Responsibility

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Boring.

What was boring? For Kaile, everyone was interesting one way or another. They just needed a little polish and to find out what exactly drove them to passion. As a slicer, she has met her fair share of nerds and techies that were more comfortable with data terminals and Forb Basic than actual saptiants. All it took was just a little push and one could see that they had the capability of loosening up.

Just had to find it.

There was a little purse of her brows when Asmus would describe the differences between his mother and his father. If they were so different then, then why did they get together? A second later, Kaile assumed it had to deal with arranged marriages. That made sense. She had heard of such things with those with money, and after Asmus had elaborated on his family and the socials and events that life was part of, it solidified that theory.

However, that train of thought shifted when Asmus asked her if all she had was Bobo now. Kaile rolled her lower lip into her mouth, her teeth worrying it as she took a deep breath. Kurt came to mind. Along with the past year. Omega Pyre. The Rebellion. Dubrillion and her childhood.

“Yeah,” she answered quietly, the drum of her fingers coming to a halt. “Just me and Bobo now.” She gave a shift of her head, settling in closer. If she could tuck herself deeper into the folds of the blanket around her shoulder, she did.
“Against the ‘Verse.” she added, a half chortle meant to lessen that sting. It was still very fresh. Her lids lowered to half mast, barely catching the pale blue light from the viewport.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

He shifted briefly, lifting his shoulders from the chair to lean forwards and place a kiss on the top of her head.

"You can hide from the 'verse here with me if you'd like," he whispered. It set him to thinking. He'd been a bit of a spoiled brat. He'd rebelled, not because he had a cause, but because he'd wanted attention. And once again, he found he was thinking of himself instead of Kaile. Sometimes he could be such a self centred creature. Not sometimes, most of the time. He'd been so focussed on not becoming another neurotic intellectual like his father and those kids from the summer camp.

Feth, he really needed to do something with his life. He chewed on his bottom lip as he thought about this. Perhaps it was time to stop drifting.

"We don't really go off the grid all that often. You know you can always grab me on the 'net right?" In his own little way he was trying to move away from his own perceived problems and suggest he could be there for her when she wanted.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


He was being kind.

No matter if a small voice inside of her head so desperately wanted to take up his offer. While it may have been said with the best of intentions, it was said with naivety. Kaile gave a ghost of a smile, then a smooth brush of the pads of her fingers against his chest.

“Mmm,” came her soft noise of what appeared to be agreement. “Reckon one can’t stop the signal can they?” was her off comment, referencing that one can’t quite put a halt to the holonet or how it connects the ‘Verse.

She was quiet for a moment, before asking, “Where do ya’ll typically wander abouts?” Was Denon a frequent stop? Did they typically stay this side of the ‘Verse? In this sector?

 

[Asmus Janes]

“In and out of the core really. Kairon likes to pick up goods in the outer sectors, particularly things where he can dodge the import fees or border controls. But we hit galactic North, South and East plenty. Don't tend to go into Fringe space or too far off the beaten track.”

Asmus was oblivious to the fact that she hadn't provided a direct response. He thought her answer was sweet.

“You pass through Sullust often?” he asked. His mind was putting her previous allusion to the fact together with his choices of Alliance academies. Odd how soothing the sight of her head slowing moving to the rhythm of his chest was.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


“Off and on,” it was as much of an answer as Kaile was willing to give him. Vague, but enough to perhaps leave it be. It was sad to say, but while Kaile didn’t want to ‘work’ Asmus, she knew all too well what answers she could provide that would give just enough, but not the full picture.

It was, after all, what being an espion was all about.

“So no trails off to the Core Worlds then?” in her mind, she was already charting a map. Drawing in the details, gathering bits and bobs of information. Half of it wasn’t done on purpose, she couldn’t help being the sort of person she was. Making conversation and gathering information is what she did. It came naturally to her. Diverting the topic and bringing it back to the subject in question was a way to keep them talking.

Folk always enjoyed talking, especially about themselves.

Asmus liked to talk.

That brought a measure of guilt rearing back into Kaile’s mind. Shame. One one hand, she figured she should stop. On the other… she wanted him to continue. To hear the timbre of his voice, to feel the rise and fall of his breath, to be lulled by the stories he told.

Stars, was this selfish? Am I being a terrible person?

How strange, for a series of unfortunate events to finally set a mirror in front of oneself. Judgement comes harsher to those who stare upon their reflection.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

“It's a bit of a risk balance thing. Used to be easier when so much was encompassed by the borders of the Republic. Now the core is such a war zone. Forces tend to find smugglers like they find enemy ships trying to break into their space. Problematic.” That was an exaggeration.

“We really did get in a space battle for the Alliance though. I wasn't making that up at all.” His hand left Kaile's lap to give the arm of the chair an affectionate pat. “Merchant Fleet fought for the Alliance in the early days. Kairon pretty much pulled them together you know? He likes to keep to himself but you could see it when they were planning. They looked up to him.”

Asmus was quite content to continue talking, once more oblivious to what Kaile was doing. As he went he voice took a slightly deeper pitch, the space between words expanding. His breath became more shallow as he relaxed under her comforting weight. For a moment he considered saying something about how he felt. Last time, in the sonic, that hadn't gone all that smoothly. Like he said, awkward naked shifting wasn't the time for such talk, but it wasn't something to throw out either. Devalued the sentiment for one, and right now it seemed too much for Kaile to process. Better to let their hands do the talking.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

So they really worked for the Alliance?

That could be...problematic. Then again, Kaile would muse, the chances of us bumping into one another amidst the chaos of the ‘Verse was highly unlikely. That thought, while the best option in the end, stung.

Why was that?

Kaile swallowed hard, and she nuzzled her cheek against Asmus’ chest again. She had heard about the Merchant Fleet, what they had done. Just fringe reports, but their value during the onset of the early Alliance had been pivotal. It was another, new light to see Captain Rees. He was already a natural leader, but hearing that it had been him who leant aid to the Alliance certainly warmed Kaile’s heart.

As it was, Kaile’s mind was getting busy with worries and concerns again. At least, until she felt the gentle cafune of Asmus’ fingers as the hand that had tapped the arm rest rose to briefly brush and tuck an errant strand of hair away from her face. The touch was gentle, its gingerly caress sending her lids shut in a half flutter, the curve of her cheek arching up to follow the wandering touch.

A slight shiver ran through her. A tingle of content, pleasure that quieted her mind and had her curling her fingers into the fabric of his shirt. If she could somehow bury herself into his skin, she would, with how she seemed to curl against him closer.

“Why did he leave it then? Did he not enjoy workin’ with the Alliance?” she asked.

 

[Asmus Janes]

He was attuned to her now. As odd, bewildering experience for the rather self centred would-be scoundrel. His body didn't inform him that it was the slightly tightening and bunching of her shoulders and the way her fingers ceased their movement that outwardly revealed the sudden spike of tension. To Asmus it was just a vague sense of it radiating off her. And then it started to leave again. On this occasion Asmus paid it no particular heed. It had been this way for most of the trio so far. Swinging back and forth, the deeper the low, the greater the high that followed. Just another little niggle that he might be taking advantage. It drowned in the memory of their bungled attempts to explain why that wasn't the case the night before. When she'd been crying and trembling in his arms. Before they relaxed, let their bodies lead the way until that glorious crescendo.

Asmus realised that he had neither answered her question or breathed.

“Oh it was never a full time thing. We did a thing, we got paid. I think the Alliance is just too big now. It doesn't really go well for a civilised nation to be paying mercenaries. All it would have taken is one bloodthirsty smuggled, and believe me there are plenty, and it would have been a disaster for them. Desperate times call for handsome scoundrels and and their well armed ships.”

Asmus smiled, leaning down such that his jaw lowered to her eye line before he kissed her forehead.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


The light press of his affectionate kiss only seemed to help her sink further into that black sea. Her breathing would lengthen, the warmth of his embrace and that of the blanket surrounding her in comfort. Like a cocoon of radiant heat that warmed her to her bones.

“Mmm…” she made a small noise of understanding, the right corner of her mouth slightly curving upward at his last.

“Did you like it?” her words were slurred a bit, but she was curious on just how involved Asmus had been. Whether he minded it. Or was it just another job.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

“Terrified,” he said with a low chuckle. “There were TIE fighters all around us, these massive great black cruisers in dry dock ahead of us. The X-Wings supporting us were engaged and couldn't follow us in but we had to keep making runs. If the Final Order had finished refitting those cruisers back when the Alliance was stretched…”

He couldn't help but think it would have been more satisfying to have her skin to skin against him.

“My hands didn't stop shaking on the trip home, the Quin was plenty busted up. But it kind of felt…hmm. It felt like we'd done something worth telling stories about. It's one thing to get into shenanigans with bad folk. Another to kind of stand up and take something like that head on because you know it's right. Does that make sense?”

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


Slowly, the fringe of her lashes rose. They were at half mast, barely catching the rays of blue white light from the stars. Tucked warmly under the blankets and against Asmus as she was, one would find it rather difficult to shift their position.

“You were lucky then,” she said, taking a deep breath that filled her lungs, expanding her chest. “ But there ain’t nothin’ bad about being afraid. Fear is good. Fear keeps you alive.” she said, blinking slowly.

“Is that why you’re okay with goin’ to the academy?” she asked him, slowly turning up her head to study the line of his jaw, feeling the brush of his lips once again press against her forehead.

“Or is that just ‘cause your ma and uncle want you to go?”

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

“Hmm?” he replied lazily. He was really quite comfortable here now. All warm, wrapped up and absolved of any manual tasks. “It's certainly not what my mother wants. She still thinks I should follow my father and become a bean counter for the merchant business. Not even the slightest interest in that.”

He was a little confused. “Oh, you meant because it felt good after? Sorry, brain is going a touch fuzzy,” he admitted with a sheepish smile. “I suppose so. Also I'm pretty good at the helm and I like navigating. I'd like to do something I enjoy. Not many get to say that I don't reckon. You enjoy your work?” he asked, curious. He imagined she probably did enjoy the social side of her work.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

“I do.” and it was the honest truth.

Of course, it was a bit more complicated than that, but over all, Kaile originally never had any objections to her line of work. While she was able to use her talents, she was also placed in various locations that were interesting and fun. She was able to travel, to meet new people. To learn new cultures and languages. To play dozens of roles with varying lifestyles.

It was a play pretend yes, perhaps, the biggest game of make-believe someone could play. It wasn’t until more recently that she realized that while there were all the shiny lights and the bits and baubles, it was actually a really lonely existence.

Few ever truly were able to really get to know Kaile, the real Kaile, beyond being the bubbly waitress at the local dive.

“Meet lots of folk,” she continued, giving him at least the courtesy of a lengthier answer. Being tight lipped was bound to have him ask questions.

“Lots of stories… different tales. Everyone has a story.” she elaborated.

“How long is the academy?” she asked, wondering how that would go.

 

[Asmus Janes]

“Depends which I go for an which course really. I think the basic officer’s course is around twenty weeks. Then it depends if I want to fly or navigate. Becoming a pilot takes a good year on top of that. Then again, we’ve been restoring an old snubfighter so I might go in with some time behind the stick,” Asmus explained softly. He was watching the cloudy swirls of hyperspace pass them by. Cutting through hyperspace time was a reminder that they were eating through the time until Denon. It wouldn’t stop, no matter what they did, but Asmus’ grip did tighten as that thought passed through his mind.

The speed with which she returned back to him suggested that Kaile still wasn’t feeling comfortable enough to talk about herself. Instead of asking another question about her, his hand slid up her back, thumb and forefinger slowly massaging her neck. “Do you reckon I could make it as an officer?” he asked.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

It took a moment for Kaile to respond. Not because there was doubt on Asmus’ ability to be an officer, but because the massaging pressure of his fingers at the nape of her neck was making her even more sleep and relaxed. A soft hum of contentment purred from her throat, her lids falling shut once more.

The pads of his fingers would move in seemingly lazy whorls, but in truth, adjusting the pressure based on the soft sighs and incline of her head at the manipulation and gentle strokes. After a moment, in the half nuzzle she gave against his hand, Kaile simply said the following.

“If’n it’s for you alone Asmus,” she began in a low murmur, “I reckon you’ll do anythin’ well that challenges you.”

That was to say, if he was becoming an officer out of his own desire, he was bright enough to enjoy any challenge that would come his way. He just had to do it because he wanted to. Not because others expected it from him.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Out of the corner of his eye Asmus saw the screen on his datapad change colour. The timer had dropped below ten minutes. He considered the logistics of what had to come next. His hand left her neck to anchor around her waist as he leant towards the copilot’s chair and tapped the screen. The timer returned to thirty minutes, just as he resumed the gentle kneading motion down onto her shoulder.

The truth was he was out of anything interesting to say. “Comfy here,” he sighed. Asmus was thinking back to the chaos of that battle. Could he really cut through that organised chaos and work as part of a flight, squadron and wing? Would he actually have the discipline to get through the academy in the first place. It was also puzzling Asmus as to why Kaile kept from her past quite so much. Obviously recent events had stung her deeply, but was there something even more painful that went further back? He doubted he would hear much more from Kaile this trip. Perhaps in the future.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


Comfy here.

He’d feel the shift of her head at those words, the slight warmth of her lips pressing briefly as she nuzzled into the crook of his neck. His skin pressed against her eyes, each breath fanning over his collar bone. Were he the ticklish sort, it might cause a problem, but for now, Kaile settled into this position.

Sleep came to her easy. Easier than it had before, since she left Tatooine. Funny, that he could do that for her. Normally she would have to tire herself out in order to find sleep, but not with Asmus. At least, right now, it was so easy to rest in his arms. Sleep found the Lorrdian female, taking her in its grasp and blanketing her in its warmth.

In Asmus’ warmth.

It was a good thing Asmus had set the timer anew. Within minutes, Kaile was fast asleep.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

It would have been easy for Asmus to fall asleep as well. This time he didn’t. He considered it for a little while as he started to feel drowsy himself. Then he caught the sight of the timer. It would go off in less than thirty minutes. There was nearly an hour until he needed to realign the Quin and another hour of travel before the inspection zone. It wouldn’t do to let Kaile settle so comfortably and then have the high pitched alarm intrude on her rest. At least he couldn’t drop something into a metal bowl that amplified sound again.

As he lay back, gently stroking her back, he did start to wish he’d brought a book. That would have been ideal. Asmus was comfortable and content in the knowledge that when she woke he would be there. If he had left her back in his cabin he would have been on the edge of his nerves all morning, concerned that she would have another sudden panic attack when she woke.

What happened to you? He thought as he looked down at her. At no point had he ever felt quite like this before. The strange euphoric surge as he did nothing more complex than watch her sleepily rub her face against him. The little sparks of joy had caught a few times and he’d seen Kaile come out of her shell. Was this just how she was? He got the sense that she was normally more outgoing. When he followed that train of thought he arrived at the fact that she kept apologising for her current demeanour. She clearly didn’t want to be questioned on the matter; just admitting she had lost someone had been difficult for her.

That constant buzz of thought slowed down over time. Eventually his mind became truly quiet. He alternated between watching Kaile and taking in the view. He tried to imagine what it would be like to travel at this velocity in real space. As he’d explained to her, Asmus pushed a lever and changed the stars. What would it be like to watch that slow procession as it was truly revealed to the eye that they were a three dimensional structure, not a flat blanket of pinpricks across the sky? Asmus started to muse that he could perhaps construct the appropriate metric, tie it into his HUD and have the view of real stars shown through the journey.

Asmus very carefully gathered Kaile against him and rocked forwards when it came time to orientate the vessel. Sometimes it was just quicker to drop out of hyperspace, turn sharply and launch again. She snuffled and murmured something that sounded like ‘hurt’, but settled back down once he was back in the chair properly.

Eventually the computer warned them that they were approaching their destination. If he didn’t wake her up before they arrived the border control over the comms would or Kairon would intrude on them.

“Kaile,” he whispered softly. His free hand pushed back her hair before idly running over her cheek.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

With everything that had occurred, for those that knew Kaile and the circumstances of her current situation, what came next would make sense. As it was, it was one of the few times Kaile had managed to sleep so peacefully, even if it was for a few hours. Having Asmus there, feeling the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest as she cuddled close was so akin to moments she spent with another. With Kurt.

So when she felt the gentle brush of fingers run through her hair, heard the croon of a man’s voice quietly calling her name, it was so easy to forget. So easy to believe in her half conscious dreamings she was elsewhere. That she was at the Messa. Her cheek would nuzzle the warmth of a chest, following the whisper soft caress with a muffled, sleepy sigh, “Five more minutes Kurt..”

She curled closer, snuggling enough to bury her face against his chest and sink lower into the blankets. Her shoulders gave a small scrunch, still caught in the web of slumber, in another time and place that wasn't reality.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

A few vivid memories stood out for Asmus. Two in particular when he'd called the wrong name at an inopportune moment. At the time he'd been confused at the fallout that followed. It was only a simple mistake. He couldn't understand the problem. Now he could.

It hurt. It was like being kicked in the chest by a dug. He frowned and felt his arms stiffen around her. His toes curled up within his boots. He swallowed and took a breath.

Kurt. That was who she had lost. Not just a friend then either. People didn't tend to fall into the habit of calling a friend's name when stroked in their sleep.

Slowly his toes unfurled, his arms relaxed. He pushed that hurt down into his gut, feeling a well of pity instead. Poor Kaile. He'd seen in glimpses just how deep the pain ran. This wasn't a time to be selfish, especially after how he'd reacted in the reverse situation. He needed to look after her. Once again he found himself wishing she would stay on. Kaile was so delicate right now. If she stayed on she could just relax on the ship. If there was one thing to be said of running their errands, they were mostly simple times. Punctuated by the odd run in with bad people of course. She seemed to enjoy the mechanical work they constantly had to do to keep the Quin going. She seemed to enjoy his company more.

Bemoaning the inevitable truth silently, he gave her a gentle squeeze.

"Come on," he sighed as he brushed her forehead with the tip of his nose. "Need to reach the controls."