Remember who You are (Open)

[Matsu Ike]

@Jeela Tillian

Matsu was walking and going towards one of the tables with Jeela there while she sat down, smelling the food and relaxing as it was. She could see the food and the drink as it all came to her with her hand wrapping around it. The sweet taste of the juice when it reached her mouth and thefood as she ate it felt like something from heaven compared to just basic food. She must have been hungrier then she realized, the learning how to see illusions wearing her body out. "This food is amazing." Though she realized it might be possible to disguise the food itself, you could hide entire cities and trick the mind she was certaina person could disguise the taste of the food.

 

[Jeela Tillian]

[member="Matsu Ike"]

Jeela followed more slowly, face pinched and paler than usual, and then slumped into a seat next to Matsu. She felt drained, as if she were a pond whose water had evaporated, leaving nothing but an empty basin behind. Everything was a touch to loud and a touch to bright, and movements were almost blurred. It almost seemed as if the illusions had been a better way of seeing the city.

She had something else to worry about now. Or more precisely, herself. She had seen who she truly was as she pushed through the illusions, and her own illusory view of herself had shattered. She did not like who she was. She would have to contemplate this later when her head did not feel as if it had had a spike. Wing driven through it.

She gave a curt nod to Matsu's comment about the foot. She had only. Even eating the. Landsteiner looking foods. Anything more looked too incredibly rich to bear.

 

[Matsu Ike]

@Jeela Tillian

Matsu looked at Jeela sitting there and the girl did not look good as she sat there and held one of the cups. "Jeela eat and drink something now. Your pale and look sick. We need to keep strength up when it comes to this place and I don't want to have you be passing out. I am not strong enough to carry you back to theship." Matsu held some food for her the illusion breaking, mostly on their plates and table. Others around were looking but it was fine while the jedi padawan took a bite of food.

 

[Jeela Tillian]

[member="Matsu Ike"]

Jeela nodded numbly and began to eat, her motions mechanical, not tasting the food. A little strength began to float back into her body and her color returned. She still seemed to be in shock though. Given what had occurred, it made sense. Not only had she torn away their illusions, but the one she had held about herself.

The illusion that was a good person who lived by the ideals that she strongly pushed others to live by. But, she didn't. She had no compassion. No kindness. No sensitivity. Hardly any emotion at all. Yet she had judged individuals by their kindness, and she deemed many to be less than her. She had been so very wrong that entire time. She was a hypocrite, the type of being she had detested more than any other. Now she had no idea what to do with herself.

 

[Matsu Ike]

@Jeela Tillian

Matsu looked at Jeela and the girl seemed so troubled, her hand came out to pat her back like a mother and make those lazy conforting circles. Her eyes stayed on her and almost Matsu was tempted to like she had with her own children simply push the force in to comfort and cheer up. "Are you okay Jeela? What has happened?"

 

[Jeela Tillian]

[member="Matsu Ike"]

It was comforting, her concern, and some of the tension drained away, but she still didn't look good. She took a deep breath and tried to form what had happened into words. It was complicated, so she stumbled over how to start.

"As we, or I, both of us, but specifically me, peeled away the illusions around the world, I peeled away an illusion I held about myself. Specifically, the idea that I am a compassionate, caring individual. In reality, I'm not. I'm a terrible person and hypocrite."

 

[Matsu Ike]

@Jeela Tillian

Matsu looked at her and frowned. "One of the biggest things I have learned in life is everyone is. It is when you discover that what you are willing to do with it. Me I well I married another jedi in secret and found purpose in my life that led me to being all of this, to learning the force and being severed to training with talented ones like yourself and teaching all that I can while still showing I am stronger then most believe. We will just have to find what it is you have to live for and become."

 

[Jeela Tillian]

[member="Matsu Ike"]

Jeela nodded slowly. That did make sense. She had always seen the hypocrisy of others. Just never hers. Did anything she had accomplished count now? Or had it all been a lie, told to herself and the galaxy? What was it the Jensaarai code said? I am the Truth of the Force. Not any more she wasn't. She was, well, she was just like the Saarai-Kar and the council actually. That was ironic. No wonder they had exiled her. Maybe they weren't idiots after all.

"Yes, I suppose that will be something we need to do now that my previous arrogance has been so clearly revealed to me."

 

[Matsu Ike]

@Jeela Tillian

"Well we shall work to find you, to help you to find yourself. You never know what kind of person you can become when you discover yourself. We are here right now, maybe you are a Fallanassi going to be able to hide in the white current and your old life was just leading you to this. Maybe you are meant to be a powerful shaper of the force, so many possibilities. Me I was meant to become a polyhistor skilled in everything I can learn and focus on."

 

[Jeela Tillian]

[member="Matsu Ike"]

Jeela nodded, "How do I discover myself when I thought I already had?" She didn't think she was meant to be a Fallanassi. Shaper, perhaps. It didn't quite seem to click though. Not who she thought of herself as. But then, perhaps that was where she was wrong. Maybe the key was to not have an idea of who she was, but to simply let it happen. That would be the hard part. She was not a fan of waiting for something to happen. SHe always went and made it happen.

 

[Matsu Ike]

@Jeela Tillian

"That is the great mystery and you never know, perhaps we shall find the answers here or there... As we travel. One can never be to sure about things and with everything that will happen or can happen. You'd be surprised at what you learn about yourself." Matsu kept eating and let the time and enjoyment pass by while she breathed in deeply the scents of the food finding her own sense of worth here with all of this. Then dinner was over and their lessons continued.

For another two weeks Matsu worked with the elder and focused on what she could with the white current until understanding and feeling it was almost automatic and second nature. Like shaping moved with your body and responded so did the current with your willingness to immerse yourself within it and to feel each ripple as it came, or creating mirror images of yourself and another to distract and serve a purpose. Matsu stood on the entry way of the ship and smiled.

"Thank you for having us."

 

[Jeela Tillian]

[member="Matsu Ike"]

Jeela turned back to eating, considering those words. Matsu was right. She would need to learn it over time through the ongoings of life. She returned to the food, focusing on that, and getting what enjoyment she could from it. It was less than it might have been, but the food was certainly still good.

She also worked at illusion over the next two weeks, though she was nowhere near as efficient at the skill as Matsu was. She sweated and strained at it, never able to go much beyond the basics. She never knew why though.

She followed Matsu to the ship and stopped at the boarding ramp, and bowed gracefully to their teacher.

 

[Matsu Ike]

@Jeela Tillian

Matsu looked back and embraced the woman who had been teaching them, Jeela had been doing well and even if she took nothing major from this she knew how to get into the flow of the current, she knew how to sense other users which could save her if some were using this. Then she was closing the ramp and going towards the cockpit as the ship took off and with a smile on her face Matsu spoke. "You did well. The lessons are something we can use to keep practicing." She pulled the ship up towards the atmosphere as the small buzz in the back of her head from sensing the illusions of the planet slowly went away.

 

[Jeela Tillian]

Jeela bowed again to the teacher and then followed [member="Matsu Ike"] up into the ship, taking a seat in the cockpit next to her, and leaned back. Her head ached. She closed her eyes, and lowered the seat back, letting the soft hum of the engines knead the tension away.

"I shall require a significant amount of practice to manage any success in this field." She pinched the bridge of her nose. Her comlink buzzed, and she frowned, checking the sender, and closed her eyes again, turning it off and putting it back into her pocket. That she would deal with later. She didn't want to hear from anyone connected to home right now. Those last few months there had given her enough migraines as it were. No need to add to her already splitting headache by bringing them back. Even if it was the person she'd consider her best friend. Or former best friend. She wasn't sure anymore.

Her face darkened somewhat at the last memory of the two of them together. He had attempted to manipulate her. How could he? How was he even capable of that? He was the least skilled at guile and manipulation of everyone in the Jensaarai. Except perhaps Roth. But then, Roth was just a failure. Or...perhaps not. He had always wanted to be a pilot and his dream had come true. Was that success?

"Where shall we travel next? I am not receiving any guidance from the Force on the matter."

 

[Matsu Ike]

@Jeela Tillian

Matsu looked at her and had a grin on her face. "We are going to go and see some witches. There is a great deal you can learn from them and lucky for us they like females in their society. We shall see about giving you a way to work out your abilities and your give you a chance to rest. Their spirit waters can renew the spirit far more then others know." She was setting the coordinates and their next destination while leaning back. "I hope you are enjoying yourself Jeela."

 

[Jeela Tillian]

[member="Matsu Ike"]

Jeela looked over, surprised. Had she heard that right? Witches? "Are not the witches a Dark Side cult opposed to Jedi? Or is there another sect of which I am ignorant?" SHe closed her eyes briefly, pinching the bridge of her nose. That eased some of the headache. "And the spirit waters sound very valuable." She frowned and leaned forward, speaking with a bit of an ironic edge to her voice. "Growing old is hard. I am though, yes. I thank you for bringing me. Staying on Voss was beginning to make me fade."

 

[Matsu Ike]

@Jeela Tillian

"Always two there are Jeela, a dark and light. The Witches are light and the nightsisters are dark. They have many aspects of the culture few understand but I spent some time there and Elayne Hawke is a skilled weaver of spells." She was smiling now and moving off towards the rooms to get dressed and enjoy herself. Shell spide silk shirt and pants over her thick soled boots and a laid out duster. "We shall have many things but the world o Dathomir is wild and untamed. We will need to be careful."

 

[Jeela Tillian]

[member="Matsu Ike"]

Jeela tilted her head, thinking about that. Did that apply to all Force traditions then? She had thought it just meant there were two Sith. A Master and an apprentice. No more, no less. But perhaps the rule also included the Jedi and the Sith. The Witches and the Nightsisters. Was there a dark order of Jensaarai lurking in Susefvi as well? Or were they not old enough or large enough to have a shadow counterpart? She stood and followed at a slight distance, heading for her own cabin, then paused.

"Do all Force traditions have a light and dark counterpoint to them? And what types of dangers should I prepare myself for?"

 

[Matsu Ike]

@Jeela Tillian

That was an interesting question an in many ways it was more looking into the nature of force orders and Matsu spoke. "For some there is always the possibility, the Fallanassi apostates are ones who have gone darker, dangerous then the others. There are some orders that don't have a counterpart but that is because they aren't defined by a sole direction of the force. Usually the counterpart to a force order needs to be able to create a code that is the inverse of the established orders." Then the talk of dangers here had her smiling. "Were you a male you'd have to worry about a witch claiming you, some still might as women can be just as ill treated by people as men but just avoid the larger rancor herds and be safe."

 

[Jeela Tillian]

[member="Matsu Ike"]

Jeela nodded, listening, and considering that. That might be why the Jensaarai had no dark counterpoint. A few fallen Jensaarai now and then, but nothing enough to be organized. Unless there was one she didn't know about. She would have to research that. Granted, the code was very difficult to invert. It sort of encompassed both aspects to an extent.

"Do the Jensaarai have a dark counterpart that we are unaware of?" Then she understood the second portion of her statement, and her mouth formed a small 'o' of surprise. That was...different. She nought those stories had just been exaggeration and propaganda. Apparently they were actual true. She wasn't at all sure how to respond to that. "I'll...do that then."