*does his best attempt at making the most pet peeve ridden thread of all time*
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I karkin hate the jungle, he mused to himself, the thick, humid, jungle, air wrapping the group in a blanket of stickiness that even the galaxies most durable tape would struggle to rival. There destination lay off in the distance, over their, behind a temple that was many generations older than either Patches or [member="Zoltan Rarsk"] , though to be fair, Patches wasn't certain about the ladder.
It had taken far longer than originally anticipated, with a number of good -and not so good - souls lost along the way. The group was rattled, having recently lost [member="Corey's OOC"] to battle with a wizard, the flames from which the battle were so intense Patches swore he lost an eyebrow. Whom had fired the first shot, no one was certain; but if one thing was certain, it was far from over. In fact, Patches suspected that battle would carry over into other battles, expeditions, and random threads about whether someone was single.
Patches shook his head for a moment, clearing his mind after such an odd thought. An odd thought in dead, one he needn't concern himself with at this moment.
Ahead was a checkpoint of guards, some thirty or forty of them; nay, it was more like a battalion. There were walkers, men with big guns, shiny staffs, and a menacing look on every one of their expressions. Patches took cover behind a log, eyeing up the obstacle. If he could whistle, he would have, but instead, he just exhaled. "Don't suppose you brought your All-In-One rocket launcher, de-nueralyzer, chainsaw, thermal expander and smoothie maker, did you?" he asked [member="Carten Flaa"] .
Carten merely flashed a grin, joined by three jedi - for show probably, though they did have a habit of being able to take on a four-hundred and seventy eight enemies to one ratio from time to time - and made quick work of the battalion. It was a vibrant display of colours and carnage, as screams echoed through the forest while Patches enjoyed a delicious smoothie made by the very same weapon that was tearing both trees and foes in half. [member="Valiens Nantaris"] gave the crew a nod of approval and brought his cup up to Patches, as their glasses klinked, before resting his hand on his waste.
[member="Ashin Varanin"] tried to join in on the smoothie celebration, but Patches and Valiens were too busy enjoying their delicious-frozen-strawberry-treat to themselves to notice.
[member="Ijaat Akun"] was to circle around the temple to the back with a group of commandos, and provide a distraction for the main task force, but for whatever reason, his squad was still stuck at the planning stages, and had not been heard from for quite some time. Patches feared the worst, but wouldn't voice his concern... poof... gone, he mused to himself.
Thankfully, [member="Patricia Susan Garter"] had stepped up to fill the void, with her Mandalorian squad of commandos. Patches couldn't recall all of them, but that Jatne Naast Cuyir fellow she was with seemed menacing. Some would even say he was Best Destroyer to Exist... though only some would say that.
A quick radio call to [member="Lorelei Darke"] went unanswered; apparently she still hadn't made up her mind on whether what they were doing on this planet was moral or not. Wish she would just take a stance and stick with it, he thought to himself.
As Patches finished off his smoothie, the sound of a straw struggling to grasp at the last bits of frozen treats, he tossed the empty cup to the jungles floor, which did not appear to amuse [member="The Revenant"] , as Patches could feel his glaring gaze.
"Oh, what, you're one of those tree huggers, aren't you?" asked Patches, as Revenant glared at Patches. If his eyes could shoot lasers, Patches would have lost his head.
"I was GOING to come back and pick it up later..." said Patches, though Revenant wasn't having any of it, the glare quickly turning to anger. It was as if he was holding his breath, as his face began to turn red.
"FINE!" exclaimed Patches, picking up the empty cup, "ARE YOU HAPPY?" yelled Patches, grabbing the cup, and throwing it into his bag, "No everything in there is going to smell like strawberries!" he said, slinging his bag over his shoulder.
Patches was momentarily distracted, as he heard [member="Darth Vornskr"] say "I got this one," as he peeled off from the group to intercept a straggler from the battalion. [member="Kira Corsai"] followed suit to assist in the interception of any stragglers from the main group, her weapon drawed and ready to do battle with any that would dare cross her path.
As they neared the temple, Patches noticed the group was thinning, as everyone appeared pulled in different directions. Another patrol lay between them and the temple. "You have got to be kidding me," said Patches in a whisper, not wishing to draw their attention. [member="Draven Carter"] moved to the front of the pack, volunteering for this group.
"I've got this," he said, and Patches wasn't going to argue. Though his tactics did prove to be a bit odd, as Patches had never quite witnessed a duel on a teeter-totter before. It was a sight to behold, if not a bit lacking in both balance and grace.
An explosion in the distance only confirmed their worst fears; [member="Gulliver Foyle"] had discovered the landmines surrounding the temple of [member="Vitor Imperieuse"] . They had heard rumours of such traps when they planned this invasion, but they were just rumours... until reality sunk in.
Sithspit, cursed Patches under his breath, having never been to fond of explosives because of past events that he will not get into and leave you all hanging.
However, the dress [member="Cira"] was wearing as she entered the ballroom left little to the imagination, as Patches remarked to @Sarge Poetteiger , "close your mouth mate, they don't like that," though Sarge paid Patches little mind. It wasn't until [member="kendopanda"] pointed out that his was from a completely different thread, that both Patches and Sarge got back on track to the mission at hand.
Thankfully, [member="Karrus Zorathi"] and his brother had removed any potential civilian casualties from the battle field prior, in particular ensuring both the children's and their parents safety; though Zarack and Karrus had spent half the time bickering of whom would be lead. Regardless, their actions was one less distraction for [member="Avadreia Lacroix"] , which was a in everyone's best interest.
As they neared their target, keeping low to the ground to remain undetected as long as possible, the snap of a twig broke the silence... followed by the rustling of a bush, the rolling of a boulder and the falling of a tree, several yards from the main group. Patches cast a glance to his left, looking straight at [member="Gav Arwell"] , making the hush sign with his index finger against his lips.
Really? he thought to himself. A Bantha would draw less attention.
As a result of the boulder rolling down a hill - or was it the falling of a tree - there was no element of surprise any more. Both sides opened fire on each other, as [member="Cyril Grayson"] led to the charge on the right side, swinging his saber wildly, hitting everything in his path... except for the twenty seven blaster bolts that went his direction, and now littered his chest. The glow of the saber vanished as he fell to his knees, an almost smile on his face, as he fell forward. A lone, single tear began forming at the side of Patchs eye... but before the tear could reach his chin, the mighty Jedi lept from his previous position of being face first in the mud and considerably dead, only to resume the wild slashing of his lightsaber.
It was at this point, that Patches had decided he had enough of this, and wasn't sure if he wanted to continue. His feet froze as blaster fire passed from both sides. Patches heart wasn't into it anymore, and he just wanted to go home, drink some Corellian Ale, scour the holonet for a good flick and get off this flea infested planet.
So he did what any good smuggler would do. He fell to the ground and star fished, closed his eyes, and thought happy thoughts... never to be heard from or seen of again.
Oh, and remember those stragglers [member="Darth Vornskr"] left to go take care of, a long while ago? He finally killed ONE of them... just now. Took him forever.
THE END.
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Please do not be offended if your pet peeve did not get written in... It's tough to God Mode in your own post with no foe, or post out of turn... when it's all one post.
I wanted to write more pet peeves... but this took longer than expected. Hopefully you can find the humour in this that I did.
Oh, and MY pet peeve? Completely cosmetic and not relevant at all... but those whom don't colour code their dialogue. Which is why I found it very painful to write and read the above!
. You may not like it but if you notice someone is having trouble why not ask them in a pm if they would like someone so read through something and give them help. I know you a busy guy but we are a community and help can be given in more ways than one. [member="Valiens Nantaris"]
