Still The Same, But Different

[Connor Harrison]

When Taeli started, her body language changed and her tone of voice did. She was on one now, challenging and laying down her feelings. Connor shifted slightly to turn his body, but he didn’t break eye contact with her as she took the stage to lecture him. The most infuriating thing about Taeli was her ability to comfort you greatly, but chastise you perfectly and make you feel a wreck to be built back up. She spoke common sense, and stinging truth. Truth that was as tinged with the same Jedi gloss he had heard from Corvus over time.

He was looking away trying to not react, but snapped his sight to her when she turned and faced him to end her attack. And even with a sugar coated ending to her lecture, Connor wasn’t impressed.

”You have no idea, do you. This is when I can see your sister in you – the Raaf gene. Narrow sighted and living for nothing but the code and prophecy of what you feel now dictate your life. You think I’ve not felt pain too? Take you pain and double it.”

Connor pointed a finger at her – not a jab, just a point; a lecturing point.

”Don’t talk to me like that, either, I don’t appreciate it. The Silver Jedi aren’t the same as your kind, and remember we have couples here – children, families. It’s not the issue about what they teach me, it’s about how I deal with my own emotions. I’ve lived the isolated life, and I’ve shut myself away and only now when it unravels is it worrying me.”

He lowered his finger, shifting his stance and using his hands discreetly to accentuate his words in his reply.

”All I’ve got in front of me right now is a woman who reminds me too much of the faults of my past, and one who is also adorable but annoying in the fact they never seem to let up. I don’t need your support, Taeli. Put your effort elsewhere, because right now…I just, I don’t know what’s going on anymore and I don’t want to hurt you, or anyone. That’s what will pain me the most – not lightsabers or lightning.”

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"Oh yes, Connor, because you truly know pain," she said right back, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Compared to my recent life, yours is all sunshine and lollipops, even with being possessed and having Sith magic embedded in your brain stem. Oh yeah, I know about when you were possessed by that Taung spirit. You lost friends, so have I, but you don't know what it means to be the reason you don't have parents anymore. I have to live with that every karking day for the rest of my life. THAT is pain beyond anything you have EVER been subjected to."

She was standing in front of him, hands on her hips now.

"Yes, the Silver Jedi are different from the Republic's Order, actually they would suit my own personal thing a little better because my sister is such a stickler for the old rules, but clearly there is a deficit somewhere in ALL Jedi teachings. Can you honestly tell me that you don't see it every time a Jedi returns broken or is found dead or you find them on the battlefield somewhere, twisted into something else? On Ruusan, I had to bolster the spirit of two Padawans that were about to break because they didn't know how to deal with Sith taunts. Taunts, Connor, just simple words, and yet they had no idea how to handle the emotions they elicited."

She sighed a little bit at that point, she really didn't want to fight with him about this.

"I'm sorry, Connor, I just don't let up because I can see it sometimes," she said, her voice softening now as she let the steam out of her head metaphorically. "The man you are beyond all the teenage drama you cause for yourself. Don't say you don't, we both know you'd make a great holodrama actor with how much you like to taste your own foot."

It was an old Lorrdian expression she liked to use back in college, and she hadn't used it in a very long time.

"If I didn't want to help and support, again my choice to do so, you'd be something . . . else by now," she continued in a whisper as the idea made her stomach turn. Connor as a Sith would be devastating to her . . . and be a great motivator for a personal mission. "I'm sorry, Connor."

 

[Connor Harrison]

Recoiling his head slightly, Connor started to see how he used to be when picking fights – laying it down hard with one hand before coming in with the other and smoothing it out. A punch to the gut then a supporting arm for the victim.

”Well if you’re the reason you don’t have parents anymore, then maybe you are the one who needs professional help to get over that. What is this, a cry for help? Taeli Raaf can’t cope with the choices she made and now wants another way out? First Sith? Then Jedi? What next – Gray?”

He quickly wiped his hands down, dangerously close to losing his sharp tongue, and now making out in his head that Taeli was better off away out of his head, like Corvus was. Apparently.

”If you hadn’t have helped me, then I wouldn’t even BE here. I’d be something defined and at least something with purpose. So yeah, thanks for the lectures, but take a look in the mirror and think about the lectures YOU could benefit from. Ok?”

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

Her eyes blazed now as he threw that back in her face. How dare he! At least she wasn't wallowing in her emotional confusion and teenage emo feelings because he couldn't figure out his bloody heart. She might have let that slide, but then he made his second comment and she couldn't help herself anymore. The fact he considered being a Sith a step up from where he was now was just one step too far.

"Connor Harrison!" she yelled, her hands balling into fists. "Equating being a Sith with your little inadequacy that you call emotional turmoil! Just because you have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon before you go all woe is me, my life is terrible and confusing, does not equal at all what it would be like as a Sith!"

"You don't hear me constantly stating how confused I am or going on and on about my choices," she yelled, she was close to punching him now and that would probably prompt an actual fight. Maybe they actually needed it. "I accepted that, and the pain it caused me, long ago but you just seem to look for the next thing you can say is confusing and push people away because you have some misguided delusion that will help your situation in some way!"

She couldn't stop her next action, he really did have it coming after all. Like she had said, he must really like the taste of his own foot when tossing out accusations like that. Her fist shot out, right at his nose.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Typical of Connor, the red rag was waving and he was thinking on his next remark he could throw back, but didn’t clock the balled fists along with the seething rage in her words, before her arm suddenly shot up with said fist coming towards him. It was a short yet strong punch to the base of his nose.

With a dull thump, her first smacked against his nose and cheek, sending a throb through his head as his face turned to absorb the blow. A small groan came from his lips and he kept his eyes closed as the pain started to flare across his teeth and muscles. The hand came up to feel just what he expected, a little dab of blood from the nose thanks to god-knows what her hit had gently ruptured.

”Touché.”

The tingling sensation of his nerves reacting was a strange feeling, and he wiped away the blood and blocked out the pain like a bad toothache.

”It wasn’t Sith…it was something better than that, on the side of Light not afraid to utilise the Dark. But never mind.”

With a sigh, he turned to look at nothing in the distance, the back of his hand under his nose for any remaining wet blood wanting to dribble out. What did he do now? Shout at her? Hit her back? God knows he could and then she’d be sorry for meddling in his life.

”I think we’re done here.”

He knew the words word would be stronger than any application of the Force.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"If you say so," Taeli said, her heart breaking a little but a new resolve came into her being. Connor might think they were done, but she sure as hell wouldn't give up on him. She had a feeling his bloody pride might also be clouding his whole holding onto the drama thing, but she would wait. She could be patient, something she learned long ago in school. If he needed time to ditch his teenage phase, who was she to ultimately argue. He was also being a noble prat for pushing away the person who wanted what was best for him and was constantly there. Well, she would still be watching him.

Walking slowly up to him, she came in to hug him one more time but to also conceal the other reason. The one thing he had on him that he would end up taking anywhere was his comlink, and she just so happened to have a new transmitter. As she pulled away from the hug slowly, her hands trailing down his sides, her pinky finger would brush against the comlink on his belt and the transmitter would be set inconspicuously.

"I'm sorry for punching you by the way . . ." she said quietly. "Just . . . be careful Connor. If you ever need me, you know how to contact me. May the path of knowledge enlighten you, as the motto of my school says." That was a fitting farewell for now, she thought.

She was going to stay on Voss for a little while, she wanted to meet some of the Voss Mystics and learn some of their history and possibly their views on the Force. She also wasn't opposed to learning some of their healing techniques. She slowly started to walk away, thinking maybe he would say something to stop her. Maybe not, after all, his social skills might not pick up on the hint.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor turned his head to look at Taeli; an unspoken silence between them. Both turning, it wasn’t fair to both of them to carry on. She hugged him, and he rubbed one hand over her back, his nose another nice painful reminder of the one woman who had left numerous marks and bruises over his body but still found time for her more than ever.

Trailing his hand down her arm as she stepped back, Connor gave her a reassuring squeeze on the hand. Saying this meeting hadn’t gone as expected was an understatement.

”I’ll be in touch.”

As she went, that longing look in her eye Connor was trying to avoid, her parting motto made him stop and think. He’d certainly heard that before at a school or college during his time studying. Looking back at Taeli, he didn’t want to say anything as it would just lead to more pain probably.

”That motto,” he called, ”what school was that and where?”

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"University of Lorrd, History Division," she said, turning around to face him. "It's emblazoned on the entrance to the library for that section of the school. Kinda hard to miss really, you eventually learn it by heart if you spend enough time in there, which I went through the entire place because just couldn't stop reading."

She was curious at why the motto seemed to cause such a reaction, she didn't think Connor had been on Lorrd before. Or maybe . . . perhaps he had been. When she had been a grad student, she remembered helping someone who looked an awful bunch like Connor. Was it him or was it someone else? Not impossible in this crazy galaxy they lived in.

"Why do you ask?" she asked, coming back over to him with a curious look on her face. She was processing something now, a mystery in her head. "I didn't think you'd ever been to Lorrd before."

 

[Connor Harrison]

Wrinkling his nose gently as she spoke, something was very familiar about the motto and the school The muscles began to ache in his jaw now after her well-aimed and well enforce punch.

”Lorrd isn’t far from Voss. Yes – the capital city. I have been there before. A few times as it was the best and closest place for the Silvers to quietly study things we never could here.”

He turned with a half-grin as she came up and he waggled a finger to her, all hostility gone now.

”I used to go for days when I first came in the early stage of training. Anything from mechanics to biology to languages and history. Big place I remember. VERY big. Got lost a few times on the way. Well seems we are nearly cut from the same educational cloth.”

Connor folded his arms and rocked slightly on his heels.

”Was this your pre-Sith days when you were bright-eyed and full of zest for life?”

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"I would like to think I'm back to being bright-eyed and full of life," she replied, an easy smile on her lips as her mind raced at the implication. Had they actually met before back then? "But yes, this was before the Sith. I had just discovered my sensitivity to the Force during my junior year of college and it was fledgling at best and showed up at odd occurrences. I spent months researching everything the library had on the Force, even went with my father to Obroa-Skai on a conference trip to access the library there. I had that going and was working on getting three different master degree's, I practically lived in the libraries for a year."

The more she thought about it, the more convinced they had crossed paths before . . . well everything that had happened to them. If they had, then he might not recognize her from back then. Hair in a ponytail, wearing eye color contacts because a friend told her to try them out, comfier clothing. She would have looked completely different.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Folding his arms – part defence from any more stinging punches from the Raaf sister – Connor thought hard, but couldn’t place seeing one as Taeli may have looked. The dark hair, those violet eyes – obviously she would be a real bookworm so probably not very loud or noticeable. Funny. All typical traits for one who would hit a low point and become a vengeful Sith Lord…or Lady.

”Maybe…maybe not. I don’t remember you, but I wasn’t there full time, I was more in passing. It’s strange isn’t how big the galaxy is, but how small it seems to be when it appears paths have crossed.”

He suddenly felt bad. He knew he was a little volatile, but he didn’t want to hurt Taeli of all people. She still struck him as being one of few who would try to understand him, and have time for him. Connor looked down at his boots, that typical lull of the head when guilt crept in.

”Sorry about snapping before.”

He looked up, a little lob-sided smile showing his own buffoonery.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"It's okay Connor, you've been under a lot of stress," she said, smiling again. "If you did see me, you probably wouldn't recognize me at all. I was going through a phase then where I had colored contacts and my clothing choice was . . . not what you usually associate with me. Those chairs aren't comfortable for long periods . . . so you compensate."

He was a dunderhead, but he was the dunderhead she couldn't stop helping and supporting.

"So, since we seem to have gotten over that hurdle, do you want some help with your E-Wing? Or do you want to relieve yourself of that debt to me and actually take me on a date?" she asked sweetly, her eyes sparkling with mirth.

 

[Connor Harrison]

He submitted to his stress, and angst, and nodded, lowering his head as she understood. With a small sniff, a quick touch to make sure there was no blood, Connor lifted his head and smiled, flexing his shoulders. He hadn’t forgotten either he still owed her. He always would owe her for what she did for him.

”Listen, my E-wing is fine – don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,” he narrowed his eye and started walking with her, ”but you’re not going to get near my ship and then do something that will render it useless and I have scrap it.”

Would she? Probably not, but he wouldn’t put it past her to do whatever it took to get him moving on from the past. He looked forward as he spoke, the Temple and hangar back the way they had come.

”I mean you can take a look with me if you want but you’re not going to convince me to dump it, and then, I guess we can arrange somewhere to go for dinner one day. It’d be nice to talk without any of this,” he waved his hand,”over our heads.”

Talk. What a thing to say. Well, he did feel he could talk to Taeli more than most at least and she would listen. If she wanted to, that is.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"Sheesh, I was just offering to help fix it up," she said, pretending to get all defensive as they started walking. "I do have some technical know-how after all, Connor."

The smile on her face ruined the hurt expression on the rest of her face. They were at least talking again and he wasn't trying to force her away again. Progress at least.

"Talking over dinner does sound like a good idea. You can tell me about everything you've been up to, as well as your new Padawan," she said, looping her arm through Connor's. She winced as she stepped on a stone, the jarring sensation making pain shoot through the side where she had taken a lightsaber stab.

"Well guess that's more tender than I thought it was," she said, grinning up at him.

 

[Connor Harrison]

He couldn’t help chuckle a little at her reaction – it was easy to wind her up at times. But, the nose was a reminder not to push too hard. As he listened, his arm instinctively tensed as Taeli wobbled and gripped it hard, hitting a stone on the gravel track.

”Hey, you alright?"

Connor held his hand to steady her, looking up and down at her limping foot and the torso where she said she had taken a stab. He looked up at her, concern on his face.

”Come on, do you want to go to my quarters for some food or try off-world? I’ve got nothing in but I can grab something from the food stalls here for us inside?"

Classy, Connor. Real classy.

”We can get you checked over if you want, that wound may not still be healed."

Fingers crossed they didn’t bump into Chastity – they shouldn’t, as she was laid up in her own quarters, but right now the little brat could wait. He had other things to tend to before returning to her after her sulking fit.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"No, I'm fine," she said, smiling at him. "Just a reminder that I need to take it easy for a little bit. The Ruusan academy got attacked, as I said, and it was take a lightsaber stab through my side to get myself into position to almost take off a Sith Lord's arm. He retreated and I went and rescued a few Padawans from the attack before they destroyed the enclave. Luckily, we were planning on a complete remodel soooo the Sith actually saved me on demolition costs and we didn't lose too many people."

"Plus, I'm fine with whatever we have to eat," she said, laughing a little. "I sort of just want to spend time with you if that's alright. So, tell me about this new Padawan of yours that has you in such a tizzy about your emotional state?"

 

[Connor Harrison]

”That sounds brutal. I have to say thankfully the Silvers have never been involved in anything like that- we’ve seen no invasions, attacks, and skirmishes – whatever you call them. I mean, maybe one day, but hopefully not anytime soon. We’re not exactly in the same league as the Republic in terms of a fighting force."

With a helping hand on her, as well as her weight on his arm, Connor talked about his experiences and her dangerous operations as he led Taeli towards the Temple. He would go the main way, through the grand entrance to the 1st floor and the direction of his quarters. If eyes were on him, he’d soon make a name for himself with the different women he’d brought back to his quarters under innocent intention.

”Chastity?" He opened the door to his quarters and led her in, flicking on the warm orange and blue lights on the ceiling above as the light came in from the circular window on the other side of the room.

”Well, what’s there to say? She’s been here just over a week now and I’ve taken her on as Padawan and we just, seemed to get on and click. I think that’s the word. I don’t know."

Trying to not think too much about feelings, he helped Taeli to the small seating area and moved to he wall mounted com as he tapped in to reach the restaurants on the top floor.

”This is Connor Harrison – can you send down two orders of pasta, sauce and herb bread please. Thank you."

Connor turned to Taeli shrugged.

”Hope that’s ok? It’s a nice meal, I assure you."

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"It's the nature of war," Taeli replied with a sigh. "I like my research and all, but as you know, I can handle myself quite effectively."

It was said with a smile as they entered his quarters and she looked over the rather bare surfaces and furnishings. While she was a Jedi, that was one thing she couldn't quite get behind. She liked her books and things, maybe a little too much, but hey she always needed new books.

"A lovely name for a girl," Taeli said, sitting down at the small table. "I hope you know how to handle a bright young Padawan like that, they can be so tricky sometimes. Especially with a handsome teacher such as yourself."

As he ordered the dinner, she couldn't quite keep the smile on her face turning into a half smirk. Pasta and with good bread . . . oh Connor.

"That works for me fine," she replied. "I always enjoy a nice pasta dinner. Nice living space you have here, not like mine. It's always cluttered with books, datapads, mechanical things. Yeah, a little too much clutter sometimes."

 

[Connor Harrison]

He moved to the kitchenette and washed his hands from the grime of the E-wing; oil and paint. With wet hands, he took two glasses and filled them with cold water.

”Thank you. It’s my little hideaway from the rest of the galaxy. I need to touch it up a little actually; I seem to be spending more time in here."

After drying his hands, he walked back out with the glasses, handing one to this guest and indicated to the walls.

”Some material to study – book or something. If I’m teaching more and trying to get more anti-Sith," he shot a look to the reformed Jedi and smirked, ”then I need to keep my mind busy and brush up on anything and everything I can."

He sat on the bunk and sipped the water, leaning on his elbows.

”Want a med-droid to look at that wound for you?"

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"It's fine," she insisted. "I've been applying bacta and anti-infectant to it ever since I got it. I do know my medical stuff Connor, I was working in the infirmary on Ossus during my probation."

Nodding her appreciation of the water, she took a sip and enjoyed the coldness of it.

"Trust me, books are such a nice escape from everything," she said, looking around the room. "They are a great stress reliever and let us think and learn and oh so many things more. It was why I was always buried in the libraries during school or when I was Sith. I still have most of those books too, kept nice and safe in my study on Erilnar. Some of the books I acquired then are not for causal perusal."