Responsibility

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


She practically hummed in that brief flash of jovial vibrance. Bright pink cheeks, bright brown eyes, and a cheeky smile that peeked through the length of her straightened hair. Lips went pursing in humor, and she took the packet of pasta, opening it up while the water processed to get to a boil.

“Sometimes cookin’ it with a bit of butter helps out.” she’d add, setting down the pasta to search for some salt. Where was it? A galley on a ship had a series of cupboards, but they were specially designed to lock and keep everything in their place. The last thing anyone needed was for something to tumble out and clobber someone on the head -- or for gravity to give out and things to make a mess.

“Alls it be is just a loss of liquids and fat.” this was nice. Not crazy rush of hormones, just simple conversation. Not that her level of awareness for the man beside her was gone. It was still there, like softly glowing embers waiting to be fanned anew.

“Lest that’s what Missi tolds me back at Yums.” she was the main head cook at the station.

 

[Asmus Janes]

“What are you looking for?” he asked as he finished slicing the cured sausage into chunks, which he carefully slid into a small pile at the edge of his chopping board. Reaching into a cupboard he pulled out a can of mushrooms and drained them quickly. One of the worst bits of ship life was getting enough fruit and vegetables in when you couldn't always have fresh. He tended to keep frozen fruit around so he could make breakfast smoothies, which were often preferable to dried fruit in his opinion.

Inside he was still wrangling with what it was he felt. It started to dawn on him that right now, despite a nagging tug from some base desires, he was just happy and content. More than he had been in a long time. His heart seemed to sit just that little bit higher in his chest and a smile was never far from his face.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


“Salt.” Kaile answered, glancing over to him.

“Just wantin’ to salt the water a bit.” she’d say, giving a small gesture to the slowly roll boiling pot. Both were working side by side now, each doing their own little bit. Were the Captain or Mai to stumble upon them again, it would be a curious little scene. A bit too domestic perhaps for what they would be well used to for Asmus, at least with the genuine smile that would frost his lips as he and Kaile spoke.

“Which cupboard was it?” she asked, curling her fingers inward save for the pointer, slightly waving them about as if waiting to be shown which mystical panel would hold the spices and salt.

 

[Asmus Janes]

Asmus chuckled, before bringing a hand up to his chin. Normally he was reprimanded for leaving it on the counter, but Mai had a habit of shoving it in any old drawer.

“Try that one, third bottom drawer?” he said. Each cabinet had tightly fitting drawers inside that were well packed with the sundries. As she went to look he picked up a pan and filled it with water, sliding it onto the hob to bring it to boil. Kairon always preferred his pasta al dente, whilst Mai liked it boiled to death. Damned if he was trying to gauge two different cooking times, they'd get what they were given, he decided.

“So what work are you going to be doing on Denon? Mechanical or culinary?” he asked with a grin. Everything about his demeanour would speak of how simply content he was in this moment. Though if her shirt raised up as she went for the top cupboard, as it seemed to like to do, she would probably notice a slightly strain in his jaw again.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


The peek-a-boo game was on point it seemed.

“Denon is just a stop.” she told him truthfully, reaching towards the directed drawer. A tanned strip of smooth, bare flesh flirted with his vision before her shirt slid back down. She held the salt container with a mild shake of her wrist in victory.

“Ah, got it.” she’d add with a crooked smile, dimples flashing. A few shakes and the crystal grains scattered into the slow rolling pot of water. Salt was a commodity in several worlds, the basic spice of life. Funny how such a little thing could sell for quite the amount of credits in salt deprived systems.

“Might be anythin’ really. I ain’t gonna know til I get there.” she’d add, elaborating a bit. Just a few more seconds to let that water boil to the right amount. Prepping the pasta came next.

“Gotta see what’s available and where I’m needed, that’s all.” It was all up to Retiit. She’d find herself in the Core Worlds or out on some post near First Order Space. The thought made her frown a bit, nibbling her lower lip again.

New place meant total black out until it was safe. That was the issue with being embedded. Had to appear real. A deep breath would fill her lungs at that. The thought of getting back into that sort of life for once didn’t give her the excitement it used to. Once you realized how lonely it really was, you couldn’t forget it away.

It was there. Lingering. Maybe it was always there. Maybe that’s why I enjoyed making as many connections as I could. Maybe that’s what made Kaile good at her job. Her need for contact, for interaction, everything that would surround her with folk and toss her with others is what made her a great espion.

That was a bit depressing in hindsight.

No wonder she clung to Bobo. He is the only constant I have…

 

[Asmus Janes]

Asmus went and found some more dried herbs, adding them to a little pile besides the meat. Standing against the counter he leaned on one elbow and turned to face her. It might seem he was just twisting to face her as he spoke, but he was also watching her carefully,rather selfishly enjoying what that made him feel.

“Sounds a bit scary,” he replied. “But also pretty cool. Meeting new people and seeing new places. But I do quite like getting to do that, whilst taking some constants around with me. Wow, that sounds…not right. But you get the idea.

“What would your dream job be?” he asked. It seemed like a lot of hassle to be taking long flights just at the prospect of work. It wasn't getting that difficult to find work was it?

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


“Heh, reckon it's fine.” She'd wave off his apology, indicating there was no need for one. With the water now boiling, the Lorrdian took the pasta out of its plastic packaging and set it all in.

Thus began the search for a slotted doom to search.

“Where do y'all have the slotted spoon?” She'd ask, half turning in expectation to Asmus. A hand came up to once again thread through her hair, pushing back the strands of strawberry blonde from her eyes. A hint of a smile hung on her lips and the corners of her eyes were lightly creased.

“Umm… dream job?” Truth be told, she never really thought of that. Her fingers would drum upon the counter as the pasta would cook in the water. What she did was all she knew. That smile would wane a bit as she began to nibble her lower lip nervously. A year ago, she’d be able to say that she was in her dream job. Could I really say the same now?

It was difficult to say.

“Reckon s’long as I’m a-minglin’ with people, it is as good as it will get.” she’d say, her hip coming to rest against the counter.

“Doin’ things on your own gets awful lonesome.”

In more ways than one.

 

[Asmus Janes]

“Yeah that makes sense,” he replied with a slow nod. “I just use tongs if I'm honest, try that drawer,” Asmus said, pointing towards one just under the counter. One word was the spark that sent an engine turning. Lonely. He turned to regard an empty space of bulkhead with a thousand parsec stare as he considered something.

She was right: he had the crew of the Quin wherever he went. He always got to meet new people and experience new things at each port. Oh he had picked up some interesting practises along the way! At the same time it was as he had tried to explain earlier in the day, a quick exciting burst but never really digging under the surface.

His brows narrowed and for just a moment his glassy orbs carried the same sadness hers had held from time to time. “It's good having people on the ship,” he said, taking a rather serious tone. “Kairon is family, they all are really. But it's not like…” his hand had come up, back towards her and fingers curled into his palm. He wiggled his finger back and forth between them both.

What am I even indicating? He thought to himself. He didn't even know what they were and yet he was indicating it as if it was something special. His cheeks flushed as he looked back down at the counter, suddenly feeling embarrassed. He'd only known here a couple of days, he was acting like a child. Yet some part of him know that the connection they already had was a hole in his life that he hadn't even stopped to realise was there.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


The drawer gave a small grating sound as Kaile drew it open. Ah tongs! Much as a youngling would, the Lorrdian couldn’t help but clap them together for a few times in a silly manner right in front of her towards Asmus. At least, until she caught the wave of sobering thoughts that went rippling across his angular face.

It was a bit difficult to try and track his intent of it all. Asmus Janes was by all intents and purposes, a rather fascinating individual to simply observe for a Lorrdian. He shifted emotions with a fluidity that was mercurial, but as fathomless as the skies. The dark slash of her brows quizzingly would furrow up at him, trying to track exactly what he was trying to say. The corner of her mouth couldn’t help but twitch to see that even Asmus wasn’t quite sure what he was trying to say.

There were some things that the body knew before the mind, yet it appeared that the former was still just as confused as the latter. From the nuances at least, Kaile was able to figure out that whatever it was, it had made some sort of impact. Truth be told, Asmus had done much for her the past some odd days. I couldn’t right say where I’d be if--

“It’s alright Asmus.” she’d tell him, her voice a soft murmur meant to comfort. Her attention drew over towards the pot of boiling water, using the tongs to gently stir the cooking pasta.

“We alls need company. All folk do. It’s a need as fierce as is a-breathin’...” it was something she was coming to terms with herself.

“Some fill it with family. Others fill it whichever way they can.” her wrist would rotate as it gave the pasta a light spin, her profile to the scoundrel as she quietly contemplated and attempted rationalize things. Rationalize whatever was between he and she. Much like she attempted with Kurt.

Kurt.

A slight bit of tension wove its way down her spine at that. “I…” she opened her mouth to say something only to close it a second later. A shoulder would give a slight shrug, but there was a note of melancholy there much like it had been early the day before.

“I don’t like bein’ alone.” she finally said, throat working. “Folk say I flutter like a Koros butterfly from port to port at times. Make friends with anyone. Have a good time...leave it at that.” her lashes half lowered at that, her mind a holofilm of endless faces, tangled embraces, and social calls from mission to mission. It never bothered her none. Never made her realize just how empty it all seemed in hindsight.

Kaile bit her lower lip then, a drop of blood beading at how hard she did so. I could tell him.. but then what he’d think of me? Most folk weren’t too keen on realizing she was a Lorrdian. They had a fear of what that meant. The breadth of emotions and intent she could read. Could she learn all of their secrets? Just how much would they have to hide? They all acted different once she said so. Some in fear. Some in suspicion.

Truth be told, Kaile didn’t blame them.

No one wanted to feel as if they’d have to be on guard all the time. It wasn’t a way to live.

 

[Asmus Janes]

“I don't feel too lonely right about now,” he said quietly. “I think sometimes I do you know. I don't regret leaving Eriadu, but doing this I get to meet an awful lot of people, but at the same time no on proper.” Asmus nodded to himself. “So, I don't know, but I think I can relate a bit.”

Friends. He didn't really have any. Not any good ones, not the sort you could call on and tell anything in the ‘verse. No real relationships either. They had a lot of business acquaintances that they sometimes caught up with for drinks, but they were really people Kairon and Jarrick knew and liked. Yet he felt almost tethered to Kaile on an entirely new way. Though perhaps he was getting a little ahead of himself. Maybe he was just being needy. Once again he started to think on what was upsetting Kaile. Had she lost someone in that plague?

Another train of thought was about to set off when he saw the bright scarlet drop on her lips. “Oh, Kaile…” he said, crossing the space between them in two lanky strides. One arm went around her shoulders, the other hand came up to her chin, thumb gently wiping the blood from her lip before rubbing it off on his trousers.

“Don't do that,” he faintly chided as he enclosed her in his arms again. What do I do now? She'd brushed off a lot of his direct questions, he was observant enough to know that at least. Do I ask what's upsetting her? Feth it all, but I just want…to make her feel better.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


He took her by surprise then. Brown eyes grew as large as saucers, finding herself enveloped within the tight comforting embrace of his arms. His light scold went floating over the crown of her head, and he held her, as she awkwardly stood for a few moments with a pair of tongs on her right hand, her left hovering in the air.

The soft fabric of his shirt rustled against her cheek, and she felt the warmth of his body once again permeating through the layers of clothing. He smelled of dried jerky, herbs, and just a hint of his shampoo still. Under that, all Asmus.

His empathy and kindness were perhaps that feather push that sent her weaving over the edge. A fine tremble took hold of her then, and her jaw couldn’t help but clench and relax as she began to blink rapidly. Ah, hell. She felt it, that annoying wave of dejection and melancholy again. It stun her eyes, choked her throat, and seemed to steal the breath out of her.

So the Lorrdian buried her nose and her face against his chest. Quiet as she could be. It was the only thing she knew. How to be quiet when she felt like this, when silent tears cut the membrane and fell like rain. When everything came roaring back that Kurt wasn’t here anymore. That she had no home. That he probably hated her for all she’d done, the trouble and risk she placed on him and his family…

How the past year had meant the ‘Verse to her and made her realize just a smidgen at what she was missing. Companionship. Someone to be there. Share troubles and see the ‘verse. To get a full nights sleep and hey, just…

Just… be.

Then to have it all topple down and come to terms that she couldn’t have that. Not with how she was. What she did. She was but a sheet of filmsi in the wind. What she did saved others lives. Stopping that was selfish no?

Right?

Stars her mind was a mess. A hot plumb mess. A shudder ran through her, and she shut her eyes tight. Tight enough as if to block off everything. But she couldn’t. Cause there was Asmus, holding her close and doing his best. By far he was the most complicated thing in the whole entire mix of it. Kurt taught her that there were things she just couldn't have.

Like oil and water don’t mix. Whatever it was, it would end up the same. Kaile realized that now.

It wasn’t her place in the ‘verse to make connections. No hers was to be gone ‘fore the morning light.

 

[Asmus Janes]

He didn't understand. Perhaps that wasn't the worst thing there could be. If she didn't want to talk about it, maybe she didn't need someone who understood. Sometimes talking something through didn't help. He knew all too well how easy it was to get your mind wrapped around something and not let it go. When you finally did you realised you'd been clinging on to something very small. Perhaps she just needed time and a bit of happiness? As he felt those first warm tears against him, he decided he'd give anything just to see her smile again. That genuine, musical little laugh as her eyes creased and the dimples

His hand slapped at the counter behind them, trying to find the knob for the hob. When he found it he clicked it down a few notches to let the water gently simmer.

“I am so glad I broke into a quarantine zone when I should have been filling out forms,” he whispered down to her. She'd feel him let out a slow sigh, hear him swallow. He didn't know what to say. Not a clue. Whatever he felt for Kaile, it was strong and seeing her feel this way…well it hurt a little.

“I'm not going to leave you alone,” he said. Hollow words given the length of their trip. “You can just hold on here as long as you want and…” he winced before he even spoke, knowing he was being as selfish as much as he was trying to be kind. “...when we get to Denon…stay in touch, please?” Asmus slid the tongs out of her grip. They clacked open as they were dropped onto the counter. One arm held her close, the other resumed a rhythmic stroking of her hair. Maybe she'd like another massage later, or perhaps throwing a ball around the cargo bays again to take her mind off whatever ailed her?

 

[Kaile Vera]

There was a small quivering shake and a half snort. [member="Asmus Janes"] either couldn't help making a joke or just the way he said it was amusing enough in her emotional state to prompt the half nervous snort of a chuckle. The thought that Asmus was supposed to be doing paperwork instead of breaking into quarantine did not surprise her. It was a brief moment of humor that allowed her breathe.

Enough for what he said next.

He meant well. Kaile knew that. She was acting like a watering pot and he was young and meant well. Kaile couldn't fault him for that. Fault him for saying things that would fall hollow and turn a different direction in the end. Idealistic perhaps. In hindsight, she had been the same not too long ago. There was bliss in ignorance. In being able to simply have fun and not worry and continue on being merry like she used to. However, once you come to awareness, there is no going back.

Maybe it was just finally growing up.

A deep, deep breath filled her lungs. Oh, but when he holds me like this... Kaile pressed her face against the damp spot her tears had saturated. Hands now free, she was able to sink her arms around his slender waist. Hold him close. Splay them across his back and feel the heat of his skin over his shirt. The rise and fall of his chest under her cheek and feel the stroke of his fingers through her hair.

When he held her like this, Kaile didn't want to let go. She wanted to believe him. Wanted to pretend. Just for a little bit. Just stay like this for a little while. Her shoulders gave a slight shudder as she let out a sigh. No more tears, just the cafune of his hand and the low tenor of his voice at her ear. It felt nice. It made her feel safe.

Made me feel...

What was it? It wasn't the same as with Kurt. No, kinda -- but different. Maybe her emotions were just on overdrive. Too much, too fast. All she knew is that she just wanted...

"Okay."

The answer was muffled, but Kaile couldn't help herself from saying it. Maybe she was a glutton for punishment. Or maybe it was being selfish. No one was perfect. Or maybe it was just the deep, seated desire to want to cling to that quickly fraying thread she knew would eventually break.

Asmus Janes was too good for her in that. Deserved better. But Kaile for the life of her just couldn't seem to have the willpower to let go.

I have to. But not yet.

 

[Asmus Janes]

A smile was more than just the twitch of the facial muscles. She'd feel the shift in his posture and the content little noise he made. He was elated that she might stay in contact beyond this little trip through the stars.

Turning his head to the side, he gently laid his cheek on the top of her head. One hand gently caressed the small of her back whilst the other followed long strokes down the length of her hair.

It occurred to him that he could stay like this all day with her. Just a gentle touch and near silence. And he would be content with that. How very, very strange. They stood there like there for a little while longer, pan quietly simmering away behind them. The pasta would be a little overdone, but Asmus didn't care. They could always cook more; what was a tenth of a credit of pasta?

Very slowly, he pulled her away from him. A soft green expanse in his eyes was for more calm than the amber flames from before. Both hands traced around her neck and settled on her cheeks. His thumbs gently wiped away the moisture under her eyes. His lips squeezed together in a sympathetic expression and then he leant down and ever so delicately kissed her bottom lip. Just a shadow of a touch where she'd bitten through the skin.

He took a half step back with his hands still at her cheeks and he simply smiled at her.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

It felt like a butterfly kiss.

Just a tiny brush, a brief contact of warmth over the bruised shadow of her flesh. Funny how such a tiny thing could cause her belly to flutter and the corners of her lips to twitch into a nervous smile. Kaile gave a small sniff, a bit flustered in her state of ninniness. The back of her hand went sweeping under her nose, and she gave a weak smile and a half muttered apology.

“I swear I ain’t no waterin’ pot.” she’d insist in a low hush, blinking rapidly as if that might white out the slight red of her eyes and the pink of her nose. A half joke, and a gesture from her hand would flutter at her side.

“Tears will ruin food, Mizzi done said. Ain’t no better way to ruin a pot.” another sniff, another attempt at turning things back to a light-hearted state. She dipped her head, the strands of her strawberry blonde hair falling forward. The steam from the pot had already begun to ruin the work Asmus had done, the humidity and moisture causing the ends to start to wave and curl. Nothing pretty lasts long.

“I'm okay.” She said, but there was still a slight quiver in her voice.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

One hand stayed along her jaw, the other did a little circuit up the side of her face and over and back through her hair.

“You're not,” he said with a smile, “but you will be.” He nodded curtly twice. Planting another kiss on her brow before releasing her.

Turning back to the counter he grabbed a fork and twisted a strand of pasta out. Blowing the steam from the dangling strand to cool it before he took a bite.

“Ah that's alright,” he said before taking the pan off the heat entirely. They'd need to do the sauce quickly though. He turned to regard her out of the corner of his eye again, lip twitching up in a lopsided little smile. He hoped he'd done the right thing, would find out in due course he supposed.

Asmus stayed close to her this time as if he didn't want to go beyond arm's reach. It almost seemed like his body had a hypersensitivity to her presence now and was constantly aware of how close she was.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

You’re not.
But you will be.

Hearing him said that gave Kaile a small flutter of goodwill. A tiny one. He meant well. She could feel it in the thrum of his body, in the way he would cafune her hair, and how he spoke. Yet there was a nagging voice in the back of her head that said things were never so easy.

I don’t know if I will be. Maybe in degrees, but there was an awareness there now that hadn’t been there before. It was something she would have to think on. Ponder. LIfe right now was going back to the basic denominator of it all. That was the Galactic Alliance; back to the Big Guy. It was all she’d ever known regardless of what face she worked for.

“Thank you,” she’d tell him softly, reaching out to gently brush and rub his arm. A light push of tippy toes and she brought her lips to kiss his cheek. Kaile lingered there for a moment, perhaps a second too long. Another rub of his arm, and then she rocked back on her heels, dropping her gaze.

Pasta. Right.

Her fingers drew away and gave a slight nervous flutter. The body had a way of relaying emotions, especially for a Lorrdian. It was no wonder that those in politics of her kind would wear heavy robes to prevent any tell from being revealed.

“Umm… how is it?” Seeing as Asmus had taken the first bite as a test Kowakian Lizard monkey. She hovered a bit nervously, not wanting anything to go to waste, especially cause of her own foolishness.

 

[Asmus Janes]

“Hmm? Oh a touch overdone, it'll be fine. Best get the sauce done. Do you want to use some tomato sauce, or I think there's some white wine and cream we could use?” he asked.

For her species the pursed lips and tight little smile would be easy to spot after the kiss. Every little touch seemed to have an overbearing effect on him from Kaile. It didn't matter whether it was a delicate touch or a rough grope, the flavour might change but the intensity was the same.

Asmus slid a heavy-bottomed pan onto the stove to get it hot. His little collection of ingredients had the diced meat, some dried herbs and garlic powder, but he was looking to her to decide what sauce they were going to quickly fry off.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


“Reckon tomato is as good as any,” a ghost of a smile shone over at the scoundrel’s direction with just a peek of a dimple. It wasn’t a bubbly Kaile, but one who was slowly getting back there. She caught the nuances of Asmus’s expression. He was such an expressive individual. Was he always like this? The thought came to mind about his demeanor back at the cantina and what came after.

Everyone played a role of some sort. Whether it was to the public or to themselves. For someone who’d she’d only known a little less than forty-eight hours, Asmus was a constant curiosity to her. Drawn like a moth to the flame, Kaile simply wanted to know more. Was he this reactive all the time? What would it be like to see him in his element?

The thought was rather beguiling.

Kurt, when he was in his element piloting, could make one just smile at the sheer joy that washed over his face. There was a subtle play at his expression. A lightness to his body. The way he seemed to simply have the ship seem to become an extension of himself. That confidence, that heady high was rather intoxicating and infectious.

Would Asmus be like that?

He said he didn’t know quite well where he was headed off to. Where he’d want to go, to be. There was no doubt he was as smart as a whip. There were lots of things he’d take a shine to and do well.

Just a matter of time, I suppose. Life has a tendency of moving folk on.

Kaile reached over to start draining the pasta. Even if left in the water, it would still continue to cook, making the noodles more overdone. Steam rose and condensed upon her face as she poured it out, eyes scrunching half closed to avoid the cloud.

Another half sniff, hot steam waved away with a hand.

“Shouldn’t be long to eat then.”

 

[Asmus Janes]

“Nah, won’t be long,” Asmus said to a backdrop of sizzling. The cured meat was only in the pan for a few moments on its own, frying in its own oils, before he added a can of tomatoes. Salt, pepper, his little pile of herbs and garlic powder went into the pan. On a whim he found some balsamic vinegar and added just a touch. The pasta might get a bot cold now, but the sauce would heat it right back up when it went over it.

He felt as if there was something he should be doing. Maybe some epiphone was supposed to hit him and he’d understand what was upsetting Kaile and he would find something incredible to do to make it all better. Whilst Asmus could be air headed, he wasn’t so stupid to think he could do that. He just wanted to. All he could do was try and cheer her up. Were his feelings getting in the way of that?

Eugh, complicated.

For now he simply carried on with the day. Perhaps it was a coward's route out. He simply saw nothing else he could do. Well, that wasn’t true. She’d relaxed a great deal from his massage the last night, she’d enjoyed having her hair washed when she’d finally relaxed about it. Simple things. He could do those. Good job he had such dextrous hands really.

“Food’s up!” He called. Mai appeared through the door in a fraction of a second. “Were you hanging around outside that door the whole time or did you just run here?” He asked suspiciously. He rolled his eyes at Kaile.

“Smelt that dreadful cured meat hit the pan,” she replied. “I hope you’ve cooked it in something to make it taste less foul!”