Private Compassion & Compromise (Kyra Perl)

[Caedyn Arenais]

It wasn't perfection, but his faith in the Force and a clear mind in the moment that drove him, his responses coming without a moments pause to reconsider or doubt his decisions. Again she slashed at him, this time Kyra Perl putting more strength into her attack. Caedyn's concentration was honed and his immediate environment seemed to slow as precognition kicked into play and he moved instinctively to side step the coming blow, then taking two further steps back to put distance between them both.

"What are you picking up from me?" He asked in the moment of pause, "What do you feel when concentrating on behavior?" he added curiously. For Caedyn, this was all rather typical of the training he had accomplished during his student years, yet for Kyra it would all likely seem rather new, training this way. Were this a live combat scenario, Caedyn's anxiety would be much higher and he have to try much harder to focus on keeping himself in check, yet in training with their lower frequencies, he had little to worry about.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra reeled back, giving him subdued, confused blinks. "Nothing." That wasn't exactly true, his mentality and focus echoed over to her as well-- gave her calmness and helped direct her. Trouble was she wasn't familiar with directing this towards her sparring. The foreign nature, while successful, was still not her own. There would be a need to practice-- to break down subtle walls and for her to take the last steps between feeling and emulating. Ironically, it would be better to start out with the basics here. Meditating, actually. Doing this and jumping into sparring was juggling a few more balls than she was capable of.

For now, she straightened with him, her breath even. "How do you do that? How do you not even respond?"

She understood it now, at least. Guess it wasn't all hogwash after all.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn couldn't help but grin as Kyra Perl started to see the benefits of Jedi Training through his own perspective, "Emotional awareness, it was the first class you met me in, remember?" he answered her, knowing full well it was the worst first impression he could have given her, short of outright insults or violent behavior. Calling her out in front of the class to use as an example had not been his most sensitive or considerate of decisions, not realizing the weight this would have on an Empath.

"Through meditation and years of practicing to discipline myself emotionally and mentally, I like many other Jedi am able to close my emotional side off, in a sense. We all need to deal with our emotions of course, but I choose to express them in safe environments where I'm not going to influence anyone or endanger them or myself" Caedyn spun his lightsaber hilt around in the palm of his hand in a subconscious sort of fidgeting manner, his mind thinking upon what else they could use this training technique with.

"You know, I think we've made astounding progress today. This might just be the start of our greater success as a training partnership" he grinned once more, obviously pleased with how well things had turned out thus far; "Well done Kyra, I'm really proud of you".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra stood there, rocking back on her heels in confusion. Wait. If she did good there -- and she didn't see how she really did anything at all-- then what about all their other sessions? Were they not the start of something great?!?

...Alright, don't answer that.

She gave him a flushed look, not understanding his pleasure but accepting the praise nonetheless. "I, um, thanks..." She shifted, unnerved, trying hard to shake his state of mind from her own. Her face slowly crinkled, strain starting to show.

"Doyoufeellikethis...Always?"

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"No not at all, I'm in full control of myself" Caedyn answered her, his form relaxing somewhat and his mind easing up with it, reverting gradually back to his more natural state.

"I guess you could say it's like flicking a switch when you need it. Engaging in combat for example where you might otherwise be nervous or frightened, angry or intimidated. Jedi seek to rise above these feelings for the sake of their mission and this is a way of achieving that", Kyra Perl didn't seem overly convinced of their success from what he could tell of her body language.

Part of him wondered if she felt as though they had cheated the system to an extent, but this method of training would be no less difficult for her in the long run than any other means of training another student.

"How did it feel, from your own perspective, to do what we just practiced? Did you find it helpful, and were there any particular struggles?".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra rubbed at her arm, relief filling her as the buzzing choas of others slowly reached her again. She shivered, the static a comfort. "It felt weird," she told him, her voice tight. Not a bad weird, just a... different one. As he withdrew back into his walls her mind remained unfortified and out in the open.

"Cold. Quiet." She rubbed back goosebumps from her arms, struggling to explain. "Like okay maybe it was easier to react cause everything was so-" She gestured vaguely, then wrapped her arms tightly around herself. She shook at her head, trying not to linger at the sensation. "It felt wrong. Inhuman. I don't like it."

What she meant to say was, she didn't like being left to herself. She was so use to the buzzing presence of others, being placed in that empty hall with nothing but her own pure, untouch thoughts were...

Scary, to the empath used to interacting with a colorful world around her.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn lifted his head in a half nod, a wary show of acknowledgement and understanding in Kyra Perl 's response to the experience. The way she described the sensation was unlike the experience that he felt when attempting to look passed his feelings. Training an Empath was truly a new experience and one that he found to be rather enlightening, despite their struggles to move forward.

As a pair, Caedyn felt like they'd certainly closed the gap in their relationship as Master and Apprentice, yet it was the challenge of trying to see things from her perspective, and then shaping their training together around that very different approach.

"I suppose it would feel strange for you, having spent all of your life exposed to the emotions and feelings of others..." Caedyn spoke aloud his thoughts in consideration; "But if you can learn to close yourself off as I have shown you now, you won't be a target for others to try and manipulate you with your emotional state. You will be able to protect yourself where other Empath's might struggle" he presumed.

 

[Kyra Perl]

"...Like against the sith?" Kyra asked, her voice growing even tighter. She barely looked at him, her lips pressing together into a tight line as she was reminded of her time with the cult. What they had done to her. How they had used this very thing against her.

She absolutely disliked the blank canvas of nothing that he has just showed her when they spared, but she disliked the pain the sith had put her through even more.

If that could be prevented.

If she could save Acaadi. ... Or even others...

Well maybe there was some merit to this no emotions thing after all. Caedyn had already proven himself right at H'ratth. She hurt people when she lost control.

The words caught on her lips, lingering there as she refused to release them. Instead he got the vaguest nod of agreement-- a begrudging acceptance to try that again. Not that she was jumping to for it. "I guess I understand."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Like when encountering the Sith or those of the Dark Side of the Force, yes" Caedyn nodded once more, this time with slightly more confidence than before. "Keep in mind that this only needs to be practiced during times of mental and emotional duress. Where you're in danger, or others are at risk. This isn't any way for someone to live full-time, we still very much need to experience and feel the joys and disappointments of our lives, as it helps us to grow as individuals" he explained, thinking that it might encourage Kyra Perl a little more to know that this was only something she needed to consider as a temporary practice, not a passive skill.

He didn't much enjoy the prospect of his Padawan having to face the Sith or other Dark Side practitioners in the future, yet he knew that was also inevitable, and that he was feeling this way out of care and the want to protect her. With this realization came a mixture of feelings, pride for his Padawan and recognizing that she was someone he cared about beyond their formal partnership, but also a sense of wariness in that these feelings could also be exploited by the opposition and so he would need to be mindful of his attachments.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra stared at him in mixed trepidation, still unsure about the experience. To be fair, most padawans were not introduced to the mental state of a jedi in one fellow swoop. They gained it through years of practiced and acclimation. To any outsider looking in, the state of mind would easily feel just as foreign and unnatural.

Kyra's abilities only made this opinion be amplified.

If it wasn't for all that she had experienced, she would likely wouldn't agree with him at all. "....Being a jedi is a lot," she finally told him, letting out a shaky breath. She rubbed her face and shook her head, wondering how she had gotten here. Life was so different now. It was strange to see no other way than to try that emotional deadness again.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"It is, you're right.." Caedyn agreed, nodding slowly. He didn't initially say anything more, as it felt as though a moment was needed for Kyra Perl to seek to recollect herself after the experience. As a Jedi Knight, Caedyn had been training most of his life up until this point; Even so far back as on Commenor before he had dedicated his path to any particular Order, he had been learning of the force and the politics of the Galaxy under his Parents leadership as a Monarchy. To become a Jedi meant true dedication and perseverance, years of hard work and self sacrifice; However it also required faith in the Force and in one's own motivations and desire to want to become a Jedi in the first place...

"If I remember rightly..." Caedyn spoke up, his voice gentle as he sought to think back upon their prior times. "I asked you why you wanted to become a Jedi, and I think you told me something along the lines of all the Perl's being Jedi...-Right?" he asked, looking for confirmation that he did indeed recall correctly. Caedyn was still interested to hear what her personal motivation was though, what drove her into a life of such hard work for most often far less recognition than most Jedi likely deserved from the general public.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra rubbed her arm, glancing once at the bench behind her. "...Yeah," she confirmed, going back to it and flopping down. "My mom's a master, you know." Her words were so matter of fact. How could she not do this, when everyone else had.

"Like all of em went off to do this before me-- and they good at it too-- Romi Jade ? My sister," she asserted, one hand hitting her chest proudly. "They're just so good."

She gave a heavy sigh, grabbing her water and chugging it back. There was so much work ahead of her, she understood that now. Before it frightened her-- overwhelmed her and left her throwing up any behavior that would derail the class and free her from the obligation. Now she regretted it, one daunting realization coming to play.

"I'm so behind..."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn's eyes widened at the mention of Romi Jade being Kyra Perl 's Sister...

"Romi Jade? She's your Sister?" He asked, that same shock resounding in his voice as he asked in disbelief. What were the chances. "My father was Veiere Arenais, Romi Jade's Jedi Master..." he added, soon releasing a soft chuckle and shaking his head at the irony of their situation.

There were connections between the pair of them that went through familial ties that neither of them had known about. Moments such as these were those rare times where the mysterious workings of the Force were blatantly evident. Though perhaps his Padawan would put it down to pure coincidence, not having the experience and seen the things Caedyn had, yet.

"Your family didn't just join the Order and were 'automatically awesome', Kyra..." He continued, looking to her with a faint smile, both out of compassion and empathy for his Padawan. He understood that pressure, the weight that one put on themselves while living under the shadow of what you perceived to be 'greater Jedi'. That had been his father, in Caedyn's eyes.

"They all had to go through these struggles just like you, and just like I did before you".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra gave him a slow blink of recognition, the name said before in the past. ... but then... Of course... Hey wait, he knew her sister?? Crap! Kyra squirmed for a moment, nervous of the stories he could tell on her with. He wouldn't know the lack of closeness the two shared, Kyra certainly didn't paint their relationship as so. She just thought the girl was so cool!

He cheeks filled with nervous heat, it taking her a solid moment to trust that Caedyn wouldn't tell on her. He hadn't so far yet.

"... Wait... she did? Did you know her back then? What was she like?" The questions came rapidly, falling out of her mouth like flowing water. Her eyes got big-- her posture straight. He'd know engagement when he saw it.

Kyra wanted to know more. Stat. What was Romi Jade like? Did she fall into walls too?

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I wasn't with the Jedi back then, I was training under my own mentor on Aurum and Svivren" Caedyn answered, though had more to add; "My Father seemed very fond of her though. Apparently she was the only Apprentice to ever complete his training...".

Veiere Arenais had taken on a number of Jedi Students and Romi's training was long before his father had joined the Order of the Silver Jedi. Back then, the Jedi Enclave of Deneba was still standing and very much in operation.

"I never actually met her" He continued, "My father always kept his Jedi life separate from his Family life...-Most of what I know these days about his experience as a Jedi is due to his Holocron", an artifact created by his Father that Caedyn often referred to these days when he was struggling with something. It also served as a reminder and a way to seek guidance from Veiere since after he had been killed.

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

"Oh.." Kyra deflated, her excitement diminishing. This was a common response to her inquiries about her family. Everyone seemed to know of them, but not understand them in stride. Kyra had questions, okay? What'd it take to get some embarrassing stories around here? Maybe Romi had a holocron somewhere she could crack into...

"Still. I bet she did better than me. You know she's out there doing 'bunch of jedi stuff right now? And she's marrying a prince-- go figure. Everyone's just so good at this-- I don't get it-- even Acaadi , it's like breathing for him, you should see him in a lesson! It's not fair- He's gonna move on without me, I just know it." She squeezed the water bottle tightly, a puff of mist echoing out loudly.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Once more Caedyn gave a moment for pause, though this time trying to imagine why something like what Kyra Perl was describing would matter so much to her. Competition between students was often seen in saber training, competitions and the like, yet this was almost as though she were dependent upon them being on the same level.

"It seems to matter to you a great deal, doesn't it" Caedyn pointed out rhetorically, this wasn't the first time it had come up in their discussions. "What do you imagine would happen if Acaadi were to progress in his path faster than you were?" he enquired, curious as to where the sensitivity to the issue was coming from. Thus far he had heard from Kyra herself the struggle of living under her families reputation and legacy, expectations and the like, but her friends was another piece to the story that he didn't yet understand.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra’s brows furrowed, a look leveled at Caedyn. Wasn’t it obvious? “He would be sent away?” She said with equal attitude. “No more classes, no more dorms— no more lunches. He’d be gone for missions.” And she’d be alone. Kyra once struggled greatly to make friends, a past she was not over, despite her obvious growth at Silver Rest.

After this week, one might think her stress over staying behind was of a romantic nature. Quick assumptions made pretty pictures, but it was only those that looked past assumptions that got friendship from her at all. This wasn’t a romantic fear. The suggestion at all would receive fire and ire from the struggling padawan.

She didn’t want to be alone in the place again. She knew what it felt like to be left behind, and she knew it well. The pain rang out clear from her form, moisture starting to build in her eyes the longer she sat inside them.

“Why wouldn’t that matter?”

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I suppose he would go out on missions and what not, but so will you as a Jedi Padawan" Caedyn pointed out with a faint smile, "...-And besides, these missions and what not aren't forever. I seem to be spending more time than ever at the Silver Rest, as opposed to being out there after-all. The Order here is a family, you don't have to worry about being left alone here", it was a particular way of life which Caedyn had sorely missed within the Outer Rim Territories, that sense of belonging and companionship among other Jedi just hadn't been present south of the Galactic Map due to the very few Jedi present there at all.

"Jedi Knights also have an obligation to share their learning with students here within the Silver Rest too, so you may even get to attend some of his classes if he does get there anytime soon..." Caedyn added as a possible brightside, although all of this was completely ignoring the fact that she needn't be so concerned with the progress of others as opposed to her own.

"So long as your friends wish to be part of the Silver Jedi Order, they will always return home" he tried to reassure her; "But to be honest, you should be more focused on your training rather than worry about everyone else's" it wasn't a race after all, and spending so much time being concerned about how well others were doing was wasted energy in what could otherwise be focused in her own progression.

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra bit her lip, so many complaints to be had about the things he said! ... But she lacked the energy in the end. People left. People died. She was attached to Acaadi, and she knew she shouldn't be. Not because that whole 'no attachment' thing didn't apply anymore-- she knew it was was old mumbo jumbo-- but because caring for him was dangerous. For the both of them.

The Sith had exploited it before, and she knew they'd do so again.

For the first time, she regretted leaning on Acaadi that night. Yeah. That was probably a mistake. Maybe it was best that he advance forward without her. She didn't know. Her shoulders sagged, her world feeling dull. She still didn't see a way forward in this mess. No light at the end of the tunnel. But she wasn't done trying.

"...Can we go again?" She asked, a small look being leveled up at him.