Private Chasing Stars & Stellar Winds

[Asmus Janes]

“Okay.”

Asmus kept looking at the floor for a couple of seconds. He wasn’t sure what to say next. His hands uncoupled from his arms and he reached back to scratch an itch at the base of his hairline. It felt as if what they really needed now was time to let this sink in.

At least, he thought as he looked up the sofa, this was probably long enough for him to sleep on comfortably. He didn’t know it was also fit for a queen to lose their virginity on.

“How I found you…” he trailed off. Asmus leaned back into the sofa and turned his head to look at Kaile. He then proceeded to explain, in as much detail as possible, the process. How they had tracked down exporters of nutrient gel and narrowed the search based on what they knew about Kaile. Then finally he explained the holo image. How they had turned her appearance into a cryptographic hash so that even if their activity was tracked no one would know who they were looking for.

Asmus liked to think he had been cautious enough that the chances of anyone following his trail were almost non-existent. If anyone had been chasing his activity they would have used it for a bombing run on a wraith hideout. At the same time he had promised to explain it all so that Kaile could make that choice herself. It was a case of establishing trust again. Their footing had shifted so monumentally they were both reeling and trying to figure out exactly where they stood.

 

[Kaile Vera]

Thankfully, listening to Asmus explain how he managed to track her down gave Kaile the time to be able to gather the shards of her emotional self and somewhat glue them back together. Just the simple act of pouring the hot water into her mug, seeping her tea, and then setting everything else away provided a sense of security and stability.

It allowed her to take a breath, collect herself. Her knees were no longer buckling, and she wasn't turning into a watering pot again.

That he had managed to consider Bobo's nutrient frames along was a surprise. The former agent was well familiar with the methods utilizing facial recognition, and there was plenty of alarm that Mara had taken a picture of her regardless of her request. Goes to show that even the most innocent of acts could very well be used against me.

"I told her I didn't want her to take any pictures," this time her voice was far more steady. For the moment, she would remain with her back to the converted living area, taking quiet sips of her tea.

It was a process. To a degree, the pair were reintroducing themselves to each other again.

"I should have been more careful." it was a self-chiding censure.

 

[Asmus Janes]

As soon as he stopped explaining part of his mind when back to the possibility that in a few months time he might get to meet his son or daughter. It was terrifying, but exciting. He had to try and stop his imagination drawing pictures of a future that might not come to be and to focus on the now.

“I think you're probably still safe here, but what do you think?” he asked. Asmus took the glass and faced her.

I might have never known, he thought to himself. A few more weeks and I would never have seen her again.

Every second of every day a trillion things would happen that he would never know of. At the end he would go back to the Force and the slightest fraction of the Galaxy would even remember he had been here. But wherever she was, what happened to Kaile mattered to him.

They were going to be parents together. That thought, sounded out as words in his head still refused to thoroughly sink in. Kaile had started putting plans into place to protect the unborn child. Her hesitance and caution made more sense.

He realised he was breathing more quickly again, letting it all become overwhelming. He took a breath, looked to Kaile and waited to see what she had to say.

 

[Kaile Vera]

"I --," Kaile began, finally taking a moment to turn around to face Asmus. Those wide brown eyes would land on his face, tracing his features. Her mug came up to just hover over her lips, a small mask. Steam rose in gray-blue wisps before they would float away.

"...have every intention' of leavin' this place behind, " she admitted, explaining further. "It was tied to the identity provided by the Ess-Eye-Ess, and I couldn't risk remaining with it."

Asmus was correct in his assumption that had he waited even one more week, Kaile would have bought that identity from the counterfeiter and left Cara Washbourne and the SIS behind.

"Even with the ash call... there are still records that could potentially be intercepted or recovered. I do not want to take that risk." now her voice was returning with a bit more firmness. This showed that in this particular case, that same determined drive remained.

"Not for Bujak and his nest or the baby."

 

[Asmus Janes]

Asmus nodded slowly. It made sense. He assumed she would also need to get some medical care at some point. The identity would have to be tight too. A baby would need to be registered wherever it was born.

She was a great mechanic, but there would need to be enough credits for medical care and housing wherever she went. There must have been a lot to plan for. He wanted to ask more, but also didn't want to push Kaile any further right now. They both had a lot of thinking to do.

“I don't know if any facilities got overrun,” he admitted. “Haven't had contact with anyone but Vo, a few pilots and the deck crew that came with us. Oh, Chad finally got with Lucy,” he added. “Come sit?” he asked.

 

[Kaile Vera]

“Well I was using the medical pod in the Solaris for the time being…” Kaile began, explaining how she’d been able to keep some measure of medical screening.

At the mention of Lucy and Chad, both eyebrows rose in surprise. She never really had the time to speak much to either of them. She knew chad had served under Asmus Squadron and that Lucy, the redhead, at her last recollection had been quite interested in Asmus and not Chad.

“Oh,” she replied, unable to offer more than that. The former agent has made an effort to not become more than a passing acquaintance to others in SIS, so the camaraderie Asmus had with his squadron was lost on her.

At the urging to sit, however, she shook her head. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to sit next to him or because she wasn’t tired - she was quite exhausted - but because the Lorrdian needed to keep busy.

As a compromise, Kaile did make her way back over from behind the kitchenette over towards the hot tub. She’ll still be able to face him this way, hands clutching that mug tightly.

“I figured planning for the worst covered all variables.”

 

[Asmus Janes]

“The Solaris is still here then. Well, we didn't manage to track that.”

His eyes once again dropped to her swollen belly. This time as he did so there was a flicker of a smile. As overwhelming as everything was he felt this warmth at the idea.

Looking back up at Kaile he had trouble finding any words. What more was there to say now? He had expressed, in the very plainest terms, how he felt. Soon she would leaving this world, with their child.

It all played out on his face. Everything had been draining, yet he was coming around to the idea of becoming a parent, but still nervous that she would go without him.

His expression softened. This was a sudden hit for him, but it revealed so much about what Kaile had been going through for so long.

“What are you thinking?” he asked quietly. He didn't really have a right to know, but he asked anyway. He wished she would come closer, at least let him old her hand. Just some form of affirmation by touch. They were both physical creatures in that way, expressing themselves more freely with action over words.

 

[Kaile Vera]

Kaile responded to the inquiry of the Solaris with a sheepish nod, taking the moment to take another sip of her chamomile tea. An expensive, but well appreciated beverage.

The pink tip of her tongue went sweeping over her lower lip, moistening the dry flesh there.

“It was too risky to try and sell or either for parts or as a whole in the beginning” she began to explain, taking the moment to find a perch against one end of the hot tub. Not as comfy but better than the floor— although she could gather enough throw pillows to do that.

“Then after I kept gettin’ sick and went into the medpod…” her voice went drifting, and her left palm unconsciously came down from the mug to rub at the crest of her belly. “Couldn’t risk it even more so thereafter.”

“She ain’t botherin anyone anyways. Set her up by a cavern by the beach. “ Kaile added, the corner of her mouth twitching,” she sees her fair share of high tide and nesting bats but it keeps her out of trouble.”

There was no ignoring how Asmus was looking at her. She didn’t need to be a Lorrdian or fluent in kinetic communication to understand it. He wore his emotions in the angles of his face. In the brows of his eyes, in the expressive manner that they shone.

Her lips worked together, pressing and rubbing against each other in consideration of what to say. A deep breath and her life rose to meet his.

“That you’re easy to read. Always have been.” The former agent admitted. There was still that fact that she’d yet to tell him about her Lorrdian heritage. Likely too much said in one day already if she were honest.

“But what scares me at times is when it feels like despite whatever I do to try not to do the same you still manage to do it anyways.”

Her exhale blew the steam rising off her mug.

“I dunno. Too much right now going through my mind if’n I’m honest. But I reckon too much has been said in one day to add more too it. “

 

[Asmus Janes]

“Yeah,” he agreed quietly. It almost amused him to picture the grand Solaris as a nest for bats. He subconsciously touched his shoulder where the medical equipment had repaired him. Back when he thought Kaile being a person who could manipulate the Force like a Jedi was the biggest secret she had kept from him.

“Not really in a ‘hiding my emotions’ kind of frame of mind either. Thank you for telling me. I'm sorry for putting you so on edge by showing up like that.”

So much must have been running through her mind then. And of course he had reached out to her when she couldn't openly communicate back.

“A lot to take in. I think I've said all I should for now too. I just…” he met her eyes again. Watching her, wishing that he could have known her better all along. “Just ask you think about giving me a chance. Us a chance. Seriously.”

 

[Kaile Vera]

For a moment, Kaile would quietly stare back at Asmus, the seconds ticking by as she visibly absorbed his earnest and heartfelt plea. How to answer? Honestly, she wasn’t sure.

Lids fell as the woman began to study her mug of tea. Could she do it? Swallowing hard, Kaile’s mind began to race, going over all variables and possibilities. Some good, some bad, some worse.

“It’s —“ she began, voice cracking. Her left hand came up brush her hair away from her face.

“... hard. “ she admitted. Brown eyes came up to meet jade anew.

“I’ve been tellin’ myself otherwise for years.”

 

[Asmus Janes]

“Yeah.”

And maybe she had been right to keep herself from him before. But those had been and gone. He watched her struggle, saw the conflict she felt.

Asmus gave a slow nod, never once leaving her eyes.

I would be there for you. Through everything still to come.

His hands lightly trembled again. Everything threatened to come flooding out again. He imagined being curled around her as she nestled an infant against her chest. He pictured them in a small house far away from here. Just asking the verse to leave them alone for a time. To let them live for each other for a time. Kaile had given so much for the SIS, he had put so much into the Alliance.

He offered his whiskey girl a warm smile. He looked at her as if she was everything to him. She was. He was here because he was ready to walk away from everything else, everything that hadn't already been taken, for her. Nothing she told him changed that.

“You love me too,” he murmured quietly. “I know you do, even when I can see it hurts when I tell you how I feel.” So much for stopping to let everything sink in. “I would love you, both of you, if you'd let me.”

His lip quivered, his fingers curled into his palms. Everything was on the line. He had promised himself he wouldn't let her walk away again and they had been separated for nearly half a year, but in the end it came down to Kaile and what she decided was best for herself and her unborn child. It didn't matter what she had told him. He knew what he wanted. All he could do was make that clear and let her decide.

 

[Kaile Vera]

So much for telling herself that she wouldn’t turn into a watering pot anymore. It was like they were each other’s mirror, and in that same instant she was reflecting the kaleidoscope of emotions that were shining across her face.

It was true, Kaile loved him. It was as if she were looking at the other half of herself. Staring right back, telling her that he would love her and their child if Kaile would only allow him to fight for the now. The present. Not the past.

Things certainly hadn’t fallen into place years ago. And perhaps they had been two strangers who fell in love in the most unorthodox of circumstances. But it had felt real then. All the more now.

Neither wanted to lose the other. The question was if Kaile was willing to give Asmus the opportunity.

It was a good thing Kaile had almost drank all of her tea. Honestly, how he managed to tear her into pieces was almost comical. Six years ago she’d never have considered this situation taking place. Her time had been spent having fun, enjoying herself, and not really considering just how lonely and unfulfilling it had been.

Kurt showed her otherwise. Asmus all the more so. The former had also come to her after she left, searching for her all the way to Corellia to bring her back. Could she do the same for Asmus?

Lower lip trembling, with fresh tears threatening to fall along her cheeks, Kaile’s expression was bathed in conflict and uncertainty. But at the core of that, exactly as Asmus had pointed out, was the love and affection that Kaile held for him.

A choked sob came next, and Kaile had to set her mug down at her side. Her hands came up, palms covering her face. But it wasn’t that action that mattered. Instead, it was the struggling nod that she gave in affirmation. A yes.

 

[Asmus Janes]

When her voice had called out to him through the shadows he had thought that would be the height of emotional shock for the day. How utterly wrong he had been. Kaile had told him that he didn't understand. She hadn't lied.

But for Asmus it didn't change what he wanted. It changed how he felt. Below the surface was a tumultuous storm of feelings right now. But that determination that had led him here would ride it out.

Knowing full well that there was a chance of a telekinetic nudge to keep him at arm's length Asmus set down his glass and walked across the room.

Kaile was crying and he wanted to comfort her. That would never change. It felt like a very, very long time since that had been true for the first time. There was no one else that made him feel this way.

“Hey,” he whispered. She was so close that he could reach out and touch her. He reached for her shoulders, intending to draw her close. To surround her, surrounding them, with his arms and pull her in. To find solace in one another when everything around them was in flux. His body language showed that he was still unsure of himself, not certain that she would want him this close already.

It was all he had wanted at the start of the night, for Kaile to admit how she felt about him. She had been right, it wasn't so simple, but it didn't change the truth when they had got there. It gave him hope for the possibilities that stretched out ahead of them. All the paths they could take, just as long as he could be with her for the journey.

 

[Kaile Vera]

It was an emotional, gut-wrenching dam that broke as soon as Asmus', trembling and tentative hands came to rest upon her shoulders. Their warmth went permeating through the thin fabric of her shirt, the loose collar touching skin to skin. There it went transmitting his heat, that all too familiar and terribly missed touch that sent Kaile's body reeling forward, her pink head ducking down so as to press her forehead against his chest.

Curling there, the haven that Asmus' embrace offered encapsulated the sobbing woman, the palms of his hands sailing, flexing and molding against her back to draw her tight against him.

It was a cathartic weeping, the former agent letting Asmus' shirt and jacket absorb her sobs as the scent of leather and that which was uniquely Asmus fill her nose. He was here. In front of her. Right here.

Everything hurt -- the pain in her chest, the holes in her heart, the love she felt for this man, and more than anything, the love he had for her. For the longest time, Kaile had a constant ache in her chest, weighing her down like an anvil of guilt. In her mind, she had thought that if she kept away, if she did her best at ensuring that Asmus would be able to have a fair chance at a new life, that perhaps it could relieve that ache. But even then, nothing seemed to make it better, to make them better, until Kaile could finally tell Asmus what had been wrenching at her gut for all these years. Until she owned up to her feelings and made a decision.

It will likely take time for Kaile to fully be able to voice her thoughts, her doubts, the extent of what this decision might lead to. The truth was, Kaile still didn't trust them yet. They had been kept prisoners in her mind all this time, and even the freedom she'd given them now felt surreal. As if waiting to be locked back up. As if it was all a dream.

But even then there was no denying the truth. Kaile loved Asmus, needed to be beside him, wanted him for her own. It was a selfish, guilty desire when she knew that he wasn't good enough for her. Knew that it would mean sacrifices.

Love is to burn, and love had shown Kaile a side of itself that was abundantly clear. One that was more painful than she could have ever imagined, and yet the promise of a beautiful, happy life amidst the stars lay just on the other side of the flames.

All that had been left was for Kaile to jump. To take that risk.

There, held within the warmth of Asmus' embrace, Kaile finally allowed herself that first tentative step towards it.

To chase those stars.

 

[Asmus Janes]

Asmus expected that something would stop him. Either an invisible barrier would materialise between them or perhaps she would simply fade away at his touch. For the last few months she had not been far from his thoughts. Just beyond his reach, even able to exchange a few tantalising messages. Always there was this feeling that she was there, just beyond the haze of his periphery.

This was real. Everything she had just explained was real. He was still trying to sort through it all and process it, but for now she was a warmth against his chest. His Kaile back and as overwhelmed as he was. The past had come spilling out. He wondered whether his reaction to it all had been anywhere near her expectations. Back on Suarbi he hadn't reacted well when she revealed her hidden plot. That couldn't have helped.

Enough for today, he told himself. She sobbed quietly against him and he stopped trying to process. He let the emotions wash over him without any attempt to analyse them. Asmus clung to her as desperately as she did to him. Moisture pooled in the corners of his eyes before streaking down over his cheeks. Having her close, a familiar feeling, familiar scents, it was a strength.

It wasn't all familiar. There was a distinct difference in her shape. Just there was a life they had both created, growing inside her.

Asmus took a long, slow breath and steadied himself. If a dam had broken it slowly changed for a raging torrent to a steady stream. He kissed the crown of her head and loosened his grip around her, instead slowly stroking her hair.

 

[Kaile Vera]

It was some time before either had time to calm down and reflect. By then Kaile had felt more than exhausted, the Aldaraanian Chamomile tea only encouraging a wave of exhaustion. It was only natural for her to murmur that she needed rest. They both did.

It was the odd sleeping arrangements that came next. It wasn’t that Kaile didn’t want to continue to be within Asmus’ embrace -- it was just that they already had a wealth of revelations, and her room had far more to reveal. Small steps at a time. They were to some degree, starting anew with fresh faces and a little fewer secrets left between them. It was a fragile beginning, and both were well aware that these first few interactions would be critical for them to actually have a chance together.

They were the winds of change. For the good or the better, it was yet to be determined, but it was forward movement.

There were two cabins in the Messa. One was Kaile's while the other belonged to Kurt. Not quite willing to lend Kurt's personal space to Asmus, she instead offered the couch. It was actually quite comfortable, and with enough throw pillows and blankets, Kaile could vouch for the pleasant slumber anyone would find on it.

The question would be if either of them would be able to find sleep, exhausted as they were. The mind races with recent discoveries, plans, and all the potential in between.

 

[Asmus Janes]

Asmus started to get a sense that the whole situation was surreal. The sofa was comfortable, but he was surrounded in new scents and sounds. There was so much running through his mind that it was hard to try and switch off and sleep. Jay’s shadow still loomed in to corner.

Little pieces were starting to build a picture. Before he had met Kaile she may have been with Kurt. The owner of this ship and still her best friend. She had done something or kept a secret that had torn them apart. That led into their first meeting. Asmus had no idea back then that she was an agent. He had just seen the pain and then slowly the side of her that she tried to keep hidden. He had fallen utterly in love with that girl.

She had left. They had both come to terms with that to a degree before she had gone, but the revelation of her work had now given him the reasons that she had never contacted him. That had almost been a relief. Some time after that she had found out that she was pregnant. At first she hadn’t been sure it was his.

Asmus gave that some thought as he rolled over and pulled the blankets tighter. She knew now. So how had she found out? Either the dates had lined up or she had a paternity test. Lacking him for the test that meant she would have had the other suspects available. Asmus was reminded again that he was on Kurt’s ship. This other soul intertwined in her life that he had never met.

Standing up, he went to fetch a glass of water. The taste suggested the ship’s tanks hadn’t been run through and replaced in a while. The Solaris was here too so either her friend had brought the ship for her to leave in or it had been here even longer.

Asmus had to place a hand on the counter, lean forward and take a breath. Closing his eyes he imagined all the different strands of thoughts in his head, curled them up into a ball and put them aside.

Kaile was pregnant again, he was the father. Above everything else that mattered the most. He smiled faintly as he looked towards her door. He had not really given the possibility much thought. Not while he was serving at least. When questioned over the matter during drunken breaks he had admitted that he would like two children one day. Would Kaile want more? Assuming she kept Asmus.

In the end sleep took him. No dreams disturbed his sleep and Kaile would find him fast asleep the next morning in a tangle of blankets

 

[Kaile Vera]

The door to Kaile's cabin slid open with a soft creak. The Lorrdian had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and her hair was a tousled, mused mess. Certainly nothing like the perfect coif of slick black hair and straight bangs that the former Wing Commander had seen when he had extracted from First Order space six months ago.

Her face was slightly puffy from sleep, the red is gone from around her eyes. A hand went curling up to rub what was left of the tiny crusties in the inner corners of her eyes, blinking them away as she took her first view of a new morning and, more importantly, the slumbering man draped across her sofa that for once didn't fade away.

Her breath caught for a moment, frozen on the spot. The emotional rollercoaster and the events of the previous night came back. Along with that came the bloom of a heartfelt ache. Kaile's mind had also been racing throughout the night, but exhaustion had thankfully provided relief.

The Messa had never been designed to be a long-term boat for a permanent living. Kaile and Kurt had managed to convert it into a home anyways. There were only four ways of natural light entering the ship. The second story held the actual piloting VT Helm and two chairs, the entrance of which could be accessed by the ladderwell just off to the right. There the largest viewport made out of solarium glasteel brought in a wealth of light. Kaile's room had the second largest viewport, followed Kurt's cabin.

The only real method of bringing natural light into the converted cargo bay was to lower the ramp. This never was an issue, as there were a few lawn chairs that Kaile and Kurt would set down with a portable umbrella for shade.

So when Kaile took a few steps into the living room, it was done to the faint illumination of hanging lights that Kaile had strung along the eaves of the bulkhead a long while ago. It gave the area a soft illumination, providing a softening of the angular features of the still slumbering pilot. One leg had found its way hanging off the edge, while another hand seemed to flop just over his head.

There was something about watching him sleep that always seemed to tug at Kaile's heart. For a brief moment, she watched him, seeing the gentle rise and fall of his chest under that tangle of blankets. His hair had been cropped short, so it no longer would turn into a mused mess, but even behind the dusky length of the thicker beard, there was no mistaking the almost delicate line of his jaw and those impossibly long lashes resting against his cheeks.

Age and a lifestyle hardened by the Galactic Alliance and the SIS had managed to mellow out a bit of the prettiness that clung to Asmus, but one could still find it amidst his most vulnerable moments. Even now, he was certainly far more fetching than Kaile considered herself.

Padding gently closer, Kaile allowed herself one more lingering study, eyes sailing over his sprawled form. Hunger already tugged at her belly, and there was a need to drink more tea. The most strangest of cravings happened now and then, and considering how Asmus was always hungry in some form or another, then she would start breakfast in the small kitchenette.

 

[Asmus Janes]

His surroundings were unfamiliar under a different light. It took his brain a few moments to work it all out. There was a hiss behind him and a soft murmur of Kaile’s voice. Asmus sat up slowly, making a low noise in the back of his throat. Sleep hadn’t come easily, but he must have gone deep eventually from how reticent his brain seemed to be to wake up properly.

It was strange how a night of sleep could take the edge off worries and concerns. All the facts were still there from the night before, but they didn’t seem to strike him so hard at an emotional level. He let the covers slip off his shoulders as he stood up. His shirt was balled up and had been added to the cushions to form a pillow. He picked it up and tried to shake out the creases.

“Good morning,” he said softly. It was nice to have an image of where Kaile might have been when sending him those messages. On the flight here Jay had insisted on bringing up the possibility that Kaile would not be on Rishi. It had played on his mind the whole way, part of him refusing to believe that she would actually be here.

There she was now, walking around a galley and preparing a cup of tea. Better than hiding in the shadows and holding him at bay with the Force. Just...normal. That was what he wanted again, he realised suddenly. Just normal. The beach house had almost started to feel normal, the ball too. That was what his heart desired. A normal life. With her.

His smile was much more natural as he stepped closer to the counter. Whilst he probably needed a shower after the long flight he didn’t have a change of clothes here. One night on a sofa had been the offer so far. Even if it was extended he was still nervous that if he went back to his ship to get his belongings she might have a sudden change of heart.

 

[Kaile Vera]

"Hey," was the quiet, if slightly cautious good morning greeting. It didn't hold the edge of wariness or tension from before. Instead, it had an almost sheepish edge to it. A fluttering nervousness.

"Hope you slept well?" Kaile would ask, lids darting back and forth from her cup of tea over to the former Wing Commander. She'd taken note when Asmus had slid both feet off the couch and stood shirtless, stretching for a moment before searching for his shirt. Another side effect of the pregnancy at this time was that her hormones were swinging left and right. it wasn't just emotional as much as it was physical too. Been a long while that she ain't had anything that wasn't run off batteries twixt her nethers.

"Gonna make some breakfast...don't have much of anything save fruit and greens." a nervous addition to the commentary to fill in the quiet. "Felt kinda off to eat eggs round the Rishii for a time..."