Private Promises

[Darth Daiara]

She had said something wrong, she could feel it in her gut. She frowned and drummed her fingers across the table, then looked to the the driod. "Never mind, just throw all but that away," she dismissed, grabbing a bag and dragging it over to herself.

"You gotta put something in your ship." She slid out of her seat, smiling tightly down at him as she tried to coax him up. "Which.... you can show me, if you want. As long as you promise not to fly it away." The joke had a hint of deadly seriousness about it.

She didn't put anything past him, but after all he had conceded... she wanted to give him ground too. It was better than losing him.

She held out her hand, a hopeful edge to the gesture that still felt so very strange.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

If Zaavik had been aware of how obvious his grievance would have been, he would have kept his mouth shut. Part of him wanted to argue that it was a waste, and still worthwhile to donate. Yet, his pride betrayed him, made him silently accept her reconsideration.

"You gotta put something in your ship."

An inquiring expression regarded Aradia with an offset glance. "What-?"

"Which.... you can show me, if you want. As long as you promise not to fly it away."

Oh. Zaavik flashed a guilty grin as if caught doing something he hadn't even done yet. She clearly knew him a lot better than he gave her credit for. The gesture was reciprocated, taking her hand and pulling himself to his feet, keeping ahold of it afterwards. "Fine," he replied with obviously feigned exasperation.

"I guess we can go, but it's kind of far. I didn't think landing too near civilization was a good idea."

 

[Darth Daiara]

His guilty grin turned her grimace into knowing smile. The energy that entered him was ...intoxicating, and it validated the effort she made to put some of his feelings first. That was a pretty way of saying his happiness made her feel good, even if he tried to hide it behind feigned exasperation.

"Better hope the lava didn't swallow it," she commented with a snort. Back out into the street they went, the usual space between their shoulders kept closed by the hands clasped between them. It was all so odd, she couldn't thinking that, her fingers twitching and tightening with every brushing reminder that he was there.

Her expression caught, something between derpy and restrained, as they walked the molted planet on a high of clouds. Would she always feel this way? She didn't dare express it.

He was alive .

She cleared her throat and reached for a semblance of normalcy between them. "I want to learn some of your tricks. How you stop my ship, or how you job from the shadows like you were never even there."

 

[Zaavik Perl]

"Better hope the lava didn't swallow it."

Zaavik's heart flinched. The area he'd landed in looked safe enough from anything catastrophic. Though as for the volatility of lava current here, he hadn't the slightest idea. With all that had been going on, if he showed up to a melted ship, it might not even surprise him. Misfortune seemed like a given nowadays, aside from the obvious silver linings to it all.

He wouldn't give it life with a reply.

As they traveled, Zaavik led. Force granting him an intuitive sense of direction, he navigated them on a path toward the ship she so badly wanted to see. Avoiding obstacles perfectly as if clairvoyant, they made good time out of the city.

"I want to learn some of your tricks. How you stop my ship, or how you job from the shadows like you were never even there."

The request caught him off guard. "Uh-" He could hardly articulate. Still hiding the fact that he wasn't a good teacher, he stumbled in his mind for words. Allyson Locke had taught him both of those things, he was just lucky enough to be something of a natural in both. Ironically, the more basic techniques of the force were the ones he'd initially struggled with. It couldn't be so simple as copying his old Master's teaching methods if Aradia didn't share the same talent for them both.

"Those are- Really complex techniques, you know?" After a split second he realized how that sounded. "Not that I don't think you can learn them, I just-" He hesitated. "Allyson taught me. I'm not nearly as good of a teacher as she was so it might take a while to get the hang of. A long while."

 

[Darth Daiara]

"We've got time," Aradia countered, her tone dry.

They were surrounded by black rock, the air growing thicker as the toxic exhaust gathered without release in the valley. She'd give him one thing, he had picked a good spot. No one would find them here.

She coughed in protested as they rounded the bed, the dull hull of his ship shinning against the smog. "Oh. ....You weren't joking," she commented, her excitement over the vessel decreasing drastically. A wave of her hand was all it took to force his doors open, the ragged interior revealed to them both.

"It's so small..." She was started to see his point. There wasn't much they could do to bring the vessel up to snuff. The ease in which she broke into it earned him a knowing look.

"Do you even have a fridge?" The bag crinkled in her hand.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

"Oh. ....You weren't joking."

The dilapidated vessel stood before them in all of its rundown glory. He didn't even get to mention how easy it was to get into before she'd torn the doors open herself. Something that appeared as if a swift breeze could knock it over probably had easy target written all over it. "Worse than you thought, huh?" he asked followed by a quiet titter as he ascended the ramp.

Once the dull, lingering fragrance hit his nose, his face contorted with disgust. A paranoid fear in the back of his mind hoped she wouldn't assume he was using. He'd complained about the smell beforehand, hopefully she'd recall that an not draw a negative conclusion.

"Do you even have a fridge?"

"Oh," he emanated aimlessly, remembering the bag. "Chit. No- Well, not anymore," he confessed. So much for what they'd saved for later. A lightly remorseful expression plead forgiveness as he shrugged, sending a mixed signals between face and figure. "I had to take it apart to rig up a new cooling system for the Ion Impellers. Otherwise flying would risk the accelerators popping like a zit."

Technically, it still did, only with much better odds that it wouldn't now. That bit was conveniently omitted.

 

[Darth Daiara]

Aradia laughed, something about it all just so funny . She turned in a full circle, the living area riddled with parts that also kept the ship together. Like the coolant system, where the fridge would be.

"I can't believe you actually put yourself in this thing. Zaavik Perl in this clunker ." She glanced over at him, her eyes alight with the tease. She dropped the bag into onto the cluttered table, not seeming phased by the smell at all. Her origins were in similar settings, not that she'd ever admit it. It felt like a lifetime ago-- a different person.

She was surprised at how easy was to stand in a space like this.

"You had to hate every minute of it."

 

[Zaavik Perl]

"I can't believe you actually put yourself in this thing. Zaavik Perl in this clunker ."

He chuckled. "It was the first one I didn't think I'd feel bad for stealing. Beggars can't be choosers or whatever," he explained with a humorous grin.

"You had to hate every minute of it."

A shrug was the initial response. "Wasn't that bad," he assured. Hard to believe by the looks of it, though he seemed genuine in his dismissal. If anyone had the grit to not let it bother them, it was definitely him.

"I've lived in much worse for... much longer," he claimed. The way he said it made it seem unimportant, like this ship was just another place. He certainly wasn't vying for clout with such a profession. This ship, even for as unaccommodating as it was, beat alleys and the floors of various spice-houses any day. Though, its stolen status still bothered him some.

As if a murderer really had any room to be bothered about such a thing.

"Better than nothing, really."

 

[Darth Daiara]

"Well, we'll have to get you something better before we go," she concluded.


Aradia let herself plop onto the mattress jammed in the corner, the spring wheezing in rusty protest. She winced but said nothing of it, growing a little sober as she finished looking around.

How long had he forced himself in here looking for her?

...And why hadn't she given him the same effort? She knew the answer, but it did little to sooth the edge of guilt that crept through her. She couldn't of known, but she should have tried.

"I am sorry... that I couldn't reach you. I did try. Harder than you could know..." Her energy shifted at the mere mention, a darker hue overcoming her like a cloud before a storm. She sang stronger through the force than she ever had before. Whatever she was doing with that new master of hers, it was clearly working.

It just had its costs.

She pulled the saber they had belt from her belt line, a frown gathering across her face. "It gave out. Right when I needed it."

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Zaavik shook his head. "Stop it, you don't have anything to apologize for," he insisted. Not even at his lowest had he ever thrown any of the blame her way, privately or otherwise. If anything, he imagined it to be his own fault. His idea to split up was the domino that tipped and started all of this. Not like he'd ever really own up to that fault anyway. Placing blame was the farthest thing from productive now.

"It gave out. Right when I needed it."

Aradia's saber was taken into Zaavik's hand with a wordless insistence. It was a liberty he felt little internal resistance about taking. He turned the hilt over in his hand, feeling the disembodied sensation of the repulsion inside the crystal chamber.

"It didn't give out," he corrected. "It's rejecting you."

Lackadaisical motions offered the weapon back out to her. The crystalline entity's refusal to operate felt far less hostile and intense than his own had once displayed. He wondered if it came with the crystal's age, since his had been with him for years while hers hadn't even reached one.

"There's a way around that, but it-"

The memories replayed as if shot by projector behind his eyes.

"It's rough."

 

[Darth Daiara]

Aradia scooted to the side, wordlessly giving him a place to sit in the crowded chamber.

"I don't understand," she told him, her shoulders rounding in. She turned it over slowly in her hands, lost to some unspoken struggle. "I thought it understood me. I thought-"

That maybe the line between light and dark really wasn't so stark. After all, her had guided to do things that were said to be beyond her. And he--... he was just as sorted in her ways as she.

She really thought she had found the proof. The hatred in the jedi's eyes-- it was all unfounded. They were the same. Except... now they weren't. "I don't want to break it, I just don't understand why it won't protect me. I'm trying to stop genocide, not... cause it." Her voice grew tight, the rejection stinging deeper than she had ever let on.

She had never cared about the light in her before. It had clearly been an act.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

As Aradia's pleas for comprehension echoed, all Zaavik could do initially was linger in place. Kyber Crystal's rejecting a wielder based on spiritual alignment wasn't so remarkable or surprising on his end. Once upon a time he'd been under the assumption that he'd granted her a satisfactory understanding of what the being in her weapon was and how it functioned. Now he finally understood that it had been a ruse either intentional or coincidental.

"It isn't just a rock. I've told you before it has its own way of being aware." Reiteration came for good measure. He lifted himself to sit with his back against the wall beyond the head of the bed as he thought of a delicate way to phrase his next sentence.

"If you're too far to one side, it doesn't matter what your intentions are. They're imbued with the light side of the force, so they don't respond to anything else. The only way to get it back is to... force it."

 

[Darth Daiara]

"I won't do it," she asserted, quick and defensive. He was not the first to tell her that. He was not the first to get her staunch resistance either.

"I won't break a sentient being to get my way, I just can't believe it's judging me." She grumbled, shoving it back into her belt line. Her words came rushing back to her, making her see a way that could come across very very wrong.

"I didn't mean- I'm sure it was different for you. You needed it to protect yourself, you had no choice." Her hand slowly reached out for the metal one, tracing the damage done.

"I'm glad you did it. ...I'm sure if I had known how, I would of. And then we wouldn't be in this mess." She let her head clunk back as well, her vision trailing to the ceiling.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Backpedaling didn't remove the initial sting of what she'd unintentionally implied. A loud click heralded the removal of his saber from the belt coupling. Zaavik discarded it onto the beside table with a loud thud and clatter.

"I didn't know what I was doing," he languished. Guilt festered in his voice, nearly reducing it to a muffled squeak. It had come suddenly, instinct, fear, and the force itself guiding his volition to dominate the rock to his newly sinister will. Looking back on it put him on the precipice of a conniption, still torn about what he was done.

Was it the right decision?

"I just wanted to live."

 

[Darth Daiara]

Aradia's head snapped up, eyes wide at the sudden confession of pain from Zaavik. She had never seen him like it before. Angry, certainly, and defeated? Once or twice. But torn up? In pain? Never.

"Hey, hey. And you're alive. You're here, and you're alive. Feck anyone that would make you feel guilty for that." She grabbed back at his hands, trying to make him look at her.

"I'm sorry-- It's different for you. I didn't mean-- If it's your or that stupid rock, I'd pick you any day." And she meant it. Not just cause she possibly loved him, but because nothing mattered more than their survival.

Nothing.

"Don't let them get to you. They're twisted and wrong and if they had their way we'd both be dead right now."

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Attempts to draw Zaavik's gaze saw moderate success. He looked her way at an agle, regarding her with a slanted gaze that peeked between stray hair. As silence lingered, he appeared more and more diminished. Frozen into a remorseful expression, his face overstayed its own welcome.

"No one's making me feel anything about it." That job was one undertaken by what shreds of his conscience still lingered and stuck to his old ideals. Some deep part of him that refused to die or change made itself known with the same headstrong determination expected of the more outward aspects of himself.

With the one extremity that could, he squeezed the hands she'd given him. Showing this much vulnerability to anyone nearly felt like an abomination. He hadn't nearly trusted anyone enough for it, but even now that he did, it did little to stifle the urge to run away and do something extraordinarily stupid and dangerous merely to save face.

"It's okay, I know what you meant. Don't apologize."

Had he really crossed a line that even a Sith wasn't comfortable with? What did that make him?

"Can we just not talk about it?"

 

[Darth Daiara]

But of course many sith had and would cross that line. Just not Aradia. It would have been different if she had known how, if there had been any chance to save herself if she completed that task, but those what ifs were long since gone. Vesta had given her a replacement saber.

She didn't need to do anything now.

"I..." She felt as if she had done something wrong, his pain somehow feeling her responsibility. She had the vaguest sense that he did not like what he had become. She didn't know what that stung.

"I guess..." She pulled back her hand, deaf to the complexity of the confliction they both felt. She only knew she suddenly felt very uncomfortable. The urge to apologize came and went, her jaw squeezed tight. She was always so good at spoiling moments... She floundered in place.

"Doyouwantmetogo?"

 

[Zaavik Perl]

"Doyouwantmetogo?"

"What?" Each individual sound that made up his reply was sharper than the last. The punctuating click of the T almost sounded metallic. What did he say to give her that impression? Once again this relationship, or whatever it was, proved difficult to navigate. Inexperience didn't mix well with the situation they found themselves in.

"No," he countered. Vermillion phalanges snatched gently at the retreating hand. Slowly, he picked up on the notion that she might have thought some of this her fault, or that perhaps she felt as if she'd said something to put herself at odds with him. Calling it out, he portended, would be less than helpful.

An invisible timer ticked down somewhere in the room. He needed to say something reassuring before it went out, but figuring out what to say felt insurmountable. Mental considerations tripped over each other, indecision tying all possibilities into a knot.

Internal deliberations defaulted to intuition. "I love you," he half-whispered, trying to sound reassuring whilst volume became entirely involuntary.

"Nothing's your fault, you know?"

 

[Darth Daiara]

Her lips parted in wordless shock, a vulnerable look leveled up at him as he repeated those words. It was the first time they had been said since they first came out in the fight. She was half worried they had just been said in a fit of desperation. Her fingers twitched, then tightened back around his.

This still felt surreal.

Life slowly bleed back into her limbs; she scooted, small movements taken as she inched until their legs brushed and she could rest their hands onto of their knees. She was suddenly too afraid to repeat the words and she was left glad that they weren't the focus of the moment. Instead, she slowly laid her head on his shoulder, painfully aware of the way each of his breaths made her head rise and fall.

"I'm not so sure about that," she confessed. "But you're right. It's done. We don't have to talk about it anymore. ...I'm just so glad you're here," she confessed, the air near leaving the words.

Her fingers tightened over his, the vice not leaving room for him to go. Not even when the edge of exhaustion found its way back into the return of her headache. She buried her face into his shoulder, conveniently blocking the light and the rest of the world out.

She breathed in... and back out, her shoulders relaxing.