. It was as if his happiness, his heart and soul could fight off all of her corruption…and though she knew this was not permanent, that soon they would part and her darkness no doubt would drain back within her. But within his embrace, she felt the happiness which had long evaded her.

Still fully clothed, she kicked off her shoes and wrapped her legs around him. With one hand, her fingers brushed against his own, with the other she traced his neck as she kissed him deeply. As their lips parted, she put her head to the side of his, kissing his cheek…his jaw…to near his ear. Between each brush of her lips on his skin, she whispered to him, "I am so lucky to have found you…if not for you I don't know where I would be."

Though she knew. Lost. The ghosts of the past would have overcome, she would have embraced darkness rather than their friendship and her affection. He kept her on solid ground, though her spirit still ran free, but at least it did not soar into hell. Rather it found solace in his light.

 

[Ben Watts]

He did not know where she would be either, Darron had lied to her, and without Ben she would be alone with her darkness. Eventually it would have enveloped her, her history would have come full circle, she would have surely fallen to her old self. He hated the thought of it now, he knew she was more than that, but he wondered what would have happened if they had never met. He was just glad that the Force had different plans for her and they involved him. He had never thought he would say he was happy to have found someone, but alas, he was.

Playing with her hair, he continued to smile, unsure of what to say. "You don't have to worry about that now. You're here and that's all that matters to me." He wondered why he could not stop looking into her eyes, intoxicating, he loved it. She was beautiful, especially in that moment, he could find nothing wrong with her. Even the darkness he knew dwelled in her, it was part of her, and he had promised to be there for every single part. "You think we can skip out on being Jedi tomorrow? Maybe they won't even notice we are gone."

 

[Sky Kerberos]

She leaned up and kissed him quickly, not being able to resist. He was truly wonderful, from his smile which had her smiling more than she ever had, to his heart…which she became completely enamored by. And never had she felt as if someone was there for her, to comfort, to talk to, to be steadfast in a world of the chaotic.

"We need more than a day," she joked lightly, her smile so wide as she looked up at him, "A year at least. Maybe a century or longer."

"And if they notice…" her voice wavered for a moment, for she knew how Ben was, how he followed the code and stayed to the old ways, the ways without a relationship. Did he see what was between them as a weakness? It was opposite of what she felt, for she drew strength and direction from him. But did he regret breaking the old way for her? Would he be ashamed…?

"I know you believe in the old code, no attachments, no relationships." She said her statement as a question, not sure how to word the rest of her doubts.

 

[Ben Watts]

He chuckled and thought about what it would be like to take an entire year off. Of course that was impossible, but it was fun to imagine, but the more he thought about it the more he realized how much he enjoyed being a Jedi. It was rough, sure, but the payoff was worth it. Even though most people had such an obscure view of what Jedi actually did. Letting his weight fall, he landed beside sky, and he wrapped his arm under her head and pulled her close so that she was laying on his shoulder. Playing with her hair, she sat up, and she asked him about the code.

He did not respond for a second, thinking his words over carefully, but he knew the answer. "The old cold is just that, old, the whole no relationships is just something I did because I always believed it was the right thing to do. That was until I met you." He smiled and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "I believe in the light, that's all, and me having these feelings for you don't change that. I tried to block them out, I will admit that, but no one has ever done to me what you do. I am still a Jedi, and I will always be a Jedi, but now I have someone to talk to when I go home. Now I have you, and if that makes me any less of a Jedi, well then sign me up for something else." He did not really mean it, he loved being a Jedi, but he also wanted to reassure her. Let her know he was not having second thoughts.

 

[Sky Kerberos]

His words and touch put her restlessness at ease, for it was one thing to start a relationship, but a whole thing altogether when it was a first. A first to him, for his old code had kept him from it. A first to her, in this body and in all aspects of the emotional. It scared her, but somehow whenever she looked at Ben she could not help but smile. For the doubts to break away in his gaze, and for her to be completely lost within simply feelings.

She leaned on her side while he played with her hair. She gently touched his cheek, tracing down to his neck. The gentleness of her touch was one wrought with raw passion that she tried to hold at bay. She wanted every moment to last, did not want to rush with him. Wanted to remember every curve of his face, how his emotions could be seen so clear in his eyes right now, how he looked at her.

For nothing lasts. At least from what her memories claimed. In her past life, nothing was eternal, everything fell too quickly under the sands of time. She did not want to lose him.

As the thoughts were replaced by sheer want, she moved to on top of him, but put none of her weight down. Knees to each side of his hips, and arms to each side of his shoulder, none of her touching him except her wayward hair that spilled down. She was facing him, almost leaning to kiss him, but not, teasingly so.

"And I believed that no one could fulfill what I desired, until I met you."

 

[Ben Watts]

All this physical contact was completely new to him, he had never experienced it before, so every time she touched his cheek or his arm a new level of warmness churned in his stomach. His face felt hot and he almost felt sick to his stomach, but in a good way, well as good as feeling sick at the stomach could be. A part of him said it was wrong, but the other louder half was shouting that it was good, and he knew it had to be good as he was enjoying it. Almost like he was melting at her touch, it was new, but he liked the new.

She moved on top of him, knees on either side, and he was now staring up at her. The strands of her hair danced around his face and he continued to look into her eyes, still mesmerized by the beauty he saw in them. Hearing her say that he fulfilled her desires was nice and made him smile, for so long he had looked for affection from someone, and she was giving it to him. For the first time in his life he wasn't seeking it out aimlessly, it was there, right on top of him. He could do something, anything, for her and she would not ignore him and treat him like he didn't exist.

"Keep saying nice things about me." He laughed and then reached his hand up and pushed aside a strand of her hair, holding it behind her ear. He paused, unsure of what to say, but there was no lack of words in his head. "I told you once, but I will say it again, I will do anything for you. I'll prove it again if I have to. Anything your heart so desires." He chuckled again, mostly joking, but he would if she asked him.

 

[Sky Kerberos]

The battle within him seemed to rage. Divided by who he was, his wants torn between two opposing forces. She did not wish to cause this war that waged within him, though she did not understand it wholly--could only feel the unrest and yet happiness that came from him. Wanting to help him, but not knowing how.

She kissed his lips in a gentle longing, before pulling back and whispering, "I trust you."

The words he had said, that he would do anything for her, stole her heart and confirmed beyond all doubt that she did trust him. And though his protection and strength at first scared her, she slowly was finding herself needing that. Needing him.

She fell to his side again, finding herself too overcome with desire to stay on top--but still her hand traced along his chest, feeling his warmth underneath his shirt. Nice things he wanted her to say? She had so many thoughts toward him, they were difficult to put into words, confining her feelings to a restrictive language.

"You know of my disharmony, and with others I feel shut of from. I don't know why, but with you my walls fall away. I want to be near you, to feel the harmony you give to my soul. Your strength, your goodness, your beauty..." she said, her words falling away as she kissed him, passionately so, knowing that a kiss could complete what words could not.

 

[Ben Watts]

With each kiss, his desire for her grew, and he was starting to become a bit worried about it. He had never lusted after a woman before, so this was new, but he also knew that even though he liked Sky he could not give in to temptation so early. They had only kissed for the first time within the past hour, and now he wanted more, he wanted to rip off her clothing. But he held back, he would not give into his lusts that easy, he pushed the feelings down like he did any other feeling. Anger, sadness, despair, he pushed it deep down inside of him so that the only feeling that emitted from him was that of pure happiness. He just wanted to be with her, to look at her, to hold her.

Pulling her tight onto his shoulder, he wrapped his other arm around her, embracing her tightly ( But not to tightly of course. ) and just holding her. Resting his cheek on the top of her head, he glanced out the window, wondering why it had taken so long for him to experience something like this. "Do you want to sleep her for the rest of the night?" He whispered it, hoping she said yes, but understanding if she said no. He intended to do nothing, hoping she fell asleep in his arms, hoping he could fall asleep as well. Knowing she was there was enough to help him sleep, no nightmares could wake him, he would sleep with a smile on his face and be at peace. "I wont try any funny stuff." He chuckled and playfully rubbed her arm with the palm of his hand.

 

[Sky Kerberos]

"Yes," she said, for he was the only thing that kept her soul at rest, protecting her in his embrace. She did not want to leave him for this night nor the next nor ever. But separation was the way of the Jedi, and soon she had found herself alone. Avicus had come, and with him a memory of who she had been. A Sith.

She could not go back to the Jedi, for she had been lied to. But she had to, for Tython called to her...she had to discover more of her past. What happened on Tython. And though she wished to avoid everyone, she went to the forests and caves, looking for the ghost that haunted her.

The trees stood densely, their vines twisting around them as leaves covered the canopy, allowing no light to escape to below. She walked, hurt and alone, without direction. Where were the ghosts when you needed them, where were they when fictitious pain was desired over the real hurt?

Why did Darron tell her a lie? Why hide who she was, trying to shape her into something she was not?

Why did Ben open her to trust him, to care deeply for him...did he know of her past and lie despite everything?

If he had not...would he even be able to accept her now, knowing her crimes. He was one surrounded by light and goodness--she was not perfect as he. She could never be.

Either way, she missed him so, though was uncertain in everything. Her heart broke, her soul crumbled, and the ghosts watched, damning her with their silence.