Responsibility

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Forty minutes were fleeting. Each ticking second a chime on Kaile's heart. A countdown to the inevitable.

By the time the Quintessence broke atmosphere, the pair had long since succumbed to the trembling of their bodies, each one coming down from that high only to sink into reality anew.

The slow redress of clothing was a near silent affair. The gathering of her belongings, placing Bobo in his tube, securing her satchel, even the slight tuck of her hair behind her ears, all a numb act on automatic.

"Oh," Kaile abruptly said, recalling the last bit of clothes left on the sonic washer.

"I left my shirt in the washer." she told Asmus.

"Would you mind gettin' it for me?" There was a two-fold reason to it. One she couldn't just show him then. No, a surprise for later maybe. When I am gone.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"Of course," he replied. They'd both come crashing down together, but somewhere in the end of that physical, emotional maelstrom, he'd found the resolve to see these last minutes out with dignity. Perhaps that was just the inevitable relaxation after their high. One last perfect moment as his name had caught in her throat.

He meandered to the refresher, trying to keep his mind clear. He repeated just the last few minutes over and over. Could he keep that pristine forever.


"Got it," he said pm his return, a neatly older garment in one hand. "We've just...we've just settled down."

The strain was bad.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

By the time Asmus came back, Kaile was in the process of shutting the door to his cabin. They met outside, the small hiss of the door sliding shut a rather loud reminder. It was okay though, the small bit of time let her set right by his mirror the two tiny little figurines. They were made of spare nuts, bolts, and metal, something that Kaile had been able to craft quickly with little trouble. She came to the Quin with next to nothing, but at the very least... as silly as they were, Kaile could give the metal toy figurines to Asmus.

Well... give them as so much as she could without actually handing them over. Maybe it was the coward's way, but she rather not end up more an emotional wreck if she had given them to him personally.

Maybe he'll spot them, and be pleasantly surprised? Or maybe he would just wonder where they came from. Maybe it was the fact that he likely wouldn't know their origin that most suited Kaile because then they could be that interesting bit of mystery.

Much like me.

"Thanks," Kaile said, expressing her gratitude with a faint smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. She took the garment from his hand, her fingers brushing against his.

"Yeah... I could tell," she added, rocking on her feet and shifting her weight. The satchel she came with was already swung on one shoulder. By all intents and purposes, Kaile appeared to be just what she had intended; a wandering drifter that would fade into the throng.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

If what she said was true she carried her life in that small satchel. No wonder she'd loved flicking through the ball gowns he'd shown her. Such a thing would take up four times the space of all her possessions and probably cost a hundred times more.

"I'll walk you down," he said, as of that was ever not going to be the case. He took her by the waist and led her round back past the refresher, not to the ladder up.

He touched a panel on the wall and entered a code. A floor panel slid away and several other barriers to reveal the hangar floor below. Asmus slid down first.

"Ah, real air," he sighed. The hangar was noisy, tracked vehicles moving down the side of the Quin to the full hangar bay. That was why he hadn't led her out that way, to avoid the hustle. "Must have been a while, with you being stuck on that station?"

Don't go yet, he thought. Perhaps she would get in touch, she had his details. What was the worst was that if she didn't, he would never know why.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Fresh air hit them both like a brick wall. That wasn't even including the overload of light and sounds. Kaile's eyes would squint, and for a moment, she held her hand up to shield her eyes to get used to the new surroundings.

So this was it...

"Yeah..." Kaile replied, finding herself shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "A while..."

From here she'd go down and check in with her contact. Had to tell them she'd arrived and confirm the next freighter out to Sullust. Stars, this just seemed to go so fast. A whirlwind that tumbled her around and around, unable to let her set her feet on the firm ground to find her bearings.

Kaile could sense him looking at her, peeking at her profile, reading her. Doing his best not to say more than he should, holding himself back. The session was silently grateful for that. She was weak. Sooo weak right now.

"I can never get used to it." Kaile added quietly, keeping her chocolate brown gaze straight to the wandering crowds within the hanger.

"So many folk out here. Spend so much time out in the black all by one self only to realize just how lonesome it can be..." she murmured quietly. A bit too close to the truth.

"But reckon it's a new opportunity, right?" Kaile forced a smile, telling herself to just do it. Just had to get through this last bit and that would be it.

I can hold myself together. You can do it, Kaile-girl.

Don't cry.

Don't you damn well cry!

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"Yeah exactly," he said, voice wavering. "Can't get lonely or bored when you get to go so many exciting new places," he lied miserably. Suddenly his speech about stars felt like the most hollow thing he'd ever said.

"Look," he said, turning her about to face him. "I know you're not likely to admit to yourself how you feel about me, much less anyone else...so promise me...promise me..."

"...That when you tell anyone about the handsome scoundrel from the Quintessence that charmed you out of your pants, you tall them how tall I am. Like six two, six three or something," he said. He managed to smile, holding his palm a few inches above his own head.

"And broad across the shoulders and skip the parts where I was useless in a firefight too!"

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Feth, his body was just a wreck of conflicting emotions. It was difficult for the Lorrdian to see, watching Asmus provide a front and pretend all laughs and cheer when his eyes said something altogether different.

He’s so young. That is what she kept repeating to herself. What Kaile was trying to rationalize everything. Impressionable, one might say.

I know you’re not likely to admit to yourself how you feel about me…

How would he even know? Kaile didn’t even know herself, and that was making her felt so twisted up in knots inside. Everything just seemed to be crashing down on her, near suffocating and this… this… No, I can’t think on it. It was a desperate attempt to keep the nagging voice inside her mind that echoed the same sentiment, that told her exactly what it all was. But Kaile couldn’t listen to it. It didn’t make sense.

Besides… at the end of it all, just two strangers passing through -- right? Asmus didn’t know her, not really. He only knew a small bit of Kaile that managed to trickle out. Kurt thought he knew the Lorrdian -- until he found out the truth. That expression of betrayal was still seared in Kaile’s memory, regardless what she intended. Regardless that she simply tried to keep him safe.

There were no happy endings with this. Not with what she did, and Kaile was adult enough - or at least told herself as much - that she should take responsibility for her actions. For her decisions. This was the best way.

The only way.

Kaile’s wobbly smile turned into a choked giggle. Leave it to Asmus to try and cheer her up. To not say what lay within the depths of his eyes. He knew. He knew, that Kaile couldn’t stay.

For a moment Kaile simply let her gaze sweep over Asmus. The charmer. The Scoundrel. The smart alek pilot. The socialite flirt. The young man that would go to the Academy and do such wonderful things. Brilliant things.

He had so much to look forward to. A life. A good life. One that I have no sense in meddling with.

Throat bobbing, Kaile knew if she lingered too long, she’ll start to break apart. So her head gave a quick nod and a forced laugh.

“Okay.” she managed to say through her wobbly smile, telling herself that this was it. All she had to do was say her goodbyes to the rest of the crew and that was it.

Then I’ll be gone.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Asmus heard Kairon, rather than saw him, as he leaned in and kissed Kaile on the cheek. He was shouting at the loading droids in his typical manner. Mai was nowhere to be seen. Chances were she'd slunk off before any of them had even realised the landing struts were down. He turned to see Kairon heading in their direction.

Before he could stop himself, his hand had snatched hers. His brow furrowed. He talked to try and ease the swell of emotions.

"Remember, really tall," he whispered. The smile was even more forced.

"Alrigh'" Kairon called. "Morons were messing with the environmental controls in cargo pods not for them. Anyway, you all set then Kaile? Was good to have you help out around the place. Sorry again for the... confusion."

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]



"Alrigh'" Kairon called. "Morons were messing with the environmental controls in cargo pods not for them. Anyway, you all set then Kaile? Was good to have you help out around the place. Sorry again for the... confusion."

Yeah, this was it.

Kaile empathically shook her head from side to side, as if insisting any issue had been her own fault.

“Not your fault Capt’n,” her draw came in thick, rocking on her heels as she shifted her weight. “I’m mighty grateful for your kindness.” she added, swallowing hard. Things felt so awkward now. It was so unfamiliar. She was an Alliance Espion for stars sakes! She did undercover gigs for months, even years! She had a specific set of skills that made her easily blend in. To work through any situation and still come out smiling sunshine and rainbows.

This. This was just such a wretched feeling. The Lorrdian espion didn’t know how to handle it. Emotions welled up, and Kaile ended up throwing her arms around Kairon to give him a hug. Poor man, first a bit stiff only to warm. One could see the mild panic in his eyes; this sort of situation was awkward for him too. Only Mai had ever really been the one to cut through that persona of gruff.

“Thank you.” she said in a hoarse whisper, “For everythin’”

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Asmus stood awkwardly as Kairon eventually offered her a gentle pat on the back. Almost an embrace, he supposed.

"S'alright," the old man replied. He looked to Asmus and back to Kaile. Then he turned and looked around. "Oh, sorry about this... Oi! You two! Who told you to take that down!" Kairon took the opportunity to exit.

"Well... I guess... "

Asmus had run out of things to say. Nothing left to get her to stay a little longer that wouldn't be unfair on her. Instead he took a step and pulled her in tight, kissing the crown of her head.

"I meant it. You need something, just call. Doesn't matter what it is."

He looked over her to the exit of the docking bay, imagining her leaving through it. Why wouldn't she just tell him what was wrong?

Kark

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Kaile couldn’t say anything. It was as if the words were caught in her throat, unable to push past her tongue in order to say them aloud. Instead Kaile held him tight. Squeezed him as hard as she could, burying her face against his chest. One last breath, she told herself, breathing him in, feeling the warmth of his embrace around her upper arms and shoulders as he held her tight.

The blurry vision returned, and Kaile squeezed her eyes shut. Don’t cry, she told herself. Don’t cry.

“Take care, Asmus.” she finally managed to choke out, muffled against the fine grain of his shirt. Hah, such a nice shirt. Where the bulk of his credits went to. Shiny clothing and hair products. That thought along managed to give her a brief smile. Yeah, I’ll remember him like that, Kaile told herself.

Just like that.

With a deep breath, her shoulders rose, chest expanding. Okay. Gotta be the adult. A rise of tippy toes and Kaile gave Asmus a light press of her lips right against his cheek. As innocent as could be, but meant more than the eye could see.

“Enjoy the Academy,” she told him, pulling back. There she was. A ghost of a smile, messy topknot hair, and red rimmed eyes that said she was trying to be as brave as she could be.

“You’ll be brilliant.” she added, before pulling away. His hand came down, caressing the length of her arm until their hands met. But with each step that she backed away, the contact dwindled, and they barely held on as if neither wanted to let go.

Until Kaile did.

A quick nod, a mock salute. A wobbly smile. Then Kaileann swiveled on the balls of her feet -- she had to get away, fast. Down she went, bounding off the stairs towards the hanger. Her strawberry blonde hair bobbed with each step, satchel slightly bouncing.

Don’t look back. Don’t look back, she said. Can’t look back.

The glow of the lights struck the Lorrdian as she made it to the edge of the hanger. Beyond the ramp would be the docking bay and the space port proper.

Don’t look back.

It was the hardest thing Kaileann ever had to do; right on part on leaving Kurt behind. I’m doing the right thing, she told herself. He would be fine. He would be great.
Yet all the while as the Lorrdian’s body soon melded into the throng of the crowd, figures blurring in a stream of tears, a tiny voice couldn’t help but wonder if she had left a little bit of herself behind.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Asmus stood stock still for a good minute after he'd lost sight of her. So this was it. She's gone and I won't...

Asmus' face screwed up into a ball and he dropped onto his haunches. Finding a blank patch of hangar floor he watched it in silence until his vision went blurry.

"Lad! Need your help keeping these dimwits in order!"

"THAT IS EXCEEDINGLY RUDE, WE PROTEST..."

"Not you two, these dock loaders," Kairon shouted back at his own droids.

Asmus rolled up some sleeve into his palm and wiped it across his eyes. "Coming!" he called back. One last forlorn look before he turned back to the Quin.

---

"You pick those up in a shop?" Kairon asked as he stepped into the cockpit, nodding towards the console. The last of the atmosphere's flames licked at the nose before fading away, revealing the sea of stars.

Asmus just shot Kairon a look from the helm. He tried to smile.

"Want to talk about it?" Kairon asked, placing on hand on the back of his nephew's chair.

"Not really," Asmus replied.

"Oh thank goodness. Really not good at encouraging talks. I'm gonna catch some sleep."

Asmus drew in a long slow breath through his nose. "Computer, overlay the Denen zodiac onto the view?"

"There are three options, which one would..."

"Pick one and save my preference."

Lines faded into being on the viewscreen. Joining the dots. Connecting the points. Asmus tried to memorise this view. One more set of stars to store. In his mind he charted those freckles once more.

"Stars..." he sighed. Oh...stars! he heard her groan in his mind.

Some of the lustre of space travel was lost. All of a sudden it didn't seem so exciting to be able to go places if there was no one to keep him company on the way. His hand paused, but eventually fell upon the hyperspace level. The view was replaced by cerulean swirls. The scoundrel reached forwards over his console.

"Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... 'This Land.'."