Still The Same, But Different

[Connor Harrison]

Silver Jedi Temple Hangar
Voss, Allied Tion Sector​

Things were getting back on track for Connor Harrison. Very slowly, mind, but getting there. He was feeling better in himself – he had his Master rank, his place on the Silver Jedi Council, and he was bridging relations with his old friends. He was meeting new recruits and helping them find their way, the most recent being Chastity whom he was certainly pleased to have around. With the time she was now spending with the Grandmaster for her initiation and introduction to the Silver Jedi, Connor had time on his hands.

Whistling to himself, he sat on the nose of his E-wing in the hangar, golden light streaming in from the planet outside. When he wanted to feel part of the Order, he came here to work on his ship. The hangar was always active, droids and sentient beings doing what they did best; working hard and forming the backbone of the Silvers.

As a fighter took off with a roar of dual engines, Connor watched it pass by. Leaning over, he knew he had to do it sooner or later, and now was as good a time as any to check in on one who certainly would be pleased of his progress. Taking his comlink in greasy hands, Connor scrolled up his saved com signals and found the one he was after. Last time they were together, they were facing down the Sith and a small army of the walking dead. Just another day of duty.

”Put down your book and say hello to your favourite Rogue.”

He chuckled as he lay the com down, still active, and worked on the windshield while he waited.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

For once, or at least as far as Connor knew, Taeli was not actually reading a book. Instead, she was doing something very similar to him as she helped her engineers work on a new ship design for her company. In a simple tunic and pants, Taeli was underneath the new starfighter design with a wrench and goggles on as she worked when she heard her comlink buzz.

Touching her ear piece, she couldn't stop the smile that formed on her face when she heard his voice say, ”Put down your book and say hello to your favourite Rogue.”

The last time they had spoken was with zombies and insane Sith doctors and other fun times, and a brief talk at Apatros but she hadn't seen him then.

"You assume, good sir, that I'm actually reading today," she said, the sound of a welding torch and other power equipment quite clear in the background. Rolling out from underneath the fighter, she lifted the goggles and wiped some sweat and grease from her face. "If you can't tell, I'm working in my shop right now."

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor wasn’t sure if it was the diegetic noise in the hangar, or down the other end of the com, but Taeli was in a shop – what did she do again? It was noisy, and sounded like she was pretty much beside him. Wiping his hands again, he picked up the com.

”Ah I see! A Greaser and a bookworm? Do you skills never end Miss Raaf?”

He smiled again, placing the com back and going back to his damaged wipers on the windshield – months of being battered by harsh winds, sand and snow was bound to affect the ship in various ways.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"Connor, I run a technology and ship production company," she laughed, sitting down on the edge of the starfighter she had been working on. "I like to actually learn and do the work myself from time to time. It's a great relaxer."

She couldn't wipe the smile off her face as she chatted with him. It had been too long, and he sounded . . . better than she remembered. She was glad that his life was starting to stabilize again.

"So, Connor, to what do I owe this wonderful call?" she asked. "Did you miss me?"

She had certainly missed him, but she had been nervous about contacting him herself. What if his new found sense of purpose mean she might not have a chance with him? What if he was calling to ask they just remained friends? Oh that would hurt a lot, but she was letting her mind race ahead to poorer outcomes.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Her voice came through, and he could hear the smile on her face and pictured her stood there surrounded by broken machinery and tools going very slow trying to fix something a droid could do in half the time. Taking the com, he held it as he tried to dislodge some of the rusted wiper.

”Nice. Well…I just felt it’s been a while and I thought…it’d be good to catch up again….damn.”

The wiper snapped, leaving half a rusty wiper sticking up from the E-wing. Connor sighed and sat up.

”Yeah, if you had nothing on and wanted to meet up? I’m eager to know how your time with the Jedi is going and I can report back how I’m doing. Not too bad…in all…can’t believe this thing broke.”

Tossing the wiper around his hand, he threw it to the floor below, the protocol droid helping him watching in what could have been translated in confusion. Confusion was certainly what Connor felt – while his sense of purpose was getting there, his emotional state was dangerously all over the place. From feelings he’d never felt before, to know experiencing various states once he had found himself, it was unsettling for him.

Give him the Dark Side any day to contend with over matters of the head and heart.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"Are you still flying that old E-Wing?" she asked, a small laugh escaping. "Sorry, but you really need to get a new ship soon and commit that to a museum."

When he asked if she wanted to spend time together, her heart flew up into her throat for a moment. He wanted to spend time with her, that was a positive development in her opinion on maybe... possibly... she was not going to get her hopes too much though. They did need to catch up about what events had occurred in their lives. She had never been to Voss either. Well that settled it.

"Of course," she said, maybe a bit too exuberantly. "I'll . . . uh . . . clean up a little and I'll meet you on Voss, yes? Or do you want to meet me here on Erilnar? Or somewhere else . . . um yeah, anyway, I'd love to see you again."

Her work team was looking at her oddly, and she narrowed her eyes and they immediately got back to work with a couple of snickers and shared looks. They had never seen their boss that flustered before.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Looking at the joints on the windshield and how to remove the broken section, Connor smiled again and heard that at least he was doing something right today. The thought of Taeli coming to Voss would be an advantage with his ship the way it was, but he hoped wandering eyes wouldn’t question them.

”Feel free to come to Voss, sun is shining for now and all is quiet. And this E-wing has served me well and when it goes out of service, that’ll be a sad day for me.”

Tapping his fingers gently on the com, he thought for a second.

”Let me know when you’re coming into the Temple – follow my signal that you planted on the E-wing. Actually…that reminds me, I’ll have to get rid of that thing. Can’t have you checking up on me ALL the time.”

Picturing her face, he carried on with his work, but not really thinking much about it now.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

To say she rushed to her ship would have been an understatement, she used the Force to augment her speed to reach her private hanger and as she set the autopilot to make the jump to Voss, she quickly dashed into the refresher to liven herself up a bit. All the while, she was thinking about what they could do on Voss as it would be her first time on the Silver Jedi's capital world and Connor would have to play host.

As she freshened up, her ship jumped to lightspeed. By the time she was all done getting dressed in a light blue dress and the lilac overrobe she wore that had the Jedi order's insignia on it, she was getting more excited and nervous. It was going to be an interesting time for her most definitely, she just hoped that Connor might still reciprocate what they had established on Erilnar before harrowing off to Odacer-Faustin.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor wasn’t sure how far from Voss Taeli was, or when she would leave. It was a nervous wait now to hear from her, not having seen her for a while but this time not thrown together by the call of duty. And before that things had started to get…interesting, to say the least.

He slid down the nose of the E-wing and wiped his hands on the rag on the step ladders, stepping back looking what else he could busy himself with. There was no point in dressing up exactly – partly because he’d have more time to freshen up he guessed, being a typical man thinking he had more time, and partly because the more he exposed his wound scars on the arm and blister scars on his knuckles, he felt he was embracing his past and not hiding it from those around him.

Rubbing the back of his neck, he called for the protocol droid to come over and start pulling apart the engines at the rear of the ship to clean them out as best he could. It’d pass the time anyway, until that com beeped.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

Her leg bouncing, Taeli placed her glasses on her face and looked ahead into the blue of hyperspace as she thought about the previous times they had been together. True, they had started off on a rocky footing to say the least, but on Erilnar she thought they had formed some sort of connection then and things had been progressing rather . . . interestingly until they had been interrupted. She forced her leg to stop bouncing as she focused on the present and the possible futures.

The console beeped and her ship reverted into a completely new star system. It was a good thing Erilnar was actually not too far away from Silver Jedi space, and she smiled a bit as she angled her ship towards the surface of Voss.

"Connor, just arrived in the system and on my way to landing somewhere," she said, her leg bouncing again from nervousness.

 

[Connor Harrison]

As the com rang and Taeli's voice came over, Connor turned to the droid and pointed at the bronze chest.

”Ok - I'm outta here. I'll be back. Do what you can, but don't strain yourself,” he smiled, patting the droid on the chest as he walked past. Seems he wouldn't have time to freshen up after all - she was closer than expected!

Wiping his hands down on the white - now grey - rag, Connor activated his com and dabbed sweat from his head.

”Come on in - you can't miss the Temple. North side. Follow my signal, and land where you want.”

He strolled outside, past a number of small ships stationary on the landing pad and looked up. It was ironic how years before it was the other Raaf sister who had first met Connor here in a rather shaky crash landing. He smiled at the memory and looked around for the dot of her ship. He saw it eventually coming in - hearing the engines first - and brought up his com.

”I see you Raaf, bring it on in. I warn you, I'm a little grubby.”

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

She could see him on the landing pad, and as she flew over one time to see a clear landing spot, she couldn't stop the smile forming on her lips. It was nice to see him, if he was going to be a bit grubby. That maybe . . . possibly . . . even made him more attractive to her, at least he did his own maintenance on his ship . . . as antiqued as it was.

Finding a clear spot, she landed her ship and took a deep breath. Okay, she was ready . . . hopefully.

Lowering the ramp, she moved out onto the landing pad and walked up to the man.

"Why hello there," she said, all smiles and a feeling of happiness swelling up in her. It really was good to see him in a none life-threatening experience. "I thought you said you were going to clean up before I arrived?" Not that I mind of course, it sorta makes you more attractive and I feel like I'm rambling. Am I rambling?"

 

[Connor Harrison]

Standing in the light and waving up at the ship circling, Connor laid his hands on hips, squinting as he watched the craft come down outside of the Temple along the outside of the hangar. He would vouch for her, so the ship would be just as safe externally as it would be if inside. Watching, he waited a few moments before the landing ramp lowered, and Taeli came down. The smile cracked on his right side of his lips before spreading to the left.

It was nice to see her without trying to kill her or being attacked by the un-dead in cramped dungeons. He shrugged at her comment about his look.

”Hey, you got here faster than I thought and I was just about to go but – you arrived first.”

He nodded and leaned in a little and folded his arms, flexing his shoulders slightly.

”Yes. You’re a Raaf. You babble for the galaxy. So, how are you? I thought you said you were working on your ship? You look rather clean if you ask me, Miss Raaf.”

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"Unlike some people, I actually have a decent sized ship that has a refresher," she teased, coming up to stand right in front of him with a smile on her face. "I know you have nostalgia for that E-Wing, but it might be time to trade up on ships. Maybe a D-Wing?"

Her eyes brightened as she gave out a lame joke, but she didn't mind as she made the move to at least hug him. As she wrapped her arms around him, she could smell the sweat and grease on him . . . and didn't mind one bit.

"I've been good," she said, pulling back a little bit but still holding on to him. "Been a little busy and got into a small scuffle on Ruusan with the Sith. They saved me on demolition costs as we were planning to redo the Ruusan Academy and they attacked it with the plan of destroying it. Worked on a few new projects, learned some new tricks from my sister on Tatooine . . . but I also missed you. Couldn't get you off my mind to be honest."

She leaned in ever so slightly, hoping he might reciprocate for a small kiss at least, but she wouldn't push. They had been separated for a while, maybe he had moved on or he was still confused or . . . she didn't know. She was nervous though.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Feigning a look of shock and about to protest about his beloved E-wing, Connor didn’t have a chance before Taeli hugged him. He hadn’t been held for a long time, that comforting feeling of having someone there for you. If anyone had proven they were there for him, it was Taeli. Connor hugged her back, the tip of his chin tickling against her hair

As she spoke, there was a youthful gleam in her eyes, a mixture of being present on Voss but also reciting her adventures with the Jedi. She looked happy, and safe and well. And it seemed she had filled the void he had left on Tatooine after leaving Corvus…in more ways than one. His heart dropped slightly at the emptiness his sacrifice had made.

”Aw, hey, I missed you too. You’ve been through a lot – we both have. I’m glad you’re well though.”

The moment was there – he didn’t think. He suddenly felt a little hollow inside, with his emotionally unbalanced head fill of the arguments with Chastity and the void now between him and Taeli, and leaving Corvus, and an emotional reprisal from Nima.

He smiled at her and nodded gently, reaching up and rubbing the side of her arms, and he knew he was an open book to her.

”And I’m not getting rid of my ship. You’ll have to blow it up before I move on from that. It’s seen me through a lot.”

Connor sighed softly.

”I’m suffering again, Taeli.”

He looked up at her, like a naughty child confessing to a teacher.

”I’m an emotional mess,” a crooked smile formed, ”but, wait, no Dark Side though, so don’t worry.”

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

As he told her he was a mess . . . again, she sighed internally. She turned her back on him for five minutes essentially, and this is what happens. Dear Force, this man needed a councilor or something. Maybe she would sign him up for some therapy sessions.

"Better not be any Dark Side there," she said, her hand coming in a half joking way as if to slap him. "I've learned some new tricks, and if you went dark side, so help me I will Force Light you in the face."

She was still smiling, but she noted the ever so slight confusion now within him, just what the heck happened while she was out actually becoming a Jedi and not just a random Force user . . . that just happened to be a former Sith Lady.

"I go and officially join the Jedi and chat with my sister for just a few moments, and you go right back to having an emotional turmoil inside you," she said, her eyes still sparkling but they did hold the ever so slight feeling of exasperation with the man. "Am I going to have to sign you up for a psychologist to talk about your feelings, Master Harrison? What did you do now?"

 

[Connor Harrison]

If there was anything he had learnt, Connor knew it was now the time to say his feelings and take the losses. That way, he could avoid being hurt and avoid hurting others – no deception or manipulation. He came into the universe alone, he grew up alone and he would die alone. No dependants and no hurt.

Taeli especially didn’t deserve hurt, nor did she deserve a broken man like Connor. She was something special; a fascinating warrior. A former Sith Lady, now a Jedi Master. The history and strength she had just from that was fascinating, yet her natural beauty and kindness carefully hid her ability. Connor drew his hands down her arms to take hers, flicking his eyes up to the far mountains in the distance, looking for something that wasn’t there.

”I’ve kissed my Padawan and find her electrifying. I’ve lost one of my closest friends in the Order due to my mistakes in the past. I’ve let Corvus go from my heart and it hurts like hell. I’ve torn my feelings about you back and forth and don’t know where they are now.”

His face didn’t pretend that he wasn’t used to pain, and his defences were slowly coming up again.

”I’m not…I’m not…” he struggled to find the words, ”…I’m not right to let my heart think for itself. I'm sorry, for everything.”

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

His confession was a blow to the heart, but she didn't let it show because honestly, she wasn't all that surprised considering the way he had been messed up. No social skills, why did Jedi never teach people how to have social skills? It would honestly help them soooo much if they actually taught their members how to go about interacting with others and dealing with common place emotions.

"Okay, number one shut up," she said, placing a finger on his lips to shush him. "Number two, I'm signing you up to learn social skills because apparently, you and every other Jedi I meet seems to not have any. Number three, I don't begrudge you that action, it can be electrifying to do something forbidden, especially if this Padawan is attractive. Number four, I've been gone for what a few weeks at most? Honestly Connor, I was mainly on probation and couldn't go anywhere until I was formally inducted into the Jedi, so I know quite clearly where my feelings are."

Was it lecturing? Yes, but apparently she had to be the Master in this case, and he the apprentice when it came to emotions and social skills. Leaning up, she kissed him softly on the lips and pulled back a little. That had been electrifying to her.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Her words were testament to her time evaluating people; behaviour and psychology. All points raised made sense, but not all helped Connor, to the point his brown was slightly creased in thought he didn’t click Taeli coming forward for a kiss. He saw her face, her deep eyes and lips as they locked his.

The slightest return of the kiss came as his lips moved on hers, but his eyes remained open lost in the whirlpool swirling under their feet he could see. He could see her now after she pulled back.

”I don’t even know what it means to be social. I’ve never wanted to be social, and now everything is happening at once to throw my skills and feelings up in the air. Taeli, let me go.”

No dependants and no hurt.

”You don’t deserve the pain I will bring you. I’m losing myself here in these rapids, it’s carrying me along and I’m trying to fight it but I can’t. You don’t….you are better than this. I will hurt you. Do you understand?”

His fingers wrapped around hers, blue eyes looking at those violet orbs.

”You will be hurt if you put your faith in me. I will not live myself if I hurt you.”

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

Sighing internally, she wanted to bash her head against the nearest desk. Honestly, why did the Jedi not teach students social skills? They were the most valuable lesson one could learn and yet the Jedi never addressed them. If they actually taught them, half of the people who went dark probably wouldn't because they would understand social situations and emotions.

"You sir, need to just shut up for a moment," she said, her hand coming up warningly. "The whole let me go, I'm damaged goods and don't understand what is happening is really really really unbecoming of you, Master Harrison. You're acting like an angsty teenager in secondary school that is dealing with the drama of who likes who, who hates who, what do I do if the girl I like likes me back. Maybe that's the ultimate problem of the Jedi. They don't teach anyone how to react to normal things that every being in the galaxy goes through."

She was on a full head of steam now, her purple eyes glittering and her hair getting a little wild.

"You know what hurt, Connor Harrison? Being the reason your parents are dead because you lost control of your powers. You know what hurt, Connor Harrison? Leaving Melori with the Sith because you knew taking her with you will just end in tragedy no matter what you do. You know what hurt, Connor Harrison? Lying and watching a friend die because it was the only thing you could think of to actually then save your friend by pulling their soul out of the Netherworld to inhabit a clone body. You know what hurt, Connor Harrison? Seeing a former student, one you thought had actually learned what you taught them, but then it turns out they have become so consumed with darkness that it's clear they never truly listened to what you said and taught about controlling emotions, not letting them control you. You know what hurt, Connor Harrison? Getting a lightsaber through my side while the Ruusan academy was attacked."

"You know what doesn't hurt? What I feel towards you. You know what doesn't hurt? Seeing my other sister everyday now essentially. You know what doesn't hurt? Knowing that you rescued several Padawans from death or worse, even after getting a stab wound and showing them that the light side can still stand strong. You know what doesn't hurt?"

Taking a breath finally, she whipped around to face him again.

"So excuse me, but I will continue to support you and be there for you because it doesn't hurt, no matter what you think it will do or will happen, you thick headed adorable scruffy nerf-herder. So you can stop with the whole thing you should have outgrown when you reached eighteen years old, Master Harrison, and actually realize what you have in front of you."