Gravity

[Asmus Janes]

Asmus cast his eyes over her before slowly nodding. “Alright,” he said, acceptance in his tone. He’d known this was going to happen sooner or later. Pushing off from the glass he turned and marched quickly up to match Kaile’s stride.

As he walked he looked over at her, could see the clear signs of worry play out. “Probably for the best, don’t trust you alone with me anyway Vera. Wouldn’t want you getting me in trouble,” he said jovially, trying to keep the mood upbeat. It didn’t work, he could feel the sudden plunge in mood radiating off her.

“Seems I always say something that upsets you before too long,” he remarked as they turned back onto the main corridor. “I know there’s stuff you can’t say, but you if it’s not a classification thing, you can talk to me,” he tried. “It’s been nice. Just talking.”

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


Vera.

Hearing Asmus say it like he did made Kaile visibly flinch. Odd, how such a simple thing would. Then again, she'd done the same to him before as a way to distance herself. It was hypocritical and she knew that, but stars did it hurt.

To have him continue on with how she could get him into trouble only further reinforced it. He might have said it with a light tone, perhaps in jest, but it struck at the chink of her armor.

Ironic that what he ended with was true: something he'd say would end up making her upset. What made it worse is that he had no context to it. Nor would she be able to tell.

For a brief second, anger rose. But whether it was directed at herself or Asmus was yet to be seen. But it welled up within her, and before she could trap the words in her mouth she spoke.

“It's not so simple.” It was said curtly, a low hush barely heard. Immediately she chastised herself for it, adding, “Forget it.”

They came to a point in the corridor where they had to duck their heads. For that instant, Kaile was glad that her hair fell forward, shielding her face.

 

[Asmus Janes]

That was putting it mildly. Asmus lived for simple. He turned his mind to one thing at a time and was known for his honesty. Too much at times, as several bar brawls in shadowports had shown.

A look of frustration crossed his face. It slowly changed to confusion, before settling back down. The silence that followed had a tangible quantity. The lorrdian would hear the cogs turning.

“No… no it's alright,” he said of her order to forget her comment. His voice dropped an octave as his spoke, the volume dropping. His brow was furrowed as he tried to work this through. He regretted letting that frustration shine through.

Asmus slowed his pace as they turned into the main corridor. Precious seconds before she'd be gone and he'd be left alone with his imagination. With the idea that she might never give him the opportunity to talk again.

“I didn't understand back then, I don't now. And sometimes my mouth goes off well before my head's caught up. You get me all foggy and then I blindside you all of a sudden.” His words were spoken deliberately as they followed his chain of thoughts. He didn't want to end a pleasant morning with a cloud hanging over them, but for once he had to accept this wasn't a problem with a simple solution.

He thought back to the time he'd reduced her to a shrunken quivering wreck with just one admission in a sonic cubicle.

Asmus sighed, shoulders visibly drooping. He'd been considering asking her to join him again same time tomorrow, but realised it wasn't the time. Giving her space and time was the only thing he could see to do, but it was damn hard.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Kaile kept her lashes down, and a nerve in her jaw twitched. To another Lorrdian, she’d be screaming in the subtle nuances that ran across her body then. Frustration and anger. Confusion and guilt. Shame and longing. It was such a confusing medley of emotions that she couldn’t make sense of-- much the less even express.

It was surely worse for the Wraith Commander, who was even more lost on just where they stood and whom stood in front of him. A paradox wrapped in an oxymoron, smothered in contradiction.

His Kaile.

Or was she?

Swallowing hard, the Lorrdian bit her lower lip. The tang of copper told her that she broke flesh. That was the thing wasn’t it? Kaile felt the exact same way. Asmus managed to fog things up. He spun her about. Things were far easier to do, to tell herself to do when he hadn’t been here. Now that he was… Stars, everything just came surging back.

“Reckon that makes both of us,” she managed to say, her voice thick as honey.

“Have a good day.” she added, taking a deep breath before moving to slip down the corridor. With him being so close, with the way the Lorrdian could read the nuances of his frustration, confusion and contemplation, it was getting hard to stay. It all culminated into a frustrated rolling anger that wrapped up the longing ache.

 

[Asmus Janes]

Confusion led to indecision. Asmus would have lingered there, unable to act except for one thing. So close he could see the sliver of scarlet on her lip.

“Kaile, wait,” he half moved across her path and turned to face her. There was no frustration in his eyes. There was just concern as his eyebrows came up together. “Shouldn't do that,” he chastised so softly, it was barely a whisper.

His hand came up slowly and unless she stopped him the soft pad of his thumb would wipe the bead away. He drew it back a moment later, looking down at it as if suddenly remembering himself. Or more specifically, remembering what they had agreed.

“Sorry,” he added meekly as he left enough room to pass. “I'll drop you a message later. I'm, we're confused. But we'll work it out. You have a good day too.”

She was so close. All he wanted to do was hold her again. Draw her in and tell her everything was alright. Holding her one last time back on Denon was suddenly a vivid memory.

He'd already decided what he would do next. Going down to work on his ship would help him clear his head. There was a slow nod of the head as he silently agreed this with himself.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


Kaile didn’t stop him. Instead she shut her eyes, holding her breath as the featherlight touch went sliding away across the fullness of her lower lip. Another mirror of a distant memory, only that this time they weren’t on the Quinessence nor were they in that tiny galley. Certainly felt like a tight enough fit, what with the narrow corridor they were both standing in. A fine trembling took her, and the Lorrdian could barely hear anything against the frantic beating of her heart.

His apology floated between them, and once the warmth of his touch left Kaile tucked her chin, casting it further into shadow. A silent nod was her answer; Kaile couldn’t trust herself to say anything more. Her hands were fisting at her sides and her chest felt heavy.

Turning away in a cloud of dark hair, the espion went darting up the nearby steps.

Coward, a voice echoed in her mind. Right now Kaile was okay with that.

 

[Asmus Janes]

For a few seconds it felt as if he couldn't breath. Watching her dart away dredged up painful memories. It took all his willpower to convince himself that this wasn't final. This wasn't Denon. Within a few seconds the tightness started to recede.

Time to fall back and get my head together.

You should have held her.

As he turned away he started to sift through all the thoughts and emotions that had been stirred up until the waters turned murky. His analytical mind did battle with chemical resistance as he took the stairs down and headed for his ship. He needed to see her again, which mean overcoming her reluctance to do so. Then he needed to skirt the difficult topics until such time as they could be tackled head on. Like drawing an enemy fleet out a well defended orbit.

Asmus turned into bay three and looked up at his ship. The lights, of course, were already on. Without hesitation, Asmus started to tidy away the tools.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Unfortunately for Kaile, things weren’t so easy in keeping her mind busy. With her emotions running high, finding her way back up to B Deck proved to be a frustrating endeavor. Other than handling reports, there wasn’t any real way to busy herself. She had no desire to go to a gym; never was the sort to really do that anyways. Couldn’t go down to turn a wrench, and to be honest, she wasn’t feeling the most sociable at the present time.

Instead, Kaile ended up in the refreshers, with the water blasting as hot as it could in a harsh pelting of water. Steam rose in tiny curls, thickening the air and shrouding her in its mist. Palms flat on the wall, Kaile’s torso would lean forward, her skin turning a bright pink under the heat of the shower.

Water refreshers were rare commodities, but Kaile was taking full advantage of it right now.. Anything to try and drown out the voices in her head, to quell the frustration she felt.

“Gorram it!” the curse ripped from her mouth, forehead falling forward to press against the polished steel of the bulkhead. In her mind Kaile could picture his face. The expression in his eyes.

What am I going to do?

 

[Asmus Janes]

Asmus formed several plans over the next few hours. From the sensible, to the exceedingly rash. His squadron mates can for a brief chat. As did Lucy. She just wanted to check if he needed anything, apparently.

This time Thunderstruck couldn't be left in a mess. Everything was neatly locked down and put back away. This didn't take very long because Kaile's words kept going round his head. He hadn't done any work and keep the area so tidy throughout for years. He left the prototype ship for a stress test with the spanner monkeys and headed for the mess. Some hot food, a cool shower and then he was planning on retreating to his cabin to see if he could gather the courage to send her a message.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Hours later, Kaile sat in front of her mobile data terminal. Opting for comfortable clothes - and not really wanting to leave her cabin- she only had a casual sleeping shirt that fell to midthigh. The bulk of her cabin was rather Spartan to begin with. She didn't have much of her personal belongings here. Being undercover for so long meant that she could typically only take bare essentials and what was provided to her.

So instead of the string of multicolored lights were the clinical halo ones over head. Where posters would litter her walls they were empty and bare. Little was here to indicate that this was Kaile's room.

The soft swipe and tap of her finger works change the display. Her hand was lightly resting against her lips, forefinger set horizontally by her mouth. Her hair was haphazardly placed in a high ponytail, and the fringe of her bangs slightly poofy from the constant running of her fingers through it.

She might have seemed to be reading the material across the display, but it was all a blur to her. Instead her mind was elsewhere. Thinking. Pondering. Trying to make decisions she knew not how to make.

 

[Asmus Janes]

Asmus had fled from his data pad in the end. Twenty minutes he'd sat there looking at it before succumbing to fear. So he'd gone and gathered his Flight and headed for the gym.

An hour and a half later he returned. He'd pushed himself harder than usual. Fortunate that his pilots had been there spotting or he might have hurt himself. Fortunate that Chad hadn't been overly distracted by Lucy's barely-there hotpants. Not the attention she'd been after.

Hair tousled and sweaty, skin warm and red, muscles swollen and aching, Asmus returned to the diligent task of looking at the screen of his data pad back in his room.

[Hi Kaile]

Not much, but at least it was a message.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Boop.

[ Hi Kaile ] the pale green Aurabesh sigils came up on her holoscreen on the lower right edge. It was a tiny little window, an alert that had her heart instantly thumping in a way no text alert should. Her finger froze above the touchpad, hesitating to come down and maximize it on the screen.

Her tongue nervously toyed with the cut she had given herself over on her lower lip. It ran upon the slight indentation of the cut, and if she played with it anymore, she’d likely reopen it.

After a brief couple of seconds where she vacillated between opening or closing it, Kaile gave the touchpad a quick tap. The screen gave another slight boop sound and the chat screen came up. Yup, the name and the message had not changed.

“ Not like it was going to, you ninny,” Kaile would chide at herself under her breath. The screen bathed her features in a brighter viridian hue, a slight gleam of green over the corneas of her eyes. A dribble of her finger tips dabbled over her cheek and went sliding down her jaw.

Ever so slowly, a few taps of her holographic keys sent back the following:

[ Hello. ]

It was the most difficult six sigils she had to type back; punctuation included.

 

[Asmus Janes]

Asmus blew out a loud breath through puckered lips, relief evident in his expressions. He read those six letters four times more than was necessary. He stretched out and laid back flat on his bed, holding the data pad up over his head.

He picked lips that had rather suddenly gone parched.

[How are you? Hope you've not got any dizziness still from the concussion?]

Wasted words. They added nothing. He grimaced and grunted at himself in frustration.

[I'm glad we met today]

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Her fingers were drumming an offbeat rhythm when the other alert of an incoming message came in. The first prompted an automatic closed mouth, “heh.” a neutral start. A toe in the water. After everything, why did he keep trying?

To a degree Kaile was trying to show bits and pieces of the puzzle that would make it seem as if the lines and barriers between them were obvious. Her mind had her reacting one way, only for Asmus to do another. He blew past her expectations and ended up confusing her all the more.

[ I’m okay. No dizziness. ]

As for the being glad that they met today…

Kaile gave a heavy sigh. Hot breath fell from her lips and she found herself drawing her gaze from the screen. Her mind had been constantly going back and forth through the conversation earlier. What she’d discovered and what that meant during those four days. It twisted her on the inside thinking about perhaps she could have acted in a manner that was more of an agent than anything else. Another voice at the same time told her on how ridiculous that though was; she’d been in no state to be able to work anyone.

Turning back to the screen, the Lorrdian gave a couple more taps along the top of her desk.

[ Yeah. ]

 

[Asmus Janes]

Asmus growled in frustration before that noise changed to a low chuckle. She was tiptoeing around eggshells again.

[I tidied up around my ship by the way. All tools nicely sorted by function and size. Got a funny look from one of the deck crew.]

[We're hitting the sims tomorrow morning. Going a few rounds with TIEBots. Could patch you in easily enough if you wanted to watch how we fly?]

Asmus just typed. He kept the focus on himself and steered a course well clear of those eggshells. Any kind of communication was preferable to none, but he couldn't help the growing sense that it was all going to come to a head at some point. It would be on Kaile then. He was worried she would simply run away again rather than face up to what she felt for him.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


That he had taken the time to clean up and put away his tools made an unconscious twitch grow at the corner of her mouth. For a moment, Kaile would recall how he'd act back when his uncle asked him to do a specific chore. He’d given a half pout but would do so anyways. She could almost hear Kairon yell at him.

Funny, how poignant those four days were.

[ A funny look? Does that mean you don’t regularly put away your tools? ]

As for patching her in…

[ Maybe. ]

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Asmus smiled as he read the message.

[Well if you want it's on broadcast channel 19. Anyone in the ship can tune in as we're not allowed to use restricted Alliance maneuvers anyway. We have to get creative! And you've met me, I'm not always that tidy as I work. Deck crew get a little testy with me]

In hindsight, Lucy had always very kindly tidied up for him. He had been aware of her attention for a while, but had never paid it much heed. Apparently she was acting a little more forward than he had expected.

Damnit, but he wished they were having this conversation in person. If he could have been gently stroking up and down her spine as he whispered softly in her ear...

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


Broadcasting on channel nineteen? So that meant she could watch it from her cabin if she wanted to. A slight bit of indulgence the espion could allow herself.

Then again, Kaile had been doing such things off and on when it came to Asmus for years now.

Awkward.

[ Maybe if you did tidy up after yourself, they’d be more inclined to paint more TIE’s on your nose. ] she added, referencing what he’d spoken about the day prior.

Her stomach gave a slight growl then. Frowning, Kaile lifted her wrist and checked the time on her comm. It was rather late. Unlikely there would be anyone in the mess. Certainly no hot food. She already went through the snacks and if she wanted to take her meds, she’d need to get something to put in her belly.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[OR I could get some stencils and do it myself. And let them tidy up. (I won't do that). I don't mean to be untidy when working on the ship. I just like to be able to see everything laid out before me. And then I tend to get distracted

It's an odd thing having you so close, yet so far away right now. Damn captain getting all territorial about Deck B.]

Asmus frowned at the last message. He bottled it and added another one quickly. All he wanted was to wrap her up in his arms again. He'd been a damn fool letting her go earlier.

[Think we're doing 3 v 6 tomorrow. And then a surprise assault on a convoy. Should be fun.]

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

So close, yet so far away.

The Lorrdian gave a sigh. She went leaning back on her seat, bringing up one leg to bend it at the knee, holding it close to her chest. Her chin went plopping down on top of the rounded curve,

He didn't know the half of it.

A thought back came to the espion. An Alliance gala she'd been working security on only to catch Asmus among the patrons. He'd been there, with rogue squadron. Laughing and talking. It had been hard then.

Asmus spoke with his heart on his sleeve, but perhaps rather naively. His thoughts were unfiltered. There would be no hidden agenda behind his green gaze. It is what made it so difficult to be with him.

[ it's a restricted area. There are just some things one can't do. ]

Maybe there was more than one meaning for that.

Quickly she added, [ sounds like a fun exercise. ]