Restless Spirits (complete)

[Arabella Darkhold]

A longing filled her as he confirmed what she suspected the Skywalker hilt handed through generations used by force users across the galaxy. If she could only touch it, but she knew not to ask so she would at this time just admire from a distance.

"Someone with psychometry might be able to confirm for you, images might be strong enough" Then she considered his words what did she think.

"Let me think for a moment for some things are much bigger than two people standing on a stair step." She laughed again drawing a cleansing breath.

"Those I've encountered in my life could never see the future, and I have never heard any of them speak of balance. It's difficult to see balance when your focus is conquest" Anger, many Sith dealt in anger it made them powerful, made them stronger, balance would not be on their agenda.

"They both wanted balance in the beginning father and son that was why it was built. Anakin lost his way, Luke's emotions crippled him if we are to believe in balance, and if we are to believe that the force only seeks balance." She sighed as her thoughts started coming together, "then we must believe that the one who has the hilt will not lose his way, or allow his emotions to cripple him. He must strong in the force, and he must be the balance point."

She watched him while she spoke, "Is that your journey? Do you believe you now hold the mantle to bring balance?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor wasn’t distracted, but noted the Jedi taking a little longer looking at them; a strange woman looking a little worse for wear talking to the rogue. That would probably start more rumours as to what trouble Connor was bringing to the Temple.

He licked his bottom lip quickly and gestured forward with his hand and started to walk down the stairs.

”You’re probably right. That’s a good point – precog. I’ll look into that. Come with me."

He would walk to the ground and take her out of the grounds and around the lip of the cliff-face the Temple resided on, walking in a large semi-circle over grass, the dirt path down to the valley and over a stream. The Temple was watching over them in the background.

”Maybe it’s best I don’t know the pain or heartache attached to this. And I do feel maybe this will carry a large amount of responsibility with it – I don’t know." He frowned for a second. ”Then again, it’s just material goods. It’s the one who holds it that defines it and everything associated with it, so I guess it’s thinking about what it has been used for in the past – where it’s been, who has touched it – that makes my mind race."

He looked at the girl.

”You seem very interested in this. May I ask why? Or is it simple Sith studies into the history of the Jedi and their weaknesses."

[member="Arabella Darkhold"]

 

[Arabella Darkhold]

Oh Feth the question he asked she had dreaded anyone asking, she stopped walking indecision. But. She was honor bound to answer him, truthfully.

Did that mean telling him the long story she had learned only a short time ago, or would the simple answer suffice. She swallowed hard.

"First, put your own meaning to the weapon. It won't define you as long as you bear in your mind it is your weapon, an extension of who you are. But" and surely he knew this, surely he had thought this through, "if anyone knows its history or suspects its history anything related to it will immediately fall onto your shoulders, whether it is success or failure what you do adds to its legacy"

She brushed back her hair there was a breeze from the cliffs a sound that Bella heard low lulling and yet sad. Was Voss a place of sadness, did this world have something within it that made it howl so? Or was it just the breeze blowing against the rocks.

"Please remember what I said about others could be hurt, please don't hurt my family. My mother is the Queen of Alderaan, she is of the Organa line, she is of Luke and Leia's lines." There it was said, he was the only person outside of the family that knew this secret. And now he had information that some would use to blackmail the Queen, and her family. A sith in the Organa line, not a first but the current political situation certainly it would not go well. And then those that didn't know she bore that tag, would be angry and hate her.

She had to admit one thing he was learning more about her than anyone else in the galaxy had ever asked, or even thought to ask her. Odd coming from a Jedi but these were her weaknesses and if he chose to hold dominion over her he was gathering his arsenal and it would only be time before he unleashed it all upon her.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor stopped with her on the walk and gave her his attention, but didn’t expect her admission of being related to the Organa family. His brow raised a little – it was quite random if ever there was an admission to be made.

”Well. A Sith in the Organa bloodline. The apple has fallen far from the tree."

How interesting.

”But, of course, this is something I take as fabricated, purely because of our situation you understand. However, I won’t speak of this to anyone, not yet, and not unless a planet depends on it. Ok?"

Now he understood a little why the hilt interested her. Now, the defences were up and he had to take everything she said with a pinch of salt.

”How did you fall to the prey of the Sith? I understand a political family can be testing, but what lured you away from it all?"

[member="Arabella Darkhold"]

 

[Arabella Darkhold]

Oh now she would have to tell the story.

"I wasn't raised on Alderaan. I was raised by my father I've always lived on Atrisia. Sith need a point of contention, something that drives their anger. Their pain. My pain was that I believed my mother didn't want me. Add to that a desire not to see my father alone, to please him it seemed like the path to take. For a while we bore no allegiance, he just taught me but something changed he kept focusing on emotions the argument that if we have emotions and use emotions with the force that makes us Sith."

She looked away it could very well be a weak argument, but she had been young impressionable full of uncertainty on who and what she was. Her father was her idol he hero. She loved him as any daughter loves their father.

"Before Netherworld my father reconnected with my mother, and I found out who she was, and that I had brothers and sisters. But when she looked at me I could feel her uncertainty feel not the love I expected. She had her children. I was one but not one and when my father explained how he used her DNA to test tube me into existence, a process even now I still don't understand"

She had dreamed for so long she could see it in her mind knew the words by heart felt the emotions she had lived that moment of reuniting with her mother it had been so real. And all of it went poof when reality was not the fantasy.

Arabella paused, "a loving gesture really he knew he couldn't be with her that the time they had marooned on that planet were all he would ever have, and he wanted something of her to be with him always, he never thought he'd have children that I don't know that he would love someone so much again."

Arabella frowned then, "She wanted him, that was evident we all saw it." A small shrug of her shoulders as she cast her gaze to the ground, "I can see how I would be disappointing to a Queen how it would be hard for her to...care for me. She acknowledges my existence the one thing I wanted my whole life. But I had romanticized it so much in my head that she would see me and love me instantly because and when it didn't happen I just felt unworthy. Disappointed. Hurt. Let down."

Arabella turned away looking somewhere else anywhere else reaching up she brushed the tears away, disappointment and hurt contained in each one. She would try to act as if it did not matter but it did, and that was why she asked him not to tell. Her mother may not want her in the way Bella desired but Bella had been brought up to respect the family, she didn't want to see them hurt.

She waited to speak wanting to be sure her voice did not crack did not hold any emotions.

"So you see the Organa Skywalker history, and anything associated with it. I get excited over, it's history. How can I know who I am if I never know from where I came." She finally turned back, "it's not prefabrication. It's just another story in the long lines of stories."

She folded her hands in front of her and pushed the thoughts away yes, there it was her button, her push point, her pain.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

"I’m sorry to hear your pain, Arabella."

It was both a strength and weakness of his not having and understanding real family. Connor couldn’t remember his biological parents at all, and he had been raised by elders in the Jedi Order and those inside, and then looked after himself, and then found the Silver Jedi and the comforting arm of Iella E’ron to guide him. He had lost family, in respect of those he had worked and served with over the years. Now, with so many new faces, his family were declining as they were the special few he had devoted years go.

It also meant he had few emotional ties; no mother or father, brothers or sisters, no lovers, no children. It was just him and the galaxy – the choices he made affected him and him alone. There was nobody to impress or strive to be except himself.

"You can always find salvation if you look hard enough. You shouldn’t blame yourself for anything that has gone before; love is a double edged sword, from what I understand."

He stood beside her, looking back to the Temple, and noting her lack of eye contact.

"Why did you choose the Sith? What did they offer you?"

[member="Arabella Darkhold"]

 

[Arabella Darkhold]

I'm sorry for your pain Arabella.

The Jedi faced his temple his beacon in the darkness, his source of Light. The Sith faced away dwelling upon her dark thoughts, her pain and all the reasons she held tightly to an order that had taught her all the things about Jedi.

She stood with her back to the temple looking out and away she really didn't know how to react to him at the moment someone sorry that she hurt. "Don't be sorry for me" Bella's words were flat as she held back the emotion she had already given him all he needed to hold her under his thumb. She didn't want to share her pain. "it's obvious that there is something wrong with me, something dreadful or evil about me." She clenched her teeth pushed down the emotion that threatened to surface taking a few breaths, "that no one wants me, or leaves, or disappears"

She blew out slowly she had to keep control. They were dancing around that one point that fueled her anger, fueled her desires to inflict on others the pain she felt.

Why choose the Sith?

She thought back why the sith? Because Garith had gone Jedi and father threw a fit and I didn't want to be on father's bad side. Without father I was alone, and I couldn't bear the thought of being alone. And just when I began thinking otherwise Muadie was there, and he loved me. Until he didn't love me. then I was alone again. With more hurt more pain. Bella did not say these words out loud but she was thinking them.

But she could speak about love and it's pain. "Love shreds your insides leaves you raw and bleeding in a way that no one sees. Perhaps it is best to love no one to be alone." In the dark feeding on the pain.

What would she say about choosing the Sith to him?

"Why would someone choose to be a Jedi? Why choose to devoid of emotion? Why choose to be part of an order" her words were coming out raspy "that sees evil in everything except what they choose?"

Bella could feel her emotions curdling inside I'm alone again, I thought that by joining Mythos and Ren I'd have something again while I looked for my father...but no no NO NO they are gone too, I am alone...there's something wrong with me...they all leave...Bella's thoughts rolled over and over in her mind. She felt the tears, she brushed them away quickly.

Bella took a step away from the Master Jedi. She was trembling from head to foot fighting to keep the thoughts of her push point in control.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

He’d seen this reaction before, in both men and women, Sith and Jedi. They were always hurting from affairs of the heart – scorned by a loved one, failing a loved one, betrayed by a loved one. It broke them, and they needed an excuse to use emotion to lash out and channel it. Normally it was for destructive methods – blind vengeance against the galaxy for something a loved one did. Rarely was it put to use, to mend others and help those in similar pain to feel safer from those hurting.

"The only thing separating Jedi and Sith is the line between good and evil."

He let her walk past, shaking. His eyes moved, and he turned slightly, not completely, to face her. Instead he focussed on the view, from where he could just see the edge of the waterfall far down below in the distance in the Temple grounds.

"I don’t know why the devoid of emotion comes into things now, but Jedi and Sith are places to serve ideals, not emotions. The Jedi try to understand and control emotion, the Sith exploit it. Jedi take lives, yes, and fight, but only to preserve the greater good. Sith take lives and fight to prove a point, to conquer planets and make people afraid. That is why the Lords hide in the shadows, behind masks and sorcery and deception. They are cowards."

Now he turned to her, her back facing him.

"Our very Order is overseen by a man who is married with children. If that is ignoring emotion then maybe I’ve seen emotion wrong. Your pain and loss is being abused by the Sith, and you feel you have no options left except to bend to their whim as they make you feel the galaxy should be punished for your family’s choices."

[member="Arabella Darkhold"]

 

[Arabella Darkhold]

She did not face him she was trying to listen to his words he so far had been kind and she wanted to make sure she gave him the opportunity to speak on this subject with her, she wanted to know. The opportunity to learn having been presented to her on Korriban in the form of [member="Audren Sykes"]

"my father placed great importance on this reminding me always that Sith use their emotions, Jedi do not they rid themselves of it they are devoid, they are the void" She blinked her blue eyes turning black she kept her gaze on something in the distance trying to keep herself trying to make an argument against all he had said without it breaking down into a debate on good vs evil.

"How do you control emotions that are so volatile and often deep rooted within one's core? How do you control pain when it feels like someone has reached in and removed all that was redeemable, or yanked on it so hard that the pain feels unending?" She took another step away blinking again trying really trying, tilting her head squeezing her eyes tight but she could feel the force it was there and part of her was whispering of the things she could do.

"MY FATHER" she held her breath, "is not a coward" she didn't want to hear that point he was saying her father was a Sith Lord but he was not a coward and he had good in him she knew it.

"Perhaps that is part of your leader's propaganda a show of normality a show of" Arabella was slowly losing her grip, "no" she shook her heard this Jedi he was playing with her fears her emotions trying to twist it into something that she wasn't ready for.

Bella stood panting through her emotions the tears welling up she wanted to run she really wanted to run, so why was she standing here, why would she have someone she did not know reach into her thoughts and beliefs.

It stung his words stung again she brushed the tears away there was a hint of truth to it perhaps that stung more than anything that her own doubts about what she had been taught. Yes she wanted to punish people for her pain, why shouldn't they be punished! Why shouldn't she punish them? Why should they be so happy when she felt so miserable?

The pain was overwhelming a gasp of her pain escaped her lips, "uuuggh"



[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor didn’t show a reaction, because she was showing enough of a reaction herself. The voice breaking, her volume, her physical stance, the tears.

"You control emotions because that’s what sentient beings DO. If you can’t control, understand and process emotions then you’re without soul; ready to serve the Sith because you have no soul left to save."

He was now ready to restrain her, because it would be typical Sith behaviour to lash out, especially if she felt he was attacking her family.

"I’m sure your father was a good man, but the man you know isn’t the father who serves the Sith. No."

He could feel her rising frustration.

"You’re one step away from me dragging you back to that cell. Control your emotion. Be something stronger than the Sith expect. Be in control!"

[member="Arabella Darkhold"]

 

[Arabella Darkhold]

"MY FATHER IS IS a good man" Bella turned on him now onyx eyes staring at him, "he's not dead he's not a WAS" She froze where she stood contradictions flooding her mind she did not advance on him. Anyone else would have by now lunged at him engaged him in battle. She was controlling herself she was not without soul.

But this was a battle this was him attacking all she had ever known, how could he understand he met her what half hour ago. HE KNOWS NOTHING her mind yelled. She grabbed her hands holding them in front of her. Her fingers digging deep into her arms the flesh bulged between her fingers.

"Are you intentionally provoking me?" Tremors shook her form as she stood rigid before him.

She was an inquisitor she had skills that could attack the mind she questioned why she wasn't, why wasn't she doing something about this? Why was she allowing this THIS JEDI to make her feel like nothing, like death, soulless when she wasn't.

She blinked trying to let go of the pain, trying to find that point within herself that gave her balance. She needed an outlet, FETH! She spread her arms out looked to the skies and screamed, a long howling painful cry all the pain, confusion, and frustration finding a voice in the lonesome howl. All manner of creature around them paused as Bella let loose her anguish. She stood there for as long as she could scream the air in her lungs finally giving out, the emotional turmoil within her collapsed her to the ground where she sat shaking her head.

"What you say hurts me and as much control as I have over myself..I really don't want to hurt you." Him provoking her emotions was not a reason to attack him he wasn't trying to kill her she knew that she would wither in the cell but right now it was better to wither than to break her word.

"Not all sith kill for the sake of killing, or making a point" Bella was quieting again, when she looked up her eyes once again showed blue. She looked down reaching over to the edge of the path a single pale pink flower, silvery velvet petals seeking the sun just like her. Bella smiled at it she reached over stroked the petal, then blew on it gently tapped it lightly with a fingertip and watched the edges of it light up, just another silly jedi trick that some silly jedi taught her on a lazy afternoon.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

When Arabella screamed, he turned awkwardly, like watching a situation he couldn’t control. He noticed a few of the Jedi and Rangers stopping in the grounds to look over, but all Connor could do was nod and pat his hands down. Why was he always spotted with the volatile ones?

He scratched his hand and watched her release her tension, and then played with the small flower below them.

"Arabella, I’m not trying to provoke you or hurt you. Don’t take this the wrong way but I’ve seen things and felt things far worse than you I imagine. I’ve seen friends and allies fall, and I’ve seen them succumb to the Dark Side. However, those killed have been killed under orders by men like your father, and judging by your actions now, I feel that your father wouldn’t command such crimes if he were not swayed by the Sith. That’s all I’m saying."

Connor stood still, waiting to move, but trying to make sure she knew his intention.

"And if you try to hurt me, you’ll only hurt yourself more, so don’t be stupid. And I think if you’re done here then I’m going to get you back inside for your own good."

[member="Arabella Darkhold"]

 

[Arabella Darkhold]

Bella nodded, "yes it's best I go back." slowly she got up, "maybe you'll bring me out tomorrow" She headed down the path towards the way they had come while she felt the tension of the moment had been dealt with her mind was swimming with confusion.

She needed a break, she had never seen her father in battle so what he said could be true she only knew the man who brushed her hair, wiped her face, taught her to make the ground rumble, and provide her with all she needed including that pink cloak that she loved so dearly. But even that got tatters, and holes everything it seemed eventually withered, broke, died, or changed.

She was not stupid far from it but very few knew that about her either, when they looked she always felt they only saw House Togashi Princess, Yokuni's daughter, Garith's daughter, and whomever else he had been in 800 plus years. Which always brought up another question, how long would she live? Would she spend 800 years alone? in the dark? feeding on nothing more than the pain of not having her expectations met.

She looked back at the Jedi, "I can't believe my father is dead can you understand that, and why I feel that way?" She looked down and back, "You have questions about the Sith that you're not asking. You should ask me."

She was spent and tired.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

With the nod of his head, Connor indicated the way back and walked beside her. No need to restrain her arm, or stand behind her, there was enough Jedi and armed soldiers in the vicinity to take her down should she try anything.

"I don’t need to know anything about the Sith I don’t already know. Trust me. I’ve been from one side of the galaxy to another, seen a lot of strange things. I’ve looked over into the darkness and seen what horror lies within, and even now I carry them with me today."

He looked to her as they arrived back at the bottom of the stairs for a slow walk up.

"However I sense you are conflicted about the Jedi and Sith. I don’t know what you’ve been told, but I can assure you we are not as heartless as we are made to be. It was easy for the Sith to turn those against the Jedi with the idea we didn’t allow emotions. We do. We just try to control them a little more."

[member="Arabella Darkhold"]

 

[Arabella Darkhold]

Perceptions and Expectations, she nodded as she listened to show she was listening to him. He was beside her he talked of horrors he had seen she was curious what had he seen? Part of her wanted to ask but that would sound like she was a friend and right now she wasn't anything more than a prisoner. Were they going to try and convert her his words sounded like they were offering that to her. Did she want to be converted?

Was that a condition of getting out of the cell?

"I am conflicted over Jedi and Sith. It is hard to take a lifetime of teachings and throw them away with the bath water." They walked up the stairs albeit a bit slowly. "I do believe my emotions make me stronger even if they are a hinderance at times" She smiled and laughed she could laugh at herself that seemed to have always been easy.

"Can I impose upon you for something else?" She looked hopeful arching a brow slightly letting some of her own personality finally seep out hesitantly testing the waters.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor looked and squinted in the light, hands behind his back, and feeling her little outburst was well and truly over now.

"Of course. As long as it’s not to escort you off the planet."

The little smile was genuine that he gave.

[member="Arabella Darkhold"]

 

[Arabella Darkhold]

"Feth I was really hoping I could convince of you of that." She smiled back this time, "no it is something hopefully very simple." She stopped walking, "Can I get a book or two to pass the time, and please not a book on Jedi history or something like that."

She exhaled softly, "something smutty might be nice, something of a mystery flair, a story of spies, you know something that let's my mind play instead of linger"

She giggled a bit, "though I am still open for the escort idea"

She began walking again, "you didn't answer me earlier, will you let me out again, like maybe tomorrow, will you come tomorrow? Or will it be someone else?" Was she worried? Perhaps but he was the first one that had come that had listen to her plea for light and took her word that she would do no harm.

She had kept her word for the most part, she did no harm.

Was it enough to begin a sense of trust between them? Between a Jedi and a Sith....was it enough for the moment?

What would his answer be?

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Ah! Another who enjoyed the finer things in life like reading. Connor nodded and tapped his fingers in thought. The library was sure to have enough for her.

"I’ll bring a couple for you, no problem at all. Fiction, of course.”

Connor led her back into the Temple for the walk through the halls to the depths of the cells - there was no evident rush, however.

"And I can't say when you'll be leaving. I will check with your warden, the one who brought you here, and what they want. I can't make that call for them but I can tell them how you have been, and how I feel you pose no immediate threat to us. I can't say anything else, I'm afraid."

Hopefully, her heart wouldn't take her to a dark place.

"We can help you, if you need it.”

[member="Arabella Darkhold"]

 

[Arabella Darkhold]

"Great, I miss the library on Hyogo." She nodded again thinking of home she felt her heart drop just a little when he said that he didn't know when she'd be able to leave, but at least he said when, not if. There was some hope that her cell would not remain her home.

They slowed their pace down, she matched his as they walked through the temple, she slowly began to look around at everyone who milled about all seeming to have some place important to go. No one it seemed paid any attention that she was walking in there. It was entirely possible that there was more to be seen here about who and what they were. They were Jedi that much had been decided upon, but what kind of Jedi.

"when you say you can help, how do you mean?" She felt a flutter as her heart beat changed, was she betraying something by asking? She half smiled, "you had to know eventually I would ask, I mean...I'd be stupid to at least not ask." She could feel them all for a moment she felt like they would all close in on her a moment of panic she reached for the Jedi Master's sleeve and held onto it fearful as she suddenly realized she was alone no matter what for there were no other sith here, just her.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

The tug on his sleeve was one that showed a child-like fear for everything around her, and also the fear of being alone. To think she was holding onto his sleeve as comfort, and he was a Jedi and her “enemy” spoke volumes about her state of mind.

"We hae a duty of care for you. We’re not going to string you up and beat answers from you about the Sith. However, we will always offer you a chance for redemption. Whether you take it or not is up to you.”

Sidling down the wide stairs into the depths of the Temple, Connor walked back through the med-bay towards the holding cell.

"We can help you find your way to the Light, and establish yourself with us, or if you find it impossible to break the chains, we will take measures once we are content with your state of mind and escort you out of Sanctum space. Then, hopefully, our paths will not meet again.”

He smiled, even as the last statement sounded a little…threatening? Putting his hand out to the cell, he indicated to the room that contained a single cell and control desk.

[member="Arabella Darkhold"]