Faction What kind of Jedi do you want to be? [Silver Jedi Concord]

[Tom Kovack]

Amaly Naetre clearly took a few of the students off guard with her next question. Tom watched in silent amusement as Starlin’s eyes glazed over listening to Desbre Gensan talk about her hobbies and skills. Personally, Tom wondered why the Arkanian Offshoot was bothering to group herself with all these young, inexperienced kids. She seemed like she was already at Knight level, or close to it.

Then Takui gave an answer that prompted a snort from Starlin and a smile from Tom. Even the little blue kid ( Micah tol Powl ) who had looked so depressed when they first came in broke into a laugh.

Turning to Takui, Starlin said, “Playing games? Is this a fellow gamer I behold with mine eyes? Console or PC? FPS or RPG? How about MMOs? What games hast thou played?”

Turning away from his friend—though he would laugh if Takui’s response to Starlin’s questions was either complete bewilderment or “chess, checkers, and occasionally Uno”—Tom gave his answer.

“I also like to read. Non-fiction, mostly, especially history. Reading about the Jedi is what made me want to join them, even if I haven’t been all that successful at it so far.” He shrugged, blushing a little. “I write a little on the side, too. Not professionally, just for myself. And...” He hesitated before adding, “I used to dig up artifacts for money. Let's just say I know my way around an ancient tomb or temple complex.”

What he had been doing, he knew, was not much better than tomb robbing and treasure hunting. But it had been necessary at the time, and he would do it again in a heartbeat if he had to.

Aveline Cuiléin Sky'ito Yumi Draven Eterena Okkeus Dainlei Kahlil Noble

 

[Caomhi Linn-Duvheesa]

A lone figure lingered outside the humble gathering, appearing as though she didn't wish to be noticed, and so far, she'd succeeded with flying colors. These peaceful, pleasant surroundings were a sort of sanctuary for her, much like the rest of the temple, but in a different way. The garden brought her a great deal of solace when she came by to meditate in solitude, often for hours on end. It kept her feeling grounded, whole. Not that she resented the bustling, boisterous crowds of fellow Padawan learners and all their boundless enthusiasm, but it felt so foreign to her in an almost stifling way.

She hadn't known about this particular meeting or its intended purpose, only latched onto a nagging sensation that this was where she should be, and arrived before even the teacher, Amaly Naetre had. At first, the seminar had seemed like an unwelcome surprise, but even after she overheard the conversation and its occasionally lengthy diatribes contained within, the solitary young girl had held her tongue. They'd already started the proceedings and completed about two full rotations, at least by her ear's estimating. There wasn't any point in disturbing their already crowded discussion.

Then she heard something that changed her mind. The carefully chosen testimony of Sky'ito Yumi spoke to her in a way none of the countless lessons and kind words from her teachers ever had. Not just the feeling of being an outlier, isolated from the rest, but also the natural inclination towards a more tenebrous facet of the force that made her question where exactly she stood among her peers.

The Padawan's head turned gradually, hesitantly towards the circle, putting a myriad of faces to the force signatures she'd sensed in the awkward moments prior. One of them stood out among the rest, skin pale like hers, paired with a vaguely familiar twinge that lurked within the long departed "family" of sorts that had raised her out in the cold vacuum of space. The girl looked a bit older than her, but that intangible feeling she honed in on was a sensation she hadn't felt around anyone else in the temple, even if it took a far more muted form in Aveline Cuiléin than her sinister standard of comparison. Were they the same species? Another Vahla?

Only one way to find out. Sheepishly, the Padawan repositioned her wordless kneeling posture to join the assembled circle. Bright, blazing locks of red-orange hair swayed gently as she swapped spots, falling in long, billowing curtains down her light brown robes, their fabric laced with intricate mandala designs, suggesting a deeper spirituality within the wearer. Her lavender eyes flitted among the faces anxiously before redirecting just as swiftly to be averted downwards in easily noticed embarrassment.

"S-sorry, I don't mean to intrude, I didn't even mean to be here, but . . . you can call me Caomhi, I'm a Padawan here at the temple, and I want to be a Jedi because it's all I have. The only other life I've ever known . . . I've been taught it was wrong, and I don't know if that makes me wrong, too? Some nights I wonder why the Concord took me in, or if any master will ever want to take me under their wing, because of where I came from, what they might think I stand for. Maybe it's just in my head, but it feels like they look at me differently if they know, or can see it . . ."

Her voice trailed off on a melancholy note before she once again summoned the courage to continue, through quivering parted lips. "I don't have any hobbies, save for stargazing, because it's the only thing that let me get away from everything, from myself. I wasn't born on a planet, so in a way it's the only time I feel at home . . . but I know it's what they wanted . . . the cult, the only family I've ever had. I was raised amidst so much evil, so much hate, and this pervasive devotion to something I don't even understand. I just wonder if it's staring back at me like they said. I wonder if I'm meant to be a Jedi or something out of my control. I'm scared that even if I've never done anything wrong, it won't matter in the end. Most of all, I'm scared that nobody will truly accept someone who's as . . . unorthodox as me."

She paused, glancing over at Sukai with a small, earnest smile.

"But I could be wrong. I hope I didn't ramble or interject out of turn, I just don't know how else to explain why I'm here."

 

[Sky'ito Yumi]

As she continued to sit and listen her gaze once again roamed around those present, a familiar tinge slowly coming to her as Sukai laid eyes upon Micah tol Powl . She didn't fully remember if she had interacted with the boy much in the past, though he was certainly a familiar presence, there were not many people with his appearance or force signature, the young Atrisian giving him a slight smile before turning attention back to the lesson.

Mater Amaly Naetre prosed another question, one that she had more confidence in, her expression perking up as she was more then prepared to share her likes and hobbies with the rest. Out of the group Desbre Gensan going first, once again giving quite the lengthy story about herself, if she didn't know any better one could mistake it for the type of speech someone would use for an interview.

The following two from Takui and Boo were, short, very short, but they seemed to have thought about their answer. At least that is what she assumed given the amount of time they had to think. Tom Kovack responded in a more traditional sort of way, not long but not short, building off what the past few had already stated about themselves.

The next person to speak up more did so out of suddenness, Sukai turning her head to spy the new girl who seemed to have stumbled upon the meeting. She seemed rather skittish, like a child who had wandered into a room they were not allowed to be in. It was almost cute, if not for the fact that her words and slightly frightened nature were probably real concerns. Once again another person Sukai felt glad to have wound up in the Jedi order and not someplace else.

"Well, my hobbies vary a lot, much like my father and grandmother I have a love of history, be it records of the past or artifacts, spent a good deal of my childhood delving through old ruins when traveling". Of course they were not all happy memories, but it was certainly a good learning experience. "I suppose flying isn't something I am bad at either, more a skill I learnt out of necessity but it has grown on my over the years to the point I enjoy it".

 

[Draven Eterena]

Draven listened to the various hobbies. Like expected several of them had a love for their.. Lightsabers. Draven wanted to resort to weapons as the term. Though if he thought about it that way. He was going to snap. Especially because More people decided to show up. Draven was oftly uncomfortable by this point. So, he began fidgeting. Wishing he could snap half these people off to a different planet under a different teacher. He was quite tempted to just walk off. Though he did not wish to be seen as rude or impolite. It just meant quite a few more souls beyond his expectations needed an opportunity to figure out their paths.. Which was a good thing?

Draven was indecisive if that was truly the case. Either way he began to mull about the question. What did he do for enjoyment? Draven actually came to a sobering realization. He did not have Any hobbies. Well not identifiable ones. Not yet at least. Draven more less only excelled in combat. Despite disliking violence.. And beyond study obligations Draven really did not have much time to discover recreational activities.

Draven digged deeper trying to rack his brain for any acceptable response. Honestly he was considering the various suggestions. Acknowledging most of what was presented. He either did not appreciate, or he did not have any experience in it.

Finally, Draven decided upon how he would respond. As a thought came to mind. "I recently have discovered I enjoy going to new places.. As well as I enjoy feeling places and objects through the force." Draven expressed. Which was true. Draven enjoyed it because it was a place to anchor his mind. To help ignore the constant onslaught of emotions and injuries he felt from others. Draven was glad Desbre was feeling better with this subject. It helped calm him some.

Draven paused his thoughts for a moment. Before looking around the group. Then shrinking back into where he sat. Falling silent once more. While he waited for the rest of the individuals to contribute if they had any hobbies to suggest, that or the next instruction was presented to help him get along with the day.

 

[Aveline Cuiléin]

A thought popped into Aveline's mind. No one had asked Master Amaly Naetre why she had wanted to become a Jedi. She didn't want to butt in though, and skip her turn. She was certainly not going to interrupt Master Naetre... In the end, she eventually got around to giving some explanation on just that point, proving that much came to those who were patient. She ought to work on that...

The topic moved over to hobbies, interests, that sort of thing... It made Aveline wonder if she really had any. The pathway to the rabbit hole of 'was I allowed to have any childhood at all?' was short, and she made a conscious decision to not dive into it. Not today.

A red-orange haired girl made her way to join the circle. A late arrival, Aveline wondered. Maybe she'd gotten lost. Aveline knew she probably would have done so herself if she didn't have a crowd to follow in. For a moment she thought she recognised the girl. There was something familiar about her, but she quickly dismissed it. She definitely hadn't seen her before.

Aveline shuffled a little to the right, making some space for Caomhi Linn-Duvheesa to get a seat. Late or no, everyone had a place here. Aveline didn't speak, but she tried to smile and say welcome as best she could with her eyes. The girl seemed shy, sad, and almost scared to be judged or dismissed by the crowd. It was clear both from her tone and her words she had been through her hardships.

After the girl had spoken, she felt compelled to do something. A signal, however small it would be. She leaned in closer towards the redhead, tilting her head slightly in her direction and whispered "I'm Aveline. Glad you decided to join us" She wanted to say something more. Something deep, impactful. In the end, the best she could come up with on such short notice was "I like your hair." Damnit Aveline, she thought to herself... Not exactly words of wisdom but it would have to do.

Thankfully by the time it was Aveline's turn, she had gotten plenty of inspiration. She realized she did have a passion, although the opportunities to pursue it had been far and in-between. "I love flying." The eyes did not have to linger on her long before she spoke, unlike last time. "Anything really. I've only really tried my hand on freighters before, but as a I kid I always dreamed of becoming a fighter pilot." She gave a brief laugh. It sounded silly when she said it out loud. And suppose the whole point of Jedi was to be all defence minded and not seek out the fight... But they were all warriors, of a kind, she figured.

As far as in what way it could be lined up with her learning and growth as a Padawan in the Order... She gave it some thought. "Sometimes I like to picture I'm up there, alone in a small cockpit. Maybe floating over the ocean... Or out in open space. It helps me relax. Makes meditation and opening myself up to the Force a little easier." As far as Aveline was concerned, she had given her answer. It wasn't the most original perhaps, but it was hers, and she was happy with it.

 

[Amaly Naetre]

As Amaly listened to each of the Students responses, she couldn't help but notice their group was growing larger by the minute. It seemed that the subject of this gathering was a much needed one for these students new and old, for many of them had questions as to where they were headed, with seemingly little idea as to how much was offered by the Order of the Silver Jedi.

"Welcome to those of you who have freshly joined us" Amaly offered a fond and friendly greeting accompanied with a smile to Caomhi Linn-Duvheesa and Kahlil Noble once the others had spoken their turns. She then looked to the rest of the group in pause, taking but a moment to collect her train of thought before responding to all that she had heard.

"It's interesting that so many of your hobbies all seem to align with others in some way, isn't it" She looked from one to the other, gauging to see whether they'd realized how similar their pass-times were. "I can certainly agree with Takui, that I too enjoy a good nap from time to time..." She grinned, encouraging a spell of humor for a moment before continuing; "However the subject of piloting and exploration has been mentioned, as well as reading and stargazing. All of these are skills and interests that are often put to good use within the Order".

"For example, we have the Explora-Corps - Or Exploration Corporation" Amaly's left hand gestured to one side as she spoke, as if to suggest further options to come with her other; "Our very own Grandmaster Coren Starchaser heads up this endeavor...-Going out searching for new sights, places and people. Making new friends and discovering new secrets of which our Galaxy has an unknown number of things yet to be found".

"On the other hand" Her right hand moved as expected to her right side in emphasis, "We have the Starfighter Corps, where Jedi are trained to be what we call an Ace Pilot. They are trained to pilot...You guessed it, Starfighters for outbound missions. The career path is certainly not without it's risks but for the adrenaline fueled Jedi perhaps this could be something to train for...-Better you than me" she added with a feigned grimace, a jest yet a half serious one as Amaly was not a fan of such vessels, nor having to pilot her own.

"If we were to look at one's interest in Stargazing, we might hazard a guess that astrogation might be a handy skill to learn in the future, and perhaps a career in assisting to chart the unknown stars while assisting the Explora-corps in their adventures. I'm sure the Archivists would appreciate all the extra knowledge for our databanks" Amaly further suggested, thinking out loud upon the answer's she'd been given; "And of course, there's no shortage of Master's willing to teach you students how to perfect your skills in the saber arts...".

The Order of the Silver Jedi offered a wide array of area's of study and training that most Students could find an interest and pursue a life-long career within. "We also have the Circle of Healers, who are our medical experts and physicians for any form of emergency whether in training or in the field of duty. The Circle of Artisans are our craftsman who're responsible for every inch of technological equipment, keeping our temple well maintained and operational...", and these were suggestions that only scratched the surface in terms of what tasks could be taken on under each suggested title or umbrella term.

"However, alongside those things that interest you, I suppose it's also important to understand what you hope to achieve for yourself or for others during your path. Do you seek to better your current skills, or learn brand new ones. Do you wish to help others, or heal them? Are you more of a fighter that would sooner stand in the face of adversity, or are you more of a scholar?" She smiled as she posed the next rather broad question to them all.

Aveline Cuiléin | Starlin Rand | Okkeus Dainlei | Draven Eterena | Tom Kovack
Sky'ito Yumi | Kahlil Noble | Caomhi Linn-Duvheesa | Micah tol Powl ​

 

[Takui]

He was speechless for a moment when someone actually engaged him on the topic of games. So far on Kashyyyk, he had only encountered people who were very out of the ordinary when he compared them against his former lifestyle. It occurred to him that he might even be the odd man out; but when Starlin spoke up about games, he instantly lit up. "Have you played World of Build-a-Bear Knights" he asked quickly, "or Endormon Go? Anything Corellia Digital has put out, really-" his words started bleeding together as his face turned red. He realized all the eyes had shifted to him for a heartbeat, and then, it struck him that he was getting extremely tangential. They did have a topic to stay on.

"Ahem," Taku cleared his throat as he addressed Tom. "I read all kinds of books," he added with a bit more reservation. "History, Economics, sometimes even a works of fiction. My father used to tell me that a mind filled with knowledge is sharper than any blade."

He also caught himself bringing up his Father. At that point, he became quiet and allowed the conversation to circle back around. When newcomers joined, he greeted them with a quiet wave, but said nothing more. He felt like he wanted to disappear.

They spoke about the Force, and Taku kept thinking how different it must have been for them that he never mentioned it at all. For Takui, the very concept of "the Force" was some abstract entity, or intangible field of existence, that got emeritus godhood due to a bunch of zealots back in ancient history. The idea that they could use magic or feel it was quaint, but hardly something he bought into.

So the fact that they kept saying it, made him feel like he might have waded a bit too deep into the midst of a cult.

Aveline spoke about her love of flying at length, and he struggled to imagine a life where he took to the skies and lived like a bird. That freedom sounded attractive, if nothing else. Falling from the sky was one of many horrific ways he imagined he might die. He respected that she didn't share that morbidity.

When things came around to Master Amaly, she steered everything back onto the rails.

Everything she said about exploration, scholarly studies, combat... all of it sounded like hard work. Artisans who created new technology, a circle for Healers- there were so many options, it seemed dizzying.

What if I have no aspirations at all? he questioned himself in silence. He never seemed to think he might need to amount to anything in life. Now he was being asked, very specifically, to make a decision.

This time, Taku remained very silent.

Aveline Cuiléin | Okkeus Dainlei | Caomhi Linn-Duvheesa | Kahlil Noble | Sky'ito Yumi | Desbre Gensan | Micah tol Powl | Draven Eterena | Tom Kovack | Starlin Rand​

 

[Micah tol Powl]

The Pantoran's eyes shifted back to Amaly Naetre as she picked up the lecture once more.

Internally, Boo was ticking off the marks in his head as she went. First mention was for the ExplorCorps. Which, was just Coren Starchaser being Coren Starchaser. The Pantoran had known the man for longer than his supposed age would suggest.

Next up was a different spin. Starfighter Corps? Well, there had been Jedi who had a flair for it. So probably no surprise there, now that he should about it. He didn't recall the Silvers having that before, but the last time that the Pantoran had involved himself in Theo's Silver Jedi connections had been before the two of them had departed for the Iron Empire. Shortly after the disaster that had been the Ruusan offensive.

Following in quick succession were the many varied Jedi Consulars; the healers, the librarians, the artisans. Certainly a mixed bag, that lot. Dreamers, sages, and artists. Either extremely brilliant or extremely creative.

What was interesting was what was left unmentioned. The Jedi Shadows. Were the former acolytes of Connor Harrison still lurking unseen in Silver space? Even after the man's fall from grace, the reality remained that the Silver Shadows were an organization brought forth by necessity. There were any number of friendly or hostile powers trying to gather intelligence on the Concord. A Jedi's unique skills could be very useful in espionage or counter espionage.

Of course, the whole point of the Jedi Shadows was that no one talked about the Jedi Shadows. First rule of fight club and all that.

Still, if Boo had to say what kind of Jedi he wanted to be...

Well, it was just practical, really. As an operative trained by the Knights of Ren, Boo had a particular set of skills. He was honestly terrible at being a Jedi, which is precisely why he tended to do well when Coci Heavenshield would tap him to tagalong on a Shadow op. Jedi didn't make the best spies. People who hunt demons and what not.

Of course, Master Naetre hadn't mentioned Jedi Weaponmasters either. Not that it seemed like Takui was gunning for the position. Except perhaps as a level 60 warrior in WoB.

 

[Desbre Gensan]

​

Location: Conversation group, Commenor​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses​

Tag: Takui | Micah tol Powl | Aveline Cuiléin | Okkeus Dainlei | Caomhi Linn-Duvheesa | Kahlil Noble | Sky'ito Yumi | Draven Eterena | Tom Kovack | Starlin Rand​

​

Des listened to the others and the flow of conversation. Amaly Naetre had some good questions. Gaming, the mention of it caught her attention. She opened her mouth as if to speak up but then thought better of it. She felt like she was getting on her peers' nerves, but not so much the Master conducting this almost informal gathering. The last thing she wanted was to cause further disruption, harm, or irritation. So for a few moments, she remained silent.​

​

There were a few more joining them which Amaly called attention to. turning her pale gaze toward them, she gave a polite nod in greeting coupled with a small smile. It was the best she could do for a greeting, from so far away, at the moment. And they seemed rather timid, the last thing she wanted to do was call extra attention to them.​

​

​

"For example, we have the Explora-Corps - Or Exploration Corporation" Amaly's left hand gestured to one side as she spoke as if to suggest further options to come with her other; "Our very own Grandmaster Coren Starchaser heads up this endeavor...-Going out searching for new sights, places, and people. Making new friends and discovering new secrets of which our Galaxy has an unknown number of things yet to be found".​

​

​

When Explora-Corps came up Des nodded. She'd done a little bit of work with them. Having her own ship had its merits, even though it was in drydock at The Silver Rest, getting repaired. She could have possibly requisitioned a ship, but it was good to have her own. She couldn't be denied a vessel if she had one. It was the freedom to move about. Some of the astrogation data she'd charted had chipped just a little more away at the edges of the map eating into the Unknown Regions.​

​

She'd enjoyed the work, mostly. It gave her a chance to go on a walkabout and figure some things out. Or try to. That had lead to a few adventures of their own. More than that, she'd found someone she trusted and connected with out there. She was interested in doing more of it.​

​

The idea of digging up artifacts, and things of Jedi history. Holocrons, sabers, uncovering old temples. That sounded like fun and a challenge. She'd come to learn, and that sounded like an amazing path to go on.​

​

​

"On the other hand" Her right hand moved as expected to her right side in emphasis, "We have the Starfighter Corps, where Jedi are trained to be what we call a Jedi Ace pilot. They are trained to pilot...You guessed it, Starfighters for outbound missions. The career path is certainly not without its risks but for the adrenaline-fueled Jedi perhaps this could be something to train for...-Better you than me" she added with a feigned grimace, a jest yet a half-serious one as Amaly was not a fan of such vessels, nor having to pilot her own.​

​

​

At this Des visibly perked up. Flying was her first love, and she'd dreamed of winning races on the ground but also in the skies. Other dreams had been of flying a starfighter. Less in combat, and more with speed, precision, and death-defying aerobatics, and withering, brutal dogfights. She knew she could have likely gone into the GA military or even the Silver Navy and joined the Starfighter corps in either place. Or even joined the aerospace defense force for Arkania. But this was a path that jumped out at her. If her hunch was right, she was born to do that. At least on some level.​

​

​

"If we were to look at one's interest in Stargazing, we might hazard a guess that astrogation might be a handy skill to learn in the future, and perhaps a career in assisting to chart the unknown stars while assisting the Explora-corps in their adventures. I'm sure the Archivists would appreciate all the extra knowledge for our databanks" Amaly further suggested, thinking out loud upon the answer's she'd been given; "And of course, there's no shortage of Master's willing to teach you, students, how to perfect your skills in the saber arts...".​

​

​

Des nodded again at this, thinking back to her prior experiences. While she was no master at saber combat, she felt confident that maybe she wouldn't step into a real fight and get killed immediately using one. Her records showed she was rather advanced in blast deflection and Shii-Cho, and at least had the basics of the other main styles. By those standards, she was doing well. Finding training opportunities there, even on her own, had been plentiful.​

​

​

The Order of the Silver Jedi offered a wide array of areas of study and training that most Students could find an interest in and pursue a life-long career within. "We also have the Circle of Healers, who are our medical experts and physicians for any form of emergency whether in training or in the field of duty. The Circle of Artisans are our craftsman who're responsible for every inch of technological equipment, keeping our temple well maintained and operational...", and these were suggestions that only scratched the surface in terms of what tasks could be taken on under each suggested title or umbrella term.​

​

​

Being a Healer was somewhat interesting. Her last Master was a professed healer. And indeed the woman had done much to restore her. Both the mind and body. Part of her would have given anything to have her first master or last one back. Bran had such an organic way of teaching, it felt so natural, so integrated. Mal was a soothing balm and a continual voice of wisdom and refuge and sorely missed. But both had abandoned her. Mal had promised to teach her how to heal actively. She would need it, and at least getting rudimentary training was on her list of things to pick up.​

​

The Circle of Artisans also caught her attention. She didn't consider herself any great engineer or builder. But she liked to tinker. Machines were reasonable. They didn't get happy, or sad, or scared. They did what they were designed to do. If they didn't it was almost always the operator's fault. You could get instructions, or go through trial and error. It either worked, or it didn't and everything had a logical process and order to it. She'd worked on speeders, swoops, hover trucks, industrial equipment. She'd taken her lightsaber apart and reassembled it dozens of times. She'd gotten her old bucket of a ship spaceworthy after buying it from a junkyard. She was handy with a wrench. Liked to make micro-droids sometimes. The idea of being able to make things or just repair things for the Order was a nice idea. Maybe if she wanted to take time off from the field, she could join them?​

​

​

"However, alongside those things that interest you, I suppose it's also important to understand what you hope to achieve for yourself or for others during your path. Do you seek to better your current skills, or learn brand new ones? Do you wish to help others, or heal them? Are you more of a fighter that would sooner stand in the face of adversity, or are you more of a scholar?" She smiled as she posed the next rather broad question to them all.​

​

​

​

Des studied Amaly and thought about those questions. "I have a few more things I certainly want to learn, Master. Healing. I know I will need it, for all kinds of things. I'm always trying to improve my skills. I train fifteen hours a day, on average, six days a week, working on various skills." Some might call that over-training, or being obsessive. Maybe it was. If they knew her, they'd understand why though, and what drove her to such harsh lengths. "There is always more to learn. I plan to heal and help when and where I can. I came to learn about the Force, and... my family history. As mentioned. But also see myself as a protector. Standing in the way of those that would make others suffer. I guess... I intend to kind of do it all." She frowned a little. Was she trying to do too much? Or maybe she just had no real direction. Or was she just being a generalist and staying flexible? To specialize too much could bring in weakness. "I feel certain I would excel as a fighter pilot. But I am not sure that is where I could do the most good, or where I would be most useful." Ultimately, she just wanted to help, wherever she could. Her voice had weakened and her head was bowed, letting her long platinum white locks fall forward some concealing most of her features for a few moments. It was a girlish habit, and one she hadn't quite broken yet.​