Private Not By Chance

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

Ashin accepted the lightsaber and hooked it to her belt. "Not today, dear. You did reasonably well, and we have plenty of food now." On top of the large grocery order that a droid speeder was dropping off right about now. Icetromper meat wouldn't be their entire larder.

###

Several hours of work later, an early night was coming on. Icetromper meat roasted over a sizzling firepit behind the estate house. Ashin rasped at a chunk of tusk with a file, carving the mottled ivory into something of interest. Ivory was a beautiful crafting material if you knew your business.

She'd left attendance optional for both Avalore and Noelle Varanin .

 

[Noelle Varanin]

Noelle lingered in the distance, watching Ashin work through throw the snow-ladden limbs of Spencer's rose bushes. She knew Ashin's limits as far as the senses; it was a weakness she did not share. She took after Spencer's skills with psychic. After further research of the Niphlim throne, she was beginning to want to sit in it herself.

But that was a matter for the future. She kept her signature suppressed and beyond Ashin's senses, watching her work for longer than she would ever admit to.

There was relief, and grief, at having her back-- filling their cabinets and taking lead. The weight of their house had sat heavily on Noelle's shoulders. Along with the reminder that nothing would be the same again.

She could punish Ashin for her long absences. She could give into her fury and leave the sith lord to the cold silence that she seemed to prefer. What is so wrong with being home?

She never asked this question.

At the core of her was still a child, not wanting to push her last parent away.

She stepped out and closed the distance between them, a fur collar hiding half her face. "A good hunt?"

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

Ashin gestured at the half-frozen sides of meat, the mound of pelt, the offal burning in the huge firepit. "Avalore and I took down a bull icetromper. Between that and the grocery delivery I called in, we'll have plenty to eat here for a good while." A tacit way of saying she expected to stick around. Whether it would actually shake out that way was anyone's guess. Spencer's resurrection was the priority.

And frankly, revenge on the Empire probably outranked staying home too.

"Have a seat, have some meat. What have you found out about the throne?"

Noelle Varanin

 

[Noelle Varanin]

Was that the girl's name? Hmph.

She picked through the snow, sitting gingerly across from Ashin. "Nothing, so far. It's not in the home. I followed up with the palace and they say that anything of that nature was lost when Eshan..." Her expression pinched, the great stain of that invasion still leaving a gaping wound for the race to recover from.

"I don't need those records. I just need time. If it's attached to Mother, then I will find it," she concluded with simple confidence.

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

She nodded. "I have no doubt of that. Thank you, Noelle. I'm pursuing a handful of strategies to bring her back, and that throne is an especially promising one."

The reference to the invasion of Eshan brought a flinch.

"I always think I should have been here," Ashin said quietly. "It was impossible at the time, but-" The file slipped, grating across her fingers. She hissed and set the task aside. "Were you around during the invasion? Just how bad was it?"

Noelle Varanin

 

[Noelle Varanin]

"Bad." Was all she said, her tone absolute. She had been there. It was her first battle. Half a decade past Noelle would have have been easier to read in that moment, but now she sat as a closed book. Through her trials, she had found strength in stillness. Truth be told, Ashin had been her unconscious model in that.

After a moment of tension, her thoughts on events she wouldn’t speak of, she turned the question back around. “Where were you?”

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

"Nowhere in particular, everywhere in essence. That's not meant to be elliptical. I was part of the Force. Not exactly dead, just...working, as something other than a person. Someday, if and when you're ready, I'll take you to a planet called the Wellspring and you'll start to understand. I made a promise there, and I broke that promise by delaying my return for, oh, years - for Spencer, and also for you girls. But there came a time when I couldn't delay any longer. So what I'm sacrificing to find her has to be doubly strong - I'm not just sacrificing something that matters to me, I need to go above and beyond to discharge an overriding obligation. I fear..." Ashin let out a shaky breath that clouded in the air and wafted up to join the pillar of smoke. "I fear I'll stop existing in an irrevocable way as a result. Someday."

Noelle Varanin didn't have the context or experience to understand about half of that. Not yet. But...someday.

 

[Noelle Varanin]

Noelle's brows furrowed, her frustration with Ashin humbled by the tactical but distant sensation of something important beyond her grasp. Ashin's words ran round through her head, the puzzle unsolved.

"You do not have to handle it alone. I'm here too-- whatever this...cost is, I'm stronger than you think. I could help."

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

"And I appreciate the offer," Ashin said softly. "I do. But you need to understand that I deserve to pay the price for my own actions. I've conquered ten thousand worlds, Noelle. That's not hyperbole. I have done terrible things, and the will of the Force rarely goes easy on people like me. I genuinely deserve to pay my own prices. That's as it should be."

Noelle Varanin

 

[Noelle Varanin]

"What does that even mean?" She quipped, exasperated. "What have you traded?"

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

"My job. My destiny. My promise of immortality. A good portion of my power. For lack of a better word, my godhood."

 

[Noelle Varanin]

Avalore's face pressed against her window in the the distance, warm breaths fogging up the glass.

The corner of Noelle's lips pulled down. "All that just for me?" Came the rare, albeit pained joke.

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

"All that because your mother was supposed to be here for you girls for another thirty or forty years. I always had the...being away, I always had the excuse that Spencer was here, that you had her. Then some Empire fool takes her long before her time and leaves you girls alone-" Ashin took a shaky breath and let it out slow. "I will fix this. I will bring her back. You'll have her again."

 

[Noelle Varanin]

Noelle studied Ashin's shaky breathing, her chest growing tight. She stood abruptly, her footsteps silent as she across the space between them. She stood besides her for the barest spell, then sat, their legs brushing.

A pause.

She slid her hand over Ashin's cold fingers intwining.

"I guess one can't have too much of a good thing," came the cryptic comment. Always one parent, but never them both.

The loss of her 'godem', for the presence of her family.

Noelle's grip tightened, gaze going to the fire.

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

Ashin chewed on Noelle's comment. In context, it might be a tacit request to stick around if and when Spencer returned.

"At some level, I suppose I never think I deserve a home. That's likely why I leave, why I've lived so many lives on so many worlds." She squeezed her daughter's hand awkwardly. "The Sith way is to overcome any obstacles that forestall what you want the most. Normally it's a path that works. But for me, those obstacles are my own nature and the irrevocable, irredeemable things I've done. I'll try to be more in your life, but if I fail, remember this much. Don't do things you find contemptible."

Noelle Varanin

 

[Noelle Varanin]

Noelle hadn’t meant to fall into this conversation with Ashin. Perhaps it was because she wasnt a child anymore. Or more simply, because loss sparked moments of vulnerability. The distance that had always sat between them felt thinner in that moment.

Ashin’s warnings weighed down the hope that her return had planted in Noel chest.

For the best, really, Noelle was always a realist.

But if this was it. The last moment before Ashin grew restless or- disappeared into the ether- “Mother, I-“

A scream cut through the air, Avalore’s feet flashing around the corner as she fell ass first into black ice. “Whhhhhhy do you live in snoooooow.”

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

Approximately a tenth of a second after the scream began, Ashin was on her feet and the burnt-orange lightsaber was alive in a two-handed grip.

"Typhojem's left nut, Avalore ," she snapped. "I need you to evaluate the proportion of your waking hours you spend whining and cut it by half." She put the lightsaber away and sat back down on the bench by Noelle. "And don't scream like that unless your life's in danger."

In fairness, black ice could be a pain, and the girl really had no life experience. Ashin let out a frustrated sigh and relented. "The icetromper roast is ready, dear." She indicated the large chunk of meat rotating over the bonfire pit. "Come eat."

 

[Avalore]

Avalore picked her battered body off the ground, glowering under the chastising. All sharp retorts were bit back by a thin veil of respect and dependency on Ashin. It wasn't like she was trying to keep getting hurt! The number of hits she had been taking were building into a mound of frustration.

It wasn't so hard for her to harness her anger for tapas now. She bristled with it, wiping off ice shards and picking her way down the path, to food.

She had choice words for their decision to eat outside, but Ashin was greeted with the silence she demanded. Noel, likewise, grew dour over the interruption. Avalore ignored the sharp looks and sat across from them both, a thin throw blanket stolen and used as a shawl.

"You want me to cut it?" She offered, trying to break the tension her arrival had caused.

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

"A good idea." Ashin tossed her the (deactivated) lightsaber. If caught wrong, of course, the blade could still come alive and seriously injure the girl. A test of common sense and awareness in the moment. She was reasonably confident that Avalore could rise to the occasion: the girl had started developing a healthy respect for lightsabers during the icetromper hunt.

A touch of precognition suggested the exercise wasn't going to kill or maim her, or Ashin wouldn't have done it. But still: a real chance to achieve or get hurt.

 

[Avalore]

Avalore gasped, eyes widening as she followed its movements over. She didn't think, she just reacted, her body sensing the danger that laid within its hilt. She leaned to the side and lashed out, fingers wrapping around the cylinder. The blade hissed to life, jutting into the snow bank she had just leaned away from.

She sat tense, staring between the caught weapon and the space she had moved from. Her head turned as if on gears, jolting inch by inch back to the pair.

"..."


She let out a nervous laugh and gingerly turned it around, her inner monologue about not throwing fire kept to herself.

Right.

She stood, quick movements used to clean cuts on the meat. Unlike Noelle, Avalore knew how to handle her food.

Noelle looked on, unimpressed. "What exactly is her part in all of this again?" Came the drawl, Noel's head tilting up to Ashin.