Alderaan, Shades of Grey

[Verrin Ris'To]

Verrin squeezed her hand to show his support of her decision. He was glad she changed her mind because the idea of a new born being raised to be a replacement body was something that told every fiber in his being that it was wrong. He doubted the Sith would be very pleased when she found out Alexandra had changed her mind, "If you ever need help, you can call me," he offered, "I know that my Master and I would do whatever we can to help you with this."

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

"You misunderstand, Did as in such a thing already happened..." She let him figure out what she met, otherwise she would have to fully explain this which to be honest she did not want to do. Her head turning to the side as she had heard his words though, sighing again at them as he was just about to see that she had already let something completely unnatural happen.

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

"You..." Verrin said his voice dying off, "The child is... already gone? Or I don't understand," He thought he might, but he was hoping he was wrong that she hadn't already done something that he wasn't sure he would ever be able to condone no matter the circumstances. She couldn't have? Could she? Just for lightning? For a power that could only inflict pain and death on others... she couldn't have..

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

"The power i talked about, it was already used... the moment the child... the thing was... given to me." She didn't look up, she didnt move, her breathing careful as she sat there head hung low. She shook her head and closed her eyes again, searching the back of her eyelids for what to say to make it sound better."

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

"So," Verrin said trying to wrap his mind around what he had been told, "The child is already gone? Is it just an empty body now waiting for the Sith to take it? Or is the Sith already in the baby? I... don't understand how.. what I am hearing right now," Maybe it was because he didn't want to understand, but every time she spoke; it felt more and more as if the world was slipping away from him. This... how could people do this?

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

"Already... she already did it." Alexandra shifted how her hands sat now, taking it out of his hand to cross them on her lap as she sat there."Sorry for telling you about such an unnatural power, now do you see why i prefer being alone,the actions ive taken before even this do not justify the forgiveness that living among others would bring me, that is why i teach anyone without a care who they are. So that i can make up for doing what i have done in the past and now and pass it on."

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

Verrin let go of her hand and brought it back to his lap his mind still trying to process what he had just heard. She had helped a another woman destroy an unborn child for... for lightning? Lightning?! Did people really place such a high value on destruction that they would throw away an innocent life for that? Why? What was the point in knowledge if someone had to sell their soul for it? Is that the price of becoming strong? If so, he would rather remain weak for the rest of his life.

"How does teaching people who may go on to do this to more children make up for what you have done?" Verrin whispered. It didn't make sense... "If I was willing to go and do that to other children, you still would have taught me? You... Is it worth it?"

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

"I... she... it... it isn't... i mean..." She knew what she wanted to say, but couldn't to salvage the deal that she was already pushing to the edge of her abilities, cursing herself for becoming a monster just like those she had run from in the first place to avoid doing things like that. "I don't know the power, id never learn it or teach it... i could defend people with lightning though, use the weapon against those that would hurt those for their own gain... and if i turned on the woman now i would be dead before you could save."

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

"There are other ways to fight. Other ways to protect," Verrin closed his eyes, this was... he never thought he would find himself in this position. He understood that she didn't have a choice anymore, her path with the child was already laid out and now she was forced to follow it and uphold the her end of the bargain, but... it was so wrong.

"You have created your path, and I understand that you have to walk it, but," Verrin said opening his eyes, "For lightning?" he whispered again. He could not wrap his mind around it. The selfish desire for immorality... he understood their fears of death, but lightning? For knowledge on an ability that could only harm others?

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

""A power is only as evil as you make it to be, lightning could be used to power something dead without hope of restarting on its own, or used to stop an animal or beast from killing someone..." She was rationalizing with him, but as he would see with herself to, his words getting at her as she tried to focus and remember why she even wanted to learn lightning in the first place, even if she was in mortal danger, she didnt truly need it.

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

"But there are healing arts out there if you wanted to heal or bring another back from the brink of death. There are ways to influence animals to calm them down..." Verrin said softly. He wasn't sure if she was trying to reason with him so that he would understand why she did it... or to convince herself that she had done the right thing. His talk with her was... something he had never expected and part of him had felt the galaxy had betrayed in as it wasn't what he thought it was.

"Alexandra," he said, searching her eyes with his, "Do you think this is right? Don't think about tools or philosophy, but in your heart, does this feel right?"

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

"I dont know, i just dont know, the nature of this thing in me, the reason im even hosting it, all of this is just not... normal... and i am learning healing, i am learning telepathy and telekinesis... but the lightning is just a quicker stronger solution in some cases... right..." She was still trying to convince herself and him, her eyes looking at her palms as thin sparks danced across them. Is it worth it, furthering her knowledge... at the risk of dying to Sith magic.

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

"Alexandra," Verrin said again, "I think you already know if it is right or wrong, but I think the problem is saying it... or admitting it to yourself," He finished softly as he didn't... despite what she had done, despite what she would do; he still didn't want to hurt her. Seeing the sparks dance across her palm, he stretched his hand out to her. Maybe it would help her to have physical contact instead of being lost in her own world.

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

Alexandra's mind began to retreat inward as the question bounced inside her head, forcing up the one emotion she drew the majority of her power from with her hands never stay still. Fear began to reek from her as she shook her head. "No, it has to be the right thing, with it i can protect myself from you all, from the Sith, from the Jedi and their purges. I can protect myself with it."

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

Verrin bit the bottom of his lip as she seemed to be panicking, and he wasn't sure how to deal with it. Verrin leaned closer to her, laying his hand on the grass by her leg as he tried to reach her with words, "I won't hurt you, I promise. The Jedi... the real Jedi won't either. It will be okay, Alexandra, it will be okay. Just breath, concentrate on my voice, and control your fear."

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

She tried to breath slowly but the fear had a pretty good hold on her at the moment, her breathing getting faster. "No more, no more, i wont let Jedi or Sith get to me... i can defend myself with it, keep those from harming me too far... you are trying to tell me not to use it, so its easier for the purges isnt it?" She began to rub her arms, not very hard but she did.

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

Verrin slowly pulled the lightsaber from his belt and tossed it aside, "No weapons," he said softly, he wasn't sure where her fear was coming from. Had she had a nasty run in with another Jedi that had tried to kill her? Why did she keep saying purge? Why would they want to purge her? He wasn't sure what to do, but he did have one memory, of when he was frightened by thunder and his mother had held him. If he had time to think about it; he wasn't sure he would be able to do it because it would be incredibly embarrassing and far more intimate then he had ever tried to be with anyone.

But he wanted to help her. That much was clear, gently he reached out to take her hand and pull her against him to hold him as his mother had done to him a lifetime ago. Verrin knew she may react badly and attack him, but he had to do something. Anything.

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

Alexandra tensed up, expecting a fist into her gut, but nothing. She blinked and looked at him, the fear falling back and replacing with confusion and embarrassment. "Uh... why are you hugging me... i mean its not that i dont like the feeling of being hugged, but why are you doing it?" She blinked again, to make sure what she was seeing was real.

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

Verrin let out a small breath in relief as it seemed to work. She was back to... well, she didn't seem to be trapped anymore, but now what? He wasn't quite sure where to go from there. When his mother had held him, he had fallen asleep as she rocked him, but he had a feeling that wasn't how it would work if he were to try the same, "You were panicking, I don't know what happened, but you were talking about defending yourself and Jedi Purges.."

It was then that he realized that he was still holding her. He let his arms fall to his side and leaned back to sit in his spot, "So, I did what I thought would help."

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

"I uh... well... i... thank you." She looked to the side again to hide her face, the reaction a normal one at this point. "I... am sorry,, alot of past alot of reading, i basing my fears off a past that might no longer be true." She rubbed her arm again, out of embarrassment now though.