Responsibility

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Nestled within the chair, Kaile enjoyed a sip of her tea. There was an expression of content that bathed her heart-shaped face, a distinct curl of pleasure at a little bit of peace and quiet.

She would observe Amsus beyond the rim of her mug, watching him as he spoke. He was such an expressive individual. There wasn't anything he could hide, not now at least. Earlier on, he surrounded himself with inflated airs of charm, but right here right now? It was just simply Asmus.

The corners of her mouth went curving upward.

At the knowledge that the crew would be splitting, her eyebrows rose up to her bangs in curiousity. "Oh?" well that made sense though, if they were ready for that sort of expansion. Kinda sad in a ways though. From what she'd seen, the crew was fairly close knit.

"Won't you miss them all?" she asked, her head canting just slightly to the right in curiousity.

At his subsequent question, however, Asmus would find her turn contemplative in growing somberness. A weak smile frosted her lips. "No... not really." she was honest about that.

"Port to port at times."

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"We're all going over but Jarrick really, he's a good sort but if struggle to call us close," Asmus replied. Through half lidded eyes a good iris turned to regard her. The young man pursed his lips, then sat up again, twisting on his chair to face Kaile.

Asmus would happily admit he wasn't Rhen most observant person. If pushed he'd even admit that he was a relatively self centred individual. Yet beneath that placid exterior burned a fierce intelligence. Kaile was a stranger really, he'd only met her the night before under very different circumstances. Perhaps his attempts to cheer her up at been selfishly motivated and that he just wanted to see her smile to lift his own spirits. Or maybe he really was being empathetic for once and didn't like to see her sad. He wasn't sure. But he did knew what it was to crave the attention and knew it could be driven for different reasons.

When he next spoke he tone was back to that soft, honest timbre he'd used when admitting how beautiful he found her. "So Kairon has a thing about telling people they don't have to say why they're running. That's fine an all and I know why he does it. But if you are and you want to, you can talk to me about it," he said.

He quickly snorted through his nose, his tone back to more jovial again, though a hint of strain was there. "Don't know why you would though, hardly know me and not many folk around take me seriously."

 

[Kaile Vera]

... So Kairon has a thing about telling people they don't have to say why they're running.​

But if you are, and you want to, you can talk to me about it.​

Running.

Am I running?

The smile that had lingered upon her lips froze. Running.

Immediately the image of Kurt bloomed in her mind. The little boy smile, the glint in his blue eyes. The tousled hair and his carefree manner. By all accounts, he was living the dream. Enjoying his life. Kaile knew better though.

He was running. Constantly running.

Kaile didn't know from what exactly, but she knew it had to do with his past. She never asked him to elaborate. She never crossed the line to inquire on what it would be. He had his reasons and if he ever wanted to tell her, he would in his own time by his own choice.

He wasn't a mark.

...don't have to say why they're running.
But if you are, and you want to...
you can talk to me about it.


The slender digits of Kaile's fingers would flex gingerly around her tea cup. Staring past the rim at Asmus's eyes, at his attempt at lightening the mood after his offer, Kaile could only give a ghost of a smile. He meant well.

Guess I can't really hide from the 'verse, she mused. It took him a bit of gumption to even say it. He normally wouldn't have, she supposed. Not with the slight crack in his voice. There was a tinge of nervousness there, coated with a half facade of joviality to make it appear as if it didn't really matter. That whatever choice she made was okay. That she didn't need to disclose anything to a strange scoundrel apt to live life vicariously.

Lids fell, and she would study the faint cracks along the glaze of the ceramic mug. Her throat felt tight. Running? Am I running?

The thought alone sent a shot of trepidation down her spine.

Kurt's face bloomed again in her mind. The Messa. Everything. Who she was. Where she was going. What she gained and what she lost.

Running.

I am running.

She'd been running all this time. Before Kurt, before the Alliance. Before everything. She was always running. Running to enjoy life. To live it to its fullest. At least, that's how it started. There wasn't ever a home, never a place to really call her own. Every mission had her moving from one place to the next. A different identity. A different name. A different mission.

Never stayed too long to build attachments, and even if she did, she'd leave soon enough when the mission was done. Kurt had been the first to really break that mold. It had been fun. Looking back on it, she'd been terribly lonely without realizing it. Her best friend for the longest had been Bobo, a ysalamiri. A critter most considered to be a pet.

Not like those on the Quin... not like Asmus and his family.

Swallowing hard, she brought the mug of tea to her lips. She took a sip, letting its warmth fill her. Honestly, it was all too confusing to her. Confusing as to why she was so depressed to begin with to have left Kurt. Yet having Asmus point it out, that she was running, it made her think.

It really, really made her wonder.

Awareness hit her.

"...I do." Kaile replied, flicking her gaze up to meet the verdant of his own. "Take you seriously that is." she offered him a ghost of a smile.

"You're a good man Asmus." her voice was soft. Genuine.

Kaile drew a deep breath, letting it fill her lungs. She held it there, quietly contemplating. Finally she blew it out, cheeks puffing as if worn and weary.

"I reckon everyone wonders where their path will go to, no?" it wasn't an answer, but it wasn't a dismissal.

I just still haven't figured it all out myself.



[member="Asmus Janes"]

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

It wasn't particularly pleasant to see that smile slowly shift to a look of silent contemplation. Yet in a way he was glad she wasn't immediately dismissive.

He let out a single chuckle and eyes turned to the ground when she told him she took him seriously. The corner of his mouth turned up in a sheepish little smile. Then he slowly leant his head from side to side, thinking for himself.

"Maybe. I don't think I did for a while. Been here three and a half years now, I was only seventeen when I left Eriadu. I don't think I thought much more than getting away to do something exciting. Well...I suppose that counts really does it? I think on it a lot more these days though."

He looked up to meet her eyes again. "Sorry, I meant to say thank you then," he added. That had meant more to him than he cared to admit.

 

[Kaile Vera]

Large chocolate eyes locked upon vibrant emerald flecked in gold.

"It counts." Kaile replied, the ghost of a smile still lingering. Knees shifted a bit, drawing them closer to her chest but resting them just to the right, allowing her an unobstructed view to the scoundrel. So he was twenty? Almost twenty-one?

Young.

He was at least seven years her junior. "No, thank you." she said in earnest appreciation. "For doing all you could to cheer me up." she added quietly, lids lowering down to her mug, watching the plumes of steam rise.

"You didn't have to... but you did." pearly white teeth began to nibble on the fullness of her lower lip. Canting her head a bit to the right, she studied how her fingers lightly tapped against the ceramic.

"I appreciate it... more than words can say," lids flickered back up, meeting his eyes anew. Only this time, there was a ghost of the dejected girl from before. Her eyes were warm, but they told a tale of a confused girl working through her melancholy. Through whatever she was running from.

Her fingertips pressed against the mug, white flesh turning crimson, only to turn white again in pressure.

He deserved to know what it was at it's core.

"I..." her voice cracked a bit, and she swallowed hard. Kaile dropped her gaze, lashes tickling her cheeks as an expression akin to shame filled her then. What came next was barely a whisper.

"I just don't want to be alone."

[member="Asmus Janes"]

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

A lot of people were like swans. They glided through life with no wave or gust of wind seeming to affect them. Yet beneath the surface they were frantically paddling away. Asmus was the swam who wasn't even much bothering to paddle. He just sort of went along with the flow. Even as a relatively unpopular tweenager, nothing had much fazed him.

So in some regards, what he lacked in empathy was exacerbated by a lack of emotional complexity to really deal with the situation at hand. Through the day his awareness of her sadness had only elicited two simple thoughts: maybe don't feth her in the show; and maybe try and cheer her up a bit.

His expression shifted a few times as he tried to figure this out. Maybe he did understand a bit more now. He got lonely and he craved sexual attention when the opportunity arose, but it was perhaps unfair to draw parallels between them. The sight of her nibbling her lip was too much. His train of thought came to a grinding halt and he stood up.

Rounding her chair he came down behind her, barely finding room to plonk himself down. Reaching around her waist he'd take the cup from her hands, if she let him and then wrap his arms around her.

"Won't get much peace around here," he said with a half hearted laugh. "Besides, I get awful lonely out here and I'm dreadfully clingy," he joked, squeezing her. Was that really a joke?

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


Kaile gave a burst of nervous laughter. Laughter muted by the rush of his embrace and as the warmth her cup of tea was replaced by his arms.

The crown of her head nuzzled just under his chin, the messy strands of her topknot threatening to tickle his nose. Yet she clung to him, snaking her arms to draw him close. Close enough to breathe him in, to hide her face along the crook of his elbow as he held her from behind.

“Clingy?” came her muffled mewl in a half chuckle, fingers flexing against the small of his back. She felt as small as a youngling and silly for her neediness. “Do you realize just who you are talkin’ to here?”

Her shoulders shook a bit as she gave another nervous, confused laugh. It was hollow as much as it was grateful. Kaileann was certainly a complicated simplicity.

Then again, wasn’t everyone?

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Asmus shifted his weight from side to side. “Scoot up a bit, I’m hanging off the edge…ah that’s better,” he said. Now he was fully on the chair. He raised his head high from a moment, looking back over at the display next the chair he’d vacated. Still a good while yet, he just had to avoid taking a nap. Which, frankly, would be quite easy at the moment.

“If you don’t want to be alone at all on the trip, you won’t be, ok?” he whispered. That was the right thing to do, he thought. To hell with whatever Kairon thought. He wasn’t doing this because he wanted to get into her pants. If that had been the case he wouldn’t have taken the other cubicle. Well, he still did a little bit, but that was beside the point, it wasn’t why he held her.

One arm kept behind her to hold her comfortably in place. The other gently stroked the side of her cheek. On an impulse he tipped his head down and kissed the top of her head before settling back into the chair.

 

[Kaile Vera]

It was an odd thing as much as it was familiar.

Maybe it was just the human tendency to crave another’s touch. Perhaps, it was a bit more prominent with Lorrdians based on the necessity to use their bodies to communicate with each other. Kaile sought it out. Whether it be through conversation or simple thought touches of the shoulder and back. It was just her nature to constantly caress and express through the physical a connection.

It was an intimacy. Yes. That’s what she craved. A connection. The one with Kurt had been severed and it left a raw, festering wound that she had no idea how to even begin disinfect and bandage. It was too fresh. Too raw. Too overwhelming for the young woman who normally shined with a sunny disposition and cheer.

So when Asmus cradled her in his arms, the stroke of his fingers caressing her cheek and cafuneing her hair, Kaile drank it in. Like a parched man in the desert given fresh water, she drank deep. Her embrace tightened around him, drawing him near, almost as if she wanted to tuck him under her skin. Clingy, he had joked?

Kaile was the poster child of it right now.

Her face drew up, tucking against the curve of his neck, nuzzling close. The feather brush of her lashes would tickle along where his pulse fluttered, the warmth of her breath kissing his skin. There was no coy flirtation to her nuzzle, it was the desperate latch of a woman simply wanting comfort and taking what Asmus had offered.

If you don’t want to be alone at all on the trip, you won’t be, ok?

Tears bit at the corners of her eyes, and she shut her lids tight. The gentle squeeze of her arms was her silent reply of gratitude.

He didn’t have to fix things. He didn’t have to be her white knight. All Kaile required right now was this.

Then she didn’t feel so alone.



[member="Asmus Janes"]

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Asmus pretended not to feel the moisture from her eyes as she brushed against him. He didn’t understand, but he didn’t have to. She might have killed someone for all he knew, might have had someone burned alive in front of her. She didn’t explain, so he didn’t probe. The opening was there.

Then, what the feth would you say back? He thought to himself. He wasn’t worldly like his Uncle or as wise as Mal. He was just a stupid young man who did menial tasks around the ship and then found some willing distractions whenever they came into port.

She’d feel his stuttered sigh with her head pressed against his chest. Best just to stay here and hold her, he decided. That was easy enough. She was pleasantly warm against him. He wasn’t used to expressing affection through physical contact in this way, but he found himself quite content here.

“It’s alright,” he said softly. “Just don’t let me go to sleep alright?”

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

That would be easier said than done. When it came to a soul finally grasping what it coveted, it was hard for a body emotionally weary and after that bout of physical activity to really stay awake.

Kaile curled her fingers slightly against the small of Asmus’ back, the fabric bunching under her palms, feeling the softness of fabric. The scoundrel certainly took extra care with his clothing and with himself. That much Kaile could see.

It was an interesting contrast to the well worn cotton Kurt normally wore. Memories dribbled within her mind, and snuggling close, Kaile gave a soft shuddered sigh. Under her cheek she could hear the thud of his heartbeat, feel the rise and fall of his chest with every breath. Every curious little sound that gave a testimony to being alive.

It was nice.

Relaxing in his embrace, the young woman simply snuggled close. He was confused and unsure of just what he was supposed to do. It endeared him to her that he still pushed past his comfort zone and simply did what he could. Every stroke of his hand upon her head was a lull, a coax to relax.

Tears dried, her lids grew heavy, and the soft curves of her body sank against him. Her breathing deepened, and before long, she had drifted into slumber. Trusting the embrace of the scoundrel with his arms around her.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Minutes later

Asmus gave a quick start. His eyes went wide as he scanned the cockpit, brain still woozy. He hadn’t fallen quite asleep, but he’d just started drifting off before a beep at stopped him from going under. Kriff. He hadn’t the heart to keep her up when he’d felt her drift off, but had then failed to keep himself alert. His hand had stopped stroking her soft hair and come to rest on her arm before he’d started to feel his lids become heavy.

No, no, it was alright. That beep was a minute warning. If he’d left the ship hanging in real space for an hour then Kairon would have been pissed.

“Kaile,” he whispered ever so softly. “Kai-lee.” He slid her hand off him and started to edge out from underneath her to a discontented groan. His free hand reached behind the console to one side and grabbed a blanket. They left a few up here for long nights when the heating system went into power saving mode. “Shh, shh, you can keep sleeping, but I’ve got to do some work.”

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


Kaile gave a soft, sleepy protest, shivering as the warmth that had spooned her left. Brown eyebrows drew together, a frown drawing only to bring her hands up close under her neck for warmth. She curled her fingers there, snuggling under the blanket draped over her in a mild replacement of Asmus’ warmth.

Like a youngling, the young woman drew the corner of the blanket up to just over her nose. Her hair was a messy feathering around her face, with the long fringe of her lashes laying upon her cheeks as she nestled down back to sleep.

With her knees tucked up, toes curled in for warmth, she was a small figure amidst the leather of the well worn copilot chair. Soft music had long since gone on autoplay, with the current strains of “Hotel Teta” playing in the background.

For now, it was apparent that Kaile was satisfied at simply snuggling herself in.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

His hands danced over the controls as her brought her out of hyperspace. He manually shifted power through the systems to ramp up the capacitors for a quick micro hop whilst the computers checked position. At the same time he did several things: polarise the viewscreens to the harsh cerulean glare of hyperspace wouldn't rouse her, turned to music down, and then continued to stroke the small of her back.

As quietly as he could, he reached across her prone form and pushed the hyperspace lever and they made a two minute hop. As they made the next leg of their haphazard journey he watched her sleep, watched the rise and fall of the blanket and her peaceful expression. His own face was a mixture of affectionate and bemused.

Stepping around her chair again, he quietly opened a cabinet and pulled out another blanket and surreptitiously covered her with another layer.

Three more micro hips and they would be there. Checking his readings he found. Rather than use the comm to call Kairon he decided he'd slip out of the cockpit. Before he did so he left a short message on a screen in case she woke:

Down in hold making exchange. Come find us or grab some more sleep in my bunk if you want. Dinner at seven.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[..n't you, forget about me...]

Consciousness came in degrees.

The cockpit lights had been dimmed, the viewscreen polarized. Slowly reality eased its way back to Kaile in small doses as she recognized the cockpit of the Quin. Only the soft lighting from the control panel illuminated the area, casting muted reflections upon the ceiling. Other than the constant hum of the drives and the low notes of music in the background, all was quiet.

[ .. as you walk on by. Will you call my name? ]

The last thing she remembered was feeling warmth. No, the last thing she remembered was... Asmus.

Shreds of memories rose to the surface, only to vaporize in her half cognizant state. Fingers lightly went curling over the edge of the blanket that covered half of her face. Brown eyes peered curiously at the empty cockpit. How long did I pass out for?

A frown was her only answer.

Still half asleep, she barely registered the small note on the screen. Okay, options. Frowning slightly, slumber still in her eyes, the heel of her palm would rub at her right eye.

Maybe sleeping a bit more wasn't such a bad idea at all.

With the blankets surrounding her like a mini Kaile burrito, the Lorrdian shut off the lights. With a slight sleepy stumble and a sway, she slowly ambled the walk down to the bunks.


[member="Asmus Janes"]

 

[Asmus Janes]

"Damn Jannik put on weight!" came Asmus' voice from down the corridor a few moments after Kaile reached the lower deck.

"That's what happens when you get married," Mai replied.

"Kairon...when are you and Mal getting hitched?" Asmus probed.

"Oh no boy, you have overplayed that hand and are not getting a reaction this time. Find some new material." Kairon rumbled as they passed through the galley.

A faint voice might float down to her as Asmus quietly called her name from behind the cockpit.

"Ah she's probably gone to get some more sleep. You're taking us out?" Asmus asked.

"Yup, Mai can do the cooking for once, then I've got the next shift at helm."

Fweep

Asmus slid down the ladder to catch sight of the tightly wrapped Lorridian. "Oh hey," he called quietly. He was back in his green coat, but there were no weapons on him. Given how well they knew the other crew it would have been seen as rude.

He skipped past her to open the door to his bunk, finding the switch to turn the lights right down. "Dinner's in thirty," he whispered, "but we can always heat some up later."

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


“Hey” her sleepy hello came from the bundle of blankets wrapped tightly around her and by her nose. Her hair was a messy birdnest, with a nerf-lick along the right side of her head where her bangs stuck up. Both lids were heavy, as if she could barely be able to hold them under their weight.

“Sleepy.” she mumbled in a soft voice, staring up at the scoundrel with a slightly puffy face of one who had just awoken. Her single phrase would indicate that it was likely the young woman required a bit more rest. With everything that had occurred, she hadn’t really had the ability to get enough sleep. She suffered from insomnia already, and the added stress only made it worse.

Slipping inside with a shuffle, her topknot gave a little bounce with every step she took. Bundling herself tighter, she managed to get to the bunk before flopping on her side and curling up on it.

“Justalilbitmore.”

 

[Asmus Janes]

“Alright,” he said quietly. “I’ll give you a quiet call in thirty,” he said. As she slid down onto the bunk he helped her readjust the blankets, before running the back of his hand down the side of her face affectionately. His hand held still just a few inches from her after. As she gently sighed he found himself looking from his hand and back to her content expression, butterflies flapping in his stomach.

A little bemused, he pulled his datapad from a draw and set the brightness to a very low level. Perching on the end of the bed next to her feet he decided to do some general browsing for a while in silence. Every few minutes he turned his head to look up the length of the bed to watch her fir a few seconds.

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

 

[Kaile Vera]

“Thank you.” was the low, muffled words of gratitude.

Kaile sank back into her mini oblivion. With simply knowing Asmus was there, it was easy for the Lorrdian to sink back into her slumber. Her knees curled up under her as she lay on her side, snuggling in.

Insomnia had been a rather prevalent issue with the young woman. She’d had it for as long as she could remember. It was one of the reasons she eventually turned to slicing and working with technology and mechanics. She needed something to spend the long nights when she just couldn’t go to sleep.

Kurt had helped out in that aspect, whenever sleep fled off into the night and just didn’t seem to stick. Perhaps that was how things ended up turning into what they were. Both were easy going and enjoyed having a bit of fun. Seeking pleasure to tire each other out did wonders for finding rest afterwards. It was only as the months passed that she realized she could get the same thing not just through sex, but also by simply having him be there.

There was something about another’s presence that was just calming for Kaile.

Now Asmus managed it too.



[member="Asmus Janes"]

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Listening to the gentle rhythm of her breathing, Asmus perused some holonet sites for a while. He could hear the faint echo of Mai swearing up above them. The Cathar despised cooking and liked to make it clear every time she was asked to do it. When he decided the time was right he very softly called her name. Kaile just murmured.

Asmus decided to head up to the galley without her. He tiptoed out of the room and and headed out.

Yet a few minutes later he returned with two trays, one of them covered in cling film, the contents obscured by condensation. His tray had a single chicken breast with some light seasoning, a pile of mash and some frozen vegetables that Mai has hastily steamed. She didn't care much for anything that wasn't an animal.

Setting hers down on the floor he stated the eat at the bottom of the bunk, waiting for her to stir.