Just a Feeling

[Jairdain]

Dark or light, it made no difference to Jairdain. Her vision was clear here. She had started to pull away to take the lead, but his hug stopped her. What he said first wasn't what she was scared of and then he spoke on, she shook her head. Admitting she was scared was enough, she wasn't ready yet to open herself. Solan was not to blame for her state and she shouldn't share that burden with him.

"That is not what I'm scared of. More scared of not being able to escape. What if rescue never comes?"

That should satisfy him at least for now. It was also the truth...or some of it. He did not yet know her well enough to pick up on her tells, but he might sense or feel she was still reluctant to open herself.

The hug though brought some comfort and she felt a small weakening of her resolve to remain strong. She was the one that helped people when they needed it. However he had attempted to do the same to her before the crash, maybe she could open to him. Jairdain did not break free from the hug, but it ended naturally and he let her go.

Her free arm reached out to touch the chilled wall and she started to lead them along the hallway. Stopping when she reached the end, she reached out with her senses to find the right direction to go and turned left.

"I think the food is down this way. There should be some rooms for sleeping along the hallway if you wanted to gather up any blankets."
​
[member="Solan Charr"]

 

[Solan Charr]

[member="Jairdain"]

He knew she was not telling the whole truth, knowing himself how hard it is to reveal things like this to someone you have just met. He moved to her side and took her arm in his, smiling in her direction and letting her continue to lead them through the halls as he provided a bit of warmth and comfort to her side. His hand came down and grabbed hers and other hand reached across to rest behind his back.

For a while he said nothing and was happy to just be there and listen as she detailed the area. His eyes turned and he snapped with his free hand, seeing a door aproaching on their right. He would move to stop Jair at that room and motion with his head towards the room as he speaks to her.

"Lets check for those blankets, we are going to need them... plus having a known location for a comfortable bed would probably be a good idea as well." He let her figure out what he was saying, and to figure out the other meaning behind his words.

As far as her being scared, he wanted to deal with that too, thinking on the matter and speaking again after.

"Its ok if you don't want to tell me whats on your mind. Im here for you when you are ready to talk about it... I know that you aren't as scared about the situation as you want me to believe and that it is something else. Im here for you when you are ready to tell me." He turned to her, drawing her in close and locking his eyes on hers as she was lit up by the small flame. He stepped closer to make sure there was no space between them before leaning down and kissing her again, letting them lean against a wall.

 

[Jairdain]

There was an old familiar sensation Jairdain had around Solan. It had not been present the day or night before, but only since they woke up today. If she had been thinking and remembering the last time this feeling had come upon her, then she would know what was happening. Not something that moved quick or fast, but an emotional connection that had started growing.

With the mental activities that had happened, she was connected to him on a far greater level than he was her. To change that though, she just needed to open and allow him in. That was something she had never allowed to anybody willingly. Was it the same with him? It was a pointless question to ask herself, she already knew that answer...He had opened himself for the first time to anybody fully, she could do the same. Not right this moment of course though.

As his hand moved to grip onto hers that sense of butterflies returned and she almost faltered in her steps. Luckily he stopped her and her step never came. Listening to what he said, she nodded and then very likely blushed just slightly. There was more than one meaning to his words and she felt she caught all of them. And one of those meanings is what brought on the color to her cheeks.

The door next to them wasn't open yet and his grip held her in place. That delay in opening it though had a great purpose. Taking it as a sign when he spoke, he reassured her she could talk to him. He also knew she hadn't been fully honest with him. Not that she had lied, just not told him everything. Giving him a shadow of a smiled, it did not matter he had made a dim light for him to see her and the area them. That was probably a good thing and it would allow him to see her expressions.

When he closed that last little bit of distance between them and kissed her, those butterflies swirled around again. Not getting so totally lost in the need, she did get lost in the kiss. Eventually she resurfaced and found her arms wrapped around him and holding him close. It was totally and completely natural. Leaning against the wall, her breath was caught before she even attempted to stand on her own two feet.

"I hope this feeling never goes away, it is something I have missed for far too long. Soon you will know my mind like I know yours."

Gulping just slightly, s​he would attempt to unwrap her arms, but kept a hold on his hand. Not wanting to let him go, the next few steps were going to be difficult for her. It wasn't the physical steps either.

[member="Solan Charr"]

 

[Solan Charr]

[member="Jairdain"] was interesting and Solan looked at her with them standing there in the dark. There was no true connection between the two, only the two of them looking for some form of comfort and finding it in a desperate situation. It was a funny thing how the mind worked in that matter, abandoning logical thought for emotional and psychological support, allowing people to do things that wouldn't cross their mind in normal situations.

"I can assure you, it won't disappear any time soon, atleast for me that is certain. A beautiful raven like you helped clear my head and find me... I can't forget that so simply. I would not mind knowing the mind of someone like that, and providing whatever support you need." He would not stop her or even resist as she took hold of his hand and he took it a step further, his arm wrapping around hers as he pulled her close to his side.

From there, he would lead their steps, smiling at her and moving to find those blankets and that food that they required. The room to their right that he had stopped them from entering being the first thing on his mind. Like before he reached out with one hand, pulling the door open with the force enough for them to slip through before closing it back up. From there he snapped again and let the light created by a fire fill the room, as well as the heat that was being put off and trapped in that room.

Due to the fact of the fire being sustained by the force and Solan's own energy, it did not produce a smoke of any kind, and would not cause them to suffocate like this. No it would provide a trapped warmth, one that would keep the room much warmer, only made more so by the very blankets Jairdain had mentioned. This was a passenger room, and a good one at that with a variety of items and additions to the room. Including a storage container for food, something Kira quickly sniffed out and informed Solan of. He figured it would still be cold on the inside, meaning that until he could get power going again, they would need to keep it closed to conserve the food's freshness.

"So... Kira says there is food in that container, and there is the bed with the mentioned blankets... and depending on how you feel about it, I doubt the previous owner of those clothes will need them anymore..." He motioned his head towards the closet, one that had held the room's previous occupant's belongings.

 

[Jairdain]

"You are not the first person to compare me to a bird. it was not a raven though."

A small sense of her old ​self showed for a moment. The unbroken and normal young woman. Then what she had been through came crashing back onto her and she started to withdraw again. Not pull away from Solan physically, but some of the shields that were normally up around her returned. Falling silent again, that part of her that wanted to return to normal finally found the strength to fight back.

"Help me like I helped you. This is not me..."

​And then it was gone and buried again. However that small part still listened.

"Are the clothes made for a male or female? Not sure they would fit."

As if nothing had just ​happened within her, she attempted to carry on like normal.

[member="Solan Charr"]

 

[Solan Charr]

[member="Jairdain"]

"Strange, I thought it would be easy to compare you to a raven, both are equisite in appearance and mind after all." He didn't look at her or halt, just continued what he was doing and searching through the room. The comment had almost been automatic and for once wasn't simply to get someone off his back, this time being meant in full honesty.

When she asked him to help her, he did stop though and he looked in her eyes, staring into her and not for a second blinking before a soft, kind smile touched his lips. Without words he just hugged her tight and laid his head against hers, listening her breath for a few moments before finding what he wanted to say, and saying it without hesitation or doubt in his tone.

"Let me in when you are ready, and you will be given what ever help you so require and desire. I am here for you and will help as much as I can."

It was then that she would be let go and he would go onto find the clothes in the closet. The clothing in particular definitely belonged to a man and he was thankful there was two sets, the only problem being they would definitely not fit either of the two and both could not remain in the wet clothing they had found themselves in. He sighed and looked over at her.

"There is plenty here, all a guy's though, and all definitely bigger than you or I..." He waited for her reaction, seeing how she would respond.

 

[Jairdain]

"The comparison was done before he had ever laid eyes on me. I was called a sparrow. And like a sparrow, I picked on something that was far too large for one to take on alone."

​It was an opening and maybe she had done it on purpose. Just talking and speaking to Solan was becoming easier. This was telling him of her past, something that couldn't be changed now. Technically no past could be changed to her knowledge, but this was so long ago, it hardly brought pain now to speak of it.

Even though she could not see his smile, Jairdain sensed it. It tore one of those walls down, but there were far more before everything would be ready. This was at the manipulation of that small part of her that spoke to him before. The hug, just holding her close and being there did so much more. His silence spoke to her and when he broke it, the surety in his tone told her he was genuine.

He started to move away to check out the clothing, but she actually wanted to stop him. And so she did. Not letting him go, she rested her head on him and continued that warm embrace.

"I just want to talk. To have somebody listen and help."

Not quite crying, there were tears in her eyes that threatened to spill out. Like she had been when they met.

[member="Solan Charr"]

 

[Solan Charr]

[member="Jairdain"]


He felt her tug him back and while he could have just continued with the search, he knew this was far more important for now. So he rested one hand on the back of her head, and the other on her back itself, holding her there and just letting her relax as she started speaking again. He didn't say anything at first, just letting her do what she needed to before finally responding.

"So then talk, you will not have anything but help from me." He said with the same tone he had used before.

Solan stood there, not moving or saying anything after that moment, merely being the one thing she had in this moment to talk to and approach about whatever came to he mind. He had no intention of interrupting her or even casting aside her words and thoughts, instead he wanted her to do or say what ever she needed to so that she could start to recover from whatever was troubling her. He in the meantime would be there to prop her up and support her, figuring the woman could use such in this moment.

Daeda in the meantime would sit against the wall, watching the two before going about searching for Solan. The search could be conducted and Jairdain helped, the benefit of two minds and two bodies after all. One would be there for her, and do what she needed, the other searching to see what they had as far as supplies, food, and warmth.

 

[Jairdain]

The willing answer he gave essentially mentally floored Jairdain. It was entirely unexpected, even if Solan had told her he would help before. Saying and doing were quite often two different things.

"This is could take a while..."

Keeping a hold on him, she walked over the bed, sat down and pulled him down next to her. This time there was no hint at a physical desire, but there was need for emotional support. To the blind woman, touch was very important and she needed that from him. She rested her head on his shoulder before moving it to lay on his chest near to where his heart was.

"My name is Jairdain Ismet and I am the last of my people. I come from a world that has been destroyed and nobody knows of it. Well, one person I met did, but he now gone. That man was the one that gave me the nickname of sparrow, but it was in his language. He died and then not long ago, I was requested by somebody. A shard of Darth Lykos. He asked me to kill him. So I did. I murdered him."

There was so much more, but this was a place to begin.

[member="Solan Charr"]

 

[Solan Charr]

[member="Jairdain"]

He continued to hold her and only broke it when she moved to sit down, his own body coming to sit beside her and place one of his hands on hers, the other rubbing her back as she rested and told her story. Solan would listen intently and speak very little, letting her get out what she wanted to say, to get out what she needed to say.

After all, she had sat through the travel through his mind, just as he would sit and move through hers in a similar way.

Even if she did not portray images, or sights to go with these memories, he could place a simple visage to them. Solan listened to how she was the last of her people, how she was not simply a human like he had not observed. Or maybe she was and it was just her planet that she meant. It did not matter which to Solan, as he has seen examples of both in his lifetime and understood what that might look like.

She then talked about a shard of some sith that Solan did not know about, someone he had never known but it was clear this person meant alot. He did not know their relation but to be worth a mention meant he was atleast close enough in some way to make a mark on her conscious. He wondered what the man had done or been to have that connection, but he did not press her. If it was important or necessary, she would talk about it.

 

[Jairdain]

Not sensing any recoiling from him, Jairdain continued. While she was unable to show Solan her memories like he had her, she could allow him to feel them. In a way he could see them how she had. Through color and emotions. Sounds, smells, touch even...Her own feelings and of those around her.

He was given glimpses of her childhood and growing up. Her people's view on those that had gone dark. How once that happened, they could never return to normal and were executed publicly. She did not feel this was wrong though in her memory. It's just how things were and she accepted it.

Solan might notice something, while he could comprehend the memories of Jairdain, if he listened to speech of the people, he would know she did not grow up speaking Basic. It was why she had a slight accent.

She showed him her school years, how the kids treated her and then about her time in the special school for Force users. Then her life turned dark emotionally. The class getting banished and her world along with her people getting destroyed.

Speaking at the same time these came up, the first fifteen years of her life passed very quickly.

[member="Solan Charr"]

 

[Solan Charr]

[member="Jairdain"]

Solan listened to the story as it progressed and tried to imagine what she described. He himself had grown up relatively alone, with only his mother and father most of the time and when he did reach his teens he would lose those people and be forced to run off on his own.It was hard for him to imagine what she described growing up.

It was when she talked about her school years and the people's views going dark, how she seemed to be placed in a downtrodden and very lonely existance. Solan knew that bit well and let his arm hold her a bit tighter when she got through that portion of her story. His other hand leaving hers to brush her hair back.

It wasaa quick process, what he was shown. A quick overview of the first fifteen years but that made sense to him, knowing how his first fifteen had been quick and hard to remember. He did not push her or delve into her mind, knowing she probably did not remember things well enough for what he would find being kept locked up in there.

So he leaned down and kissed her forhead quickly, just in case she started to cry once more.

 

[Jairdain]

The most shocking part of her memories so far would have been when all the life on her planet just went away. To the best of her knowledge Jairdain was the last of her people. Good or bad as that may be, she felt there was need to carry on that lineage and their beliefs. And then they were gone and the then fifteen year old girl needed to learn how to live on her own.

She smuggled herself aboard a freighter and eventually discovered by the captain and crew. Instead of getting thrown off though, they took her in. Taught her how to speak Basic and be a crew member. Not expecting too much of her, she did learn how to keep a ship clean and be a diplomat when speaking to people. Her time with them was about three years.

This eventually lead her into learning about the Sith and Jedi and getting dropped off on Voss. At the age of eighteen, she joined the Silver Jedi as what would be considered a high rank padawan. Thinking she had found a home with them, she began learning some skills from them and was eventually sent on a mission.

Out alone, she was captured by some cultists and held prisoner by them. As she spoke of this time, the fear she and the other prisoners felt was shared with Solan. There were no tears in the present or any of that fear she had felt then, this was all drawn from her memories and showed to him in a manner she knew.

Before moving onto her next memory, she paused and just enjoyed the present and that kiss gave her the desire to keep going.

 

[Solan Charr]

[member="Jairdain"]

Would find his head turning when the memories about her early days with the SJO came up and for a moment, Solan was grinning. This little revelation made him wonder if she had ever noticed the person that constructed and cared for the SJO's gardens and after a few moments of thought he did speak.

"Funny, I don't remember such a beautiful young woman back then... and here I was tending to all those wonderful gardens and their scents and sights."

He let her figure out if she ever met him, if the two had ever talked before this. It was likely and possible, him remembering many that approached the man. After all, a Dark Sider welcomed among the silvers, tending to the life that flowed into the temple and grew around those temples. Solan had been one of the earliest allies of the SJO, had been to Voss dozens of times and remembered their members fondly.

It made Solan wonder himself if he had ever seen Jairdain, knowing she could have been any one of the padawans that saw him and talked to him. If she did remember, and if she had been one of the ones interested in his presence there, interested in how someone like himself could be welcomed in such a place... it would make since she was one of the ones who would ask that given her story.

Solan just needed to know what she looked like back then, if it was so drastically different from now.

 

[Jairdain]

"I spent a great amount of time in those gardens when I could and held some classes there. Have you ever tried to catch ants? When I teach Battle Meditation, I use ants to do it. You need many minds to accomplish the task. So if you ever helped catch ants...then we met."

​His alignment would not have mattered as much to her after her return to the Silvers so she would not have sought him out because of that alone. There was something she could do for him. It tied into her next set of memories pretty well too.

The next emotional memory she shared was hardly more than a flash in things, but it played a great role in her life. A week or so spent in the arms of another Jedi and then he was gone. Word had eventually reached her he had died while on a mission. After that there was another Jedi and they had a years spanning relationship that grew slowly and built over time.

Her next memory was closely intertwined with that of the second love and the government that had rescued her from those cultists. A day came when they were attacked on Vjun and her going there to lend Battle Meditation for them. The plan had been to keep her away from physical fighting, but it didn't happen. There was a mental duel with that Sith Lord she had mentioned before.

She shared with him every detail from that fight and because she had been Lykos' mind, how sight had been granted to her. He would catch a glimpse of what she had looked like as a padawan. After that battle, she was scarred mentally and forever connected to him. It was also known Lykos himself was also dead, like the first love.

Then for a few months, things were normal for her. Performing the duties of a knight, giving training and falling into a love so great she never thought it would end. Suddenly her memory went blank. No sight, sound or anything other than her own emotions. This was when she was taken by Krest. Deprived of the Force and kept in quarantine for months of end. The slow breaking her mentality and final conversation with Krest. Lastly her turn to the Sith and embracing the Dark Side. However, if he probed deeper into this portion...Solan might notice there was something familiar.

A small part of the girl had remained light and fought every moment. Like now and that part of her that had cried out to him for help.

[member="Solan Charr"]

 

[Solan Charr]

At first her words did sound familiar, but he could not place a face quite yet. He thought on it and as she continued to give him the sensations he caught a glimpse of someone that did look familiar. I thad to have been years ago when he met this person, so long that he had been in his previous form and was aged even more than he was now. It was back during his earlier days of helping the Silvers, but it was something all too familiar. So before her mind went black, before she moved on from the normal bits of her life, he stopped her.

With that he smiled and grinned, thinking over how to say this but in the end he came up with something that fit who he was. He smiled and nodded to her once he saw her appearance from back then, speaking.

"Oh, so you were that Antsy little girl, the cute one that seemed kinda weird." He said, choosing the words to garner some kind of reaction and bring a smile to her face before she delved back into the memories.

It was when she delved back in and told him about her turning to the sith that he started to run his hand through her hair again and hold her tight. He rested his chin on her head and held her there, not speaking for a few long moments, looking for what to say. It would not take him long though and soon a voice left him, speaking to that small part of her that needed help and cried out for it.

"Im right here, that won't happen again... you can trust me on that."

 

[Jairdain]

"Maybe I was. Probably one of the only knights teaching that particular skill and requesting ants a few times for that purpose. Those days were good for me."

There was a smile that ca​me with her words, but not a huge one. Just one that had some humor in it.

"You thought I was kind of weird huh? How else should one teach battle meditation?"

And then what he said just before that reached her mind and that smile of humor turned into something more real. Maybe even a little embarrassed, but also thankful. For just a moment, she hugged him and let that hug go. Returning to more or less a simple embrace that was comforting and needed. As she continued on and things went dark, it was clear that even this part of her life bothered him. He didn't turn away from her or push her away and that meant so very much to her. His comforting actions and words helped settle some things for her.

"No, I will never turn to the sith calling again. Now I am on the path I was meant to be on. That of my people."

When she was freed from her captivity, that light in her fought the entire time. It slowly broke her again and she relived these memories with him. What she had done while under the Sith banner and just how torn she was. There were two confrontations with that love of hers until finally the First Order had invaded Ossus. The clearly broken sith had been met by this love and taken back to the Silvers.

Her recovery with them and then meeting with Lady Kay to be offered the position as advisor to her adopted son, Bradshaw Ku.

[member="Solan Charr"]

 

[Solan Charr]

[member="Jairdain"]

"I would have picked smaller mammals personally, they are atleast cute and have some fur." He shrugged and grinned.

"Or maybe used Kira as a test subject." That only got him a look from the wolf, as it stopped its search and merely warned him to not even try it.

He shrugged and focused back on Jairdain, who he noticed color a small bit in the face and it caused him to smile, drawing a hand across her cheek again wit her still leaning against his chest. "Though, I must say its good to know Ive seen you before, because it gives me a good idea on how weird you can get, or rather, how antzy you can get."

It was after saying that that he continued to listen to her story and once more did not interrupt or speak. It was the mention of Lady Kay and Commenor that made him smile a bit more but he did not speak on that matter. Kay was an old friend of his and he had never noticed Jairdain's presence in those rooms when he found his way into Kay's Palace. Or he had and just not known it which made him smile a bit more, knowing that Jairdain was not far during his little "visits."

 

[Jairdain]

"Generally speaking, they don't have the minds of an army. Bees would also be an option, but they have stingers and die. Not my first choice personally so went with harmless ants. As for Kira...well I don't think I could affect her at all. She is yours."

That moment he ran his hand down her cheek, the heat from his fingers again lingered and those butterflies flew around again. Smiling slightly, her own hand reached up to keep it there before he could pull it away.

"We all have idiosyncrasies. Mine is being antsy I guess. Oh dear, I hope that isn't going to stick around for long. Much prefer being compared to a bird..."

The next portion of life was clearly calm and drama free. Then some things started happening to her. That long time love...came to an end. Soon after that she and the Prince took two years away from Commenor where she helped turn him into the prince he was meant to be. It also showed how they too fell in love to the point where they got engaged. Their return to Commenor...after that things turned topsy turvy for her.

First it was her involvement with the Alliance and recovery from that. At her return to the area the CSA controlled, she was requested to meet with an old friend who had once been an enemy. Agreeing to see him, when they got together, he then asked her to kill him. In what was essentially cold blooded muder, she did as he requested. She then returned to Commenor only to find that Brad was missing and no information to be found on where he went. Very soon after that the sith attacked, but she was able to make an escape luckily and went to Kashyyyk to assist with what recovery of refugees she could. However during that sith attack, Jairdain had learned that somebody she had already thought dead wasn't...he died in that battle.

Once she was on Kashyyyk, that former love came to her and asked for his memory to be wiped. In the process of altering his memory, she took away what they had from him. Her own feelings for him remained, but he did not have them any longer. Even now, Jairdain still loved him. She struggled on though, almost broken, but still clinging to her fragile emotional state...not wanting to break.

Sadly a visit to the Netherworld in an attempt to bring that friend back failed. With the final death of him and Jairdain blaming herself...she broke.

She now curled up in Solan's arms and just cried. Not speaking any longer and not showing him her memories. Just needing now to cry and take the support his arms offered.

[member="Solan Charr"]

 

[Solan Charr]

[member="Jairdain"]

He laughed a bit when she spoke and listen to her words, continuing the movements he had started and comforting her with those small physical acts. Kira having finished her search and now sat there next to them, listening and providing yet another ear for Jair to find that would not speak or question her. Jairdain had reached a happy point in her story again, or atleast a neutral one, one that let her calm down but he knew that she would not be in this state if it was some happy memory in her recent days, and so it came.

He listened as she recounted something that sounded terrible and he watched her trying to cling to keeping it together. He knew what was coming and before she even started to cry, she would feel him hugging her tight and holding her, already prepared for what was coming. His hand rubbing her back while the other combed through her hair.

He hated seeing people like this, because he had been like this at one time not too long ago. She was held in a state that only hurt her and he could do only one thing and that was to listen to her, allowing her to detail her thoughts to him. He made a small motion with his head and Kira knew what he as asking for her help in, the small wolf pushing its way against Jairdain. He knew Kira didn't like feeling like a pet, but the creature cared as much about people as he did, if not more. It would be unlikely for Kira to have sat watching for much longer as is.

"I can't say I know exactly what you went through mentally... but I have an Idea." He said, that being the only thing he said as his head came down and rested against her while still holding her tight.

"Everything happens for a reason Jairdain, everything leads to something more."