An Epic of Time Wasted ( Sky )

[Ben Watts]

A Week Later

A week had felt like an eternity to him, he and Sky had parted ways, Ben to Antar and her to Zeltros. He understood, she needed some time to think, as did he, but that did not make it any easier. It also did not make it any easier that he had sensed deep distress within her, and a resurgence of the darkness, the darkness that he had helped to shove down deep within her. The resurgence worried Ben, for days now he had been wondering what had happened, who had she met? Had someone told her of her past life? He had wanted it to just go away, for her to live her own life, instead of worrying about a past life that would bring nothing but hurt into her life. The idea of her being filled with such darkness and pain pained him more than she knew.

Walking through the forests of Tython, he followed her force signature, he knew it better than most others. Hers stuck out, it was not tainted, but it was a different color. Emerging from the forest, he saw her, and he got the familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach when she was around. But something was off, it was not like it was when they had departed from his room that morning, he knew it now that something had happened on Zeltros. He stopped at the edge of the forest, gazing upon her, before he slowly approached. "Sky?" He said softly, just glad he was able to say her name again, to see her again. "What are you doing out here all alone? Is everything alright?" He knew it wasn't, but it was the only way he could ask. He stopped a few feet away from her, a concerned look on his face, he wanted to embrace her in a hug but he was not sure it was the best option.

 

[Sky Kerberos]

Though she had tried to conceal her presence, she should have realized it would have been impossible to do with Ben. Yet she did not sense him coming, so closed off she was emotionally. She had already let him in...yet now she was watching helplessly as those walls started being built once more. She couldn't let him in, couldn't bare the thought of losing him.

Did he lie? Did he realize how much this hurt her?

"Everything's fine."

Her heart broke just to look at him, having all these doubts. Not knowing who she was...the darkness inside her now unchecked and growing.

"I'm sorry," she said, though there was no sentiment behind it, trying so hard to close herself off. She was sorry for so much: for trusting when she shouldn't, for not being able to control her darkness, for her past crimes, for not being as perfect as he. She turned and began to walk away from him.

 

[Ben Watts]

Everything wasn't fine, it was obvious, but he did not know what to do about it. What was there to say in such a situation? It'll all get better? Was it that easy? No, he knew it wasn't, things were going to be hard for a long time for her. He knew that, but he was not scared of what they were to face, he promised to stand by her side and he would do just that.

Her getting up to leave confused him, it saddened him, it hurt. He wanted to talk to her, he thought they had gotten through this, what had changed since then? He could not imagine her pain, to know that you had lived another life, a different life, but have no idea what she did. He wished there was a way he could reach inside of her and just take it all away, to put it on himself, he would rather suffer than to see her in such despair. He was used to suffering, he was good at it, but it seemed so new and confusing to her. If only.

"Hey," He said as she started to walk away, reaching out and gently grabbing her arm, turning her around to face him. He did not grab her hard, just enough to get her attention. "Whatever it is, Sky, it's going to be OK. I promise, just talk to me."

 

[Sky Kerberos]

She struggled, wanting to not face everything. It was too much for her, being torn between two people: herself and her predecessor, and two different sets of expectations. No matter what she did, she would disappoint someone. No matter who she choose, she wouldn't be complete.

"Don't," she said, trying to release his grip. Don't touch me...for in his touch was what she needed. But she tried to push him away, so she could just escape. Not from him, but from herself. From all that she was.

But her struggle quieted as tears almost came. She couldn't do this alone anymore. "I can't..." Can't fight anymore.

"It's driving me nuts," she whispered, her voice struggling as she looked at him, letting him see her pain. How do you reconcile such an inner conflict. How do you trust if all that makes you up is based on a lie. How do you stand, when reality falls away?

 

[Ben Watts]

He refused to let go as she struggled against him, he hated to do it, but he could not let her go back to the way things were before. So alone, so scared, so confused, he would not let it happen again. He was not rough, he held on strong enough so that she could not escape his grasp. She finally stopped and she was about to cry, the look she had, it almost broke his heart. He wished she didn't have to cry, he wanted her to smile, always. Why couldn't he just wave his hand and wash away all of her problems. That would be the easiest thing, but it was not something he could do, no matter how hard he wanted.

She stopped struggling and he gently tugged her closer, looking her in the eyes, trying to comfort her the best that he could. "I know, its hard, but you are not alone. Remember what I said? I will always be here, always." He continued to gaze upon her, wishing nothing more than to kiss her, so he did. He could not help himself, he wanted her to know that no matter what, he still cared. Pulling her tight, he ran his hand through her hair, softly stroking the back of her head. He pulled away, his face only inches from her. "You aren't alone."

 

[Sky Kerberos]

At first she could only let the chaos in, the hurt and pain. But he held her, he locked eyes with her. She wanted to cry, wanted to be free of all burdens that crushed heavily upon her...she was drowning. But in his eyes she found a way to hold on. A light that called her home, one that tried to reach her through the storms of chaos.

And then he kissed her.

Her hands went up, gently she held each side of his face as he kissed her. As if she should pull away, he would be gone, as if she would lose him when they parted.

But when his lips left hers, he was still there, though she was scared to break the contact and so let her hands tenderly trace down to his shoulders, her touch never leaving. He claimed she was not alone, and she truly wanted to believe that.

"I found out, Ben..." she whispered, looking into his eyes for worried that should she look away that darkness would again take hold of her. Though in her voice was a question: did he know? Did he lie to her? If he did not know...could he even still promise her what he had, despite her past?

She kissed him again, wanting to wish away those questions. Wanting him to take away the pain. Wanting to just be with him.

 

[Ben Watts]

He was worried that she had found out, he wanted to find out with her, together they could have faced it head on and she would not have had to do it alone. He was unsure of what to say, what to do. Reaching down, he grabbed her hand and he looked down, letting out a sigh. "You found out what? That the person you were cloned from was a Sith?" That was all he knew about where she came from, he refused to discover more, he didn't care about that person. He cared about Sky and nothing else, and she was no Sith.

"You are not that person, Sky. You're better, you're stronger, you have me by your side. And if you want, we will go and find out everything you want about that part of your self, we will go wherever we have to." He put on a smile, not wanting to have to see that side of her, but if she needed him he would. What was the point of saying he would do anything for her and then deciding that there were some things he wouldn't do. No, if she asked it, he would do it because he was a man who stood true to his words. He squeezed her hand gently and he took his other hand off the back of her head, grabbing her other hand, holding both of her hands and not wanting to let go.

 

[Sky Kerberos]

He said the first part with such nonchalance. As if he had always known and she was the last to find out about her own self. Anger came to within her: her question had been answered--Ben had lied to her. She wanted to push him away, to run away from him, the Jedi, from everything. But his hand remained steadfast and soon his second one grabbed hold of her to, as if anchors to her otherwise wayward soul.

What he said next helped her to understand his lie. He believed her to be no longer chained to that past and saw her as her own person. In his words, in the emotions she felt from him, he did not think he had outright lied to her. She tried to let go the tension to run, and instead hold his hands in return. Drawing strength from him. Wishing he had told her, but knowing he did not know how.

"The ghosts I spoke of when we first met. I cannot have them haunting me anymore. I still do not remember all my past, just a few memories that Avicus gave to me. But I know that this place is connected with my past, and I want to silence it."

"You do not need to come with me." She said, but her whole heart wished he would. Without him by her side, she knew that the dark may overcome. Not that she was not strong enough to fight...but because a part of her desired the power of the past. The one thing that kept her from that indulgence was that her passion, her emotions, her heart would not allow her to.

 

[Ben Watts]

He could sense it, she felt that he had betrayed her, and for a moment his stomach dropped. He hoped she understood, that he did not want to put that burden on her, that not telling her was his way to try and silence those ghosts. He figured the time would come that she would find out, but he wanted to be the one to show her, to stand by her as she realized everything about who she once was. He could not worry about that now, she knew, and she wanted to fight the ghosts head on. He did not like the idea, but he agreed with it, the only way she was going to overcome those fears was to fight them herself.

He squeezed her hand as if to reassure her, she could not think he would wish for her to undertake this journey alone? "You think I am going to let you do this alone? I told you already, you never have to do anything on your own anymore, you have me." He smiled again, reaching up and pushing aside some of her hair, letting his hand rest on her cheek and cupping it slightly. "I want to go, I want to be there with you, to help you face these monsters and defeat them."

 

[Sky Kerberos]

"Alright," she tentatively said, for she was so used to doing things alone, and without the need of anyone else. Of course, through that method she embraced darkness, for her sense of justice was warped. If she desired to not let her emotions govern her, if she wished to stay in the light, she needed to accept his help.

***

Though the forests she led Ben, silently as she listened to her fear. She went where she did not want to, followed the path which she wanted to run away from. It led her to a cave hidden by foliage, it looked as if no one had entered in ages. Script painted the cave as one of lost legends, inside was just a black void that reached deep into the tunnel.

"This must be it," she said, not wanting to look too long at Ben. When he was confronted with her Sith past, what would he do? She felt he tolerated her past because he believed her to be a completely different person. If he wavered in that perception though?

 

[Ben Watts]

Ben followed her through the forests, not know where they were going, or why they were going there. She told him they were going to confront her past, and while part of him thought this was a bad idea, the other half knew it needed to be done. She had him, nothing would go wrong as long as he was there, and he did not plan on leaving no matter how bleak the situation got.

They stopped at a cave, and Ben peered inside, it was no use though seeing as it was pitch black on the inside. Reaching out with the force, he felt around inside, and it seemed as if nothing was there. A faint darkness perhaps, but he had been fooled before, the older the darkness the better it was at hiding. Turning to face Sky, he nodded his head, and then looked back into the cave. "Well..... lets do this." He put his hand out, wishing for her to grab hold of it, he would follow her into the cave and wouldn't think twice about it.

 

[Sky Kerberos]

She brought her hand to his, so uncertain and yet sure of him. As her hand touched his, he seemed to erase all doubts in her mind. She wished she did not have to go to within the cave of confront anything. She just wished she could be happy by his side, forgoing who she was, who she had been. But that was not how life worked. The strands of past mistakes branded harshly into her skin, though without them would be to deny who she was.

The light of the day gave way to dark as they entered. She tightened her hold to him. The walls around her seemed to become evanescent, a rotating smoke of black tendrils reaching from hell to reclaim what was lost--to bring her back into their grasp. She knew she walked this path before, but over the years it had become warped further under the neglection of betrayal.

"Sister..." She heard a voice so familiar but masked with a cracked hoarseness. Could Ben hear it?

She felt the tendrils reach out from the walls, twisting tightly around her legs, her arms, her waist. They tightened, though the ends caressed her lightly as her once brother in arms had. She dropped her hand from Bens, as the tentacles of shadow pulled her deeper within...

"You return after what you have done to me? To our empire?" The voice grew more alien, more twisted with hatred. The smoke tendrils ran through her hair, twisting around her neck. One thing she knew...she deserved this. Almost, did she wish to submit to the punishment, to allow her brother to destroy everything that she had once done. In the smoke's caress these memories returned, how she had stood by Malice, cared for him, destroyed him.