Riptide

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

But you don't get to live your own.
You don't see a problem with that?

It honestly hadn't been a consideration before. For the agent, in her mind, she had been living her life. The only difference being that she thought that it was a life she was happy with. Fulfilling.

Her time had been spent meeting new people, going to new places, and learning so much. It had been filled with excitement, exploration, pleasure, and delights abounding.

It also, in hindsight, had been very lonely. Lonely to the point that she made brief connections from one spaceport to the next. It had been fun and certainly interesting; but after meeting Kurt -- after losing him and Asmus and then finding him again -- it did feel empty.

Now Kaile wasn't sure where that left her with Kurt and the girl he seemed to be getting long more now. They weren't sleeping together anymore; that's for sure.

"It is a life." of sorts, she began quietly, tightening her arms around her knees. Her body shifted as they jumped into hyperspace, the Messa shaking a bit before levelling off.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"Not a good one." Kurt said quietly, almost sadly. "Not one you deserve."

Again he didn't say it to hurt her.

"I don't know Kaile. You know I'm here, you know I'm your friend and will stick with you whatever you want to do." There was no denying that. It wasn't like he was trying to make her run for his own benefit either. He realized that he would be involved with the SIS one way or another even if Kaile decided to quit. Jamie was working with them now, and the love that he held for her...well it meant that inevitably he was going to get dragged into what she was doing.

Or rather, he would jump in to make sure she was okay.

"If you want to find a life outside of this, I'll help you." He continued quietly. "If you don't then thats okay too."

He didn't add that the latter option was an awful one.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

"Thanks, Kurt," Kaile replied. She didn't know what else to say beyond that. There was too much on her mind. Too much to consider and too much to even fully grasp.

These were the things she'd have to consider in the coming weeks. Items she wasn't quite sure how to handle. For now, she simply tucked her chin against the tops of her knees.

"Reckon we go back to headquarters for you now right?" with their delivery done, there wasn't much for them to do beyond get another job. Once they got the full fifteen thousand, then they could consider the upgrades on the Messa.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

He shrugged.

"Funds should be in my account as soon as the datapad transfers the signature." Which was as soon as it picked up the proper hyperspace signal. "Probably once we exit the deep core."

Wouldn't be long with the route they'd plotted.

"We can pretty much do anything now. Fifteen Thousand should keep us flush for a few weeks at the very least." That was provided they didn't go wild and spend it on anything too dumb. The water-pump for the hot-tub was the first thing, but that would be a few hundred credits at most. From there...maybe that com-array, but they could use mostly scrounged parts for that. He shrugged, maybe it was time for another break, or maybe he should just work for a while and build up a nest egg.

Either option was okay with him.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

"It could. We could do some fixin' round the Messa too." like the sensors and the water reclaimer.

"Maybe the water reclaimer first?" she suggested. If there was a small courier transport that Kurt could do that would do fine as well. Kill two mynocks with one stone at that.

"Could do another delivery while I search for a place to get a new one." since he had suggested it would be better to buy new rather than old.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"We already decided on that." He told her. "Remember? At the tradeport?"

They had talked about it and everything.

"Water recycler first, then we talked about maybe getting a comm-array." Did she really not remember having this conversation before? Maybe she really was losing it. Kurt understood it, she seemed to be under a lot of stress lately.

Kurt understood forgetting things, hell he did it every day, but Kaile usually wasn't the type to forget about things, especially when they had the conversation just a few days ago. Maybe it was the storm, or she was just being a bit spacey because of what they had just talked about. Her future was...well he wouldn't say it was up in the air, but it was clear she wasn't exactly all there at the moment. He still wasn't exactly sure if it was only the things with the SIS.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

Kaile blinked at Kurt.

"I know. I was just suggesting that we do that now while you consider taking on another delivery job so that we can do two things at once." did he not understand what she had said? They'd already talked about this before.

"Like I can do some holonet searches for what might work on the Messa."

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Kurt looked around for a moment.

"I think we've had too much stress lately." The Courier said plainly.

"The Bunker, this SIS poodoo, the storm." He let out a sigh. "Need a day of normalcy, maybe getting another job is right."

Maybe getting parts was the smart thing, just getting the hot-tub ready. It was a simple task, and she was right about maybe looking for another job, but in all honesty he didn't really want to do it. His little journey through the rain, the stress of that moment at the door, doing that again didn't exactly seem like fun, especially when he had enough money to not do it...at least for a little while. He frowned for a moment, and then looked over at Kaile. "Nah, kark that."

He snapped his fingers.

"I'll lead by example." Kurt stood, or tried to stand, his chest bulging against the straps for a moment before he tore them off. "I'll show you how easy it is to change your life to do something that's actually fulfilling!"

Where was he going? "I'm finding myself a race!"

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

Kaile gave a heavy sigh. Both hands came up to rub her face, hiding behind her fingers as she attempted to reign in her emotions. He was right both of them were running high on stress. There were things she was trying to settle with and now that was making her short on temper and everything. Kurt didn't need that.

The Lorrdian began to apologize, saying "I'm sorry Kurt I just --" only to pause as what he said finally registered. Wait a race?

Blinking, she froze, staring at the pilot.

"Wait like an actual pod race?"

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"Nope." He'd done that. He'd won it, been champion of the biggest Pod-race three years running. Pod-racing was something he'd conquered and taken over like nothing else. Perhaps he could go back to it eventually, perhaps he could even win again, but right now he needed to do something different, he needed another challenge, something bigger, something better, something...something he'd never tried before. For a brief moment he thought back to being outside that med-clinic.

"Swoop racing." There were dozens of places all over the galaxy that still held them. Tatooine even had amateur tracks. "Manaan has an open Circuit."

Or they used to. "I can join that."

He was pretty sure anyway.

If not he could always find somewhere else, maybe even go back home and ask one of the Hutts. Wouldn't be too hard, he just needed a swoop, and a way to buy into the race, his own clout as a racer should be enough to do that, right?

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

"Why would you even want to go try out swoopbike racing?" that was out of the blue. Not that Kaile didn't understand the why, Kurt enjoyed flying fast and being free. It was a symbol of sorts for him, she supposed. But it was just so random and out of the blue.

"I mean, you could," she untucked her legs, bringing them out in front of her as she shifted on her chair. Arms came round and tucked the blanket closer.

"But going for a swoopbike race ain't like simply walking away from the SIS, Kurt." if that was what he was going for in terms of 'leading by example'.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

He shrugged. "Why not?"

"It's something I've never done." True enough. Swoop Bikes were similar to pod-racing to most outsiders, but in reality it was a completely different games. Most Swoop races had actual rules, time stops, boosters, half a dozen different aspects that most people never even realized were a thing. It was more regulated than pod-racing too, and thus generally brought in more money...well at least money that wasn't frowned upon by regular folk o the galaxy. "Be more fun than delivering packages."

No one had said Kurt wasn't impulsive. "And no it's not the same."

That was easy enough to admit.

"It's not about it being easy or simple. It's about not sticking to something you're not happy doing." He tilted his head for a moment. "No thats not the right word...it's about doing something you want to do, something thats actually good for you. I'm not going to get anywhere being a Courier for the rest of my life."

He knew that, he wasn't an idiot. "Do you get what I mean? Yes you do good being an agent, and yes you might even like it, but is it good for you? Will it get you something?"

Kurt tried to push his word home.

"Look, at the end of the day I see it like this for both of us, Kaile. Do you want to stand at the door with a package waiting to see if the guy behind it is going to shoot you." He took a breath. "Or do you want to stand on a podium holding a trophy?"

That was what it was like to him, that was what he was realizing, but what did that have to do with her? "You risk your life every mission, every time they send you somewhere, you're standing in front of that door everytime. For what? Do you understand what I mean? I like being a Courier, it's not bad...but it's...it's not..."

He paused.

"Don't you feel the same?" Did she? She said she liked it, but she gave up so much. "You've given up so much, for the SIS, the Alliance, for people you've never even met. What else are you going to have to give up if you keep going? I don't want to see you keep dropping pieces of yourself for other people."

Kurt wasn't the best at making speeches or illustrating his point, but he tried his best.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

It is hard to meet him in the eyes then, to hear him go on and on about her life with the SIS and how she'd given up so much. How she would still sacrifice so much. There was such a beseeching passion in his eyes as if he was trying to make her see what Kaile couldn't.

The more he spoke, the more emotion began to well up, bubbling as if a pot to the fire and everything was threatening to boil over.

Don't you feel the same?

To an extent she did; back on Sullust when she'd made her peace to do what she'd always done, to give up on Kurt and everyone else. To make sure they were safe and that nothing could go wrong with them.

Her lower lip began to quiver, and her eyes began to sting. Moisture would fill her eyes. Stars, it stung. It stung, and it hurt.

What else are you going to have to give up if you keep going?

An image of a scoundrel's smile and laughing gold-flecked eyes bloomed in her mind. Suddenly it became harder to breathe.

"I..." Kaile began, stammering and fumbling over her words. The Lorrdian was all out of sorts that she began to tremble, and in that, her hands started to flutter in her anxiety. What else did she have to say?

What else could she say?

Maybe everything had piled up to the point that it was just too much to bear. The stress. The anxiety. The guilt and shame. Top it off the dawning realisation at just how alone she was if she lost Kurt too after telling herself she had to let others go. How she had to let Asmus go.

Maybe that's why it just all came pouring out then.

"I'm pregnant."

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

For a second his mind didn't register what she had said, he very nearly launched into another tirade about how she should leave her job, but then...then the words registered.

An immediate an almost odd sort of panic crossed his face.

Every muscle in his body twitched, tensed, and seemingly exploded in on itself.

He began to breath faster and faster, his lips parting for a moment. "Ah."

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

So there it was. Kaile could already see the blood drain from Kurt's face. Panic was setting in, and it only fanned hers. That knot at her throat only seemed to be getting bigger then.

"...about four weeks." or so. At least that's what the medical droid had told her. A quick mental tick back in calculations wouldn't be hard to discern on just what that meant.

Granted, she'd yet to also tell him anything about the smuggler pilot she'd met while under Quarentine. Things had been too hectic to really dig into that. They had their time at the island, then Kurt went off to see Jamie... now he'd only just come back.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Right.

Kurt wasn't very good at math, or counting, or really anything that had to do with logical thinking. He'd often made fun of so called 'nerds' when he was a child. He did know however that he and Jamie were now committed to one another, that he had told her he loved her and that sleeping with anyone else was completely out his wants. Surprisingly for him, he had actually stuck to this rule, not cheating or even looking at another woman besides the girl that he loves.

The issue of course, was that Kaile was saying the time stretched to before that commitment had been made.

He didn't have to be good at math to realize that.

"Ah." Kurt repeated.

There was still a chance that it wasn't his of course, Kaile had never told him what she'd done in her time away from him and she herself wasn't an innocent angel when it came to members of the opposite sex, so perhaps on one of her missions...thoughts ran through his mind, excuses, his body tensed up, his breathing spike, and then...

Then he fell to the floor with a heavy thud.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

Kurt's name echoed with the distance resonance of a voice at the end of the tunnel. It was Kaile. As he would regain consciousness, the pilot would find a familiar face framed by strawberry blonde hair hovering over his prone form. He was sprawled on the ground of the cock pit, his head aching at a distinct point where it had made contact with the pilot chair. Now a lump was forming, and it brought with it a dull ache along with reality.

"Kurt?!" Kaile cried out again, patting his cheek to coax him to consciousness. Chocolate brown eyes were wide in anxiety and concern, voice a bit strained over her worry of her best friend.

"Hey, wake up. You okay?"

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"Not really the word I would use." Kurt said as he came back to life a bit.

He remembered very well what they had been talking about, and he...well he didn't like it. The implications, the thoughts, the conversation that they would have. A part of him still hoped that it had all been some kind of dream, that he would just...well be not here when it returned.

A childish thing really.

"So..." He said in a quiet lull. "Soooooooooo."

What else was he supposed to say?

Do?

Kurt had absolutely no idea.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

Now they were in that awkward stage where neither knew exactly what to do. What to say. Kaile's face was a shade lighter; her anxiety was showing itself in full. Wild gestures came and went with the rise and fall of her hands, like two doves that didn't quite know what to do other than wringing together.

"Um..." swallowing hard, Kaile tried to think. Rocking back on her heels she ended up sitting crossed legged on the ground beside Kurt.

"Want some water?"

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"No." He said quietly.

He had no idea what he wanted.

Actually that wasn't true. He knew exactly what he wanted in that moment, and that was to go back in time to a point where none of this really mattered. He wasn't stupid, and he knew exactly what this meant. Kaile was pregnant, perhaps it was his child, perhaps it wasn't, but even if it wasn't...this was a disaster.

Jamie had already been uncomfortable before, but now...now things would come falling down.

He knew they would, just like he knew that he wouldn't leave Kaile. If the kid was his...well then he had an obligation, one that his parents would never forgive him for if he ignored it. If it wasn't his? Well, Kaile was his friend, his roommate, his family. There was no way he was abandoning her, no way he was kicking her out into the cold. That wasn't who he was, that wasn't what he stood for. The dread in his stomach began to multiply.

How was he going to tell Jamie?