It's Been So Long

[Alric Kuhn]

He watched her.

For the first time since he'd seen her he actually watched her. His eyes didn't quite meet hers, not this time, but they studied her. They looked at every line, every etch, every single small part of her that he could discern. There were things that he wanted to say, things that she wouldn't want to hear, perhaps things that she would. He knew from looking at her, from watching her that she felt the same, that they had unresolved business to speak of.

He didn't offer her a smile, not because he didn't want to, but because it didn't seem right. He had always been cocky, always been headstrong, but Danger had seen his moments of doubt. She could read him just as he could read her. Time had changed much, but it hadn't changed the little details. Those were all still there, those were all still in place.

"I'm sorry." Alric said finally.

It didn't seem like enough. "I'm sorry for everything. For what I did to you. For leaving you alone. For breaking your trust. For coming to Tatooine. For everything I ever did. For...for Fio-."

Alric couldn't even say her name, the daughter he lost. He paused for a moment, tears slowly falling down his face.

"I'm sorry I ever sent you that dress." The regret in his voice was not because of her, it was because of himself. Everything he had ever done, everything that he had done with her had ended in utter ruin and loss, and it was because of him. He had done so much to her, inflicted so much pain, and yet she still welcomed him in her arms when he hurt.

It showed how much stronger she was than him.

It showed how weak he was compared to her.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

Danger couldn’t help it. At the wake of his apology she went glancing to the ceiling, the edges of her mouth tightening in the heavy set sensation she felt welling up within her chest. She shut her eyes, as if mentally bracing herself for the dull ache she knew would flare like the tide.

And it did.

A fine trembling took her as did remembrance. Years faded away and she would recall with crystal clarity every one of those moments. Momma told her that life is a series of holovideos one files away in the mind, and every memory could be vividly played as if it were yesterday, set on a loop to review to the heart’s content -- or melancholy.

“Fiona.” she said quietly, lifting the curtains of her eyes to settle upon Alric’s angular visage with no hidden expression of pain.

“Her name is Fiona.” is. Not was. That is what her name would always be, their stillborn daughter they had lost. Oh she may have been an accident conceived in lust, but their little girl was her miracle for the eight months Danger carried her. Her hope of a future. A family.

At the very least, Alric could say her name aloud without a break in his voice.

While there was no judgement in her eyes, there was a melancholy seriousness to it. Fiona was the reason why she had taken charge of the girls seriously. While they may not be born of her womb, there was a care given to them that would remind her that her own blood would have been around their age, if not a little older. What sort of woman she would have become, what kind of personality, what great things were all subject of conjecture. That was out of her hands. Lily and Rose were not. That was why she was insistent on Alric to make right with the twins.

He still had a family. She did not.

It is what it is, and to be frank, the past could not be changed. She learned that hard lesson the last few decades. Holding onto grudges that would rot the soul and the mind were wearying and exhausting. She had no use for that anymore. She had done it with Nox. She had done it with Narevni. She even had done it with Alric those first few years… but enough is enough.

What Alric did not know is that life is what had forged her to what she was today. Gumption, determination, and painful hour after hour devoting her attention to Arceneau Trade is what got her this far. It is what kept her sane. It was the only way she could. The only way she knew how. And perhaps in that she had trapped herself in her own misery, for while she swam in the wealth of her achievements she spent her nights without a friend, family, nor lover to share it with.

She was weary of it.

“Let it go, Alric,” She finally said with a sigh that spoke of a heavy burden carried. “I have. “ at least, as much as she could-- or more aptly thought she did. He had his forgiveness; life was life and that was the deck of Sabaac cards each had been dealt. Everyone was in charge of their own destiny and because of that, in charge of how they would live their life. Much like Corellian Whiskey.

In bitterness, dispirited, or aged to perfection.

“So should you.”

 

[Alric Kuhn]

It wasn't what he had been after.

Oh he had wanted it. He had wanted to be forgiven, and it felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest, but it hadn't been why he said it. In truth he had expected her to smack him. He had expect her to throw him off this ship in a fit of rage and tell him to contact Kiran to get him home. Perhaps they both had grown up, perhaps that silent rage that Danger had always carried was gone, that demand for vengeance that she had always carried for those who wrong her.

He remembered that anger well, he had been on the wrong side of it more than once. His fingers came together, interlacing as he tapped upon his own knuckles. His eyes cast away from Danger once again and his gaze fell to the floor. "Fiona."

Alric said the name, whispering it.

He still thought about her, as often as he thought about Lily and Rose. He found himself wondering what she would have been like. If she would have been more like him, or if she would've been like Danger. Whether her hair would have been red, or black, how she would have acted and how she would have gone through life. What ifs.

Perhaps Danger was right, perhaps he should have let go of the past, yet that always seemed like an impossibility.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

Did she truly let go? Perhaps. Or maybe she thought she did. Right now, the specifics didn’t quite matter. Oh they were important, but that weight on her shoulder’s only seemed to be getting heavier. Pressing heavy in her chest with every second that passed.

The whisper of Fiona’s name would drift from Alric’s lips, and an incline of gratitude from Danger came along with it. It was the least their daughter deserved. That knot in her throat rose, a choking bile that had her drawing the cigarillo to her lips with the subtlest of tremors on her fingers.

Her eyes would shimmer, and she blinked away her gaze from the man sitting across her, looking skyward once more.

There was always more to be said. Likely still would be between them. Things that she made sure he would never know. Things, she was sure, were the same from him. Everyone had their secrets. Secrets time would dull as they collected dust in the rear of the mind. As it was, where did this… whatever it was, leave them? It was a tense question to answer, and to be frank, Danger wasn’t too keen to hear it yet.

She wasn’t sure she was ready for it.

So instead, her fingers would tap a beat upon her thigh, and in the silence that followed, she would ask the following.

“So what will you do now?”

 

[Alric Kuhn]

"I'll keep going." Alric said after the silence had gone on long enough. He caught her prompt, her push away to a different subject.

It didn't really explain anything, though it once would have. Alric and Danger had shared nearly everything for three years. Together they had built an alliance between Titan and ATC. They had rebuilt one of the wonders of the galaxy, created immense projects, and aided in the rebuilding of an entire star system. They had accomplished much together, and during those times they had been privy to all of each others plans, ideas, and even musings.

Now it was different.

"Lily and Rose are the priority." Alric said looking up at her. "I'm going to be there for them. I know Lily has been getting into some trouble, but she's established herself somewhat in the business world. I can help her with that, guide her, show her how to best move through the obstacles."

He talked, though he didn't know if what he said actually mattered to Danger. "Rose...Rose will be harder."

"She always took more after her mother." No crack in his voice this time, he was more focused on Rose than Silara. "The Force, lightsaber training, it was everything to her. From my understanding...that's all gone."

It wasn't something he could fix, it wasn't even something that he understood. The force had never been something that he could wrap his head around, it had never been something he could know, it was beyond him. He couldn't even begin to understand what it would feel like to have it, much less use it.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

Danger gave a nod at the information, keeping a slow routine of of an intake of her cigarillo and quiet contemplation at his plan.

Funny, how they were having a simple conversation but where they had once quipped with each other, an invisible blanket of smothering would hold them back. Maybe one would say it is baby steps, that first olive branch perhaps? But each was likely prowling along their shore with the wariness of a Nexu.

Things were different now. They were different. How much and how long that would last, if it would change, it was hard to tell.

It was but the first conversation they had in years.

“Reckon that means rebuilding a new life with new eyes.” she finally said, revealing that she was paying attention. “And Lily has been handling her own.” she had recently seen the young woman at the GUIDE holocall with Ms. Lethe. Granted, Lily had donated funds and invested heavily with no known clue if she was being scammed or not.
But everyone learns from experience; and the chance of getting duped is one of them.

“She’s invested credits towards some new galactic information network run by a young woman named Lethe.” she would offer the information. Her eyes would draw towards the ashtray where she would flick the scattered bits of grey upon it. A small hiss of the door would interrupt the conversation. It was the mouse droid sent to clean up the shattered glass. The door would slide shut behind it, and the tiny hum of its movements would be a minor distraction for the now.

 

[Alric Kuhn]

He pondered for a moment. Alric knew little to nothing about this new galactic information network, and even less about this young woman named Lethe. He supposed that he would have to dig into it and find out more, or as Kiran to do so. Saeva was now bigger than he had expected it to ever be, and truthfully he had been impressed with his friend. The PMC now operated on an impressive amount of areas, and he doubted that information gathering would be much of a problem for them.

Finding out what Lily was up to, what she had invested in, where she was taking her company, and everything else she was doing would be simple enough. From there...well it all depended really. He would wait until he saw them, until they were together. Then he would act. It was important to him that he not overshadow her, and as such he made a mental note to stay away from this Lethe woman and her pet project.

"She's always liked to spend money." Alric mused about Lily with a small smile. "Maybe now she'll end up making some."

He shook his head slightly and let out a sigh. "I don't know how to help her start."

This time Alric talked about Rose of course. She was the one that would have to start anew. He knew that she wouldn't be interested in his world, in the business that Lily had so taken to. He knew that she had never liked it, never really enjoyed anything about it in fact. The one thing she had liked, where all her skills and natural talent had fallen, had all been yanked out from under her.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

Danger had no clue on how to answer that. The Force and whathaveyou kind of honky religion was not something she was keen on. To be frank, she saw it more as a crutch. An excuse to make the life easy while the rest toiled hard for their trouble. Oh, it was quite prejudiced of her, but who didn't have their flaws?

A Jedi woman had set her perception on the hypocrisy of those who used that measure of hoodoo. And while she did business with those who partook of such means, it didn't mean she didn't think of it any less.

In her eyes, one does well under their own merit with their own hands. Not because one was able to shake a teacup with their mind. So the fact that Rose Kuhn was now free of such a curse - and to Danger that was a curse - it was all the better for her in Danger's opinion.

However, she doubted Alric would want to hear that.

"That is something I reckon she'll figure out on her own." there were some things a father could guide with, others that they could not.

"Traveling the Outer Rim or Wild Space does wonders for finding oneself. Ain't no different than the Western Dune Sea." she'd say, believing that the choices one makes when they were at rock bottom defined one better than any talent or skill.

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Danger Arceneau"]

He gave her a slow nod.

Rose would have to decide what to do on her own. There were many things in the galaxy available to her, in fact, everything was available to her. She was young still. She could go to school, explore the galaxy, learn a thousand different languages. Alric looked at the ground again, realizing with a small smile that it wasn't his job to tell Rose what to do, but instead to give her options.

I can do that. Alric thought to himself, looking up at Danger with the first real smile she would see from him all evening.

It was brought on by his daughters, by the thought of being back together with them and helping them with whatever they wished. He took in a deep breath, then looked to the window. Hyperspace was still flowing by, and for a brief moment he wondered if Kiran knew where he was. The thought quickly passed by as another entered his mind. “Have you ever met them?”

Alric knew a lot of Rose and Lily's activities, but not everything.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

Danger’s feline gaze would snap up over the cherry tip of her cigarillo. Had she ever met them? By what manner of context did he mean?

There were several ways to answer that, each with their own rhyme or reason. She could tell him that she kept an eye on the girls prior to his letter. Ain’t like one can miss them much what with how Lily liked to cause a stir, or how Rose took after her mother -- a Sith of all gorram things -- and touched with the hoodoo that made their kind all kinds of stir crazy in the head.

She could also tell him her vast annoyance at the dawning realization that he had named one of them that gorram awful name. Why anyone would was beyond her. She could only reckon that he went on to keep the trend of flowers influenced names like his sister, Violet. She could also tell him that Lily had done got herself spiced and liquored up higher than a two credit Cafarel on their debut on Zeltros or relay the details of the disease that had racked Rose’s body and robbed her of what she likely considered her identity.

She could tell him that and many things. However, therein came that first true smile that lit up his face and made his eyes a blue so deep one could feel they could drown in them anew.

Danger hadn’t the heart to say what she may that just might wipe that momentary joy from his expression.

“Directly, no.” she would inform him, “But business within the Core Worlds gave me plenty of opportunity to ensure we brushed elbows with the rest of the blue bloods.”

She would straighten, sitting up in the acceleration couch, shifting to make herself more comfortable. “Lily to be precise.”

However, it was the other twin that had tempted her enough to make headway to the hospital to check on her directly. Had it not been for the girl’s dire need to hightail it out of it like the hounds of the Void were upon her, it was likely so that it would be Danger that she’d have awoken to beside her.

“Rose drifts like petals to the wind. Ain’t no time enough spent in one place to make introductions.” she’d say in a low murmur.

Her brows drew together in a slight grimace. Okay, so maybe she couldn’t quite help herself. For the first time in their conversation, there was true fire in her eyes, a glimpse at the woman under the artifice and cultured drawl.

“Why in the Nine Hells would you curse that child with that gorram awful name?!”

There was no need to clarify it. He'd know exactly what she meant.

 

[Alric Kuhn]

He smirked slightly.

That name. He didn't actually know when he had thought of it, or how he had convinced Silara to go with it. He knew that he had told her the truth about why, but for the life of him he couldn't remember when. It was before the twins had been born, and it had been before they had thought of Lily's name. Of course, he remembered why he had picked it, why he had wanted that name for one of his daughters. He looked up at Danger, that smirk still on his face.

Rose had grown up to be somewhat like Danger funnily enough. She had a fiery streak, was massively independent, and headstrong enough that she generally got her way through simple hard work. It was funny how that had worked out. His eyes cast down to the ground once again as he thought about all the memories he had of his daughter, then thought of all of his memories with Danger.

Alric closed his eyes as he felt tears well up again, then slowly shook his head. "I think it's a lovely name."

 

[Danger Arceneau]

Danger briefly sank into those watery blue eyes before they shut like an unholy baptism and she felt her resolve begin to dissolve. A sigh went escaping her lips, along with a stream of smoke. He didn’t have to answer it then; the emotion that went drifting across his face spoke of the why clearer than any words would.

It made her gut twist; that roller coaster of emotions that she’d held back and locked up in a phrik box and pad locked with beskar chains began to churn. What swelled up in there was the reminder of what she’d tried to wane and settle since long ago. History may brush aside the ordinary man, but women have a memory like flypaper. Women love who they love, there is no rhyme or reason. Just is. Alric Kuhn was a love that Danger would always hold onto.

Some loves were like wine, only embittered to turn into vinegar. The day Alric Kuhn stepped out of her office, it wasn’t with Danger’s wrath upon his head. Oh no, it was with a broken heart of one who was well aware that to weather the storm, there were ties to be cut. It ain’t the knife to the back that gets you, it’s the one to the heart by the man you held dear.

So while folk say that love wanes, and perhaps indeed it does, there was no denying that Dangereuse Rose Arceneau held affection for the former Titan. His presence there, breathing despair and a broken frame did nothing but bring back the similar memories of what had once tied them in the past. It wasn’t that she wanted him to love her; no, she was well aware where she lay in that, where the truth of the depth of her love for him would never be uttered aloud. No, what she found twisting inside was more than that, perhaps even more important than temporary ardor.

What churned and twisted was that gravitation towards the connection they once had. Towards a time where they were practically of the same mind; where neither kept up the facade and within the presence of the other were free to be. She missed her best friend; it was a hollow in her heart that no other could fill -- that she had not let anyone fill. Perhaps the experience had embittered her, thrice placed in a situation where the ability to trust and let anyone in was but a fleeting memory.

Danger fought with the desire to rise and sit next to him. Had she held that Viper any tighter, it would crumble between her fingers. The hum of the mouse droid would provide a much needed rock to latch onto as it would pass by her feet.

“Momma would agree with you,” Danger said, slowly exhaling cigarillo smoke a few seconds later. And momma would, what with it being she who had given Danger that middle name. It had been done with the thought of wishing not only beauty, but a fierce independance to her daughter.

“Maybe with Rose it will take to better than me.” she’d add, attempting to offer an olive branch. Both knew well that Danger thought of the name to be more of a curse rather than a blessing. Then again, less than a handful knew Danger’s full name, and even fewer ever dared call her by it. When Danger was called by use, it was more often than not done with a grievance or with the intended act to rile her up -- which it would do quick aptly -- none but Colette Arceneau ever did say it with affection or care.

Danger didn’t think the name suited her t’all. Then again, it is all on the eye of the beholder. One person looks at a rose and sees the petals, another sees the thorns. And some only see the poodoo it is planted in.

Alric saw the petals. For Danger, thorns and the poodoo were interchangeable.

 

[Alric Kuhn]

He smiled.

Maybe she would.

Maybe she wouldn't.

Names were never all that important to him, they didn't mean much. His own was ambiguous. He had once asked his father why he was named what he was, he had once asked what their name had meant. His answer had been rambling about lineage and power. The thought dulled his smile, but it quickly returned as he simply leaned back in the acceleration couch and closed his eyes.

A loud breath collapsed his chest, his body, ravaged by time and stress seemed to sink further into the plush cushions. Alric didn't say anything as the moments passed on by, he didn't have to.

The tension, or some of it at least had left him, and silently he simply sat. His eyes stared up at the ceiling, his hands rested in his lap, and the quiet seemed to drift about the room. It wasn't an awkward silence, it wasn't one that needed to be broken. It was simply two friends getting to know each other all over again.