History Is A Touchy Subject

[Linori Pryde]

“H-home!” Linori stutters, taking a deep breath to try and calm herself. Clearly her vision had been wrong, seeing as Graxin was still here. But many of her visions of the past including the lone jedi had usually ended with him dying, or worse. As she moves to clearly smack against his chest, she freezes. The look he gave her, brow furrowed in concern, brought her back to the vision. It was the same face, just before he came to an end. Panic took hold again and she quickly moves back against the headboard, resting a hand against her facewraps. It was though she was trying to prevent the vision from happening, despite the pair being quite safe in Graxin’s ship.

She wanted to cry. It was a skill Miraluka lacked, seeing as they didn’t have tear ducts, but they could certainly imitate the action, and feel despair the same way. “You should be dead,” Linori mutters through her hands. “I swore you were dead.”

[member="Graxin Rade"]

 

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So this vision had been about him then. He shouldn't have come back; Linori seemed to be living quite well without him around any longer. It seemed that all he brought the Miraluka was distress and anguish, when it was entirely the opposite that he wanted to give her. He reached up and ran a hand through his hair, his expression softening. He hadn't seen Linori like this before. Scared, sure, but not utterly terrified. She had always managed to hold herself together to some degree.

"Nothing's killed me yet Lin." He whispered in a soothing a voice as he could muster. Cautiously, he walked around the bet to come up alongside her. He reached out for her and refused to hesitate this time. The hand that he did not wear a glove on settled against her cheek, his palm cupping her chin in a motion far more intimate than he was likely allowed. The Knight didn't much care, it was better she be angry at him then..this.

"I'm still around. It's just the visions. I can help you with them, like I used to." He continued quietly. His eyed closed partway, and he reached out with the force. It was a technique he used to calm wounded soldiers on the battlefield, but its affects were just as potent to any mind. The purpose of it was to simply help her cope with whatever she had seen, though without knowing exactly what it was, Graxin couldn't tackle it to a full extent.

[member="Linori Pryde"]

 

[Linori Pryde]

“I-I saw it, all of it. The council, they want you dead. You have to go, you have to ru-run..” Linori breathes raggedly, breath hitching in her throat as his palm came to rest against her face. It was soothing, the feeling of another’s touch. Practically alien to her, considering her lifestyle. But there was more behind this. It was as though her very essence was being drawn in and calmed. Her insides were on fire, and this touch cooled the inferno.

It was then she realized how ridiculous she must have sounded. She knew the council had been disbanded. It was practically common knowledge at this point. She had heard it from politicians and read it in articles throughout the library. And if that were the truth, then what did it truly mean? Was he in danger? Was she in danger?

Linori lifts a hand from her face, fingertips resting against Graxin’s wrist. What if it had already happened? She remembers his lessons, his words about her visions. Obviously, they weren’t always going to be accurate. Visions were meant to be symbolic, as the future could always change with each action a person made. But they always felt so real. Every dream was like a memory, every nightmare like a scar.

“What did they do to you?”

She managed to speak clearly, gaze resting on Graxin’s eyes. Despite her lack of vision, she made sure he could feel the weight of her stare. It took whatever strength, whatever sanity she could muster to break free from this fear. She had to know. Had it just been a dream? Were these visions nothing more than figments of her overactive imagination?

Or was there some semblance of truth to it all?

[member="Graxin Rade"]

 

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Graxin wanted to lie. He wanted to tell her that the Jedi Council had good intentions when they cast judgement upon him, but recent realizations had proven that to be false. The Council had wanted him out of the way, to punish him for his actions on Ossus.

He pursed his lips to speak when her fingers laced around his wrist. His chest felt like it was swelling, and despite the grim subject, Graxin cracked a huge smiled. She wasn't pushing him away, to his surprise. He would have been content to just drop the conversation there and enjoy her touch, to revel in that ecstasy that her presence alone brought him. It was terrifying and horrible, something that could easily shatter what hope he had left for anything with Linori. He was fragile now, and he knew it. He could withstand the onslaught of Sith Lords and Mandalores, but a single word from the Miraluka could break him.

To have her hold such power over him was frightening, and yet, he drew comfort from it. She was worried about him, and for whatever reason, it made him feel special. Not in the sense of being better than anyone else, but rather being afforded that kind of care from a woman who was otherwise an introvert.

Her stare pulled him back to reality.

He gaze back down at her, silent for a moment. His thumb traced slow lines cross her cheek as he tried to think. There was no easy way of wording it. "After we parted ways, I joined the Jedi Order. I served as best I could, took in their teachings, became a Jedi Knight. I met my mother, and I found I had family. Everything was suddenly okay...and then the Sith attacked Ossus. I was there at the battle, and I was naive. I'd taken the teachings to heart. The Sith came for an ancient holocron, and they were slaughtering Jedi left and right for it....so...I gave it to them. In exchange, they left, and Ossus was saved."

Graxin frowned, and shook his head. "I only wanted to save lives. Perhaps that wasn't the right thing to do...but in return they sent me to Coruscant. Ordered me to march on the Sith Palace to retrieve the holocron--and I did it. I was beaten horribly, almost killed if not for the help of a friend....I lost all faith in the masters after that."

[member="Linori Pryde"]

 

[Linori Pryde]

Such little information, but it told her so much. It explained why he was no longer a Sith, despite the fall of Darth Vulcanus. And the idea that he had played such a hand in the downfall of the Council was even more daunting. In all honesty, it was a bit hard to take in. But at least she realized her visions were just a bit overdramatic, and not completely far from the truth.

Linori, realizing she still had her hand on his, pulls away. She rests her palm to her chest and shys away. She’d finally sunk back into reality, and her breathing started to regulate, as did her heartbeat. Her intense gaze continues to watch Graxin warily, his hand warm on her cheek. Still, she made no move to smack him. Yet.

“I could lecture you about what was write and what was wrong about those decisions, but it won’t matter. It was in the past…like that dream. Or vision. Whatever you call them, they’re all just as annoying to me,” she persists, venom in her voice. It was obvious these visions had plagued her for some time, at least in recent years. Her connection with the Force had always been strong, but there was no regulation without the correct training.

Linori looks down at her body and tenses. She’d remembered she lacked clothing, and was now currently wearing a silk-like gown. One she hoped wasn’t his.

“Where are my clothes?”

[member="Graxin Rade"]

 

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And there she was, back to regular old Linori again. He pursed his lips when she went on about the many lectures she could give, and breathed a mental sigh of relief when she withheld them. When Linori got going, she would continue to keep going for hours. Maybe days if the had the right motivations.

"Clothes?" Graxin asked deftly, as if he had entirely forgotten what an article of clothing was. In all honesty, his mind was scrambled right now. He was unsure of what to do, or what to think at this point. And so, it took Graxin a full ten seconds before the word clothes registered in his mind.

"Oh...droid took them. They were soaked, and you were freezing--I wasn't in here when he changed you." He quipped, face reddening slightly. His hand warmed against her cheek, and then rather quickly fell away. The Archlord was embarrassed like some teenager who'd been caught spying on the girls as they changed. "I scrounged up what I could...sorry." He reached up to scratch the back of his head. "And the visions...I can see they've gotten a bit out of control. I can help you with that--well, as much as I can anyway. Like I did before."

He took the liberty to sit down beside the Miraluka on the bed. Standing bent over like that was getting a bit too uncomfortable. "...I can take you home if you want me to." The Knight shrugged, and looked around the room. The Mephirium was terribly empty lately. The only inhabitants were Graxin and his Padawan, and Kaigann was busy on a mission with Master Hayato meeting with the Shadow Empire. In other words, Graxin was alone with the droid on a very large, very quiet ship.

"The ship hasn't changed much since you lived here. Less people on board..s'bout it."

[member="Linori Pryde"]

 

[Linori Pryde]

Linori furrows her brow and looks around. This was the ship? She hadn’t bothered to look around, having been so distracted. It was indeed Graxin’s ship. It hadn’t changed a bit, save for a few decorative options here and there. But she recalled every detail. Her vision stretched beyond the room, benefit of being a Miraluka. She glances to the side, a distracted look on her face as she registered the ship and where, exactly, she was.

She sighs and pulls up the covers of the bed, covering her body however she could. There wasn’t much she could do until her clothes were dry, though she guessed if the Queen saw her here with her son, Naboo would likely freeze over. The same had to go with her father, though he rarely checked in with her as-is. Linori was pretty golden in that department.

Unlike her counterpart here.

She tugs her bun loose, silvery strands of hair falling to her shoulders. As though to relax herself, she starts to run her fingers through her hair, detangling what she could. Though Graxin had offered to help get her through these visions, she hadn’t thought of a response. It’d been years since her connection with the Force had been brought up, and even now she seemed to refuse to acknowledge it fully. It sat, a coagulated ball at the center of her being, yearning to be released, understood, and honed.

But Linori only used it when she needed to, like to see, as most Miraluka were forced to do. “Who lives here now?”

[member="Graxin Rade"]

 

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Graxin forced his gaze down to the floor. He was staring, and if he knew it, then Linori certainly did. This was not okay. He needed to return to Ession, to his duties, yet all he waned to do was stay here, with Linori. There was no guarantee she would have him anyway. The kiss had been a spur of the moment thing, and neither of them had spoken of it since she composed herself. That didn't mean Graxin wasn't thinking about it. It had haunted him since she'd passed out; constantly kept him from gaining any real peace.


Perhaps that was a good thing.

"Just me and my Padawan lately. He's a good kid.Young, a bit brash, but good." Graxin replied with a bit of pride in his voice. Kaigann was growing int a fine young man, and a phenomenal Jedi. It was alright for Graxin to show the boy some sense of recognition from time to time, so long as it didn't go to his head.

"Look, about the..." He trailed off. His sharp ambers were glued to her face, lips pursed as if he were mesmerized as her hair fell down her shoulders. He'd been gearing up to apologize for the kiss, to say something that would get things back on tr--"

You're beautiful." Graxin blurted out. He blinked twice, as if he were unsure that he'd just spoke. "I mean-eh.."

[member="Linori Pryde"]

 

[Linori Pryde]

Linori gapes, staring at Graxin as though he had just dropped a bomb. Well, in a sense, he had. She didn’t really know how to respond, though strangely enough her hands ached for the firm feeling of her trusty mop. She pushes herself from the bed, standing in front of Graxin with an accusing finger pointed at his face. The tan nightgown hugged her midsection and drifted down past her ankles, albeit big on her petite form.

“D-do not say things like that!”

You had to give it to the woman. Despite having been thrown into a huge mess with Graxin in the past, and considering the innate skill and power of the warrior, she had little fear when it came to facing him. Well, at least now that she knew he wasn’t the Sith Emporer. That was a plus.

[member="Graxin Rade"]

 

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The Knight sat back up. He blinked at her, caught off-guard by his own actions. He had no idea what to say to the Miraluka, other than what he thought. It seemed that those thoughts were only going to get him into trouble. Was it not meant to be? Had he allowed himself to care too much? Had she meant nothing by allowing his touch to linger, and letting him kiss her? Perhaps he had put himself through mental gymnastics to make it seem like Linori felt something similar about him, as he did about her. The thought was disturbing. It felt as if a large hole had settled in his chest. He was about to apologize, to try and salvage the situation, but then he recalled something.

Graxin pushed up to his feet. "If I didn't say it, I'd be doing you a disservice." He began as he walked toward her. Without a word, he reached to take her hands. Should she draw away, he would as well. Graxin wanted nothing more than to respect her wishes, but he also wasn't one to just leave this be. Not without an answer.

"Did I never cross your mind while we were separated?" He questioned in a quiet voice, a brow raised. "Did you never consider things? Between us?" Graxin leaned forward, and suddenly the cabin seemed to shrink. It was tiny now, in his mind, and not worth a second glance. Linori was all that was worthwhile here, that much he had decided from the moment she'd awoken. "Tell me no and I'll drop this now. Never speak of it again, but there was something in that kiss Linori. I don't know how to describe it, I just...stay awhile."


[member="Linori Pryde"]

 

[Linori Pryde]

For once in her life, Linori wished she’d pass out. Never had she yearned so badly in her prior existence for her condition to take over and yank her away until now. His questions confused her, and it all felt incredibly sudden. That’s probably because it was.

“What do you mean consider things? I have never had to before. Not with anyone.”

Linori presses her back up against the wall, suddenly on the defensive. Nothing new there. Her gaze never left the jedi, a hint of doubt and suspicion coating her words. She remembered the others in her visions, wondered if those, too, were simply figments or reality. He had belonged to lovers, to other women who had held him in their arms. It made her feel nothing, but ever since she had wondered.

“Of course I’ve thought of you. I’ve had visions. They won’t go away. They aren’t always of you, Mister Rade, but there have been some. Many of people I do not know nor care to ever know.”

Her hands tremble in his, perhaps due to the fact she still hadn’t calmed down from the earlier escapade or maybe because their presence together was overwhelming. The force worked in mysterious ways, many of which she could not explain, so she simply explained the reactions as logically as she could.

Or not at all.

[member="Graxin Rade"]

 

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Linori didn't seem as eager as he had perceived. Which made sense, when Graxin really thought about it. She didn't see him that way, and why would she? All he'd done was destroy the life she had made and dragged her across the galaxy in service of a terrible creature. Sure, he'd tried to establish something with the Miraluka, anything just to dull the sharp edge of her words. It had worked in a way, she'd grown tolerant of him. He on the other hand, had allowed himself to lose sight of things; something that happened far more than it should.

A pang of guilt twisted in Graxin's gut like a poisoned knife. She didn't want this.

"As in--it'snot important. Not if you haven't thought in the way I have." The Knight mumbled shamefully. "Visions. Got it." He added quietly. He held her hands for a moment longer, for his own sake far more than hers, and let go. His arms fell down deftly to his sides, and he shook his head in a silent apology. Linori was his friend, and perhaps that was an exaggeration. He tormented her in her visions, he saw that now. It was no direct action of his own, but it was likely brought on by his involvement with the Miraluka. It was his fault.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked, offering a ghost of a smile. She could sense his emotions of course, and it only served to twist the knife further. Linori was the only person he was transparent to, whether he wanted it to be that way or not, and at the moment he only wanted to retreat within himself. He backed up a pace to give her some space.

[member="Linori Pryde"]

 

[Linori Pryde]

That was it. She could feel it, the presence and uplifting feeling in the room simply drop off the edge of the world. It was as though someone had turned off the lights, and she felt with all her being it came from Graxin. Though she couldn’t fully understand why, the miraluka could take a good guess.

She couldn’t read the message the Force sent her ever-so-clearly, but his body and his actions revealed him like the words in a book. Linori furrows her brow and looks away, pulling the covers up and around her body.

“How old are you now, Graxin Rade?”

[member="Graxin Rade"]

 

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Graxin lofted a brow. Such an odd question. He turned about toward Linori, and fell silent for a moment. A hand rose up to his chin, and his brow knit in thought. That was a good question. "Somewhere between twenty-eight and thirty-two. I don't know the exact age--the Graug didn't keep track, and mother doesn't like to talk about that sort of thing." He lifted his shoulders in a slight shrug, and settled back down on the bed. Perhaps the situation could be salvaged somewhat, whatever the case.

He tilted his head to the right, and offered a ghost of a smile. "Why do you ask?" He added quietly. Undoubtedly he would answer any questions Linori might have had. Distraught or not, she still held sway over him, at least for the moment. It was possible when Graxin had some time alone to think about things he might lose his affections; deciding that things were for the best, but her spell hung over him now like a thick blanket. There was no shaking it.

"A few years older than you, if I recall."

[member="Linori Pryde"]

 

[Linori Pryde]

“Lets round up. Thirty-two.”

Linori presses the blankets to her chest and stares at Graxin. She could still sense his discomfort, most of all his apparent change in attitude towards her. She was taking a dive, as he had done, but she had had enough.

The miraluka takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. She’d be far more comfortable in her own clothes, and the fact that she was in another’s bed sort of added on top of the general discomfort of the entire situation. But she had to be brave. She had to look at Graxin like a fellow member of the crew, as she had been those few years ago.

Not as a friend, but as a fellow crewmate. As a researcher, and as a employee.

“You’re thirty-two, Graxin Rade. A warrior, as wise as you might ever be, and a jedi knight. Yet you come to me with these pledges and accusations, expecting me to have a response. I have yet to even explain the Force that I have grown so attached to, let alone grow up with. How can I decipher what is strictly this essence and what is anything else?”

Linori breathes heavily, having risen her voice at the end. Her hand had also come to rest on his pant leg, so he couldn’t escape. Or perhaps it was even comforting. Despite, they were the words the pair needed to hear, especially Graxin. She was nothing short of an apprentice, let alone a padawan. The miraluka had no intentions of honing this skill, yet she spoke so freely of yearning to understand it. Sometimes, she confused even herself.

[member="Graxin Rade"]

 

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Thirty-two made him feel a bit old, but that was utterly irrelevant right now. She was correct. Graxin was acting like an untrained Padawan rather than a Knight on the verge of Masterhood. Where he should have been wise and shown restraint, he had allowed his emotions to drive his actions forward. It was an embarrassment, and a failure to practice everything he preached. Thank the force no one but Linori had seen it.

Yet, he felt compelled to rest is hand over hers, if only for the slightest modicum of intimacy. Something to root him into the conversation, rather than his own self-pity. "Lin, I think you and I both know you need to learn about the Force. More than the sparing details I've taught you in the past." He murmured quietly, seemingly dodging the issue. "I know you're afraid, it's okay. I was terrified of the force at first. I only came to use it because Vulcanus made me. I'd rather you come to accept and understand it on your own terms."

The Knight tilted his head toward her, and nodded as if it added some sort of emphasis to his words. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "The force influences feelings, yes, but not entirely. Whatever you feel is entirely the Force, not you. The Force just uses your emotion as a catalyst of sorts, but your emotions are your own." He shifted his gaze down to the floor, and suddenly became quite interested in the small scratches that had been carved into the wooden floors by years of people striding across. "I can promise you that much. As a Jedi, we're trained to acknowledge those feelings, and set them aside for the greater good. Hate, arrogance, hubris, they can all corrupt us." He forced himself to tear his eyes away from the floor, and look at Linori. Why did she have to look so...like her? "I'm sorry. I've acted like a child."

[member="Linori Pryde"]

 

[Linori Pryde]

He took the words right out of her mouth. She was secretly thankfully she didn’t have to call him a child herself, but she agreed with his statement. His actions felt childish, something she’d read in one of the old romance holobooks. But there was little more to say than what he had already pointed out.

“We travelled with one another for a short amount of time. I met your crew and watched you work. You helped me hone my…’abilities’ a few times. But that was it. Beyond that, there is still a lot more than I have yet to find out, and that you have to know about me.”

Linori couldn’t handle it. Her hand lingers in his own for a moment longer before she yanks the covers from herself and for the other side of the room. There really wasn’t anywhere to go, but she needed to walk. She paces. It helped her think, and calmed her down. She was actually doing this, lecturing a leader and jedi knight. It was unthinkable. She was a petty librarian; a data analyst. Not his mother, nor his best friend.

[member="Graxin Rade"]

 

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He honestly wanted to go and hide away. To sink into his meditations and forget this little disaster had happened. He shouldn't have kissed her, he knew she wouldn't have approved, but he did it anyway. Did it, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Her comment did cut a bit, more so than he thought it should have. "It was more than a short time." He mumbled quietly, eyes watching as she paced about. Graxin needed to be away from her. He needed to not be able to look at her, to pretend they hadn't seen each other again. To fool himself into thinking she'd forgotten he existed. It would save the heartache.

"Then tell me what I need to know." He blurted out, contrary toward his own thoughts. It was all reflex, but he had already started, so he couldn't quit now. "And I'll tell you about myself. Whatever you want to know." He reached up to run his hands through his hair, and grumbled a quiet curse as the single leather glove he wore slipped partway from his hand. The charred, ruined flesh underneath was visible from the wrist down until he yanked the glove back into place.

Tell me what I'm missing here."

[member="Linori Pryde"]

 

[Linori Pryde]

“That isn’t how this works. It requires time, and patience.”

To be honest, she was trying to recall whatever she could from articles and holobooks she had read in the past. She was no psychology guru, certainly not now, certainly not ever, but having a fountain of information at your fingertips each day certainly proved useful.

Linori presses her back against the wall of the ship and folds her arms over her chest, color dying her cheeks a bright red. She’d almost forgotten the state she was in, considering the feel and fit of the nightgown. She looks down at her feet, trying to think of something to say, but she was at a loss for words.

[SIZE=12pt]“I do not know how this sort of thing works. To be honest, I do not know how many things work, especially when it comes to the force, and feeling. But I feel as though you are expecting me to know how it all works, and to figure out how to explain it proper[/SIZE]"

[member="Graxin Rade"]

 

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Graxin pushed up to his feet. He didn't really need to think about what needed to be said; it was all instinct. He crossed the small room, and came to a halt a pace or so away from Linori. A fist was brought up to his lips, and he coughed into it, as if he were trying to clear his throat for a long speech. "I know the force, and I know feelings. Come with me to Ession, let me teach you. I and the other Masters can help you learn to control your abilities, to understand your visions better. I can see they make you suffer at times; distort the line between reality and fantasy."

As to why he had stood up was hard to say. Graxin was the one with the people experience here, granted neither was a paragon of sociability. The two were both a little odd when it came to casual conversation. That wouldn't stop the Knight, he'd made up his mind. "I don't need to know everything about you to have feelings for you. I can learn as you want to tell me." He continued, his voice lowering to a quiet murmur. "What I know is that I've missed you terribly. You were a source of reason when I served Vulcanus, gave me the guts to stand up to him."

His hand rose up to hinge just under her chin. His voice took n a low tenor, a seriousness that could both frighten and inspire, given the context. Sharp amber eyes settled on her mask as his lips parted to finish his short little speech. "That's why I feel this way. The others were there to use me for whatever they might gain, and you sought to help me when I needed it most. I tried to do the same for you, though I'm unsure as to how effective I was." He paused for a moment, and tilted his head forward, leaving an only a few spare inches between them. "Let me take care of you now, alright?"

[member="Linori Pryde"]